When you close your eyes at night

And you rise above your life

Do you notice there an empty space

Where I wasn't by you side?

Because I always dream about you

Every time I close my eyes

If I live to be one hundred

Will I ever cross your mind?


Bellamy is woken with a phone call from his sister, reminding him that it's his thirty fifth birthday.

"Thanks, O," Bellamy says with a smile into the phone, though he'd rather not remember that he's a year older.

"Remember we're going out for drinks tonight. I invited Miller and Raven," Octavia tells him. "And Gina is coming obviously."

"Okay, I'll be there," Bellamy promises. "Just as long as your guys don't get the whole bar to sing happy birthday like you did last year."
"No promises," Octavia laughs before hanging up. Bellamy puts his phone down on his bedside table and turns to Gina who's watching him with a sleepy smile.

"Sorry, did I wake you?" he asks, leaning down to kiss her.

"It's okay," says Gina. "Was that Octavia?" Bellamy nods. "Happy birthday."

"Thanks," Bellamy rolls his eyes. He so doesn't get the appeal of birthdays.

"Want me to make you breakfast?" Gina asks. Bellamy shakes his head.

"It's okay. I think I'm just going to go for a walk along the beach before I go to work," Bellamy tells her, sliding out of bed. Gina nods, watching him go.

He dreamt of Clarke again last night, and he always feels weird around Gina after one of those dreams. Like he's cheating on her in his head. He's pretty sure Gina has figured it out by now, but she doesn't ask him about it, knowing he'll never tell her anyway.


Work is uneventful, seeing as it's winter and not many tourists are around to come into the surf shop. By the time five o'clock rolls around he's practically aching for a drink.

Octavia throws her arms around him in a warm hug when she sees him. Bellamy grins, tightening his grip on her.

"You'd think you hadn't seen me in years," he laughs.

"It's your birthday, you get a good hug," Octavia tells him, pulling away. "I also got you a cake. The whole bar has agreed to sing happy birthday."

"I hate you," Bellamy groans as Octavia leads him to where Miller, Raven and Gina are already halfway through their first drink.

"Hey," he says, kissing Gina on the cheek.

"Happy birthday," Miller says, his usual grumpy self. Raven gives him a hug.

"Come to the bar with me?" she suggests. "I'll buy you the first one, birthday boy." Bellamy nods and follows her to the bar.

"You realise this is also the sixth anniversary of your first date with Gina," Raven tells him as they wait to be served.

"Yeah," Bellamy nods. "I know."

"Seriously, when are you going to put a ring on it?" Raven huffs in exasperation. Bellamy side-eyes her.

"You know I can't marry her, Raven," Bellamy reminds her. "And she knows I'm not going to propose, so it's fine."

"Seriously Bellamy, this is getting ridiculous," Raven says in annoyance. "You love her, right?"

"Yes," Bellamy nods.

"And yet you won't marry her because of some stupid summer fling ten years ago," Raven scoffs. "You're pathetic."

He is pretty pathetic, he knows that. But to him, Clarke wasn't just a summer fling. She was the love of his life, and yes, he does love Gina. But not the same way he loved Clarke. He knows Gina probably deserves better. But he's told Gina he's never going to propose. She's fine with it. He's not forcing her to stay with him.

Gina had tried asking him about Clarke, about a year into their relationship. Bellamy hadn't been very forthcoming. Hadn't even told Gina her name. Just said she was the one that got away. Gina seems to understand that. She doesn't push him, and doesn't make him feel like a bad person for being in love with someone else. He hasn't really talked to Raven or Miller or even Octavia about Clarke either. It's just… hard.

Even though it's been over ten years now, he still thinks about her. Wonders if maybe she thinks about him too. He dismisses those thoughts quickly, of course. She's the one who left. Of course he's not on her mind, it's been ten years for crying out loud. There's no point in pretending he was anything to her but a summer fling, the way she probably should have been to him. How can a girl he knew for a couple of months ten years ago still have such an effect on him?

And he's happy, he is, mostly. He loves Gina, and he loves his friends and he likes his job well enough. But he just wonders what life would be like if she'd stayed.

"Bellamy!" Octavia calls. "We're doing the cake now, hurry up!" Bellamy grabs his drink while Raven pays and heads back to Octavia. She's lighting the candles and some of the other patrons have gathered around to watch. Octavia starts off the song, and everyone else quickly joins in. Bellamy isn't really all there, of course, his mind still on Clarke. She should be here. And suddenly he's remembering every little detail of their short time together, her laugh, her hair, her skin on his.

He makes eye contact with Gina across the table, the flickering candles between them, and she smiles, and Bellamy manages a half hearted smile back. He feels guilty then, for conjuring up this image of Clarke when his girlfriend is sitting across the table from him.

"Blow out the candles and make a wish!" Octavia commands once everyone is done singing and clapping. He closes his eyes tight and blows out the candles with one long breath. He's a little old to believe in wishes, and yes he still feels guilty about thinking of Clarke, but not guilty enough to stop him wishing she'll show up at his door. Or that he's on her mind, or that she'll call. He wonders if she did show up, would he drop everything for her?

"What did you wish for?" Gina asks.

"He can't tell you," Octavia says as if it's obvious. "It won't come true."

"Of course," Gina laughs.

"I wished for happiness," Bellamy tells her.

"Great, now you'll be unhappy the rest of your life," Octavia warns him with a knowing look. Bellamy thinks she's probably right.