The Honeymoon
Here's the story of a goofy gentleman who was bringing up two very silly boys. All of them had hair of gold like their father the youngest one with a cut from a bowl.
Sam looked over at his beautiful bride who was taking her a nap. After she had been in a vehicle more than a hour, Mercedes would nod off while talking to Sam, and Sam found even that adorable. Instead of waking her, he began to self-reflect.
Sam and Mercedes had come from two very different marriages. Sam and Kitty had married because Kitty trapped him by intentionally getting pregnant with Craig. Kitty didn't have the talent to get accepted into the schools that she wanted, so she decided to use the Evans' fortune to finance her move to New York, to pay for her voice and dance lessons, and to get roles in the chorus line, so she could one day become the Broadway star of her dreams.
When Sam found out that Kitty was pregnant, he did the honorable thing according to the Southern gentleman's code that his father had raised him on. He was twenty and had met Kitty a recent high school graduate at his fraternity party. He had thought that Kitty was a student at Vanderbilt, and after hooking up with her at a Sigma Chi party with their sister sorority Chi Omega, he never intended to see her again. Sam was drunk, but he never forgot to use protection, and he was surprised when he heard from Kitty three months later telling him that she was pregnant with his child.
Unbeknownst to Sam, Kitty had retrieved the condom from the bathroom and used his semen for impregnation (he found this out three years later when he overheard her given the same advice to her little sister Mitzie). Instead she told him that the condom must have had a hole, and they were so drunk, who was to know that Sam had examined it and put in on correctly.
So, Sam married Kitty because she threatened to abort the baby, if he didn't. At the time, Sam was only in his second year of college, and by no means, ready to become a husband and father, but after confessing to his parents his actions, they supported the couple's decision to marry. Kitty had demanded a big society wedding since she was marrying an Evans, but his mother told her that would take too long to plan, and she would at least be seven months pregnant before they could get a church and make other arrangements, and that would be too tacky, so Sam and Kitty got married at the Evans' estate the following month. Sam didn't enjoy his first honeymoon because no matter how much alcohol he had, he couldn't force himself to be intimate with a girl/woman who only nagged and complained and tried to use sex to get what she wanted.
Kitty finally guilted Sam into moving to New York when Craig was three, and Sam had finished college. Sam moved his family there hoping that now that Kitty was 21, she would be ready to be his wife. Instead, the couple drifted further apart as Kitty sought roles and was turned down while Sam's career as an artist was gaining momentum.
One night Sam, badgered by Kitty, agreed to host a party to celebrate the end of her first stage role as part of a chorus in an off Broadway play. The party was going okay until one guest decided to spiked their drinks with Ketamine. Sam in a drugged induced state had slept with Kitty, then, somehow made it to his studio, and began to produce art that had a theme of hatred of women. After coming to from his hallucinogenic state and seeing his son walking through a party filled with drugged out people, Sam knew that he had to move his family back South and live the life he had always dreamed of with his wife, son, a home with a picket fence, and a dog.
Sam had no memories of what had happened that night, but he knew that he couldn't stomach looking at the art he created, so he destroyed it all, and paid for professional movers to pack up the apartment. When Kitty woke up a day later and saw that Sam had their bags packed, she was stunned and angry. She couldn't afford to live in New York, so she had no option but to move back to Tennessee with her husband and their son. When Kitty discovered that Sam was going to move to a hole in a wall place in Georgia, she fought against him with a passion.
Before long, the couple realized that Kitty was pregnant with their second child. And Sam decided with two children, he had to try to make their marriage work. The couple moved to Georgia, bought Sam's dream home, and Sam even got a Husky puppy that he named Wolverine. Kitty hated Georgia, Sam, and the dog. She would kick Wolverine and yell at him whenever he tried to come to her for attention and affection. As soon as Kade was born, Kitty filed for divorce and left Sam with a newborn baby, puppy, and a four year old. She used the alimony from the divorce to fund her New York stay.
Sam was not devastated by Kitty's abandonment. He felt bad for his boys' sake, and he did develop a fear of intimacy. He equated sex to pregnancy, and he didn't pursue women. He became a celibate Mr. Mom. When he heard Mercedes Jones singing "And I am Telling You", he became enraptured with her voice. He would sing the song to Kade when his baby boy would cry changing the words around hoping his baby would know he would never leave him like his mother did.
Soon Sam became one of Mercedes Jones' fans watching videos of her musicals, and buying the Whitney Houston tribute album she made called The Greatest Fan of All. It was while he was watching Mercedes' videos for this album that Sam had to sometimes lock his door because he couldn't stop himself from getting aroused when she sang "You Give Good Love," "I am Your Baby Tonight", and "All the Man That I Need", and it was if she was singing to him, and sex-starved as he was he would touch himself and poor Wolverine would howl along with Sam if he reached an orgasm. That was the only action Sam got, and he knew it was wrong to use Mercedes in that way, but her body especially her boobs and booty and her voice were a one two combination that resulted in him being enraptured like a teenaged virgin boy.
Never in his wildest dreams did he believe he would even meet Mercedes in person. And that she ended up being the opposite of Kitty was like a dream come true. He had fallen in love with her voice, in lust with her body, but when she worked with his students, and treated his boys like they were her own, he couldn't help but fall completely and irrevocably in love with Mercedes Jones as a person. She was human and had bad days and times that she literally told him, "Sam get out of my face," but what he couldn't figure out or imagine was why she fell in love with him.
Mercedes would tell him, it was because he wore her down like Steve Urkel did Laura on Family Matters. However, Sam was convinced that God had seen how much he and his boys suffered with Kitty, and He decided to bless Sam with a wife who would truly love him for him and not for his money because she had tons of her own. She also knew he didn't need her money either which meant that she didn't have to be wary of him. She wanted him for who he was a goofy artist who loved God, family, music, and good food. They had lots in common from watching the same television shows and movies to rooting for the Lakers. She loved watching basketball with him, and she would even watch baseball if he begged and football if it was the Super Bowl.
She told Sam that she wanted him because he brought fun into her live and made her laugh even when she wanted to hit him with his weird impressions of her and her singing. Also, she liked the fact that he was the opposite of Mike. Sam couldn't dance to save his life and that body roll he would do always would make her laugh so hard that her stomach would hurt.
There were differences between them. Race being number one, but Sam never cared about racism, playing sports throughout school and intramurals in college, he was always hanging out with people of different ethnicities. His mother's family was actually one of the few families in Tennessee that didn't own slaves, and they helped with the Underground Railroad. He also believed that his lips were the result of his own African heritage believing that his mom had some mixed ancestry somewhere down the line, and that is why her side of the family helped the runaway slaves at that time.
His dad's family on the other hand were straight Irish and couldn't afford to own slaves even if they wanted to. His family's money came from his great grandfather who came back from World War I and decided to build his own construction business. After World War II and the Baby Boom, the housing market exploded in Nashville, and Evans Constructions built most of the homes. The Evans family also invested in the Tractor Supply Company, a company that makes billions of dollars, and this investment constituted the majority of his family's wealth. His dad still managed Evans Construction while writing country music on the side, and his mom was an artist who donated her artwork to children's hospitals and worthwhile charities.
Sam's family always taught him to judge people based on their character and not their color. Kitty proved that being lily white didn't make a person good. And the reason why Sam's family were welcoming to Mercedes and her Blasian children was because they knew that Mercedes loved Sam for who he was and not for his money, and that she was truly a good person. Her children were a testimony of her parenting, and she was somebody who complemented their son by being silly at times but super serious when necessary.
Now Sam was on his honeymoon with the woman of his dreams, and he couldn't help feeling some of his old demons filling his mind. The last times that he had sex resulted in impregnation, and he feared that when it came time to doing the deed, he was not going to be able to deliver because he was just as much as a born again virgin as his bride. They made out a lot in their courtship, but even with heavy petting and bumping and grinding with clothes on, the two had never made love, and Sam was a little apprehensive since it had been almost 9 years since he had done the deed. He hoped Sambo was up to the job because he didn't need Mercedes divorcing him because he couldn't satisfy her.
Here's the story of a woman named Jones who was busy with two girls of her own. If you count Blaine, there were four of them living together, and they were not alone.
Mercedes woke up from her nap and looked at her husband who appeared to be lost in thought as he was driving carefully up the mountain. She didn't know what he was thinking, but their thought patterns were the same as Sam drove them from North Georgia into the mountains of Tennessee. Sam had chosen a mountain retreat honeymoon filled with couple massages, spa dates, recreational games, fine food, and more in Gatlinburg.
Initially, Sam had wanted to take her to somewhere more traditional and exotic, but Mercedes didn't want to be too far from their children in case an emergency arose, and they needed to be back ASAP. At the family cabin, there was a space for a helicopter landing, so if they needed to be back in Georgia, his dad could have a pilot to them in less than 30 minutes, and they could be back in Georgia in 45 minutes at the most.
Sam grew up in Tennessee and knew the mountains, and the cabin that his family owned and shared with the rest of Evans clan was available, so he and Mercedes looked at the options and decided that they could have a romantic time in the mountains as long as Sam kept her away from bears and the big deer they saw on the drive up the mountain in Sam's Hummer.
Mercedes' thoughts went back to her first honeymoon and her history with Mike. Mike had swept Mercedes off her feet literally and figuratively. Their relationship began as big brother and little sister, but when Mike kissed her at the end of their fake date, all brotherly affection fled, and she saw him as the sexy man that most of her co-stars had said he was, and the two were married quickly and soon expecting Mimi during their first months of marriage.
Mike was such a gentle lover because he knew that Mercedes was a virgin, and he was a very competent lover giving her multiple orgasms and always making sure each sexual experience with him was his making love to her. He worshipped her curves and had a slow and gentle hand that made each time that made love feel like the first time. She was more than satisfied with her husband, and he didn't blame her for forgetting to take her birth control which resulted in her becoming unexpectedly pregnant with Mimi.
After experiencing the she devil that Mercedes became when she was pregnant with Mimi, the two decided that one child was more than enough for them. Mercedes became the proverbial diva during pregnancy and reverted back into being her parents' baby girl who wanted everything done her way, or there would be hell to pay.
Mike as a first-time husband and future father at first catered to Mercedes' demands, but then even he couldn't do anything right, so he tried to avoid her and her emotional rollercoaster outbursts that she wouldn't take out on her co-workers but saved it all for him because according to him, he was the reason she had to work through her first pregnancy puking and all because "Chang-Jones keep their word". Mercedes would punish Mike by withholding sex and basically being unbearable for the majority of her pregnancy.
However, once Mimi was born the couple were more in love than ever. Mimi brought out sides of Mercedes and Mike that they didn't know they had. They loved their daughter and loved each other. However, they agreed that Mimi would probably be an only child. Mercedes didn't want to return to the stage so soon after giving birth, but Mike reminded her of the contract she signed. Leaving her baby with her husband made Mercedes feel like the worst mother ever.
Their sex life suffered until she was finally able to leave the stage and fulfill all other contracts she had signed. When Mercedes was able to take over from Mr. Mom Chang, she was finally ready to be a wife again. The couple decided to choose the rhythm method of birth control because of their crazy schedule and Mercedes' forgetful nature and her distrust of implants and hatred of shots. Mike would wear condoms when they wanted sex when she was fertile, and this method worked for years, and all was going picture perfect in their lives. Mercedes didn't realize that she was pregnant years later with their second child until she found out that their family was moving to Georgia out of all places.
Mike worked hard on the move to Georgia settling in the house before Mimi and Mercedes. He was glad to escape the she devil she had become while in her second pregnancy. She didn't understand why they couldn't move back to California where both of them were from. Neither had family in Georgia, and the only good thing was her parents' decision to retire in Florida which wouldn't be too far away.
The only reason she had become pregnant with Shelly in the first place was because Mike and her had celebrated their anniversary by becoming literally drunk in love. Mike had forgotten the condom when Mercedes performed her anniversary present to him a rendition of Beyonce's "Partition" in the limo ride from the restaurant in which she had drunk too much wine, and was the aggressor for the first time in their relationship, and she had her way with her husband giddy from their Beyonce/Jay Z themed anniversary party that their friends had thrown them.
Once she began to gain all the weight that it took forever for her to lose after having Mimi, Mercedes' body issues began to resurface, and she didn't even want Mike to look at her naked. The two were not even sharing a bedroom when he died. Mercedes felt so much guilt after her husband's death because she knew she hadn't been a good wife when he died unexpectedly in the car crash, and that is why she grieved for so long because of the guilt and the blame she felt. Even though Shelly was the perfect baby, and she had an easy delivery, she and Mike both agreed that she would be their last child.
Mike had forgiven her for her pregnancy brain, and they were just getting back into the flow of their relationship when she received the news of his death. This tragedy was too much for her too soon after giving birth several weeks earlier. Her mother became her hero, and kept her daughter's focus on her baby and her beautiful daughter who reminded them of her handsome husband. Her husband had been a good man, great husband, great provider, and the best friend she could have ever hoped for, and she tried her best to live up to his memory in providing his daughters with all the love and care that he would have wanted them to have. Mercedes never thought she would love again after Mike's death. She wanted to protect her heart, but Sam Evans, with Mimi's help, shattered every wall she placed around to guard her healed heart.
Now Mercedes was married to a man who gave her the attention that she always desired and put up with her crazy while she put up with his crazy. When she found out he was a fan of hers, she tried to protect herself from a man who was probably suffering from a celebrity crush, but the more time she spent with him, and the more time she saw him as a dad, a teacher, son, brother, and friend, the more her heart softened towards him. The paintings he did of her and all the little romantic flowers and gifts he gave during their courtship were all sincere and not for a booty call.
Both of them were poster children for beware of marriage, but the two of them together somehow made perfect sense. She didn't know how this honeymoon was going to go, but she could only hope and pray that there would be two people in their bed that night and not three with Mike's ghost.
Then one day this gentleman met this lady, and he knew it was love at first sight.
After Sam parked the car at the cabin, he was nervous and tried to busy himself with the luggage to distract his mind from his earlier thoughts.
"Honey, I can help you." Mercedes insisted as she looked at him struggling with her shoe bag, hair/make-up/accessories bag, and their combined clothing luggage.
"I got it, you just use my key to unlock the door." Sam told her as he swung the hair/make-up/accessories bag around his neck to the front, and place the bag that contained his wife's 10 pairs of shoes across his shoulder, and used his hands to push their super-sized wheeled luggage towards the door.
Mercedes only had their toiletry bag, her purse, and their technology; they had to decided to bring: two phones, a camera, and two iPads in a backpack. She opened the door, and set the items on the table in the foyer and waited for Sam to come inside.
"Honey, which bedroom are we sleeping in?" Mercedes asked him as soon as he was inside after she had done a preliminary exploration of the cabin's floor plan.
"The second master that is located downstairs. It is closest to the outside jacuzzi tub, and since it's just the two of us here, there is no reason for us to go up to the second and third floor when the kitchen, den, dining room, and two bathrooms are located on the lower first level."
"Well, let's get unpacked, so we don't have to worry about doing that tomorrow." Mercedes says wanting to postpone being intimate as long as she could.
Sam followed his bride into the room that they would be sharing, and the two talked as they hung up their clothes, and Mercedes organized her shoes to match her outfits and then went into the bathroom to organize their toiletries.
Once they were finished unpacking, Mercedes tried to head out of the room and go into the kitchen to get something to drink, but Sam stopped her by grabbing her from behind and gently tossing her onto the bed.
"Sam what are you doing!" Mercedes shrieked as soon as she could catch her breath.
"I think that you Mrs. Evans must have forgotten the promises I whispered into your ear on our last slow dance at the wedding." Sam said as he reminded her what he was going to do with her as soon as he finally got the chance to be with her alone.
"But Sam it's still daylight and aren't you hungry and tired from all of that driving?" Mercedes said trying to calm her nerves and hoping that her hangs up wouldn't ruin their honeymoon.
"I am hungry for you, and even when I am old and gray and 92, I will never be too tired to love on you." Sam said and decided that talking was enough. He wanted to see his bride for the first time, and he wasn't worried if Sambo would be okay or not; he just wanted to look at his wife and do what comes naturally.
Mercedes didn't have time to reply because Sam began to drug her with hot kisses as he took her clothes off. She had worn leggings, a denim dress, and cowboy boots that Stacie had bought her when she first visited Tennessee. Sam unbuttoned the dress and unhooked her bra and slid them down her arms while acting as if he was starving for her. Mike had never been this way. Mike was all delicate and slow while Sam was all fast, hot, and in a hurry.
He left her lips again to pull her underwear and leggings down and take off her boots. He then began to kiss and suck her toes which caused her to moan and dampened as his lips traveled up her body. The only thoughts that Mercedes had in her mind was take me now Sam. When he finally came back up her body and made himself at home on her chest by playing with her breasts, Mercedes felt like a canvas and that Sam was painting her entire body with his tongue. His hands were if they were memorizing every curve to immortalize in a sculpture. And when they finally became one, she was willing to do anything for Sam and promise him anything.
Sam barely remembered to sheath Sambo with a condom when he first made love to his wife. Her beauty intoxicated him, seeing her for the first time was a revelation in female loveliness. Sam had painted nudes, watched porn, and been married, but he had never seen a body like his wife's. He wanted to paint her, sculpt her, and then destroy every work because no man deserved to see his wife in all of her naked glory. She was everything he had dreamed of and more, and the sounds she made me him feel like he was some sort of conquistador.
By the time, they had both come back to earth they looked at each other and laughed. They shared their thoughts and fears, and Sam took Mercedes outside to skinny dip in the covered porch jacuzzi. He knew she had used muscles that hadn't been worked out in a while, and even though he tried to be gentle, he knew he was a little rough because he was like a man possessed with making her scream his name. Kitty hadn't cut off his balls.. He was all man, and maybe a little of that went to his head, as he varied speeds and strokes to bring them the utmost satisfaction.
Once Mercedes was relaxed in the jacuzzi, she couldn't stop herself from wrapping her short arms and legs around her husband. She began to sing a song to him that was one she had been in the process of writing for him and hummed the chorus in his ear.
Sam couldn't stop himself from getting aroused again at the feel of his wife boobs on his chest and her body pressed against his. And then she had the audacity to sing to him a song she was writing just for him about him being her Breaker Man. And all he could do was let his hands ready her for a second time around. He knew to keep condoms nearby at all times, and he was grateful that he had brought one out with the towels. He quickly slid the condom on and enjoyed the benefits of being married to Mercedes Evans.
That this group would someday be a family was something no one could understand and that's the way they all became the Evans Clan...
A/N: a huge shout-out and much love for everyone who is taking and has taken the time to PM me, review, and follow this crazy story. I really appreciate you taking the time to read some of the nonsense that flows from my fingertips. Of course I own nothing but the wackiness of this story and not Glee nor Sam and Mercedes or the Brady Bunch. Please forgive all typos and errors. I have almost spent twelve hours working on this and need to enjoy the rest of my weekend, so please take that that in consideration. Coming up next Condoms and Jacuzzis and Kitty's Return Meow...so drama for the Evans clan...but all will be wrapped up in the 30 minute epsiode.
