It had been a couple of weeks. Tom and I had returned to our jobs at the Barry Grand and Alex had started doing shifts in a bar on the seafront – her idea, not mine. She preferred the low-key atmosphere.
And I didn't mind. It just meant there was more time when we weren't together. Which gave us more to talk about than when she'd been following Tom and I around the hotel and made it all the more special when we did have time together – but I missed her. And as they got used to being human again I noticed how differently we were all coping with the transition.
They loved every moment of it.
I… did not.
"Talk to me."
"What?" I asked, frowning at her. She was sitting on the settee, her arms and ankles crossed. It had been a long week and we'd barely seen each other and the doubts I had about my mortality had been keeping me awake.
"You haven't actually sat down all week. Sit. Share." She patted the cushion next to her, giving me a look. "I'm not asking."
"I don't know what you mean." I said slowly, putting the glasses I was taking to the kitchen down and crossing the living room. "I'm fine."
"Yeah, alright." She laughed, patting the cushion again. I sat down stiffly on the edge of the seat. "Talk."
Silence.
"I know there's something wrong, Hal. You've been so… erratic this week. What's wrong? It's like when you were going through withdrawal again."
"I think I am." I said quickly, trying to look at her but she looked so alarmed by this that I had to turn away. "At least, that's what it feels like."
"Well, that's why I'm here." She cleared her throat. "So you can talk about all the crazy stuff going through your pretty head."
"But there isn't anything I can say – there's nothing I – "
"Hal, deep breaths." She put her hand on my arm, forcing me to lean back in the chair. "Start from the start."
"I – " I sighed, looking at her wearily. "I feel like if I'm not doing something all the time I'm going to slip into some sort of terrible monster."
"Like Lord Harry?"
"Yes. Or worse. Or someone different. I don't know – I just feel like I'm not in control at the moment."
"Well, that makes sense." She surprised me, taking my hand. "The world's completely flipped around for you now."
"But I should be happy." I sighed, looking at her soft hand on mine. Her rings were sparkling in the midday sun and they distracted me from the buzzing in my head. For a moment.
"Maybe in your own, special way you are." She laughed, making me frown. "You've got to give yourself time to adapt to this – you still jump every time you walk past a mirror."
"But it's been months." I said quietly, sounding and feeling helpless. She just shrugged.
"You'll get there. Focus on the good things, like me. And walking into a shop and not wanting to munch on everyone there."
"But that's the thing."
"What, you're still craving humans?"
"No, no – not really." I couldn't look at her, but I knew she was giving me a worried look. "It's just taking me a while to adapt to the right mind-set. I still find myself thinking about how easy it would be to kill people – to just not have the human laws and restraints."
"Hal, honey. That's how psychopaths begin."
"I know. Which is why I haven't been able to – "
"I understand. Don't worry – I read about this once." I looked up at her, bewildered. "Yeah, there's some psychology mumbo-jumbo about your brain weighing up the consequences of popping those pills or jabbing someone in the back with a knife."
"But it's so – "
"It's normal. Honestly, love." She leaned against my shoulder, rubbing her thumb across my hand. "We all go through it. The difference is when you were a vampire you didn't have the morals or disgust that holds you back now."
"I suppose that makes sense." I frowned.
"And we're not in some wishy-washy purgatory relationship any more. We know where we stand – that has to help, right?"
"It really does," I turned to her and kissed her softly. It was still like stepping into a dream every time I was with her and, since we'd both started working again, I'd noticed how much I missed her.
She pulled back after a moment and smiled, still holding my hand. "Yeah, so you can stop moping around and start being a team player again. When's your shift?"
"Six." I sighed, looking at the clock on the mantelpiece. I had less than two hours.
"Smashing." She released my hands and yawned, looking up at me. I looked back, feeling more relaxed than I had done in a long while.
