The line-up really had changed in a mere few hours. Igor, Knuckles, Whitewash and Greg had become Igor, Knuckles and three replacement Gregs. The five were now leaving the swamp. But whatever happened to the first Greg? Well, that can be explained.
The air, though still moist, was now cooler. Greg opened his eyes. He was lying face down in the mud. He got up, and became conscious of his violent headache. Before long, he realized he had been abandoned.
"Hello?" the mailman called through the swamp. "Igor? Knuckles? Whitewash? Teletubbies?" Unfortunately for Greg, nobody came. Greg was about to give up when he heard a noise. Kind of like a growl. Then he saw a light. Two lights. Greg's eyes widened as it came closer. Eventually, the red light of the sunset revealed that it was a moustached man on a motorcycle. He sported a Viking helmet and shades and was holding a plastic toy dinosaur.
"Wingman, wingman, wing o' the wingman!" an odd theme song began to play and the American flag appeared in the background.
"I am the Wingman! I can help give you support when approaching potential partners and help you in an intimate relationship!" the Wingman said.
"Potential partners? I have someone in mind." Greg had his eye on the girl at the Post Office desk.
"Great! I'll fill you in on everything you should know," the man chimed.
Meanwhile, Igor, Knuckles and the three Gregs set up camp. Igor set up tents, Knuckles went to find food and the Gregs started a fire. One of the Gregs picked up the two others and rubbed them together. A spark flew off them and landed on a pile of dry sticks. Before long, a fire had started. The Gregs gazed at the unorthodox red, orange, yellow, phenomenon that stood before them. The Gregs had discovered fire.
At the same time, the Nopon shopkeeper was closing up shop. He needed to get home to his wife and kids. He wearily climbed the wooden staircase within the giant hollow tree that was the home of the Nopon. Out of nowhere, the Nopon felt a towel being held over his nose and mouth, and he fell into someone's arms.
NOPON SHOPKEEPER FAINTED!
Mysterious chloroform-utilizing guy gained 420 EXP. POINTS!
Mysterious chloroform-utilizing guy grew to level 69!
Mysterious chloroform-utilizing guy learned TELEPORT!
And so, the mysterious chloroform-utilizing guy teleported away.
Knuckles had found several grapes.
"I got grapes, what you watching son?" Knuckles was very fond of grapes.
"I wonder if grape vines are used to make telephone wires," said Greg #2.
I think this is a good time to introduce the Greg Differentiating System. The original Greg should be referred to as Greg, and the clones as Greg #2, Greg #3 and Greg #4, respectively.
"Those names are boring," said Igor.
"Yeah, surely you can think of cooler names," Knuckles agreed.
"Wait, who are we talking to?" Greg #4 asked.
"I have an idea! We'll call them Gregoo, Gregree and Gregour." Igor decided.
"What a good idea!" exclaimed Greg #3.
"I SAID, what a good idea!" exclaimed Gregree.
These names are not going to catch on.
"Yes they will!"
No, they won't.
After a hearty meal of grapes and some 'magic mushrooms' that Gregour had collected, the five went to sleep. It was their first night sleeping outside. They heard the soft sounds of crickets and frogs on unicycles. Here come that boy. Greg and the Wingman had made it to Igor's house. Greg took a few steps back, then lunged at the window head-first. Greg's impeccably hard skull smashed the glass almost instantly. Greg reached inside and unlocked the door from the inside, allowing them in. A half-eaten hamburger lay on a table beside the couch. Greg hadn't eaten anything all day.
"I'd better make tea," Greg said. "Without milk."
"I'll have a ginger tea," the Wingman said. "A family tradition."
Greg had never made ginger tea in his life. 'To make ginger tea,' Greg thought, "I am going to need a ginger." Before long, Greg had found an orange-haired pedestrian and put him in a blender. Greg likes to oppose animal rights.
Brendan had gotten pretty bored by now. His iPod had cycled through his playlist a good 42 times. But his attention was brought to an odd building in the distance. Flashes of light came from its windows and strange noises were heard. But, alas, he remained contained in the tower's grey stone bricks, surrounded by a moat of lava guarded by several evil Greg clones…wait what? There were eight of them, marching up and down, idly picking their noses. The mailman doppelgangers were all different, each with their own unique trait. Firstly, there's Greg #5, he-
"Can you give them much more interesting names?" asked Brendan.
Not you too. I'm the narrator, why does everyone else suggest things?
"Call them Gregive, Gregix, Gregeven, Gregeight, Gregine, Gregen, Gregeven and Grelve." Shrek suggested.
Hey! You're not in the story yet.
"Just do it."
Fine. Gregive had a beard. Gregix had an epic Bowie lightning bolt tattoo. Gregeven had the most irresistible blonde hair. Gregeight had palm trees growing out of his palms, though the size of bonsai trees. Gregine had cat ears. Gregen had a halo above his head. Gregeven had teeth like the kid who sang that annoying Pokémon Go song. Grelve had wings. Oh! And here comes Gregirteen in a school uniform with a piece of toast in his mouth! You're late, moron.
"I'm sorry, Mr Narrator."
You should be.
