A/N: And the next chapter... Where we'll add a bit of pressure and sit back to see what happens. I do feel a bit mean to put them through this, but be honest, they had it coming! Please, keep reviewing, I loved all your comments! Right now I'm really interested in what you think about Rose's reaction to what's happening. And I've decided the ending is definitely going up to M. :-) Also, there might be a sixth chapter. I'm having sooo much fun with this! =)


The Doctor watched his friend closely as the truth began to dawn on her.

Rose Tyler's mind linked to his. How in Rassilon's name had that come about? And now of all times. He slumped back against the console and ran a hand through his hair. Rose was looking at him, her lips slightly parted, waiting for him to state even more plainly what they both already knew. He could see the questions in her head tumbling over each other. All the while, in his own mind, he was frantically busy putting up barriers, determined to keep at least a semblance of control over what she gleaned from him. So far, all she had stumbled upon were surface-emotions and some technical information. None of it could mean much to her. Yet.

Right now, his own thoughts were all confusion, but he needed to make sure Rose fully grasped the necessity of what he was about to do next. There wasn't much time left. The longer they waited, the more he felt his mental hold slip. It would be like walking a tight rope, though. If anything, it was essential she would never suspect him of having ulterior motives, whatever she thought they might be. He'd struggled with those feelings for too long for them to interfere now - not with so much at stake. Fear squeezed his throat until his breathing became painful and raspy. Would she ever look at him in the same way again? Would he be able to forgive himself for misleading her? He drew in a shaky breath and steeled himself. No point in dwelling. With one mental sweep he pushed everything else aside, focusing his resolve on the task of doing what was best for Rose Tyler. Forget that it would mean purgatory for him.

After several long moments of processing the Doctor's words, Rose finally mustered enough courage to speak up. Much of what had gone before was lost, at least for now. She felt no anger or hurt anymore, only amazement. And for a split second she imagined it might even bring what she'd hoped for all along.

She smiled weakly. "If... if I can see your thoughts, isn't that a good thing? For a while you had me thinking some slimy alien was creeping inside my mind. I feel much better knowing it's your thoughts in there." Her words did nothing to change the tense look on the Doctor's face. "So, I can read your mind, but you can't see what's in mine? How does that work anyway, will I get sudden cravings or something? Or be really clever? Oh, we can't play chess anymore. Or we could, but I'd keep winning." She heard herself ramble into the Doctor's copious silence and she didn't like it one bit.

The Doctor had become strikingly calm, his whole demeanour exuding quiet authority. "You don't fully understand what it means, Rose. I told you it's a half-connection. That means your ability to receive other people's thoughts will continue to grow. A bond like this is not meant to exist in such a way. The ability's not balanced out. Right now, there's just me. I've got ways to prevent you from seeing everything... Well, most things. But as soon as you set foot outside the TARDIS, anyone you encounter will be an open book to you."

Rose felt herself slipping away in some kind of dreamy state. The whole room even swayed a bit, like she'd had too much to drink. All the while, the Doctor's speech was gaining momentum, his eyes dark and penetrating, entirely focused on her. Hazily, she tilted her head to the side a little and watched his irises. They seemed darker somehow. Most of the time what greeted her was an inviting earthy brown, like his hair. Other times, those eyes were like black holes, taking everything and giving nothing back. It was a cliche for sure, but for all she knew a Time Lord's eyes could actually change colour depending on mood.

"Rose! Are you listening to me? Did you hear what I just said?" The Doctor shook her arm.

"Yes," she hissed, the dreamy feeling dissipating like mist.

"Your brain will continue to fill up with information, until it overloads. And there's only one thing I can do. I have to create a second link, so that the connection can be accessed by me and controlled before it fries your mind."

"You make it sound like I'm some sort of computer. Will I still be able to see your thoughts afterwards?"

The Doctor's hesitation was nearly imperceptible. "No. In theory it's quite intimate, but I'll make sure it won't be."

"So only temporary, right?"

"Not exactly," he said calmly. Inwardly he cursed. Why couldn't he just lie to her?

Rose frowned. "Permanent? Okay, exactly how permanent, Doctor?"

The Doctor looked sideways at the metal grating.

The cold edge of fear began sneaking up her back, changing into a prickly heat as it reached her shoulder blades, making her extremely uncomfortable. "But surely you can think of something. You always do."

"Once the connection is fully established there is no undoing it." He hesitated again. "Well, there is, but severing the link would be very... painful. There's even the possible risk of brain damage." The Doctor flinched. He shouldn't have said that. This was going too far. Rose was perceptive enough to figure it out, and it wouldn't take her long. He didn't even know if they had enough time left by now. His mental block was slipping under the strain she was putting on it, and that wasn't even something she did consciously. They were both at risk now, and still, he couldn't bring himself to force this change upon her. He shuddered. That would be...unthinkable. He shifted awkwardly from one foot to the other. Any moment now she'd realise why he was talking so clinically.

Rose rested her sore head in her hands and closed her eyes briefly. All she wanted to do was sleep, not have the Last of the Time Lords poke around in her head, wheedling out thoughts that weren't her own. But she had to know more. In the midst of her own worries she could sense there was a battle going on below the surface. She knew she shouldn't go there. Mummy warned against touching the hot stove. But if she reached out, she could almost... An unexpected twinge at the back of her mind caught her off guard. It was like the persistent scrape of metal against metal, and growing louder. A series of images flitted past, like spiders across her vision. Rose opened her eyes and looked at the Doctor. He was watching her in turn with an unnerving glare, almost fearfully. Another image. A beautiful dark-haired woman wearing heavy robes, standing on the edge of what looked like a temple, surrounded by solemn-looking men and women. Tall colonnades and dazzlingly bright sparks of sunlight falling through a stained-glass window, its beauty stunning against the stark orange backdrop. Then a more intimate scene. A bedroom, a canopied bed, its thick curtains drawn back. The image faded out.

"Oh, my God," Rose gasped and clutched her hands to her mouth. She slid down from the jump seat and took a few tentative steps towards the Doctor. "I get it. I understand what this means to you."

The Doctor's glare became softer, bordering on regretful. "You could compare it to your Earth ceremony, but really it's so much more than that. At least it was to my people. Don't worry. There's no need for more than perfunctory touch to establish the connection and I'll put up stronger mental barriers. You won't even know the difference."

"But you still would." Rose tried to keep her voice level as the true consequences began to sink in. "You'll be stuck with me. In your mind. For as long as I live." Across from her, the Doctor just stood and stared, arms hanging limp by his side, like a little lost boy who'd walked in on a funeral.

Rose shook her head decidedly. "No. I won't let you do it."

The Doctor's pained expression changed to one of consternation. "Rose… "

"No, don't 'Rose' me. I know perfectly well what I'm saying. I've always been honest with you. Now do the same for me. No more games, Doctor. You and I both know that my time with you was going to end anyway."

He opened his mouth to interrupt but she shushed him again.

"Let me finish. You don't seriously believe I like the idea of being forced onto you? Just imagine it. Having to see me every single day, knowing you'd rather be rid of me?"

She averted her eyes and swallowed heavily. "I wanted so much that… that I could stay here. With you. Forever, remember? But I know you don't need me. Not like that. And no power in the world is going to change that. I'd rather leave with my dignity intact, thank you very much."

The Doctor huffed in exasperation. "Leave? Who said anything about leaving? Rose, listen carefully. There is no way I can help you if you're on the other side of the bloody universe. And you won't just be able to leave and be fine anyway. However this happened, it's permanent and if I don't act, you'll die. You hear me? Dead! And you think I'm going to stand by and let that happen?"

Rose was stunned into silence. She shook her head weakly and took a step backwards. The Doctor followed suit, not letting her out of his sight.

"It will take days, Rose. In the end you won't even be able to recognise your own mother anymore. You've got to let me do this. In a day or two it'll be too late and you're going to be in so much pain before…" His voice lost coherency.

Rose pushed futilely at his chest with one hand as she backed up further. "But you don't want me. I know it. I saw it! We.. we'd be... married! I'll be in your head, for God's sake! How can I be so intimate with someone who doesn't even want me there?" She felt tears starting to pool behind her eyes. "Yesterday, back there, I came to tell you, y'know. Have you any idea how hard I've tried? To convince myself that my feelings for you are silly and stupid? Well, guess what, I'm done! You're always making decisions for me, but not this time."

The Doctor felt his body go rigid as anger welled up. How could she say those things? How dare she reprimand him? He had died for her once. Given up an entire existence for her so she could live out that insignificant flicker of time humans called a life. And now she was telling him it didn't matter?

In a unexpected gust of bravery, Rose drew herself up. "This is my choice and you'd better respect it. Just take me home."

Something in the Doctor's mind snapped. In two quick strides he was in front of her and had grabbed her wrist. It wasn't the insistent but careful tug towards the infirmary from before. This was much more primal, his fingers digging into her skin.

"What the hell you doing!" she shouted.

"Me? What am I doing?" he shot back as he dragged her along the corridor, "I'm taking control, because clearly you're incapable of doing so." Each separate word was like a knife-cut, his voice trembling with fury.

"Control!" she barked, and dug her heels in. "Did you hear anything I said? I'm not something you own, I'm not the TARDIS. You can't program me into whatever you fancy!"

The Doctor stopped dead in his tracks. He roughly pushed her back against the wall, his face mere inches from hers. The look in his eyes was devastating, his expression alternating between rage and despair, but in the end the despair won out.

"What I want from you is irrelevant. It's not worth your life." He continued his unrelenting stare. "Such a damn stubborn human. Has it ever even occurred to you that you might be wrong?"

"If I'm so wrong, maybe you should explain why for once. What exactly am I to you? Something to analyze because you can't make sense of me, the silly human you took along for laughs? Or am I more? Do you even want a friend or just someone to show off to? Tell me what's between us. The truth, Doctor! No more of this insane dancing around each other."

The truth? His hearts raced and he averted his eyes. The anger had drained from his body, and what remained was sadness beyond words. He carefully released Rose and turned away, leaning sideways to face the opposite wall. He needed a second... just a few more moments. Then he would tell her. He would seal his own destiny, but it didn't matter anymore. Keeping her alive and sane far outweighed all other concerns.

Rose couldn't do anything but take his stony silence for another rejection. Months of pent-up hurt spilling from her lips, she lashed out. "Oh, I see it now. What was I thinking? How can I ever be anything to you? Love a stupid ape, would you? Falling for you… That must have been the dumbest thing I ever did in my life! Rose Tyler from the Estate, in love with the Doctor? What a joke!"

The Doctor snapped up his head in undisguised shock. He'd never heard her say the actual words. His Rose – brave and selfish and brilliant and stubborn – was truly in love with him? His strong Rose, so full of life, who always found a way to keep fighting – and she believed he could never love her back because she was less than him? Seeing his lovely girl stand before him, pale and unhappy and pouring her heart out, was near unbearable. "Rose, you're the best thing that ever happened to me. Don't… don't ever think I look down on you."

Faced with the cold misery in the Doctor's eyes, Rose felt her heart beginning to break a little. Her vision suddenly blurry, she swiped at her eyes with the back of her hand. "Of course I don't, you daft man." She shook her head at him in agitation. "I'm just so furious right now. I'm not even sure what I'm saying anymore." Rose was losing sense of time and place and her anger had exhausted itself. "Every day you hold my hand and you flirt and let me share your life. With that stupid grin on your face. And I love that grin, Doctor. I love everything. The TARDIS, our home. Our life. What you've given me. Your old face. And the new one. I lo…" she nearly choked. "I love you."

The Doctor stared at Rose, her eyes burning into his. He had to look away. It wasn't fair. When he spoke, his throat felt like it had been stuffed with hot ash. "I tried telling you. But you're so pigheaded, you never listen, Rose. I can't be the one to take away your chances of having a life and a family. I can't. You shouldn't end up like me. I'm not suitable for loving, I..." He was teetering on the edge and he knew it. Any second now, one of them would break and it would all be over. The last piece of what they had together winking out of existence. Glancing up, he saw Rose hadn't budged, a fierce determination etched on her face. Why was she still there? She should be running from him as fast as possible. Time was ticking away and his resolve was crumbling with it. Right there, he could end the hurt. Or create new levels of it. His choice. Just three steps. Three measly steps. A whole Universe.

"Oh, Rose... You have no idea what you're taking on." He stumbled through his words. "All the things I can't give you. Everything I am not. I'm not an angel. Or a god. I'm..."

There was only the most imperceptible movement of her lips. "I know."

"And you still want me?" He sounded incredulous.

A beat.

"Yeah."

The Doctor swallowed thickly.

Rose stood perfectly still, refusing to break eye contact. Then she stretched out her hand to him and wiggled her fingers.

Next thing Rose knew, her vision was filled with brown and pinstripes as the Doctor grappled her against him, strong arms clutching her tight. She followed in a heartbeat, embracing him with equal fierceness, all strength suddenly flowing into her limbs. Her mind reeled as they clung on to each other for dear life and the Doctor's fingers dug into her back so acutely, Rose suspected she could easily disappear into him and not notice.

They hung on for an eternity, but when the Doctor finally spoke, it was in the most fragile of tones. "I'd do anything for you, Rose. Anything, but not... Don't make me say the words. Please. Words have power and I'm not ready. I..." The Doctor squeezed his eyes shut and silently pleaded for her acceptance.

Rose nodded mutely into his shoulder, unwilling to utter even the simplest of sounds that might shatter their connection.

Equally dumbstruck, the Doctor used one hand to caress her hair and with the other squeezed her close again. Rose didn't want to move, didn't want this to end. Then, somewhere between their tightly compressed bodies, she felt the mood begin to shift, the urgency of holding each other giving way to an even greater need. She could sense it in the way he held himself against her, completely aware of all the new and intimate places their bodies were touching. At the back of her mind Rose began to feel a warm glowing sensation that quickly spread throughout her, like liquid fire. In seconds, their mutual love and friendship was being transformed into a physical wave of desire.

The Doctor twisted his head until his mouth was just below her ear, his hot breath causing the tiny hairs at the back of her neck to ruffle. Rose inhaled his scent like it was her first and last chance in a lifetime of waiting. Only the smallest of movements was necessary to bring their faces closer still. The Doctor exhaled and Rose breathed him in. He was everywhere. She was everything. It was too much.

In one bright surge, her consciousness was invaded by countless unfamiliar ideas and images. From every corner they formed an impenetrable shield that threatened to crush her. She tried to fight back, warding off the weight that was being stacked on top of her, but it continued to come and soon she was hopelessly suffocating beneath the combined mass of time and memory itself. The solid surface beneath her disappeared and she fell through into dark nothingness. She had a vague sense of being caught mid-fall, of a voice calling out her name. She blacked out.

-:-

Rose dreamed. Or maybe it was a memory disguised as a dream.

It was night time and she walked barefoot along the TARDIS corridors, going from one dark room to another without aim, like a sleepwalker. Until she came across a light burning in the kitchen and woke up in her own dream. There was the Doctor sitting cross-legged on the wooden dining table. She stood silently, toes growing cold. With his back half-turned towards her, the Doctor remained completely oblivious to her presence. His brow scrunched up, glasses resting on the tip of his nose and eyes focused on the little piece of paper in his hands, his nimble fingers twitching as he folded it time and time again, pulling one corner and dipping back another. Rose watched in fascination as a slow grin spread across his face and he lovingly placed the paper miniature bird next to him on the table, a mate to the several dozen brightly-coloured ones already there.

And that's it.

The moment she knows.

Right there, in the middle of the night, standing barefoot on the cold metal floor, watching her Doctor create paper creatures, she knows she's in love with him. Completely.

The memory part of the dream flows effortlessly into the more wistful waters of fantasy. In this fantasy, the Doctor looks up and smiles gently before stretching his legs and gracefully descending from the table. In this fantasy there is no fear of rejection, no mind-numbing battle of wills. Only hands and softness and kisses as he takes her against him. Warm bodies, the rustle of clothes and the feel of lips against tender skin. Sighs of pleasure at the overwhelming simplicity of it all. Freedom of complexity.

It's only a dream of course. Nothing to do with real life – like travelling across the stars in a blue box. Why did even her dreams feel the need to point this out?

When Rose came to, she was lying somewhere. Some place with sheets. No dreaming.

The darkness was different this time round. There was light but she couldn't see. Only shapes.

"Rose?"

Footsteps moved around the bed and the mattress dipped slightly as someone sat down next to her. "Hello." Cool fingers grazed her cheek. She gingerly touched her forehead and groaned. Her head felt at least twice its normal size.

She tried to sit up but a silver-sharp pain pierced through her and made the shadowy world spin. "No, don't," a voice protested. "Careful. Don't get up too quickly." Gentle hands on her shoulders made her lie down again. She winced. Even the soft pillow felt like solid rock, but she had no energy to care. It was so much easier lying still.

"Don't try to move too much yet. Just listen. It's alright." Hands brushed matted hair back from her forehead. "I've put up a temporary block. It's all I could do, and it's only a patch. It won't prevent things from happening eventually, but you're safe for now. Lie back and try to rest a little. I'll be right here."

She obeyed the instructions – couldn't even object if she'd wanted to. On feeling the mattress dip again, she experienced a sudden wave of panic. She still couldn't see anything, and the thought of being alone in the dark suddenly frightened her to bits.

"Please, don't go." Her voice sounded hoarse.

There was a stretch of silence, followed by the sound of shoelaces being untied and the rustle of a jacket flung over a chair. Was this still part of the dream? There certainly hadn't been the very real sensation of living breathing man snuggling up to her, one arm draped protectively across her waist. Maybe real life was improving on her.

Only moments before sleep claimed her, Rose realised with a shock what the Doctor had mentioned about saving her. He must have been in her mind while she was unconscious. So, he could've easily done whatever he needed to do to create the full telepathic bond. But he hadn't. She took that thought with her as the world faded back to black.

-:-

When Rose woke next, she felt disoriented at first. Although the terrible headache had disappeared and everything in her head was right and calm again, she needed to get her bearings. Her vision had restored, so she could tell that she was lying in her own bed. The covers were drawn up to her chin and a quick peek underneath revealed that, apart from her shoes and socks, she was still fully clothed. That was weird. The Doctor must have put her to bed like this. She admired his propriety, if that was what it was. Her lips curved into a smile as she recalled her own fumbling with a pair of pyjamas on Christmas Day. She had discovered it quite difficult to undress and re-dress someone with one's eyes closed. Luckily the Doctor never learned about her taking a sneak-peek. All in the line of duty, of course.

The Doctor. She lifted her head and glanced over her shoulder. He was still there. Very carefully she turned over to face him. Definitely there. And fast asleep. She had never seen him asleep before. At least not the sort of sleep he was luxuriating in now. He looked so peaceful, without any trace of the emotional turmoil they had experienced earlier.

Unable to resist, she gently touched his cheek, stroking the lightly-freckled skin and tracing a line to the slight stubble on his jaw. Her hand stilled. How was it possible she could feel such love for this man? A man would could change his face and still be him.

"Don't stop." His eyes remained shut.

"You weren't sleeping," she whispered.

"I was. Just didn't want you to stop." Now he opened his eyes and they were like nothing she'd ever seen before. The same colour, the same intensity, but so very different. Maybe it was only her imagination. She let her fingers resume their exploration of his face, delighting in the certainty that such a desire was no longer forbidden fruit.

"This is nice," he said. "Why didn't we do it before?"

Rose snorted lightly. "Because some of us have 'issues', remember?"

"Oh." He stretched out his arm and stroked the side of her neck. "Maybe I should go away then." And with that, he pulled her closer.

The essence of him filled her senses. If time could have a scent, this had to be it. A bit musky, a hint of autumn. Tea and marmalade. Her Doctor. She wanted to kiss him, but she wasn't entirely sure if that particular privilege had been granted yet.

"Aren't you angry with me?" she asked.

He twisted a little so he could look her straight in the eye. "Are you still angry with me?"

"Furious. Can't you tell?" Her smile belied her words.

"You should be. I nearly destroyed your life. Again."

"Still here, though," she said, refusing to let him slip back into self-recrimination. They'd done that part. Her fingers traced the smooth fabric of his shirt. It was slightly crumpled. Beneath it she could feel the reassuring thumb of his double-heartbeat, steady and real. "-and so are you," she whispered. "I need you." His arm tightened across her waist.

Slowly, Rose tipped her head backwards and looked up. What she saw took her breath away. His eyes were huge and dark and there was a single penetrating truthfulness to them. She knew suddenly and without a doubt that he had finally dropped the mask and that she was seeing behind, straight into him. To be the object of such intense focus in return both frightened and thrilled her, causing shivers of delight and anticipation to run down her spine.

Lifting one hand, the Doctor gently traced a line across her temple until his thumb came to rest on her cheek. He tenderly kissed her forehead. Then the tip of her nose. A featherlight brush against the corner of her mouth, his breath teasing her lips. Rose sensed a small hesitation from him when her hands reached up to the back of his head, but then he quickly captured her mouth with his and she pulled him down on top of her.

The kiss was slow and intense. Unhurriedly savouring every parting and coming together of their lips, Rose let herself be drawn into the new dreamlike reality they were creating.

It was still only a tentative exploration, but at the same time there was the promise of a whole universe to be discovered.

The Doctor strayed from Rose's lips for a moment and dipped his head lower, placing open- mouthed kisses to the side of her jaw and her neck, down to the well of her throat. She tilted her head back to allow him better access and he nipped lightly. Tasting her like that felt so good. He just had to do it again. Rose sucked in a sharp breath and pulled him back up, quickly connecting her mouth to his again. The Doctor leaned in and put a little extra pressure on her lips, eliciting an urgent moan. She kissed back. Harder. With each stroke of her mouth against his, the Doctor felt himself beginning to fall into her deeper, his sense of Time fading. How did she do that? Rationality flicked an annoying finger and burst his bubble. With intense regret he realised they had stop now, or otherwise he would still lose her.

Finally, exercising a remnant of self control, the Doctor drew back a little, panting heavily. He tried to compose himself, although it was extremely difficult with her so eager and willing beneath him. "Rose Tyler, did you mean it? Do you trust me?"

Her eyes opened and cut up to his and she was thrown by the sheer depth of the passion he conveyed through a single look. He had told her about the power of words, but the physical energy between them was driving her beyond the ability to construct vows or pledges of love.

"Yes," she whispered at last.

"Then will you please allow me into your mind so I can save your life?"

She hesitated for a moment before giving a very deliberate answer. "No." Even before the Doctor had a chance to register surprise, she added, "I will let you do this not because you need to save my life, but because I want to share it with you. You are my Doctor. I want you to know everything. I… I want to be yours."

The Doctor stared into Rose's eyes and for a moment he thought his hearts might just beat their way out of his chest. He fought off the impulse to keep touching her. Right now he could use some mental strengthening himself. If he was going to help her, he needed to focus. Carefully rolling them back onto their sides, he used one hand to take hers, interlacing their fingers, and lifted his other hand to her cheekbone to wipe away a stray lock of hair.

"I'm sorry. I...I mean we can't do more of this before I've sorted out your mind. But I can't form the link all at once. Your poor brain has had too much to endure. So we'll have to take it slow at first. Is that okay?"

"Slow with you is not so bad," she spoke softly. "Either way."

The lazy smile relaxing his face told Rose that, even though a great deal was still going to happen in the next few hours, they were safe for now. The Doctor and Rose Tyler. In space, billions of miles away from anywhere, together in a blue box, in her room, on a bed with pink coverings.