AN: Thanks for the reviews for chapter 2.
The Ultimate Survival Guide
21. You are not to get run over by the following vehicles:
a. vans
b. buses
c. cars
d. bikes
e. trains
f. tanks
g. wheelchairs
You are also not allowed to come within a ten-meter radius of either of them, unless you are driving the vehicle yourself.
- Tanks are off-limits, though.
22. There will be no unsupervised swimming
The sea is a force of nature to be reckoned with; especially for people like you.
- Taking a bath is discussable.
23. I do not wish to see you with the following:
a. alcohol
b. drugs
c. cigarettes
– I'd prefer we enjoy your relatively short life for as long as possible.
24. You are to eat at least 2000 calories a day
- Eating is a necessary procedure for you to keep up your strength.
The amount of calories is not open for discussion.
25. Hitting werewolves/vampires/shape-shifters/etc. is prohibited
- I would like to keep your breaking bones to a minimum.
There is, of course, an exception to every rule:
a. Jacob Black
- Use a bat. Or a boxing glove.
26. Do not get your stereo out of your car with your bare hands
- It's a miracle I didn't smell the bloody mess you made last time from halfway across the world.
27. Keep reading to a minimum
Paper cuts are to be avoided at all costs; sacrifices have to be made.
28. Do not go out looking for me when I am hunting with my family
a. I find the idea of my considering you as a possible meal to be condemnable.
b. We tend to hunt half-way across the country and I don't even want to think about what you dangers you would find on the way.
c. You need your bed-rest.
d. You need all your body-parts intact.
29. Extreme sports are out of the question
As in anything that might cause you harm. Within reason, that is.
- I'll be the one to decide what is reasonable, and what is not. I thought I'd clarify that for you, to avoid regrettable misunderstandings.
30. Swallow the following insects is entirely out of the question:
a. bees
b. mosquitoes
c. hornets
- Your succumbing to a vampire bite would be horrifying; a deathly insect's bite would be so ironic it could be considered funny.
TBC...
