AN: Thanks for the reviews for chapter 2.

The Ultimate Survival Guide

21. You are not to get run over by the following vehicles:

a. vans

b. buses

c. cars

d. bikes

e. trains

f. tanks

g. wheelchairs

You are also not allowed to come within a ten-meter radius of either of them, unless you are driving the vehicle yourself.

- Tanks are off-limits, though.

22. There will be no unsupervised swimming

The sea is a force of nature to be reckoned with; especially for people like you.

- Taking a bath is discussable.

23. I do not wish to see you with the following:

a. alcohol

b. drugs

c. cigarettes

– I'd prefer we enjoy your relatively short life for as long as possible.

24. You are to eat at least 2000 calories a day

- Eating is a necessary procedure for you to keep up your strength.

The amount of calories is not open for discussion.

25. Hitting werewolves/vampires/shape-shifters/etc. is prohibited

- I would like to keep your breaking bones to a minimum.

There is, of course, an exception to every rule:

a. Jacob Black

- Use a bat. Or a boxing glove.

26. Do not get your stereo out of your car with your bare hands

- It's a miracle I didn't smell the bloody mess you made last time from halfway across the world.

27. Keep reading to a minimum

Paper cuts are to be avoided at all costs; sacrifices have to be made.

28. Do not go out looking for me when I am hunting with my family

a. I find the idea of my considering you as a possible meal to be condemnable.

b. We tend to hunt half-way across the country and I don't even want to think about what you dangers you would find on the way.

c. You need your bed-rest.

d. You need all your body-parts intact.

29. Extreme sports are out of the question

As in anything that might cause you harm. Within reason, that is.

- I'll be the one to decide what is reasonable, and what is not. I thought I'd clarify that for you, to avoid regrettable misunderstandings.

30. Swallow the following insects is entirely out of the question:

a. bees

b. mosquitoes

c. hornets

- Your succumbing to a vampire bite would be horrifying; a deathly insect's bite would be so ironic it could be considered funny.

TBC...