How to Prevent a Coup

A Naruto Crackfic

by

EvilFuzzy9


A/N: Because Mikoto rocks your fucking socks off. And also because, for some reason, it would seem that I can scarcely bear to write a Naruto fic without making some reference to my all-purpose OCs Daimaru and (to a much, much lesser extent in my uploaded works) Tian Li. And also, also because I should put up something for Naruto's (fictional) birthday.

Additionally, in response to the second reviewer (since they reviewed anonymously, or at least without signing in) who wrote:

hi could you contenue metriod legacies please. I really like it and could you please make the chapters longer. l know from your story bord that's it is one of two that the 40 mark. So could you please continue the story.

with love

your stray fox§1+VIII

I would like to say that, honestly, while I have had a half-finished "next chapter" for ML floating around in my documents folder for ages, I do not have any real plans for that fic. I started it years ago, back when I was (even more) painfully amateur, and any vague plans that I might have had for a plot have long since vanished into the ether. I might work on it from time to time in fits of pique, but it's so low on my list of priorities that it's barely even a blip on the radar. Then there's the fact that it's so non-canon that if I were to try to reconcile it with Naruto continuity on a whole (and I totally would, because I am a hopeless nerd like that) the fic would probably implode.

Then there's the other fact that I'm really rather more dedicated to "enriching" the HnG fandom, with its (thus far as of 10-10-2011, the date of updating this fic) paltry one hundred twenty-seven (127) fics on this site. Naruto, in stark contrast, has over a quarter million (250k+) fanfics on FF dot net. So I'm not going to bother working a Naruto fic unless I really feel like it. Even this fic is, truthfully, only a way for me to unwind while working on Om Nom Nom, Hamster-chan!.

On that note, read and/or watch Hayate the Combat Butler. It's a nice fun series that deserves a good deal more recognition than it gets.


Step Three

Mikoto Uchiha, veteran jōnin Konoha kunoichi and wife of the Uchiha clan head Fugaku, frowned ever-so-slightly, looking down at the card clutched in her hand. She looked up at the decrepit abandoned warehouse which loomed over both her and her husband. Then she looked back down at the card, carefully reading and rereading the address printed on it.

"Ah, dear..." she said, glancing over at her husband, "... Are you certain that this is the correct location...?"

Fugaku wanted to shrug, but that would have been considered unbecoming conduct for someone of his stature. So instead he simply continued to stand erect beside his wife, maintaining picture-perfect posture and keeping his face as stolid as ever. "The address matches," he muttered with a definitely-not-a-shrug-because-Uchiha-do-not-shrug.

Mikoto, being less concerned with the approval of the clan elders, rolled her eyes. "That doesn't mean anything."

"It means the address matches," Fugaku argued stoically.

"Peh! If you would have simply asked for directions this would not be such an ordeal!"

"Uchiha do not ask for directions," Fugaku retorted stubbornly.

Mikoto shook her head, but she said no more.

A few moments passed between them in silence.

"Okay," Mikoto said at last, "They're gone now, sweetie. You can drop the act."

"Oh thank god," Fugaku sighed in relief, his shoulders immediately sagging. "I thought they'd never leave."

"Indeed," Mikoto nodded in assent, "Those bastards are utterly infuriating. Tch!" she snorted derisively, "And do they honestly think they can so easily tail us undetected?"

"I know what you mean. It's like they have no appreciation at all for your skills," Fugaku agreed.

"Or yours," Mikoto added, cooing huskily as she leaned over to nibble on her husband's ear, prompting Fugaku to stutter and blush furiously. Fortunately, he was saved from any further teasing by a timely intervention.

"Well, hello there, Mikoto-chan!" came a cheerful greeting.

Unfortunately, that timely intervention came from one of the more annoying people he knew.

They turned to see two figures -a tall and well-built woman with glossy chocolate-brown hair done up in an odango-ponytail combo dressed in a simple dark green dress with the kanji for strong embroidered on either sleeve; and a shorter, skinnier man with a long, thin mustache and dull black hair worn in a topknot who was clad in dark gray trousers and a bright-red-bordering-on-pink shirt with the words 'THINK BIG, LIVE SMALL' written on it- walking towards them.

Mikoto smiled, recognizing them as her former teammates, Daimaru Daishin and Tian Li Daishin-née-Aokawa.

Fugaku frowned, recognizing them as his wife's former teammates, Daimaru Daishin and Tian Li Daishin-née-Aokawa.

"Hello, Daimaru-kun~, Ten-chan~," Mikoto said pleasantly, "What brings you two here?"

"Hello, Daishin-san," Fugaku ground out frigidly, pointedly using the most impersonal appellation possible while still staying ostensibly polite and civil.

Daimaru, pointedly ignoring Fugaku (he had never forgiven the man for marrying Mikoto, even if it had technically been an arranged political union outside of Fugaku's control), gave Mikoto a big, dopey smile and went bright red. He started sputtering nervously, stumbling over his words as he tried to answer the question with his tongue as tied up in knots as it was at certain inappropriate thoughts he was having about his former teammate. "Oh, um... ah... that's... er... uhhh..."

Mikoto giggled. "My apologies, Ten-chan," she commented, addressing the towering giant of a woman, "It would seem that I have carelessly broken your husband."

Tian Li laughed and waved dismissively. "Naah, he's been like that all week, ever since we got that invitation from Minato and Kushina."

Mikoto smiled. "I take it, then, that he still harbors some affection for me?"

Back when they had first started out as a genin squad, the three of them had had quite the infamous love triangle going, what with Daimaru -then a shy, awkwardly bookish lad with no real talent- being utterly smitten with her while the talented nine year old early graduate and close combat prodigy Tian Li had been ineffably amorous towards the older-by-four-years Daimaru. And she herself had had a crush on Minato Namikaze back then, which had prompted Daimaru to start up a very much one-sided rivalry with the blonde somewhat similar to what she had seen between young Guy and Kakashi.

And even after finally coming to reciprocate Tian Li's feelings, it would seem that Daimaru still carried a torch for his "fair Mikoto-chan".

Tian Li chortled. "Yeah! No matter how much I 'reeducate' him, I still can't get him to completely give up on that little boyhood crush." she shook her head in good humor, "Ah... men are just so hopeless without us women to straighten them out, aren't they?"

Mikoto nodded amicably. "Yes, they really are."

Fugaku, with a sigh, turned towards Daimaru. "Ah, they never give us any credit, do they?

"Not in this life, no," Daimaru stated glumly.

As one, the two men sighed, temporarily putting aside their differences for the time being to bond after a fashion over the common woes and nuisances of all married men.


A/N: Well, there's the third chapter. I have no idea where this fic is going to end up, aside from general potential sexiness. There WILL, however, be plenty of crack and LOLs.

LOLS FOR THE LOL GOD! CRACK FOR THE CRACK THRONE!

... ahem. With all that said, updates for my fics will probably be a bit sparse for a while as I acclimate to my new (and first!) job. Yes, I finally have a job. Sure, it's just washing dishes part-time at a local Chinese restaurant, but that's better than nothing, y'know?

TTFN and R&R!