Chapter 2: Chocobo Breeding and Cloud (If You Tilt Your Head to the Left, He Does Look Like a Chocobo!)

As Jessica rests and dreams wonderful dreams, as well as the other occupants of the ranch, they are awoken in the very early morning hours by a low-pitched 'squeeeee'. It has been three weeks since Luis has been unconscious, and Jessica has actually only bred one Gold Chocobo.

Jessica: (wakes up) Oh sweet Jesus no! Oh. Luis! (runs outside to the corral; sees Luis perched on the wooden fence, just like a giant scary bird)

Luis: (tilts his head back to look at her) Yeeeeeeeees?

Jessica: (blink blink) You seem… different. You okay?

Luis: (flips off, lands behind her) Quite fine dear. So where are the occupants of this place?

Meanwhile, Bill and Billy have been standing in the doorway, staring in disbelief at the once barely alive companion of Jessica.

Bill: Did he just..?

Billy: Was that him 'squeeeee'ing?

Luis: Oh, there they are! (turns to them; even Jessica didn't hear them) Good morning! I hope I didn't wake you! I had gas. (innocent smile)

Jessica: (shakes her head and puts her face in her hands) He's perfectly alright.

Billy: Um… 'Kay.

Bill: Yeah, so, um, chocobos. Yes.

Luis: Yes, I see you've been busy. Where are the Gold and Silver ones?

Jessica: (holding the book—hasn't let go of it for a month now) Um... I haven't quite figured out how to do it yet.

Luis: Oh, it's easy! (walks into the stables, pulls out the Gold Chocobo and the Pink one) It's simple! You take every green known to man (grinds greens together, feeds them to both chocobos, turns, looks at Jessica) Index, page 127, Spell of Breeding Chocobos.

Jessica: (looks) Oh. I keep forgetting about that!

Luis: I'll let you do this spell. (goes outside and perches back out onto the fence; turns to Bill) You should be expecting visitors soon!

Bill: ….huh?

A few hours later, and a few breeding sessions later too, the coral is filled with six Black, Blue, and Green Chocobos. The stables hold three Gold and three Silver Chocobos. Jessica slumps on the ground, exhausted.

Jessica: Ugh… the colors… so many colors... god damn…

Luis: (pokes his head in) How are you feeling, honey?

Jessica: Like I've just bred over a thousand chocobos…

Luis: Not quite. (walks up to her, picks her up) I think you need a rest.

Jessica: Thank… (doesn't finish, drops into a faint)

Luis: I knew this was going to happen. Too bad she won't sleep for very long. (holds her up) Life love, love about, Curagra!

Jessica is up and blinking a mile a minute.

Jessica: Who? What? Huh? Chocobo? Where? How many? What's going on? Where are we? Why do I feel like I've been injected with pure sugar and chocolate mix? Cloud? Where?

Luis: Honey, chill! (floats up to the rafters of the stables)

Jessica: (blink) Hey... we're in the rafters.

Luis: Yes, honey, I'm aware of that.

Jessica: But... we're in the rafters.

Luis: We could be on the roof.

Jessica: But how did we get up in the rafters?

Luis explains about his dream while he was unconscious, his other form, which is Silvain, the dragon, and the fact that Jessica is his half-daughter, Aleanby.

Jessica: Oh. (faints)

Luis: (sighs) Not again. Revive! Bunnies.

Jessica: (is up again) I just had the funniest dream. I dreamt you carried me up into the rafters, and told me that you were half-dragon, and I was your daughter... (looks down) ….meep.

Luis: Well, it wasn't quite a dream, now was it? (floats back down)

Jessica: Ebi... deh… emiee... eh... ah... eh!

Luis: English, child, English! I don't understand gibberish! (puts her down)

Jessica: How..? Well... what does it mean? What can we do..?

Luis: Well, you're not awake yet, honey. But, you can use every magical spell known to man. Look at what you did to the Chocobos!

Jessica: (blinks) Good point.

Luis: Oh look! Our guests are here!

Cloud, Tifa, Aeris, and Nanaki walk in.

Aeris: Excuse me... do you know where we could get some cho…. (sees all the chocobos) ….oh my.

Cloud: Who's the owner of this ranch?

Luis looks over at Jessica, who is gaping.

Luis: (whispers) Yes honey, that's who you think it is. (to the others) He's inside the house. The rest of you are welcome to go and browse through the chocobos.

Aeris: I'll go speak with him. (leaves)

Nanaki: Wow, these are amazing. I've never heard of chocobos these colors before.

Tifa: (points to the gold and silver) Are these real?

Luis: As real as those things on your chest.

Jessica: (hits him) SHH!

Luis: OW! What'd you do that for!

Jessica: Because her boyfriend has a sword bigger than you.

Luis: And your point..?

Jessica: ….oh yeah. Never mind.

Cloud: …. (shrug)

Tifa: Humph!

Luis: (finally notices Nanaki) Ohh! Pretty kitty! (runs over and nuzzles)

Nanaki: (sweat drop) ….get off me.

Luis: But why? (nuzzle nuzzle nuzzle)

Aeris walks into the stables with Billy.

Aeris: Alright, I have a deal on the chocobos. (stares)

Luis: (nuzzle nuzzle nuzzle nuzzle) Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Nanaki: (looks around) Someone help me!

Cloud: (leans over to Jessica) Is your friend alright?

Luis: Of course I am!

Cloud: (sweat drop) You heard that?

Luis: Yep! (stops nuzzling, picks up Nanaki like a puppy on its back and walks up to Cloud) Ain't it cute?

Nanaki: Please heeeeeeeeeelp!

Luis: Do you want me to put you down?

Nanaki: (nods furiously) YES!

Luis: Okay! (puts him down)

Nanaki runs and hides behind Tifa and Aeris, who have been staring in... Well, staring in something, I dunno. It's kind of scary just to think about it...

Luis: So Aeris, what's the deal Billy gave you?

Billy: Two thousand gill for the Golds, and Five thousand for the Silver.

Tifa: What!

Cloud: I've never had that much money in my life!

Aeris: So, what can we do? We need a chocobo to get across the marshes...

Luis: Well, you have a point, and it is a fair deal... (casts Time-Stop on Billy) But I've got a better deal.

Cloud: Okay.

Aeris: (pokes at Billy) Did you hear that, sir? Sir..?

Jessica: (shakes her head) I don't think he can hear you.

Tifa: Wow that was so cool… do it again!

Nanaki: (looks at her) You're so strange.

Luis: So says the talking cat.

Nanaki: I'm not a cat! I'm a… a…

Aeris: What are you, anyway?

Luis: A cow!

They all look at him.

Jessica: Anyway…

Luis: Yeah, so, the deal is: you take us with you, and we'll give you the chocobo free.

Cloud: Take you with us..?

Tifa: We're headed toward the Mythril Mines. They say Sephiroth's that way.

Jessica: Sephiroth..? (remembers sword) Hmmm...

Luis: (looks at Jessica; telepathically) Don't tell them we know more than they do.

Jessica: (nods) Yeah, okay.

Cloud: Huh?

Jessica: Oh! Um... yeah, that's fine. Sephiroth's no problem for us.

All look at her.

Tifa: No... problem?

Jessica: Er...

Luis: What she means is, if you guys need to do some dirty work, we won't mind. We just need some protection while moving around here.

Nanaki: Well, where exactly are you headed?

Luis: (smiles) We wander the world, breeding chocobos. (as he grabs a silver one and a gold one) This is how we get these kinds... CLONING RAY! (clones four Silver chocobos to ride) We'll just take them around back. And now for Billy...

Jessica: Oh my. If it was that easy, I would have done it sooner.

As Cloud, Tifa, Aeris, and Nanaki look in wonder at the chocobos, Luis walks up to the frozen Billy and, with no one knowing what he does but him.

Luis: (to himself) Ok, now in the mind, I go erase all that, and that... Oh, and put my trademark Sex Dream... and there. And his dad will think we just got here. (to Jessica telepathically) Ok honey, they don't remember a thing about us. Now they think we came in with these weirdoes.

Jessica: (telepathically) Ah, okay!

Luis: I'd better put these chocobos in the back before Billy wakes up.

Luis leads the four chocobos behind the stables, passing Barrett on the way out. He gives the big man his special smile, and Barrett unknowingly shudders.

Barrett: (to himself) Wow... he scares me.

Luis: (reading his thoughts) You don't know the half of it, dear. (sends it accidentally to Jessica)

Jessica: Eh?

Cloud: What happened?

Jessica: Um... is there someone else outside?

Cloud: Yeah, we left a friend of ours outside.

Jessica: ….is your friend male?

Tifa: (blinks) Yeah, why?

Jessica: Okay. Come on, we're going! (grabs Cloud's wrist and drags him outside)

Luis meets them halfway, having successfully hid the silver chocobos. They pass Barrett, who is standing against the barn wall, shivering.

Aeris: What's wrong? Are you alright?

Barrett: I swear, I just felt a being of pure evil pass by here.

Cloud: Is Sephiroth here!

Luis: (standing next to Barrett) I'm not pure evil, I'm just unknown. (smiles)

Barrett: AHH! (hides behind Cloud)

Luis: Sissy girl. (hops on Aeris's shoulders, uses her as a springboard, and leaps over Cloud)

Aeris: (in the dirt) Mmrph!

Nanaki: Come again?

Aeris: Mmrph!

Tifa: Um... sit up, Aeris.

Jessica: I'll help! (grips Aeris by the hair and yanks her out of the dirt, rather viciously)

Tifa: Wow... you ripped out half her braid.

Jessica: I would have preferred ripping out half her lungs, but hey, I take what I can get.

Everyone looks at her.

Luis: Child of wonder and love... sweet, sweet Jessica… Are we speaking out loud, or thinking out loud?

Jessica: … (blink) Oops. (hands Aeris back her hair)

Luis walks up the Aeris, looks back at Jessica, uses Cure, and walks away.

Jessica: (pouts) Dammit.

Luis: (telepathically) Wait a couple of more days; remember, she's going to die anyway.

Jessica: Alright. Let's go! (turns to the others)

All: ……

Luis: (shakes his head ) Ok, let's go, my wonder bunnies.

Everyone, except Jessica, who is used to it, shudders.