avatar: Wow. People are loving this fic, and that makes me happy. For chapter 2, I have gotten the highest rate of reviews to hits for any of my fics ever. That makes me happy. This fandom is a great audience. Zombie Roy, do the disclaimer while I get all misty-eyed.
Zombie Roy: Avatarjk137 does not own the Super Smash Bros. franchise, or any game franchise mentioned here. He only owns the story, people. Does anybody have a staple gun so I can put Zombie Pichu's head back on?
avatar: I certainly don't. Now without further ado...
Chapter 3
Bowser Vs. Meta-Ridley
"Way to go, Samus!" Captain Falcon yelled as Samus gathered up her Varia Suit parts and walked into the crowd. Years ago, Captain Falcon would've grabbed her ass. Years ago, Captain Falcon was hospitalized for months and needed a pancreas transplant. Years ago, Captain Falcon learned better, as did all the other Smashers.
"Excellent. Well then," Master Hand said as he scooped up Joe and Silvia and dumped them where the other Smashers were standing, "When they awaken, they can watch the rest of the fights. Our next contestant is a famous Space Pirate leader. Give it up for… Meta Ridley!" A large, shining, metallic, draconic creature with a pteranadon-esque flew down from the sky and landed on one of the platforms. The creature let out a feral roar and flapped it's large, orange-membraned wings.
Samus turned angrily and began shouting at Master Hand. "You can't be serious! I had to have my fight with Joe-the-Joker here and you had Meta-FUCKING-RIDLEY waiting to test out? You know I want to kill Meta Ridley!"
"Silence! I told you, each contestant must be fought by a similar Smasher! Besides, you're too worn out now. I need another reptilian, powerful, villainous mastermind to fight Ridley!"
"I wouldn't exactly say he's a Mastermind-" Samus began with a snort.
"SILENCE AGAIN! Do not talk back to ME, Samus! BOWSER shall be the one to fight Meta Ridley!"
"Yeah, okay!" Bowser jumped onto Ridley's opposing platform. "I've been just ITCHIN' for a fight! Mario, watch! Watch the moves that will BRING YOU DOWN!"
"Yeah, Bowser. Sure-a. Whatever." Mario dismissively waved, causing Luigi and Yoshi to snicker.
"Grrr.."
"Now! I will not outlaw anything, not even biting below the nonexistent belt! COMMENCE SMASHING!" Master Hand blasted his finger like a starting pistol.
Bowser immediately inhaled deeply and launched a wave of fire breath at Meta Ridley, who replied in kind with plasma breath. The two fiery attacks collided, and Bowser was knocked back by the explosion. "Okay, so that's not your average fire breath attack. Well, I can do more than that!" Bowser jumped at Ridley's platform, claws outstretched. "EAT KOOPA KLAW!" Boswer slammed forward with his claws, and Ridley blocked with his own. Although Bowser's claws were slowly crushing Ridley's inward, Ridley refused to give ground. "Not bad…" Bowser admitted grudgingly.
Suddenly, Ridley roared, and his tail lashed out, smacking Bowser hard across the face and knocking him back. Ridley stretched his wings and took to the air. Bowser got up and breathed a fireball at Ridley, but the skinnier dragon easily dodged. Meta Ridley flew to the edge of the arena, than turned around. Missile launchers opened up on his shoulder blades, at the base of his wings. As Ridley strafed by Bowser, he blanketed the Koopa King in missiles. The smoke cleared to reveal Bowser coming out of his shell, which was burnt. "That was tough!" He saw Ridley coming around for another pass. "OH no you don't!" He breathed several fireballs at Ridley, but they were all nimbly dodged. "Agile little bastard…" Another round of missiles pounded the arena, and Bowser retreated into his shell again.
When the smoke cleared, he turned to see Ridley go for another pass. "LIGHT-FREAKING-BULB!" Bowser immediately initiated his idea. He reared up and breathed a massive cloud of fire into the sky, and Ridley ducked under. However, it began to rain fire around him. He dodged the fireballs, but a few blue fireballs homed in on him and hit him. He accidentally lost control and flew up into the main cloud of fire, roaring. "YEAH!" Bowser yelled. "Strike!" Ridley came careening down toward Bowser, his wing membrane burned off. Bowser pulled his head back, and slammed his horned skull into Ridley's in a massive headbutt. Bowser roared in triumph as Ridley rolled back, and struggled to his feet. "What? Still going?"
Ridley nodded, and then charged forward with a snarl. Bowser charged forward as well, but Ridley was faster, and Bowser found himself knocked back on his spiny shell. "Ow." He rolled back to his feet, only to have Ridley tail-whip him across the face, knocking a sharp tooth out. "BASTARD!" Bowser grabbed Ridley's tail and bit down on it. Ridley roared and breathed plasma in Bowser's face, knocking him back. "Feral little-" Bowser got up, and was whipped away again by Ridley's tail. "Grr!"
Ridley reared back and breathed plasma again, but this time Bowser was ready. "Whirling Fortress time!" Bowser tucked into his shell, began to spin at high speeds, and coasted through the plasma breath. Finally, he reached Ridley, his shell now red-hot, and sucked the cyborg dragon painfully in. Ridley was finally pulled loose, and crashed into the ground. "How you like me NOW?!" Bowser jumped into the air, and landed heavily on Ridley as he was getting up, crushing him back down. "OH yeah!" Bowser stood with one clawed foot on Ridley's chest and began to slash at his face, but was blasted away by another stream of plasma. Ridley got up, claw marks marring his silver-black paint job, and snarled.
"What? You think you can beat me, ptery?" Bowser laughed. Suddenly, the stage began to change to Earth. "Okay, bring it!" Ridley leapt forward, and Bowser grabbed him with his claws, bit him, and then slammed him against a stone wall that had formed behind him. Ridley peeled himself off the wall just in time to be slammed back into it by Bowser's vicious headbutt. Bowser then punched Ridley in the face a few times, and was about to headbutt him again, when another stream of plasma blasted him back.
---
"I'm impressed Bowser's doing so well," Samus said.
"I'm impressed Ridley's doing so well," Mewtwo argued. "Bowser's used to taking all kinds of punishment, and dishing it out just as well. Ridley, on the other hand, seems to be taking everything Bowser hands him with minimal damage… except for his wings back there."
"Meta Ridley must be made of something pretty hard," Fox agreed.
"This is GREAT!" Joe cried, having just woken up. "How much are the tickets to see these fights? Or the DVDs?"
"Joe…" Silvia whined. "You look like an idiot."
"Well," Master Hand said thoughtfully, "You can get tickets to the Smash Tournaments for $500 to $1,200 dollars, depending on the seats. OR you can buy each Tournament's highlight reel DVD a month after for $50. Of course, if you become Smashers, you can get it all for free. All you have to do is be in some of those fights."
"I bet I did good enough to get in!" Joe cried victoriously, punching the air. Silvia rubbed her temples and groaned. Joe could be so childish…
---
Meta Ridley and Bowser leapt at each other, claws outstretched. The claws clanged against each other, setting off sparks. The two turned to each other again, and Bowser charged at Ridley. Ridley crouched down, then charged forward himself, but this time Bowser was ready for Ridley's high-speed dash. "Oh no you don't!" Bowser veered to the left, and Ridley zoomed right past him. Bowser then jumped right, and crushed Ridley under his shoulder. "Eat that!" Ridley rolled loose, and slammed Bowser with his tail, then jumped onto Bowser's stomach and began trying to tear his throat out. Bowser slammed his skull into Ridley's, and pushed him off.
"You're going down!" Bowser raised his claw, and a dark flame encircled it. "I've been getting back in practice with my black magic skills!" Bowser reached down and grasped Ridley's right leg with his burning claw, and began to pull. Ridley breathed plasma in his face, but Bowser closed his eyes and held on. Finally, with the scream of metal tearing, Ridley's leg snapped off at the hip. Bowser laughed savagely and began to bludgeon Ridley over the head with his own leg.
---
"Only in a villain fight," Captain Falcon muttered, shaking his head. Jigglypuff covered her eyes.
---
"Ridley," Master Hand called as Bowser continued to deliver savage leg-club beat-down, "Would you like to surrender?" Ridley shook his dented head. "Suit yourself." Ridley wrapped his long tail around Bowser's feet and snapped them together, causing the huge turtle to fall down and drop Ridley's leg. As Bowser began to get up, Ridley pointed his remaining leg at Bowser's face and roared. The leg was launched from its socket, catching Bowser off-guard and knocking him across the stadium and into the large earth wall. Ridley rolled onto his belly and stretched his wings. The membrane between the wings grew back, and Ridley took to the air again.
"Crap!" Bowser said as he got up and rubbed his sore jaw, "he took to the sky again! He even left his legs behind!" Ridley turned and soared towards the arena, his missile launchers popping out again. "Why does this happen?" Bowser breathed a few fireballs, which Ridley easily dodged, and then dove under the wall for cover as Ridley blanketed the stage in missiles. "Ha! Missed!" Ridley craned his head under his chest, and fired plasma breath back at Bowser, catching him in the gut. "Crap." Bowser rolled to his feet as Ridley took a 180 and soared back toward the arena. "Eat double black magic bombs!" Bowser conjured a sphere of dark energy in each claw, and threw them forward. The two spheres formed a double helix, spiraling toward Ridley. Ridley blasted the spheres with plasma breath, and fired more missiles. The black magic bombs were neutralized, and Bowser ducked behind the rocks to avoid the missiles.
"Nyah!" Bowser stuck his tongue out at the passing Ridley, careful to stay mostly behind the rocks. "Your missiles can't destroy my cover!" Suddenly, the stage beeped and changed back to the bare, blank neutral stage. "Not cool." Ridley shot more plasma breath at Bowser, and he jumped out of the way just in time, leaving a scorch mark on the stage. "Looks like I'll have to unveil my ultimate new technique!" Bowser tucked into his shell and began to spin in place, first slowly, then faster and faster. Ridley turned, and concentrated a full round of missiles on Bowser, but due to Bowser's extreme rotation speed, the missiles were cut to ribbons just before touching his shell. Ridley reared back, charging a powerful blast of plasma in his mouth, then launched it forward. The blast smacked into Bowser's shell, and the resulting explosion launched the shell sky-high.
---
"Looks like the end for Bowser, that ultimate technique didn't work," Marth said.
"Hold up," Falco said, looking through binoculars. "That wasn't his ultimate technique. Look closely at his shell."
Zelda snatched the binoculars from Falco and looked closely. "Wait… that shell… it's empty!"
---
The shell stopped in midair. Suddenly, a chain extended from the center of what had been the belly of Bowser's shell, shooting straight towards Meta Ridley. Ridley easily dodged the chain, but the figure behind him caught it. Ridley turned with a growl, and slowed to a stop in the air, flapping in place.
Behind him, also flapping in place, was Bowser. Under his shell, he had been concealing a massive pair of bat-like wings. "Oh yeah!" Bowser said. "You wish you had abs like this!" He yanked on the chain, and the shell was pulled toward him, smashing Ridley on the back. "HERE'S my ultimate technique!" He caught the shell, and threw it straight up, where it began to spin. "Whirling MORNINGSTAR!" Bowser swung the chain, and the whirling shell dropped toward Meta Ridley. Although he tried to fly away, the force of the shell sucked him in, wrapping him around the shell and causing massive damage to his metal skin. Bowser swung the shell around a few times, then brought it spinning to the ground, crushing Ridley underneath the spikes and shattering the chain. Finally, Bowser dive-bombed onto the shell butt-first, driving the spikes deeper into Ridley and causing oil and blood to leak out all around the shell.
"Good work, Bowser. I believe you actually killed your opponent. That is quite an impressive ultimate technique."
"Well, it was him or me," Bowser said with a grin as he pulled his shell out of Ridley with a squelching noise and put it back on, hiding his wings again. "What do you think I had under there? An undershirt like all the other Koopas? Come on…"
Suddenly, a team of Elite Space Pirates teleported onto the stage. "Don't worry Master Hand, we can rebuild him by the start of the Brawl tournament. Stronger. Faster. Less… kill-able."
"That's IF I let him in," Master Hand reprimanded. "He did perform quite well, but it seems he underestimated Bowser a bit."
"Yessir."
---
Bowser leapt onto the audience platform. "You're next," he said, pointing to Mario, who scowled and nodded. Luigi nearly passed out.
"Good work," somebody said behind him. Bowser turned to see Wario offering his hand for a handshake, with Solid Snake, Meta Knight, and Pit behind him. Wario grinned and offered his hand even more toward Bowser. Bowser responded by snapping the joy buzzer off Wario's hand and flicking it into his nose, causing Wario to grab his nose in pain. "OW!"
"Idiot," Bowser laughed.
"How come we didn't notice you there before?" Donkey Kong said suspiciously to Wario and the other new Smashers.
"I'm just SO stealthy, even people associated with me sneak under people's radars," Snake announced in a dramatic really loud whisper.
End of Chapter
Snake is just THAT stealthy.
Join us next chapter, when Link gets to fight a certain Blue Rogue. Anybody who's played the game will know exactly who I'm talking about.
