In Which Hogsmeade Brings many Knightmares

Or In Which Lily Discovers the Difference between Armor and Amour

So after my last entry I don't expect that you are gambling too much on my sanity.

Although, I have to say, it's against school rules to gamble on anything really so if you were I'd have to turn you in and keep the profits for myself as evidence.

I'm a school prefect, I can do that.

Now I suppose you're betting on whether or not I'd go through with that previously mentioned plan.

Why are you always gambling? What is it with you?

Perhaps you have a bit of a problem with gambling? Maybe you need therapy? It's alright to tell people about your therapeutic needs and this is why:

You should not be ashamed of telling someone you don't even know what you need and how you feel because that is, in fact, what therapy is. It's telling someone you don't know everything about yourself.

So you see, if you had an addiction to gambling, it would be alright to get therapy and tell everyone about said treatment if you wished.

But then again, maybe your case is so bad that you need to go to a gambling rehab center.

Whatever it is, I hope you seek help and everything works out for you.

I'm sending you my best regards. I'll even look into those twelve step programs for you.

Then again, there's always a thirteenth step when you're in one of those programs: Relapse.

Perhaps you need to hear about a sober-gambler's day? Maybe someone who doesn't gamble can encourage you to refrain from your addiction?

Well alright, if you insist, I'll ramble on about myself.

Today was Halloween, which also means that it was the first Hogsmeade visit of the year. Everyone was talking about the Zonko's products that they needed to get and how many wads of Droobles Best Chewing Gum they could stuff in their mouths once they got to Honeydukes. Marlene, Alice and I were all at the same table in the Great Hall discussing what we would do first once we got to Hogsmeade over breakfast.

"Just as long as we're at Madame Puddifoot's by five. I have to meet Frank there." Alice kept saying, eyeing us both as if we would intentionally try and make her late for Frank.

"Anyway, so should we stop at Three Broomsticks after Honeydukes, then?" Marlene asked counting the money in her satchel

"Nah, before would be better. I think I could use a Butterbeer." I absolutely have an obsession with Madame Rosmerta's Butterbeer. One time I went into Hog's Head by mistake (Third year of course, don't give me that look I'm not that bad at directions. I don't regularly get mixed up about which secret passage to take so that Filch won't step on me or which pub to go in.) and after tasting Rosmerta's Butterbeer I thought that almost every single trace of Hog's Head would melt away.

It's just figuratively speaking, though. I still had the dirt on my hands from accidentally leaning on the counter . If you ever happen to stop by there, don't do that.

"We could do that, just as long as I'm back at Madam Puddifoot's by five. I don't want to be late for Frank." Alice repeated yet again.

"Alright well then it's set. We'll go into Zonko's—Lily don't look at me like that, we won't run into…what was it you called him?" Marlene asked me

"Toerag."

"Right, well we won't run into 'Toerag'—then we'll stop by the Postal Service because it'll be a convenient time for me to drop a letter to my brother John in Austria, head off to Helen's Handbags and Hats, then stop atThree Broomstick's. On the way back to the castle, we'll stop at Honeydukes and grab our normal helping fora sugar rush and call it a day." Marlene read our itinerary off of the napkin she had in front of her.

"Right, just as long as we're back by five. I have to meet—"

"Frank in Madam Puddifoot's, we know!" Marlene and I answered collectively.

"Just making a point." Alice said and turned back to her breakfast.

"Way to completely rub it in that I'm boyfriend-less." I mumbled to my toast. It was the only thing left on my plate as I was still unsure of the whole Leroy's-Theory-of-Revenge-Seeking-House-Elves.

"What's that I hear? Young Miss Evans doesn't have a date to Hogsmeade?" I turn around to see Toerag standing over me. Of all the Great Halls in the Castle, he had to pick this one to eat breakfast at.

Actually to be truthful, there is only one Great Hall in the Castle. I suppose the founding fathers (and mothers to be fair to Helga and Rowena) had thought that having more than one Great Hall would be a bit cocky and maybe even lessen the significance of the first Great Hall.

They should install a second Great Hall. Who really cares if we're showing off and if the significance is lessened?

So anyway, he comes waltzing in (I was still recovering from the "Frosty the Snowman" incident that occurred only about a week and a half ago, so I was very cautious about how long I would stay in the Great Hall that time) and asks me that question.

"Piss off, Potter."

"Not so nice today, are we?"

As a matter of fact, I had had a rather crappy morning. You see, I woke up late, didn't get to take a shower; lost my favorite bracelet, found my favorite bracelet but lost my favorite necklace, and misplacedboth my favorite bracelet and my favorite ring whilstlooking for my favorite necklace. As if that wasn't enough bad luckfor a day,my book bag ripped open half way down the stairs and at the exact moment that I paused to clean up the mess, Robin and her boyfriend came up the girls staircase. This as everyone knows, causes the staircase to turn into a huge slide.

I'm still not completely comfortable sitting down.

"Piss off, Potter." Maybe if I repeat things he'll get the message.

"Well fine, don't take my invitation to Hogsmeade then."

"I wasn't planning on it."

"You know," He sat down next to me and grabbed a piece of French toast off my plate. "A lot of girls would give their right arm for an invite that you so brazenly take for granted every time I offer it up."

Please let Leroy be correct about the House Elves wanting revenge by putting nasty substances in the toast.

I willed for him to choke on said toast.

Although, like I said, I was never good at Divination. But then again, I'm sure that that's not quality divination. That would be mind-control. Too bad they had to put the Imperius curse on the Unforgivable Curses list.

Perhaps Azkaban would be worth it? Nah, then I'd have to live there with those crappy Dementors knowing that I was sent here because of Potter.

And no one likes living with that.

"You know," I snatched the last bite of toast out of his hand and popped it into my mouth before he got a chance to protest. "I'm not like other girls then."

"No, you're a thousand times prettier."

"Cheesiest. Thing. Ever."

"Did it hurt?"

"Did what hurt?" I thought he was referring to my fall down the staircase/slide this morning. Which raised the question:
HOW DOES HE KNOW?

"When you fell from Heaven?"

"Ugh." Oh boy! Pick up lines! Yay! This is of course something that every girl must endure while trying to eat the rest of their breakfast after an extremely trying morning.

You would have figured he'd embarrassed himself enough there, but no.

"Do you have a map, cus I'm lost in you're eyes."

"Potter—"

"Are you from Tennessee? Cus you're the only 10 I see."

"Stop with the bloody—"

"Do you have any glasses? I'm blinded by your beauty."

"Oh Dear God."

"Did you have Lucky Charms this morning, because you're looking magically delicious."

"That's a muggle line."

"Er—yeah, Remus taught me that one. What's it mean?"

Do you see what I have to deal with every morning? Every. Bloody. Morning.

Do you now understand the severity of this whole "I must stalk Lily until she finally says yes to me and I won't ever give up which means I will stalk her for the rest of my life and haunt her when I die", phase that Potter is going through?

THIS IS HOW SEVERE IT'S GETTING!

I AM NOT HAPPY!

"Well, Potter, why don't you just take one of those girls who are willing to donate their right arms to such a worthy cause?"

"Because what's the point of having a girl with no right arm? It's very unattractive, I can tell you." Toerag grabs a piece of toast off of Marlene's plate. She promptly smacks his wrist and he withdraws his greedy hand.

"That has got to be one of the shallowest things I've ever heard." I stand up and take the remaining piece of toast off of my plate (I saw him eyeing it with hunger) "and if you ask me, Potter, you should jump at the opportunity if a girl wants to go out with you because, armless or not, they must be experiencing temporary memory loss. No one in their right mind would ever want to go out with you."
I leave looking fairly dignified.

Only when I'm outside the Hall do I pop the toast in my mouth. Eating during that speech would not be dignified at all.

So later we all go to Hogsmeade—the third years are trying to take in as much as their little eyes can handle, the fourth years are pretending they didn't act like that last year, the fifth years are talking about the attitude the fourth years seem to possess, and us sixth years are caught up in our own little worlds trying to digest everything that's happened to us so far in our year and don't care much about the lower years.

No one's ever really sure where the seventh years go. We're working on the theory that there's some underground club we don't know about.

So I was walking with Marlene and Alice towards Helen's Handbags and Hats (Marlene had taken at least an hour to decide which owl would deliver her letter fastest, so we were running a bit behind. Although whenever I have a particularly stressful morning, a decent purse normally cheers me up.)

"Hey Lily, I'm your knight-in-shining armor!" Marlene shoved a ridiculously oversized knight helmet over her curls. I laughed and threw another hat in her direction.

"Shut up. Why do they even have helmets like that in here?"

"Maybe Helen considers this…vintage chic. You know, like an antique in the hat-world."

Marlene took off the knight helmet and pulled on her curls making them bounce back into place.

"Well, at the rate that Potter's going, you're never going to find your little Prince Charming."

"Yeah, and he thinks I should just fall into his arms and thank him relentlessly for ruining what potential love-life I had at Hogwarts. All the guys in our year and above are scared to come near me for fear that Potter would go ape on them." I inspect a purse and toss it aside carelessly.

"That's just because he wants to be your knight in shining armor before anyone else fits the helmet. He needs to be the first one to try it on."

"He tried it on when he asked me out for the first time."

"Yeah and he hasn't stopped trying it on. Why do you think that is, Lily?" Marlene starts to twirl the knight helmet around her hand. It's so big that it swallows her hand and half of her arm. She looks as though she's being eaten by this helmet.

"Because he doesn't understand that I don't think it's something that he can grow into. He's missed that chance."

"Have you even given him that chance?" Marlene starts flipping the eye lid up and down on the helmet.

"Whose side are you on?"

"Yours. That's why I'm making you analyze this." She continues the flipping of the eye-piece thing.

"Yes." I say stubbornly.

"Lily."

"Fine, no. but does he deserve it?"

"Maybe he's trying to show you that he does. Maybe he's trying to grow into this helmet."

Marlene put the helmet down on top of the purse that I wanted to buy. I roll my eyes and take the helmet off it. I forget the helmet and decide that we're not to tell Alice—who was supposed to be with us in the Hat/purse place anyway but decided to ditch for fear of being late for Frank—the adventures with the knight helmet.

All was well.

Until Three Broomsticks.

"Special delivery for Miss Lily Evans." Sirius Black comes ambling over to mine and Marlene's table. He winks at Marlene and tells her she looks very attractive. Marlene almost douses him with Butterbeer.

"Sign here, Evans." Sirius holds out a clipboard with a piece of blank parchment on it.

"Where?"

Sirius looks down. He takes the quill from me, makes an X and a line that follows it then turns back to me.

"God, Evans, right where the X and the line are! I swear, if stupidity were the Olympics, you'd win a Nobel Prize." Sirius rolls his eyes.

How dare he call me stupid! Especially when he makes that analogy! It didn't even make sense! But I decided to be the bigger person and not respond to his taunting.

"I present to you, Miss Evans, your Knight in Shining Amour." Sirius holds out his hand and presents Toerag who is hobbling out of the Men's room dressed in full Knight armor. The helmet that Marlene picked up at Helen's Handbags and Hats was sitting on his head to complete the outfit.

I quirk my eyebrow, enjoying the fact that he bumped into 5—no 6 chairs while he was trying to make his way over to our table. Rosmerta, the barmaid, stopped drying the mug in her hand to watch with a look of bemusement.

"Young and fair Lady Evans, I come to thee fresh out of battle. A battle with my heart."

You have GOT to be kidding me.

"And I come to you with pure and noble intentions—"

Oh Lord, here we go.

"—I ask you, fair maiden to accompany me on a moonlight ride through Hogsmeade this Friday night. Your carriage awaits, but I wait longer in chivalrous intentions and elevated hopes. I must tell thee fair maiden, that I would wait till the earth's end for your response."

I'm fairly certain that I invented a new shade of red the way I was blushing. Out of embarrassment, not flattery, just get that straight.

That was by far the corniest thing I've ever had to sit through.

And one of the most embarrassing. This competes with the Great Hall Frosty the Snowman incident.

"Go out with the lad!" someone shouts from the bar. Another one shouts their encouragement. Toerag gets down on one knee and offers me his hand. The Three Broomsticks pub is now applauding his efforts and encouraging his behavior.

I look over at Marlene. She's laughing hysterically in her Butterbeer.

Well at least someone is enjoying this!

I grab Marlene's Butterbeer and throw whatever is left on him in his metal suit.

I hope he rusts and cannot get out of that aluminum foil costume.

Marlene catches up to me after I storm out.

"You alright?"

"Can you possibly tell me what enjoyment he gets out of embarrassing me in front of multiple people?"

"Calm down! Everyone else thought that was rather sweet."

"Yes, sweet if you like the person. Not so sweet if you already have a predisposition to dislike said person."

"God, Lily, anyone else would look down at him and take his hand."

"I'm not anyone else."

We leave Hogsmeade without even visiting Honeydukes. Which is a pity.

After the day I've had I could really use some chocolate.

My Knight in Shining Armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

This sucks wind.

A/n: plz review? With sugar and candy and all that good stuff?