Blame the Buffoon
The night had been rough for both Shego and Drakken. After only an hour of sleep, Shego had been rudely awakened by his blue boss. Somehow, in the hour Shego had been asleep, Drakken had managed to purchase them a home in Middleton. The previous family had moved out just a few days earlier and had left most of their furniture in the house, they had won the lottery apparently and had no need for any of it. In her eagerness to see the home and its surroundings, Drakken dragged the half-asleep Shego into her hovercraft and flew off to Middleton. As soon as they arrived Drakken was off and poking around the home. She had noticed a back yard garage that was of almost equal size the house itself: a perfect "temporary lair". Drakken hadn't even noticed that Shego had walked into the house, found a room, and fallen asleep once again. Shego tossed and turned during the night.
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Shego found himself out in front of Kim Possible's house with a bouquet of red roses in hand. His body moved on its own and walked up the granite pathway and up to the door. His free hand rung the door bell and he tapped his foot against the ground as he waited for someone to answer. He exhaled a puff of air against his hand and sniffed the air, checking if his breath wasn't nasty. The locks on the door were undone and it swung open to reveal Kim Possible. Shego's mouth dropped as he saw what she was wearing a little black dress and two hoops on each wrist. Kim gave herself a once over when she noticed Shego was staring.
She looked up at Shego with a sad look on her face. "You don't like it?"
Shego shook his head as he regained function of his brain. "N-no. I LIKE it a lot."
"Good." Kim laughed as she wrapped her arm around Shego's.
Shego handed Kim the dozen roses he had brought for her and led her out to his car. They drove off with Kim's father standing in the doorway. He grumbled something about Kim dating and walked back into the house.
The two stopped at the new restaurant in town, Chez Fromage. They enjoyed a bountiful feast of overpriced steak, salad and sparkling tap water. After their dinner Kim noticed that there was a ballroom on the second floor of the restaurant. One puppy dog pout later and they were upstairs and on the dance floor, sharing what seemed to be the longest slow dance of all time. Not that either of them was complaining. Hours passed as if they were only a mere moment, the restaurant closed and the couple was sent out and off to their next stop.
Shego's car was perched atop Middleton Peak. The lights from the city below glistened like the stars of the night's sky. But the passengers of the car were not there for the scenery. They had other motives. Inside the car Kim was laying on Shego, her hair was a mess and her shirt was no more. She looked Shego in the eyes and mouthed the words, "I love you", and she then began to lower herself closer and closer towards his…
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"Holy Shit!"
Shego woke up in a sweat and his breath was shallow. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and looked at his surroundings. The same room he fell asleep in the other night, and not his car. Thank god, it was just a dream. The green man sat up, or as best he could, something was hindering his movement under the blanket. He scanned his bed to find what was the problem, as he located it his eye began to twitch.
"Oh goody. First I have my first male sex dream about Kimmie… and now I'm the proud owner of my first self made tent." He clenched his fist and it erupted in a green flame. "The buffoon is going to fry for this."
Without thinking Shego swung his hand, which was not covered in plasma, smacking the nuisance that Ron had accidentally bestowed upon him. His eyes watered and he clenched his teeth. He curled into the fetal position and muttered any profanities that he could muster.
"Ow ow ow! When I get back to my body… I'm not kicking another guy down there…" He paused. "Unless they really deserve it."
After the pain in his lower extremities subsided, Shego decided to get dressed. He was going to have to go to school today. He put on the exact same outfit he had worn the previous day, only with his shirt buttoned up. With a loud groan he made his way down stairs and headed for the door, but was stopped dead in his tracks by the most enticing aroma. The smell of bacon, eggs, pancakes and hash browns flowed from the kitchen and into his nose. The hungry man followed his gut to the kitchen. His jaw dropped as he entered the room.
"What… the hell are you doing?" He was barely able to say.
Standing in the kitchen, and flipping a stack of pancakes onto a plate, stood Drakken in her lab coat with a pink apron. She looked at Shego for a moment then gave him a wicked smile.
"A growing boy needs a big breakfast." She said as she placed the plate of pancakes on a nearby table. "And I want my little boy to be big and strong."
Shego nearly fainted as the words left Drakken's mouth. His knees were about to give way as Drakken began to laugh hysterically. The blue doctor rested her weight against a chair as she laughed, tears falling from her eyes. Shego was not amused. His body was now fueled by anger and his knees regained their strength.
Drakken backed away from Shego as soon as she noticed the look on his face. "I-it was just a joke Shego. Trying to lighten the mood a little… Please don't burn me…" She tugged at her apron, "I really like this apron."
Shego exhaled and sat down into a chair at the table and began to eat. "You're lucky I'm more hungry than angry." He said between chews.
The "mother" of the household took a seat across from her "son" and reached for some breakfast of her own, but was unsuccessful. Her mouth gaped open as she witnessed the carnage Shego had brought to the table. Pancakes were nothing but crumbs, all that remained of the eggs were small splotches of yolk on his plate, the bacon was non existent and the hash browns she had slaved over were crushed at the side the plate. Drakken sulked in her chair, she hated hash browns. Shego, after a heavily male-like belch, sat up and raided the nearby fridge for anything he could take for a lunch. He laughed as he slammed the door only to reveal a single apple in his hand.
"Looks like your big boy breakfast cleared out all that was left in there." He flipped the apple into the air. "And since I have the pleasure of going to school for this Operation. Guess who has to go get some groceries?"
"Oh…snap." Drakken muttered.
She had to go grocery shopping? The world seemed to collapse around the mad scientist. She remembered what went on in grocery stores. When she was still hanging around with James Possible, when she used to be male, Ramesh would drag the foursome to the local Smarty Mart to try and "score some hot older ladies" as he put it. She didn't want to brag, or admit to Shego, but after a good ten minute look in the mirror Drakken had come to the conclusion that she was one fine looking specimen. Drakken clasped her hands to her mouth as she added everything up… that meant guys would try and hit on her if she went shopping. She closed her eyes and shook her head back and forth.
"I won't do it!" She yelled out. "You can't make…"
She had opened her eyes only to see that Shego had already left, most likely when Drakken had started talking. The doctor whimpered to herself and slowly made her way to the make shift lab she had set up in the garage. She was going to have to make another Holographic Imager for herself, she doubted that her blue skin would help her blend in. After a quick thought, she also planned to make a miniature stun gun… just in case.
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At Middleton High School, Bonnie Rockwaller stood by her locker, obviously bored. She had accidentally slept in and had the misfortune to be given a ride to school by her mother, who took every chance she could to embarrass her. The brunette needed something to cheer her up; she needed Kim or her loser friend to insult. Sadly Kim was also late, off saving some city from a volcano or something, and Stoppable was nowhere to be seen. She decided that today was just going to have to be horrible and headed for her first class of the day. Bonnie passed the main office and with a quick glance she instantly perked up.
"Here is your class schedule for the day Shawn. I hope you enjoy your studies here at Middleton High." The school's secretary said as she handed some forms to a raven-haired man.
Shawn made no eye contact as he grabbed the papers and walked off. "Thanks…"
Yowza, Bonnie thought. Hot new guy and Possible was nowhere to be found, time for Bonnie to make a move. With her ballet and cheerleading skills she glided up to the new student and "accidentally" bumped into him. His papers were knocked from his hand and Shawn was forced to pick them up, Bonnie took this opportunity to fix her hair. Shawn stood up and was face to face with Bonnie.
"Hey there." Bonnie said in an almost sultry voice, "I'm Bonnie, Bonnie Rockwaller. I overheard that you're new here, want me to give you a tour of the school? Or something else?" She said, as she looked the boy up and down.
This girl's pretty straight forward, Shawn thought. "A tour sounds fine."
Shawn G. Ottoman followed Bonnie around the school. They stopped by each of his classes that were on his schedule and Bonnie made sure to point out which people in each class he should keep away from. The names Kim Possible and Ron Stoppable came up a lot. So even non-super villains hated Possible? Shawn laughed to himself. Bonnie continued her tour until they ended up near the gym, and near Kim's locker.
Bonnie growled as she spotted her rival. "Oh god no…" she mumbled to herself.
Shawn glanced in the direction Bonnie was staring and spotted her. In full mission gear, Kim Possible stood at her locker putting away her books. Shawn adjusted the watch on his wrist and cracked his knuckles. Time for Operation: Feigned Trust to begin, he thought. He instantly ignored Bonnie and headed towards Kim.
"Stupid red headed tramp… what do guys see in her any ways?" Bonnie fumed as she stomped off to her class. Possible was going to pay.
Shawn, or Shego as he was know by his blue boss, decided to use the same technique that Bonnie girl had used to meet up with him, he walked up to Kim and "accidentally" bumped into her. He began putting on the nice guy façade and bent down to help Kim pick up the books she had dropped. Kim frantically tried to pick up her text books to avoid certain embarrassment and as she reached for her final book her hand landed on top of Shego's.
She raised her head and looked him right in the face. Her face went into a shade of red brighter than her hair.
"Sorry about that, guess I wasn't watching where I was going." Shego said as he handed her a book.
Kim turned away from him to hide her blush, "I-It's ok." She stuttered.
She stood up and put some of her books back into her locker, and made sure not to be facing the boy who had bumped into her. She took a deep breath and spun on her heel, her blush was gone and she bore a smile on her face.
Be calm Possible, she told herself. "I, um, haven't seen you around here. Are you?"
Shego finished her sentence, "New? Yeah, name's Shawn. Just moved into town with my… mom." He found it easier to say it that time.
"Oh? What does your mom do for a living?" Kim said, forgetting about her anxiousness.
"She's a Rocket scientist."
"My Dad's a Rocket scientist too! What does your mother specialize in?"
Crap, Shego thought. He forgot what Drakken had told him the other night. She was supposed to be specializing in Flight Systems and Autopilot AI, but how could she expect Shego to remember that? It was late and all he wanted to do was sleep, and of course it was Drakken after all… he never really listened anyway.
"Who knows." He said as he rubbed the back of his neck, "She never really talks about work… top secret stuff I think." Nice save! He mentally patted himself on the back.
"Oh"
The two stood in complete silence for what seemed like hours. Kim stood arms behind her back, tracing a circle on the floor with one foot. He must be getting bored, she thought, change the subject. She scanned the area looking for anything to talk about; she spotted the sheet in Shawn's hand.
"Do you need any help finding your first class?"
"Sure. I got English with a Mr. Barkin."
"Me too, it's just down the hall."
Kim led Shego towards what would be his least favorite class. As he followed his arch foe he caught himself slowly shifting his gaze lower, staring at Kim's backside as she walked.
"Stupid boy parts…" he grumbled.
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"You can do this Drew… You've built doomsday machines, successfully outran Global Justice agents, battled with Kim Possible, and even given Commodore Puddles a flea bath." Drakken told herself as she stood outside of Smarty Mart. "It's just a store, all you have to do is grab what you need and get out."
She took in a deep breath and prepared to enter, but her legs still refusing to move. A long of line of customers waited patiently behind her, it had seemed that she was blocking the only working door. An exceedingly large woman stared at her watch as she tapped her foot, that scrawny girl had to move, she needed to get in before her collection of coupons expired. She couldn't wait anymore; she started to steam-roll her way to the front of the line, taking out anyone in her path.
"Out of the way!" She screamed. Her rampage decimated all in the line, no one was spared. Children were separated from their parents and one man was saved in the nick of time by three men wearing oddly similar clothing.
A large rumble was all Drakken heard before she was launched headfirst into the store, she knocked down one of the Smarty Mart mascots. She rubbed her head while sitting up noting that she had no serious injuries… the brain, and not hers mind you, took most of the damage. A trail of drool leaked from the mouth of the foam costume. The poor man inside the costume had taken the full impact from her fall, and the last thing he saw was Drakken's chest. For being unconscious, he had a broad smile on his face.
With a mini barrage of light slaps to the side of the man's suit Drakken determined he was out of it. She stood up and slipped away into the frozen food aisle. She was certain he would be okay.
Drakken pulled out a list from her lab coat and walked down the aisle. "Well… I made it inside. Time to get what we need." She grabbed a box of Pop-Pop Porters Mini Corn dogs. "I hope Shego's day is going a lot smoother than mine…"
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Kim and Shego walked out of their second class, both laughing hysterically. Barkin's class went by like a flash. They had talked the entire time, exchanging personal stories. Shego had managed to tell Kim all of the back-story Drakken had made up for them, with some of his own minor tweaks. He lived with his mother as his parents were divorced and that his four sisters lived back in Go City with his father. He had two older sisters and two younger twins.
"And so my older sister gets back from school only to find that the two youngest had put her doll collection into the microwave. She didn't leave her room for a week!" He finished one of his modified stories. It was sad that he only had to change brother to sister… Hego still hadn't forgiven the Wego's.
Kim wiped a tear from her eye. "That's nothing. The Tweebs sent one of my Carrie dolls into orbit. Last I heard she was over China."
They both followed the large crowd of teens marching down the hall and into the cafeteria. Shego's stomach turned as the mystery meat's smell entered his nose. Kim informed him that a salad was his best bet, as any meat product was hazardous to their health. She handed him a bowl and they sat down. They ate in silence. Shego occasionally looked around the room, obviously waiting for someone.
He swallowed the last bite of his salad, "Where's your friend Ron? Doesn't he go here too?" He glanced around once more.
Kim patted her mouth with a napkin and shrugged her shoulders, "I don't really know. He's off in Japan on another Student exchange program…" She tapped her chin. "Though I haven't even seen the student they sent over here, no one has."
"What?" Shego managed to say, his eyes were almost as big as dinner plates. He coughed into his hand. "H-has he told you why they haven't sent anyone here? You must still talk to him on the phone right?"
Her red hair swayed back and forth as Kim shook her head, "Nope. Haven't talked to him since he left. I can't seem to contact him, just like the last time he was there. Even Wade can't get in touch with him…"
Stoppable's not even here! Shego slammed his fist onto the table and caused Kim to jump in her seat. She let out a high pitched squeak, and the whole cafeteria was now looking in their direction. A hint of red was on Shego's face as he looked at the bottom of his fist; a faint green glow vanished in a flash.
"Uh… Thought I saw a bug… Sorry." He apologized and the teens returned to their meals.
He pushed away from the table and hurried for the nearest exit. Kim tried to stand to stop him but he was gone. She sat down and stared at the table. He must want to be alone, she thought.
"The whole room just staring at him… must have been so embarrassing. I don't blame him."
Outside of the school Shego stood by a tree. He glanced around to make sure no one was around to see him. With a growl he ignited his powers and slashed the tree, leaving a glowing gash in its bark. He closed his eyes, deactivated his Go Team glow, and took in a lung full of air.
"So Stoppable is MIA? Better call Dr. D…"
He pulled out a cell phone from his pocket and hit a number on speed dial. The phone rang for two minutes before Drakken's usual voice mail replied.
"I'm not at the phone right now, world domination plans keeping me busy… Or if this is Friday, then I'm at the Kareoke club. The number for it is…" Shego slammed his phone shut.
"Dammed Drakken…" Shego yelled at the phone. "I buy her that cell phone so I know where she is… and she leaves it at home. I'm strapping that damn thing to her wrist when I find her."
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Deep within the confines of aisle seven, Doctor Drakken stood scratching her chin. She studied her choices before; it was her greatest challenge that day. She hesitated as she placed a single box into her shopping cart.
"Shego liked Marshmallow Ricey Krisps right?" She asked herself. She shrugged as she began to push her cart.
Her cart moved little more than two inches before she stopped. She swung her arm around and grabbed her second choice.
"Coco Moo-Moo cereal. Judging by the way Shego ate this morning… it wouldn't hurt to have more." She scanned the box before placing it down. "Oooooh! This one has a decoder ring inside!"
Drakken pulled out her list and scratched another item from her list. She had everything she needed, except for one minor product. It was essential to her mad scientist schemes: Chocolate Syrup for her Coco Moo. She had scoured almost the entire building to find what she desired. There was only one last spot to check, and there was an incredibly small chance that it would be there. If someone had been playing a joke on the customers of the store, it could only be in the pet section of the store.
She pushed her cart to the front of the store and prepared to take a turn to the pet aisle when she spotted a pair of paramedics. They were both hovering over the man in the brain costume she had knocked out earlier. One of the paramedics wafted a vial of smelling salts below the man's nose, after they had removed him with a pair of large shears from the gardening aisle. As the man began to regain consciousness he glanced in the doctors direction, his first real sight being her chest.
"It was… those…" He mumbled as he proceeded to pass out once again. His arm had almost had the strength to point in her direction, but fell limp as he fainted.
Drakken whistled a little tune as she fled from the scene and entered the pet aisle. She rocketed down the aisle and kept her sight behind here, just incase they had noticed. The three men in matching clothes were in the aisle with the man they had saved from the irate woman. As Drakken's cart closed in on them, they formed a wall between themselves and their rescued friend. Her cart came to a screeching halt as all three men slammed their burly arms onto its front. Drakken's momentum kept her moving and she winded herself on the handlebars. She caught her breath and looked forward to see what stopped her.
"S-sorry about that." She apologized, pulling her cart from the men and quickly maneuvering past them.
The three large men dusted their arms off and went to check on the fourth. He stood scratching his goatee cradled a small furry animal in his free arm. His hand clicked as he stroked the animal, it let out a series of high-pitched squeaks as it calmed itself down. The man's single eye followed Drakken as she searched her end of the aisle.
He lifted his pet and pointed it in the direction of the doctor. "Do you see her my Pepe?" He turned the Chihuahua back towards himself "She's… stunning. Something about her is just so… intriguing."
Sheldon Director, or Gemini as he was known by all, handed his tiny pet to the man closest to him. "Agent Omega. Hold Pepe while your leader talks with this beautiful woman."
Pepe latched onto Agent Omega's wrist as soon as he was touched. The WWEE agent bit his lip and tried his hardest not to scream in pain. His two comrades, Agents Delta and Gamma, snickered quietly to themselves. They managed to calm themselves as they watched their boss close in on his target.
Gemini flicked his robotic hand and the teeth of a comb sprung out from the bottom of his index finger. He tidied up his hand and exhaled into the palm of his organic hand, checking his breath. With another quick motion of his hand the comb teeth retracted, he slipped a leather glove from his pants pocket over the hand. He reached out and tapped Drakken on the shoulder.
"Excuse me Miss?"
Drakken turned around with her single eyebrow raised, a bottle of chocolate syrup in hand. "Eh?"
Gemini looked her up and down, "Might I ask if those are astronaut pants?"
"Wha.." Gemini cut her off.
"Because it would seem that your butt is out of this world."
"Thank… you?" Drakken said as she tossed the bottle into her cart. "But these aren't astronaut pants."
"Oh" Gemini coughed. "Then may I ask if it hurt?"
Drakken tilted her head. Did he see me hit the Brain guy too? "D-did what hurt?"
Gemini gave her a quick wink, "When you fell from heaven?"
Drakken shook her head. "I never fell from heaven. Scientifically speaking if there were a heaven, it would be high up in the Earth's atmosphere. If I were to fall from said area I would have died shortly after falling, due to lack of oxygen and severe atmospheric pressures. Now if you'll excuse me I have to be going." She informed him and headed out of the aisle leaving Gemini speechless.
The three agents watched their employer for a moment before engaging in a game of Rock-Paper-Scissors. Agent Gamma, who had lost with his choice of rock, walked over to Gemini and patted him on the back.
"Looks like she wasn't interested boss. But you know the saying, 'There's more fish in the sea'."
Gemini glared at his henchman and slapped his hand from his shoulder. He turned to the three and clenched his fist. An electrical pulse circulated around it.
"No one says no to Gemini." He shot his fist into a nearby bag of dog food, incinerating it. "You will be mine my beautiful flower…"
He walked up to Agent Omega and retrieved Pepe. "I will be the first to give dear old Mother her first grandchild. Before my little Sister Betty at Global Justice."
Pepe's ears fell behind his head and he unleashed a volley of growls and yips into Gemini's ear. The one eyed man held the dog close to his neck and whispered into its ear.
"Shh Pepe… papa is sorry for saying the GJ word. I'll put a quarter into the jar and even buy you some more doggy treats here."
He turned to his men and pointed his hand to the exit. "Find out who that woman is. Now!"
"Yes sir!" Omega, Gamma and Delta shouted in unison. They sped off to the door.
"Now lets get Pepe some yummy doggy treats." Gemini cooed to his pet.
