Note- this story is nearly entirely in Jason's POV, besides a rare scene here or there. ( So you won't see it through anyone's eyes but his).
It is the story of Jason realizing how deep inside of him Carly really is.
Chapter Three
Jax stepped off the elevator. Jason's steps over to him were filled with a barely contained anger.
"How is she?" Jax asked "Why didn't you call me? Epiphany had to. How is my wife? I came right over."
Jason grabbed his arm and drug him into a nearby hallway, tossing him against the wall.
"I don't need your shit right now, Morgan. Tell me about Carly."
"Your brother and his friggin drugs stopped her heart."
Jax's face lost all its color. Jason almost felt bad for him, but the feeling faded as quickly as it came. It was replaced but a hate so intense Jason feared he would be consumed by it.
Jason cursed at him, "You never deserved to marry her! I shouldn't have let you."
For a long minute both men were lost in their own pain.
"I want to see her." Jax tried to move pass Jason but Jason grabbed his arm and yanked him back.
"I'm sick of allowing men like you to be near her. That ends now."
Jax stared right into his eyes. While Jax was overcome with sadness, Jason seemed to be running on rage.
It brought out a bitter reaction from Jax. "You never allowed anything. Carly did what she wanted."
"You think? I let her be with you. And I could have kept her away from you without even saying one word. A look. That's all it would have took and she wouldn't have been yours at all. But I thought you would do right by her, Jax. Never figured on you putting that psycho of a brother before your own wife. Carly deserved better than that!"
"Then you should have given it to her. She spent a decade waiting on you. And you knew it. Every second she was with AJ and then with Sonny, she was waiting for you to rescue her. But you couldn't find the courage. Then she upped the stakes and went to Alcazar. Still you didn't come for her. She fell in love with me and moved passed you the best she could...she would have gotten over you completely...in time.." Jax's words turned teary "because we were the real thing and that is what you can't stand to face."
Jax added, in a low whisper filled with pain,"You feel that lump in your throat. Its called regret. I hope you choke on it, Morgan."
Jason lost every ounce of his anger in that instant, and he hated that. He craved that intense hate filled feeling, it was better than the alternative.
Jax pushed his shoulder and forced him out of the way. "I'm going to see my...wife...one last time."
"She's not your wife anymore. They got Carly's heart beating again. She's hanging on- barely and maybe not for good. But if she lives...she's done with you."
"You bastard! How could you lie about her being dead?"
Because all the things that seemed impossible before Jason watched Carly flat line, seemed easy now. He could say the truth or lie or be selfish, and not care who got hurt, as long as she was safe.
Jason pushed at Jax's chest, knocking him backwards, as the anger rose up in him once more-even stronger now, even more intense and deadly
Jason spat out,"She did die. Jerry pumped her full of too much sodium pentothal and stopped her heart. He did it for you. To pay her back for daring to not love you the most.You saved his worthless life and he could be the reason Carly..." Jason didn't want to say the word again.
XXXXXXX
One Hour Earlier
"Jason, step back. Let us try some more," Robin said.
He kissed Carly's lips and then laid her back down. Everything happened quickly. With only a few minutes passing since they told him in the hallway that she was gone.
Jason ran his shaking hands through his hair as he watched them shock her again.
"Carly, please," he whispered, while looking up. "Its too soon for us to be over."
Suddenly a machine started to beep. Her heart was beating again.
XXXXXXXXXX
Jason's tone was lethal when he went on, "I'm going to kill your brother. Jerry won't ever be able to hurt her again, count on that. You can see her one last time, while she's unconscious. Say your good-byes."
Jax let out a short harsh gasp at those words and then exploded with anger. "You think you control everyone and everything, Morgan? You don't. The ring on her finger is from me. You could have put one there but you didn't have the balls to step up and be who she begged you to be. You aren't her husband. You aren't the father of her children. You aren't the one she stood in a church with and made vows or who she plans to grow old with. Because you said no.
"Well, I'm not a fool, Jason. I didn't need to be asked twice. I might have let my love for my brother temporarily blind me but I was an idiot for a few months. You broke her heart every day for eleven years. And every single person in this town knows that. One look in her eyes says it all. But you still manage to pretend like you don't see it while claiming to know her so damn well. Do the right thing for once in your pathetic life, Jason, and you say your good-byes to Carly."
Jason grabbed Jax and threw him against the wall again. "Never."
"Take your filthy hitman hands off me."
"She's leaving you. Accept that. Or your mother will end up short two sons, instead of one."
Jax shook his head. "You don't get it, do you? How friggin sad." A bitter laugh escaped his lips. "You don't even know."
Jason took a step back. "What the hell are you talking about? Stop wasting my time. I have to go check on Carly. I told you the deal so get right with it and get your worthless ass up out of this hospital where I, at least, don't have to worry about Carly waking up to see the husband that fed her to the wolves."
"She's in love with me," Jax's voice was low and firm."Maybe not more than you but enough. Carly makes up her own mind. She going to pull through this, I just know she is, and she will be coming home with me. You can't get in the way of that. You're lucky she even calls you her best friend anymore. When what you really are to her is a constant reminder she's not good enough. You think she doesn't feel that every time you push her away? But me...I'm the man who took her as is and loved her anyway. Who do you think will win? Don't answer. Cause the contest is already over."
Jax walked off, leaving Jason filled with a heart stopping fear that there was a chance the man was right.
XXXXXXXXXXXXX
Twenty minutes later, Jason stood outside Carly's room in the ICU, watching her through the glass. Jax had come and gone, for now.
Sonny and Spinelli were next to Jason.
"Whatever you need," Sonny said to him. His tone was devastated but also completely pulled together. For once, Sonny would be the strong one for Jason. "I'm here."
"I know," Jason said.
"The Valkryie," Spinelli sputtered, through tears.
Jason clamped a hand onto the younger man's shoulder.
He said to Sonny. "I need you to track down Jerry. I can't leave Carly but I don't want the trail on him going cold."
"Done."
Sonny's eyes lingered on Carly for moment. Machines were hooked to her, breathing for her. There was talk about her having possible brain damage from prolonged lack of oxygen.
Sonny whispered to her, "You fight."
Then he turned and walked off.
Spinelli spun away from the glass, unable to see the image of Carly so fragile for another moment. He cried, "I should have protected her from The Unhinged One."
"No, you did nothing wrong. This isn't on you."
Spinelli's bloodshot eyes met Jason's. "She won't leave us, right?"
Jason pressed his lips together, sucking a breath in through his nose, as he tried to hold it together.
"I have a job for you," Jason said.
"Anything."
"Go to Sam's new apartment, get her and both of you stay with Alexis. I'll send guards. Don't leave the lake house for anything until further notice. I can't worry about you, too, right now."
Though Sam had broken up with him while he was in prison because she felt he didn't let her in as much as he did Carly, Jason still wanted to know she was safe. His mind was on overload and he couldn't spend extra time worrying about anyone but Carly.
"You would trust me with Sam and her Goddess mother and sisters when I let you down already?"
"You never let me down. Or Carly. She would never say that, believe me."
Spinelli nodded and soon he was heading for the elevator.
Jason took the stairs to the roof to use his cell phone. "Max, I only have a minute so don't interrupt. Jerry went after Carly tonight and she's in the hospital. It's bad, man...real bad. I want you and Milo to stay with the boys, night and day. They sleep, you take shifts watching them. Don't let them out of your sight. Carly is counting on you, understand?"
After a moment he responded to Max, "I know she's strong. I know...but still...she's so hurt, Max. Just go to the boys now and don't tell them anything about this. If Micheal figures it out you call me right away, okay? Thanks."
He hung up and hurried back downstairs.
Monica stood outside of Carly's room.
Jason stopped in his tracks when he saw the grim look on his mother's face. "Is she..."
"Still handing on."
He nodded.
Monica whispered, "Oh, son," and then she was opening her arms to embrace him. Jason stood rigidly still for about five seconds and then, gratefully, moved close to her for a hug.
(I'm
alright, I'm alright
It only hurts when I breathe
I'm
alright, I'm alright
It only hurts when I breathe)
"Go in and sit with her," Monica urged. "Tell her what you need to."
"Don't talk like this is the end. It can't be...I don't accept that."
Monica nodded in a way that said, You don't have to...yet.
Jason walked into Carly's room. She looked like someone else. Not tough and abrasive, lacking her normal fire and tenacity. She was broken. And that broke him.
He sunk down onto the floor, leaning his back against the wall. "I don't know how to save you this time."
(
I can't ask for things to be still again.
No,
I can't ask if I could walk
through the world in your eyes.
Longing
for home again.
I'm alright, I'm alright
Home
is a feeling I buried in you.
It
only hurts when I breatheI'm alright, I'm alright
It
only hurts when I breathe) ( Melissa Etheridge)
Saving her, it was the driving force behind his life. He wished he had just walked out of that trial now. Carly needed him- what else was there to consider?
But she would have wanted him to stay. To get himself out of that murder rap and not end up behind bars, where he could never touch her again.
Still he would take that fate, in an instant, if it would make Carly whole again.
"It's not over," Jason told her. "I made up my mind a long time ago...I won't let go of you twice in one lifetime. You can't leave because I plan on hanging on so tight that even God won't be able to rip you away from me."
Another minute passed where the only noise in the room were machines hissing and beeping in an way that made Jason's skin crawl.
"I know I said it was always up to you, Carly. It was your choice who and what you wanted for your life and that I would help you get it but this time...I got to make it my choice. You can't give up. You need to stay here and...keep loving me...you don't have to try to stop loving me like you said to Jerry earlier. I never could stop wanting you...but more than that I need you... I really hope some part of you knows that and its worth staying here for..."
His body shook when he told her, "I got to have you here loving me."
(Home Home
is a feeling I buried in you,
that
I buried in you I'm alright, I'm alright
It only hurts when
I breathe)
Jason sat with his back pressed against the wall, his eyes filled with tears, when Bobbie ran into the room.
He had left her a message earlier and she must have just gotten it. He knew the sound of his voice choking out "I'm calling because... Carly...she's been hurt..." on her voice mail must have terrified the woman, and her eyes showed every bit of her fear now.
But Bobbie didn't break down and cry. She squared her shoulders and set in for a fight.
She walked over to Carly and touched her arm. "Hey, baby, your mama is here. You need to rest for now and then, when you are good and strong again, wake up and tell me who did this to you. I'll get your Uncle Luke after them. You know he'll do it too. Anything for a Spencer and no matter how much you call yourself Carly Corinthos you will always be Caroline Spencer to us."
She bent down and kissed Carly's forehead.
Then she walked over to Jason. He slowly got to his feet. He knew he needed to comfort her, though it was near impossible to consider anyone else's grief when his was this strong.
Jason said "She's fighting. She'll make it."
"You know my daughter has always thought the world of you, Jason, and I know you feel the same about her. She wouldn't want you to be alone during this. If you need anything..."
"All I need is Carly to not leave us."
Bobbie nodded.
For a long time they were both quiet, there was time to talk about Jerry, revenge and justice later on, for right now all they could think about was how desperate they both were to have Carly survive.
Jason thought about the look that would be in Micheal's eyes if he had to tell him Carly was gone forever. He thought about how Morgan wouldn't believe it, or even understand, that his mother could never hug or kiss him again. He imagined hearing "Why didn't you save her, Uncle Jason?"
Bobbie touched his leather jacket, drawing him out of his daze.
"Don't fall apart, Jason. I know its going to be hard. But Carly won't think coming back is worth anything at all if you aren't here, whole and strong and waiting for her. She wouldn't be able to stand thinking she was the reason you lost your mind."
He nodded. But every second that went by Jason wondered how he could live without Carly, and who he would be if she didn't wake up.
He'd still be the man in love with her, he knew that, and he would also be more lonely than was possible to stand.
Bobbie pulled him into a hug. "Believe in her. Believe she is coming back."
"She has to. I...need her, Bobbie."
(I'm
alright, I'm alright
It only hurts when I breathe, when I breathe
Yeah,
it only hurts when I breathe, when I breathe
Oh ,it only hurts
when I breathe) ( Melissa Etheridge)
