Level 1

I appeared to have teleported in an odd manner to a snapshot of an average day in downtown St. Paul (or, Minneapolis… how do you tell the difference?). I didn't remember what either looked like. I was pretty much stuck in a weird world from this parallel dimension, which was vastly inhabited by these genetically modified humanoid animals. But now that I was one of them, I had to retake history class all over again. And I ended up doing that in the most awkward fashion evar: by reading the whole damn Sonic comic series! Yes, all three hundred something issues. And yes, I was forced to get an infinite subscription for a hefty fee. I imagined it was like that in every society to ever exist… except for the Mongols.

However, the textured objects that stood out from the city background made it evident that this was no St. Paul or Minneapolis. But it would've made a great site for biking (which was big in Minneapolis). There were gold coins hidden among the city background scattered everywhere I looked. But whatever kind of damage they did to a player, I had to find out.

It was a slow and painfully excruciating (or excruciatingly painful, whatever order in which you prefer them is fine with me) process. I felt like I should've had more coins than I actually collected. Then the nagging question just popped: Were they worthless? Was I wasting valuable time picking up 14 painted discs from wherever the hell? I figured the other players would've been grabbing whatever they could find on the ground, whatever that low-res tarmac was made of.

I was numbly uncomfortable from the sudden, out-of-nowhere spawning of my worst enemy all over the place. Amsterdam. I tried to slowly, quietly, back away so as to find a detour. I didn't realize that I was getting myself caught in some other player's path. I had only turned around for about half a second when I felt the force of a giant fist yanking me off the ground by my shirt, which had inexplicably turned black. Wreck-It Ralph? You wish. "You're getting mugged, kid."

I wasn't really the world's greatest ad-libber. So I resorted to the classic response from asdfmovie. "No, you're getting mugged."

As painful as the yanking was, plopping back to the ground face first wasn't exactly what I'd call the best landing ever. On the other hand, at least he fell for it. "Aaah! How the hell does that even work!" No, A Flock of Seagulls did not start to chase him, yet he ran. He ran so far away... like a boss.

Right where the brute was before that display of trickery lay something whose identity I done forgot for a split second. It was just the shiny texture that caught my eyes. I figured some idiot must've dropped it while doing a barrel roll. Mezmerized by its blue glow, I quickly picked the emerald up and deposited it into my left pocket. Yes, I haz pockets in my pants. We all know how I'd look like a fool with my pants on the ground.

Poke. "Hey you! Come back when you take that mask off!"

The kid who'd said that revealed himself to be dark in every way imaginable: dark skin, dark profile, dark expression. His comment was thrown at me at least four times a month. All because I was a freak. "I'll take it off when you step in some cement!"

Evidently there was no point in saying that. Poke again. I could've sworn he couldn't read. Last I checked, there was no "poke me" logo on my shirt. "Your emerald, or your life."

How in the hell did he know I had a Chaos Emerald. "What do you mean, I have the choice?" Another "Peace Sells" moment.

He just started towards me, as if I'd picked the emerald over my life. This nagging voice in my head told me not to escape. Of course I saw no point in that option. But at the last second, an ax swung by like a bolt out of the blue. Just great. I got to view the last few seconds of my life.


I noticed blood all around me. Not that I was afraid of the sight of blood, because I wasn't. When I looked down, in front of me lay the severed head of the black guy. "You alright, dude?" I heard an unknown voice call to me as its owner came into the empty gore scene.

I don't know why, but I was suddenly relieved to hear a voice like that. "Finally someone I can talk to! Geez."

"Yeah you got that right," the cat holding a bloodstained ax muttered blankly before giving me a nasty look. "I'm Bridgette, BTW."

BTW. Don't ask me how that kind of urbanized language emerged in my dimension. I still didn't understand the word "swag". "I'm Zenith. What time is it?"

"I don't know," she remarked, shrugging. "June 7."

"DAMN time goes fast!" I shouted, when I really should have randomly sung the lyrics to Friday. "So you were the one who flung that ax?"

"Precisely." She nodded.

"Uh-huh... well thanks for saving my butt back there. I thought for sure I'd get killed by either that kid or the ax."

"Well, I don't exactly have the best aim in the world," she admitted.

At this point I just wanted to get out of here. "Is there a way out of this level?"

"There should be, but I guess they don't allow the use of cheat codes and such. And I didn't read the instruction manual either."

"Well that sucks! So now we're stuck here for a while."

"Yeah, you're probably right. Let's just look for a portal or something to level 2." She pointed towards the only way out of the alley into which I'd stumbled by accident.

"I concur." I subsequently hit myself. But then again, I felt I could trust her to keep a secret.

There weren't many surprises in the area of the level that we covered. An unclear path led us to a frogger-type map, which I thought was kinda dumb. Following that was an area that looked to be above-ground with only tetris blocks for platforms to get across. If you fell, it was game over. At the same time, I told myself over and over not to get in a relationship with Bridgette, as I'd just met her. Don't look down. Don't look down. Yet I looked the slightest bit down and nearly lost my balance.

"Dude, watch your step," she said while I tried to remain focused on not falling to my death. I didn't notice how much closer I was inching to safety until the cat yelled from behind me, "Look there! A free passageway to level 2!" That had to be a cleverly designed display of trickery. "No really, check this out!"

I took my level of difficulty in identifying whomever I could trust into consideration for about thirty seconds. Screw that.

"It says you have to have a Chaos Emerald." Chaos Emerald. Those words repeated through my head about a googol times. I pulled out the gem that I found way back there. I gave it a long, nasty look.

"Wow! How did you get that so quickly!?"

"I don't know. I figure some guy must've dropped it."

She viewed the machine that looked like the "Beam me up Scotty" teleporter from Star Trek. Then her face suddenly endowed a sad look. "There's room for only one of us..."

You know, it's been said that where there's a will, there's a way. And I found that way. "No problem."