So I was gonna update Beat Of A Dammed Lover, because I've already written that story, but I wanted to get this chapter up instead; I'm not sure what I feel about this chapter, I like how it's turned out but I'm not entirely sure where it's going - like that's anything new. Hmm, I'm sure it'll come to me, it usually does, I've just been hit so hard with Writer's Block and I've been so totally swamped by my new obession - GLEE! YAY! Can't wait until 12th of April!
Anyway, this is the first of a two part chapter (hence the I); I wasn't sure of this idea when I first thought of it and I'm still not completely sure but I had to put a little drama in there otherwise I couldn't figure out how to bring Ichigo and Toshiro closer - I'm not one of these people who can create a love story for the sake of a love story, there has to be something else in there and this is what I came up with...whether it's good or not remains to be seen.
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, nor any of its characters.
WARNINGS: None that I can think of. Bad grammar maybe. One or two mistakes.
Enjoy!
If Reality Could Drown
Chapter Three: A Captain And His Secret I
The hour was late, the dark night with its bright stars glittered through the open window drifting in with the warm breeze that gave the small empty room a sense of comfort. But Ichigo couldn't sleep; he was concerned about Uryu, Orihime and Chad. They would be worried about him and would be even more alarmed once they discovered that they could not break through the barrier and, even more worryingly, could not contact the Soul Society in any way.
He was bothered about the way they'd faired up; being in battle with those two hollow girls would have been difficult even if it had been three on two, Ichigo had no doubt that his friends had won, but that didn't stop him brooding over it.
He sighed and sat up from the bed where he'd been lying above the covers; the room was empty save for the bed that took up the middle, there were a pile of spare sheets over in the corner but no other indication that this room was used as sleeping quarters. The window that looked out in to the grounds of Squad Ten was enough to clamber through if he wanted; but it was so dark and obscure it felt like there was a physical block between him and the outside world.
The Seireitei had grown eerily quiet, as the evening had drawn on; a lot of Soul Reapers had gone off in their group of friends to drink and relax after the day's work and now the Barracks in which he stayed were empty save for the odd night watch that flashed by. Ichigo had been tired, unwilling, to participate in any late night activates; he felt he hadn't the energy to survive a night of drunk Soul Reapers all trying to start a drinking competition with him. It dawned on him for the first time, that maybe the battle with Kusaka had taken more out of him than he'd first realised.
Despite this he still couldn't relax and drift off in to sleep; it annoyed him, but every sound and rustle had him twitching and shifting uncomfortably on the bed, grumbling quietly he rested his head back against the wall and turned his head to the oppressive window as another Soul Reaper on night duty swept by. Other than that all was empty and still, thick with night and covered by the dark skies above. It made Ichigo feel as if he were the only person alive. Sometimes he liked that feeling; but now it felt strange and restless, he was in the Seireitei not chilled out at home, it put him on edge.
It was this vigilance that allowed his ears to catch the soft noise of movement from the room next to his, Toshiro's room; up until that point Ichigo hadn't even known that the young Captain was held up in his room, there was no sense of spiritual pressure nor had the Soul Reaper made any sound until now. But now there was the quiet sound of footsteps, the soft muted clunk of a Zanpakuto being lifted from where it stood by the wall; curiously Ichigo turned his head to press his ear harder against the wall, he was just listening to Toshiro move to the window when he realised that the noises were floating through his window, not through the wall itself
Curiously he quickly got from the bed and scrambled his way through the dark to the window; the fresh air hit his face and the incense, there to hide the musky smell of the room, made his eyes water as he leant over it and peered out the window. There was a drape that hung to his right and it got in his way as he tilted precariously forward in order to get a better view.
The skies above were filled with big heavy clouds that drifted on in the breeze that pushed them through their journey; now, as Ichigo popped his head out, the edge of a vast cloud floated on and the moon was revealed beyond. What had been dark cast night lit up in the glow of the bright circular orb that hung in the black velvet of the sky like a lantern; it shone in to the darkest of shadows and the Seireitei about him became clear and sharp, easy to see the tiniest of detail.
Toshiro Hitsugaya's white haori almost seem to glow in the light of the moon as he slipped it on and clasped his green sash about his shoulders; ensuring his Zanpakuto was securely fastened to his back the Soul Reaper paused to greet a night watch who quickly bowed to him, clearly taken aback to see that his Captain had just clambered out of his own bedroom window.
Toshiro ordered the watcher on and waited for him to disappear from sight; Ichigo's interest peaked, he'd snuck out his bedroom window back home enough times to know when someone didn't want to be heard. The Captain had totally hidden his spiritual pressure, it almost felt as if he weren't there at all; however, he wasn't as ghostly as he was attempting to achieve, because when he took a step forward he had to stop abruptly, pain had flared through him and for a moment he paused, breathing deeply, to clutch his stomach.
Having regained control of himself, Toshiro took a quick look around and leapt up in to the air; he landed on a rooftop and flashed away again, disappearing from sight in a matter of seconds. Ichigo hesitated; there could be a whole number of legitimate reasons why the Captain had snuck out of his window in the dead of night and swept away when he thought no one was watching. It wasn't any of Ichigo's business even if Toshiro's actions were suspicious; he was not a part of the Seireitei, he did not work for Yamamoto, there was neither duty nor any other reason why Ichigo should feel the need to follow.
Ducking back in to his room he grabbed Zangetsu from where it leant against the wall and flung it over his back; dashing back to the window, he leapt up on to the ledge and jumped out in to the night, landing lightly to the ground. Checking around for any sentries or any Reaper disturbed he turned to the rooftop Toshiro had vanished over.
There was no point in feeling for the Captain's spiritual pressure; he wasn't very good at tracking it in the first place, and, even if he had been, Toshiro could conceal his reishi with a control and skill that Ichigo himself would never be able to achieve. There was no movement around him and no one was in sight; so Ichigo prepared himself and jumped high in to the sky, sweeping through the air at amazing speed and landing on the rooftop with ease.
Despite Toshiro's lack of spiritual pressure Ichigo had a pretty good idea where to head; there was the graveyard in which Kusaka was now laid to rest, but beyond that were the training grounds that spread out behind, it was used for physical training schemes by various squads and Rangiku had asked Toshiro about it when she'd seen him in there on his own. He'd come up with some lame excuse, which at the time hadn't made any sense; now something clicked in Ichigo's brain and he set off over the top of the Seireitei.
The training area was vast as it was deep; the great gaping mouth in the valley opened out like the huge hole in a hollow, it was where Reapers sparred each other or performed various physical exercises that improved their skills in teamwork, group attacks, this place was also used for the occasional inspection a Captain would sometimes call for. This place had seen a lot of action: Reapers fighting each other, defending each other or working as a group to defeat the enemy.
Now, however, the place was dark and quiet as Ichigo stumbled down the rocky narrow ledge that was the main pathway down; it would have been easier to flash step his way down, but Toshiro would have felt his spiritual pressure and right now Ichigo was making a clumsy attempt at sneaking. When he'd first arrived at the edge of the training ground he hadn't been able see the young Captain; but as he had descended down awkwardly the ledge he'd spotted the bright white haori that shone in the light of the moon, the white hair looked silver in the hue.
As Ichigo reached the bottom he paused and saw that the Soul Reaper was standing by the section of the wall some way away from him; his hand was rested lightly on the rock surface and he appeared to be concentrating, there was a light around his hand shimmering and throbbing and Toshiro stood there silent his eyes closed under a furrowed brow.
Hyoinmaru was lying quietly on the ground by Toshiro's feet; now Ichigo moved forwards, softly, but not bothering to keep close out of sight. Although Toshiro didn't seem to be aware of him Ichigo was willing to place bets that he would be found out at any second; but the way that Toshiro was standing by the cliff face bothered him, his hand was still pressed to the wall and now Toshiro's lips were moving slowly.
Ichigo's curiosity was burning; before Toshiro clearly hadn't wanted to be seen, and now he was standing so close to the wall, keeping out from sight from anyone who might look over the edge. If Ichigo hadn't known the Captain was down here in the first place, he would have walked on and not been any the wiser; but this secrecy confused him, it made him suspicious and bemused. He'd never known Toshiro to be secretive; Toshiro was elusive, self contained and lived by a strict need to know basis, but he wasn't sly.
But surely that couldn't mean that he was up to something he shouldn't be, this was Toshiro Hitsugaya; he was trustworthy, loyal. Toshiro obeyed orders and adhered to the rules, more than some of the other Captains bothered to; he'd worked hard for his Captaincy, he would never go against anything that might upset his position.
But that had all been before Kusaka.
Could it be that the tragedy of Kusaka had traumatized Toshiro more than they'd all realised? Had Toshiro really fallen over the edge of his own sensibility? No, that couldn't be true. Immediately Ichigo shook away any stupid notions that Toshiro was doing something wrong; he knew Toshiro, better than the Captain would ever realise, they were more alike in so many ways.
Still, there was still the unknown that itched at Ichigo's neck; he could feel Toshiro's spiritual pressure now as Toshiro's hand still lay flat against the rocky wall that towered above them, the glow around his fingers flickered. Despite his certainty that Toshiro was no traitor, the substitute was forced to admit the Captain was doing something.
Toshiro stood quite still; he didn't move or even look around, though he'd known of Ichigo's presence the moment the substitute's head had popped over the edge of the training grounds high above them. Needless to say it vexed the young Captain that Ichigo had yet again barged straight in to something that was none of his business, but in spite of that it didn't overall surprise him, he would have been more shocked if the substitute hadn't shown up.
At first he'd considered attacking Ichigo, forcing him back and away; but the Captain knew the substitute enough to know that would never had worked. Once Ichigo knew something was up, he would have worried it like a dog with a bone; a good analogy, one that would serve him well considering the fact that sometimes Ichigo reminded him of a unwanted stray dog that would follow one around endlessly.
So he waited quietly, continuing with the reason for his coming here until the substitute was only a few feet away, almost on top of him even "it's rude to sneak up on someone, Kurosaki"
Ichigo scowled and stepped clear from the shadow; he hadn't had his back pressed hard against the cliff wall, but he hadn't realised Toshiro already knew he was there "how'd you know it was me?"
"You mean apart from the fact that you're tramping around like an elephant and releasing your spiritual pressure like a broken tap?"
The substitute scowled at the Captain as he turned to face him taking his hand from the cliff wall; Ichigo felt the icy chill of the eyes that could pierce straight through in to his chest.
"Was there something you wanted?"
Ichigo paused; he looked from the wall back to Toshiro and decided that he'd never been subtle before and he wasn't going to start now "yeah, I wanna know what you're doing"
There was less than five feet between them; Toshiro pursed his lips and looked undecided as to whether he should answer with sarcasm or scorn. In the end, he settled with another question "who's to say I'm doing anything?"
"Oh please, don't try that with me" Ichigo sighed impatiently "I saw you sneak out of your own bedroom window, conceal your spiritual pressure all the way here and now you're standing with your hand pressed to the cliff wall. You gonna tell me which part of that isn't odd?"
"Whether it's odd or not is irrelevant, either way it's still none of your concern" replied the Captain. This answer was enough to prove to Ichigo that something was going on; however, he may know he was right, but that didn't mean Hitsugaya would give up his secrets so easily.
"You're not getting rid of me that easily, Toshiro, you're up to something"
"How do you know I didn't come out here for some peace and quiet?" Toshiro's eyes narrowed "and call me Captain"
"If you wanted peace and quiet you would have gone to Kusaka's grave, or stayed in your rooms" the substitute answered with ease, he sounded like he'd practiced this speech before he'd arrived. Now he frowned, his brown eyes with a level of serious that was dark even for Ichigo "don't try and wriggle out of this" he said in a quiet but stony voice "I know you're up to something, I can feel it"
Still Toshiro would not give up; his own expression was cold and defensive as he tried one last time, without hope of success, to dissuade the substitute from his ridiculous idea that was in fact not far from the truth, he just wasn't sure Ichigo would understand "what if I came here to train?"
"You'd have Hyoinmaru in your hand"
"I could be preparing"
"You could be" Ichigo conceded reluctantly, though his eyes locked on Toshiro's allowing the Captain no chance of escape "but you're not" he took a step closer to the Soul Reaper before him, his brown eyes softening as he searched the cooler blue orbs "what are you up to, Toshiro?"
"Captain Hitsugaya!" corrected Toshiro, he folded his arms "I find it insulting you think I should be up to anything" he added in a hard voice, though not without the hint of self defence in his voice, a defence that suggested he knew he was in the wrong. But still, he knew Ichigo would not understand…for the simple fact that he did not understand himself "you make it sound like I'm committing some crime"
"No" Ichigo shook his head "I know you're not doing anything that the Seireitei would disapprove of" he said firmly "but I know something is wrong, it has to be something wrong because if it wasn't then you would have told Rangiku, and she doesn't know that you're out here, does she?"
"Believe it or not" Toshiro said through gritted teeth "I don't inform my Lieutenant over everything I do"
"Not if it endangers her, no" the substitute agreed, "is this something dangerous, Toshiro?
"Why don't you answer your own question?" suggested the Captain savagely "you seem to have a nice little theory cooking up, one which includes me participating in some dishonest and dangerous game"
"Don't be like that. If it is something dangerous then I wanna know what it is, that's all"
"Why would you want to know that?"
Ichigo sighed, he'd known from the start it was going to be a battle with Toshiro, it always was "because you're my friend," he replied tolerantly "if you have a problem then I want to help"
"I don't have a problem!" Toshiro snapped letting his short temper get the better of him.
"Then why are you getting angry?"
"I'm not getting angry!"
"Yes you are, and you're avoiding my questions. You know I know there's something wrong, so why don't you just pretend we had the fight and I won? That way we can get to the part where I help"
"I don't need your help!"
Ichigo scowled "well you're getting it!" he growled "whether you want it or not"
"What's the point of giving help when I don't want it?"
"Because a problem shared is a problem divided"
"Oh for crying out loud, if you're going to start spouting proverbs at me you can get lost!"
"Not until you tell me what's going on!"
They glared at each other, both snarling; Ichigo stared down at the shorter Captain with stubbornness that set the white headed Soul Reaper steaming. Jaws were tense as they remained frozen obstinately and determined to refuse their stance; once again their similarities had them clashing, but in the end Toshiro broke off the stare with a low growl.
With a heavy sigh his huge blue eyes softened with a look of tiredness; then he looked to Ichigo, his expression contemplating the dark glower the substitute was giving him. It was pointless to argue any longer; Ichigo hadn't got through himself through a hostile Seireitei to save Rukia by giving up on fights and conflicts "fine" he admitted shortly "there's a reason I'm here, but I have no intention of telling you what that is"
"Why!" Ichigo asked exasperatedly "I'm not gonna let you blow me off like this!"
"I'm not telling you anything, Ichigo"
"Why not!"
"Because it's official Seireitei business!" Toshiro's voice rose again "something which you will not be privy to!"
"If it's official Seireitei business then why do you look so unhappy about it?" asked Ichigo bluntly.
Toshiro looked taken aback; he hadn't expected Ichigo to take that edge and it caught him off guard. Unsure how to react he turned his face away and instead stooped down for his Zanpakuto "I'm not telling you, Kurosaki"
"Why not?" Ichigo asked again, though this time in a softer voice. He could see Toshiro was cracking but still the substitute felt he was walking on thin ice, one wrong move and he'd lose Toshiro's trust. There was wariness in those azure eyes, one that looked as if it could withdraw at any second.
"Because you wouldn't understand" Hitsugaya replied in a quiet voice.
"Try me"
"No"
"Toshiro!"
"You wouldn't understand!" Toshiro repeated in a harder voice, swinging his weapon over the edge of his back, he stopped and pursed his lips "…this is something I have to do, by myself"
For a brief moment he looked as if he was ready to leave, but Ichigo's hand shot out grabbing Toshiro's arm in a grip stronger than a vice grip; Toshiro glared with a snarl and wrenched his arm free, Ichigo's look was stony "you're not escaping me"
"Go to hell" Toshiro turned away with a swish of his haori.
"Why are you being like this?" the substitute demanded fighting back and pulling him round with his shoulder ignoring the indignity it gave the Captain "what's wrong with you? I know you're self-contained, but this is too much. I've never seen you so secretive…" he trailed off his hand still gripping to Toshiro's shoulder, a thought occurred to him and he mused out loud "maybe that's because you've never had a secret before" he watched the Captain lift a hand as if to smack his hold away, but for some reason Toshiro stopped his hand half risen.
Ichigo's eyes narrowed as he tried to read the expression on the Captain's face; slowly he released his grip on Toshiro's shoulder and withdrew his hand calmly, all the while trying to reach out to Toshiro, silently, promising complete trust.
"What is it, Toshiro? Are you in danger? Trouble? Is someone after you? Is it something to do with Kusaka? What's wrong with-"
"So many questions" Toshiro replied quietly "anyone would think you had the right to ask all of them"
"As your friend I do have that right"
Toshiro's face hardened and he said frostily "I never invited you to be my friend"
Ichigo sighed heavily and ignored the harsh tone, instead he answered "whether you're my friend or not is beside the point, the fact is I'm your friend, and if there's something troubling you then I want to know what that is"
"If you are my friend then you should respect my privacy"
Ichigo growled in frustration "dammit, Toshiro! Just get off your high horse already, I'm trying to help you here!"
"I don't need your help"
Contrary to Toshiro's expectations, Ichigo did not rise to his less than welcoming tones; in its place he frowned suddenly and gave the Captain a questioning look "but do you want it?"
Toshiro's eyes widened, reflex had him inch his shoulder away from Ichigo's touch; for a second time the substitute had surprised him and he asked defensively "what's that supposed to mean?"
"Well, it suddenly dawns on me that if you didn't want my help you would have sent me packing by now. But here I am, still arguing with you"
"You're still here arguing with me because you're stubborn" Toshiro answered recovering his composure "but, as I have just said, I don't need your help"
"That I don't doubt" Ichigo agreed "but there's a difference between need and want. True, you don't need my help, but that doesn't stop you wanting it" he stopped, waiting for a response, but Toshiro simply stood there silently "well?" Ichigo prompted, "do you want my help?"
"Why should I want anything from you? You're a substitute"
"Exactly, I'm the guy who doesn't belong to the Seireitei. I'm not following orders and I haven't signed any stupid contract that commands I rat on you, I don't agree with everything Yamamoto does and says, and I don't have to follow his protocol"
"It's official Seireitei business" Toshiro stated firmly "none of your concern…even if it was, you wouldn't understand"
The brown eyes met Toshiro's once more, Ichigo looked at him with a hard glare "so make me understand" he said "whatever it is I won't judge you, I won't tell anyone, you can trust me"
Toshiro was once again silent for a long time; at first it looked as if he would say something that showed to Ichigo the redhead had finally broken through the wall, but then the blue eyes looked away and his mouth tightened. It was all about control, self control; he'd slipped up recently, grown weak and because of that it had placed the whole of the Seireitei, never mind the balance of creation, at risk. It was time he sucked it up and hardened his heart once more; he'd managed it successfully for years, and he could achieve it once more. It was all about self-control.
It drove Ichigo crazy.
"Just WHAT is your problem?" he snapped angrily "is it because you don't trust me! Is that why you won't tell me!"
"Kurosaki, if I didn't trust you then you'd be dead by now"
"Then what is it?"
"Why do you even want to know? It's nothing-"
"Because it's bothering you" the substitute interrupted abruptly "and when something bothers you it means it's something serious, so stop acting like a uptight jackass and tell me what's going on!"
Instead of flaring up at the insult Toshiro released a long sigh and Ichigo saw that the look on his face was one of exhaustion; the Captain shook his head slowly "don't you ever give up?" he asked defeated at last.
"Never" replied Ichigo with the hint of a fierce smile "you should know that by now, Toshiro"
"Call me Captain," retorted the Soul Reaper as he turned back to face the redhead; he looked Ichigo up and down in a brief glance and folded his arms "I can trust you"
It wasn't a question, nor a declaration but a statement, one that Ichigo nodded to in a positive gesture.
And finally Toshiro relented "I suppose there is the fact that you took a suicidal mission to save a girl you barely knew, it was crazy but at least it shows an element of trustworthiness in you"
"How can it have been suicidal if I'm still alive?" asked Ichigo cockily.
Toshiro ignored this and turned to the wall of cliff that towered up behind them; he drew closer to it counting his steps softly as he went with Ichigo following him eagerly.
"So, are you going to tell me the reason you're down here?"
"Only if you shut up and let me concentrate"
The redhead rolled his eyes skyward but didn't stay the small smile of satisfaction and amusement; he'd never had to work so hard at anyone's trust before, sometimes he questioned himself as to whether it was actually worth it.
On reaching the wall Toshiro concentrated for a quick moment, before placing his hand palm down against the cliff side and counting to the left three steps. Counting again he rested both hands against the wall and muttered the brief incantation of the attacks and commands Ichigo had never learnt, or ever had the inclination to do so.
But as Toshiro whispered a light shone out brighter and brighter, until there was nothing but light in Ichigo's eyes; then it died, suddenly and silently, leaving a hole in the cliff wall big enough for Toshiro to place his hand in to. But before he went any further he looked back at the substitute.
"If anyone were to find out about this we'd both be dead"
"You know you can trust me" Ichigo replied.
For one last brief pause Toshiro hesitated, and then stepped back; peering in Ichigo's eyes were met by a dim golden glow that filled the deep hole Toshiro had hidden away. His brown eyes growing accustomed to the change in light Ichigo was now able to make out a shape right at the back of the deep gouge. It was golden in colour, the hue around it gave the square object an unearthly feel, but in the same heartbeat the sense of purity filled Ichigo like the warm rays of the sun. It was the Ouin.
And there we go, this is set after the second Bleach movie so I guess it makes sense to bring the Ouin back in somehow, though it's not gonna play a big role or anything. I hope I described it correctly, all I can remember about it is it's yellow and made like a box? Ahh, I need to watch the movie again.
Anywho, please leave a review and tell me what you think. Ouin, bad idea? Good idea?
Thanks for reading!
Kiki
