3 years ago (The open house at Truncheon)
For the third time in a ridiculously short amount of time Molly watched Jess stride in front of the mirror and adjust his clothing. What was she doing here? She had offered to help them prepare for the open house because she thought that seeing him get ready to meet her would help her stupid, breaking heart to get the picture and give it all up.
But it didn't. Instead she felt as if something was clenching around her heart, pressuring on it and making each beat send shooting pains through her body. He tried to hide by joking around with his friends and with her; but she knew him too well and noticed all the small nervous traits that at times shone through.
Like this, right in front of her; him constantly checking his appearance in the mirror. That was one of them, probably the most obvious one. The other ones were harder to track down, but they were there nonetheless.
Like the way he seemed to be so light at heart when he joked with his friends as they set everything up downstairs; he was overcompensating. Jess never joked around like that if he wasn't nervous. His sense of humor was usually more dry and sarcastic. But when he was nervous he tended to overcompensate. Either that or turn to surliness. But today he was overcompensating.
Another clear giveaway was the way he kept checking his phone every ten minutes. That had been going on for days. She hadn't RSVP:ed. Not that this was that kind of event where you needed to RSVP, but I think he had counted on her doing so anyway.
"You…" She cleared her throat and gave it her best effort to sound casual and friendly. "You think she'll show up?"
He shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know" He tried to sound casual, but she knew he felt anything but. The way his hands tensed when he buttoned and then un-buttoned the top button of his shirt all while examining himself in the mirror gave him away.
She tried to smile as she stood up from her seat on the side of his bed and reached him the t-shirt he discarded in favor of the dress shirt earlier. "Here"
He ripped his eyes away from his reflection and looked at the piece of clothing in her hand.
She took a deep breath and forced her voice to sound normal when she explained. "If you want her to see that you've changed, you don't want to overdo it. Just be yourself" She smiled and tugged at his shirt. "This" She held the material of his dress shirt between her fingers. "Isn't you. This" She held the t-shirt up. "Is you"
He looked at her in silence and took the t-shirt from her hands but then turned to look at his reflection again. "Wear the jacket over it" She said and met his eyes in the mirror. "Don't try to be someone you're not"
His whole body relaxed with a deep sigh and he smirked at her reflection. "Thank you"
She shrugged and turned away so he wouldn't see the expression on her face. "It was nothing"
He reached out and grabbed her wrist and forced her to turn around to face him. "I mean it Molly. Thank you for being here for me. For being my friend"
She bit back on the tears that threatened to fall as he pulled her in for a hug. Friend. Yeah, that was all she was to him. A friend. A friend that he occasionally slept with.
Probably out of convenience, because he knew that she wouldn't pressure him into being anything more. Because she knew about Rory. Because she had told him that she was okay with them just being friends that occasionally shared a bed while he waited for the true love of his life to return to him. Because she had told him that she didn't want or expect anything else from him.
He pulled away from the embrace and she smiled at him. She didn't dare to say anything, afraid that her voice would crack and reveal all the things she felt for him right at that moment.
Absent-mindedly flipping through the pages of a thin paperback novel Molly watched as Jess and Matt descended the stairs, seemingly deep in discussion with one another. She smiled when she saw him, he really did look great tonight.
She waited for him to finish his conversation with Matt before putting the novel back in its stand. She was just about to open her mouth and call for his attention when she saw the look on his face. And she knew. She was here.
She followed his gaze and her eyes landed on a brunette standing close to the door, smiling in his direction. So that was her. Molly tried not to stare, but her efforts weren't necessary as neither Rory nor Jess seemed to have eyes for anyone but each other.
She felt as if the world was crashing down around her. She was here. This was the end of everything.
No more late nights snuggling next to his warm body on the couch, pretending that she didn't exist and that they were just another other ordinary couple holding each other close at the end of a long day.
No more mornings of waking up next to him and lingering in the feeling of his naked skin next to hers before the reality of the situation dawned on her.
No more of those few, but oh so sacred, moments where he had leaned in and kissed her even though they weren't in bed, or on their way there.
No more. This was the end.
As the brunette stepped closer to Jess, Molly hasted towards the door. She couldn't watch. She thought it would do her good and snap her out of her romantic dreams if she saw them together – but she couldn't. That look on his face – no she couldn't stay. It hurt too much to see that look and know that it wasn't meant for her.
She had run out of tears. She felt empty and hollow, as if every feeling she ever felt had flowed out of her body together with the tears. Now there was nothing left – no feelings and no tears. She was empty.
She laid on the couch and stared out into the empty room. She should sleep, but every time she closed her eyes images of what he was doing right at this moment appeared before her eyes.
He was probably kissing her. He was probably kissing her with a lingering smile on his lips. A happy smile. The smile of someone who had finally found everything he was looking for in life.
How could this woman just step in out of nowhere and suddenly be the one? She hadn't been there.
She had been there, next to him, during those long nights when he struggled through a case of writer's block. She hadn't. She was the one that read and re-read certain parts of his novel that he was unsure about. She wasn't. She was the one that had encouraged him not to give up when he felt like deleting every word he'd ever written. She hadn't.
Still – she was the one he thanked. She was the one he said he couldn't have done it without.
She had been the one to take care of him and make chicken soup for him when he was down with that cold last winter. She had been elsewhere. She was the one that all but carried him home when he had tried to drink his sorrows away. She was looking out for someone else. She had been by his side whenever he needed her for the last four years, without him even needing to ask for it. She had turned him down when he told her he needed her.
Still – she was the one he claimed he couldn't live without.
A knock on the door ripped Molly away from her thoughts and she slowly made her way to the door. The time had passed midnight and she made sure to look through the peephole before opening the door.
Her heart missed a beat when she saw him. His hair was a mess and his posture was broken. With hurried movements she unlocked the door and opened it.
He looked up at her and all those feelings she thought had left her body came flowing back, gathering into a knot in her stomach when she saw his reddened and sad eyes looking into hers.
"She's gone" He whispered, his voice hoarse and his face streaked with tears. She had never seen him like this before. So sad, so beaten, so vulnerable. It broke her heart and she wanted to go find this girl and beat the living hell out of her for doing this to him.
"I'm sorry" She said and to her surprise she found that she really meant it. She took a step back and without saying anything further she invited him into the apartment.
He nodded and entered. He slumped down at the side of her bed in her one bedroom apartment and rested his face in his hands. Molly hesitated for a moment, not knowing exactly what to do, how to handle the situation. Finally she sat down next to him and rubbed his shoulder. "It'll be okay" She whispered and he looked up at her, a blank expression on his face.
"She loves him" He said simply, stating the fact and her insides cringed at the irony of the situation.
She stroked his cheek tenderly. "It'll be okay" She repeated as if trying to convince the both of them. He didn't say anything.
"Come on" She ushered and pulled at the bedspread. "Lay down and try to sleep and tomorrow it'll feel better" She tried to comfort him, not really believing in the words coming out of her own mouth.
She knew that, being a good friend, she should probably try and get him to talk. To tell what happened. But after the emotional meltdown she'd gone through she didn't think she could handle it. Sleep seemed like the best alternative right now. No words. Just sleep.
He still didn't answer; he just looked at her curiously before following her instructions and lying down on his side facing the wall. She crept into bed next to him and wrapped her arms around him from behind. "It'll be okay" She repeated again before laying her head down on the pillow and letting the silent tears she'd been holding back since she saw him fall freely.
