Yoosung was aware of his own faults. He wasn't very manly. He played video games too much. He didn't focus enough on school. He wasn't very mature. He had no idea what he wanted to do with his future.
He could deal with all of this stuff. He had grown to either live with it, or willingly ignore it. But he couldn't forgive himself for being a failure of a soulmate.
He had done nothing to help his soulmate. He couldn't track them down. They wouldn't talk to him. He was too scared to write more on himself. He was useless. Nothing rankled at him more than this information. It pushed him deeper into the darkness that lingered on the edges of his mind that only binging LOLOL helped to fight off.
He wanted to be better than who he was. He wanted to work harder and become a new person. But breaking old habits was hard. Before Rika had been the one to help him out. Even V had been a guiding hand. Now one was gone and the other he was estranged with.
The newest RFA member helped to change that a bit. He could see what they did for Seven. Yoosung could only watch in awe and horror at everything that happened around the RFA. Everything he was learning was wrong. Seven wasn't who Yoosung thought he was. Rika had a horrible secret that led her to commit suicide. Yoosung still wasn't strong enough to help no matter how much he asked.
But he also saw the aftermath of everything. He paid attention to how Seven changed with the influence of their new member. He had to let go of his anger towards V when the man passed away. Yoosung had to focus on helping Rika recover from the loss of her soulmate.
Seeing her like that . . . it killed a part of Yoosung. He saw what he could be like if his soulmate disappeared on him. Rika had been traumatized by it to the point that she wouldn't even speak. She would stare off into the distance like Yoosung remembered dementia patients would. She only stared at the sky.
Yoosung did what he could to help her, but he knew in his heart that she was already too far gone. He didn't know when her physical body would leave, but she left the moment V was gone. There was nothing he could do to stop that.
He hated it.
In the wake of all of this confusion, at least there was happiness. Seven -Saeyoung, now that he confessed his true name to everyone finally- had found his soulmate. Yoosung and the others had already suspected that the newest RFA member had been his soulmate, but to see it confirmed was a joyous moment. Especially when Saeyoung had revealed it at the same time as his marriage proposal.
On top of that exciting news was Saeran, Saeyoung's twin brother, joining the RFA. Yoosung didn't know what to think of the other man. Saeyoung hadn't allowed anyone to meet Saeran while the man had been recovering from the demented actions of Mint Eye. Now that Yoosung had properly been able to meet Saeran he could only think that man was quiet.
Also that he was tired. He held a sickness about him that Yoosung had recognized from his own bad days. He held his arms and didn't meet anyone's gazes, but did occasionally look around him curiously. Yoosung wondered how he would look smiling.
Four out of the seven remaining RFA members had found their soulmates. Between what had occurred to V and Rika, Jumin and Zen's relationship, and Saeyoung and his lover, Yoosung didn't know what to expect anymore from soulmates.
He noticed that his soulmate wasn't in pain anymore at least. He hoped it was a sign of better times soon.
