Journal Entry #3

Hey. This is Logan with today's inspirational message. No, seriously. I saw Veronica writing in this thing and managed to snatch it right out from under her nose. I teased her with it until she dared me to read it. She could hardly look me in the eye when she said it so I had to take a look. And HOLY SHIT! Or rather, HOLY FUCKING HOTNESS! I had no idea my bobcat had it in her. I mean, I knew she had it in her, but damn. Like I said, you know what I mean.

Once I read it, I informed her that there was no way I was going to let her have all the fun. She protested at first but I promised I'd make this good. So, dear journal, here we are. Together again. This isn't awkward at all, is it? Nine years of radio silence and this is where we end up. I have to admit, I'd all but given up. I mean, I'd moved on, you know? Did what I could with what I had. Now I just want to dive right back in.

Veronica being back here, us being together, is so fucking surreal. I wished it and dreamed it for so many years and then I tucked it away. I became who I am. I changed what I was. I pulled myself together. And what did that get me? Another fucking murder rap. But that's ok. I'm over it now. I mean, sure it scared the shit out of me. And yeah, I thought my life was over. But then, I wasn't lying when I said I still kinda knew that Veronica would pull through. She always does somehow manage to save my ass in the end.

Don't get me wrong. That's not to say that I wasn't a fully functional adult and even a contributing member of society without her. If it was what she needed, I was prepared to let her go, keep on living without her. It would have hurt like hell to lose her again, especially after losing Carrie the way I did. But then, I lost Carrie long before I lost her to death anyway. And Carrie was never Veronica. I would have done it, though. I would have buried every last fiber of emotion that just seeing Veronica had brought back. I would have forced myself to be happy for her if she'd returned to New York. Had she gone, though, she would have taken with her a large part of my soul.

It was bad enough to think things were going so well, to start to have a little hope, and then find out that Piz was in the picture again. I mean, what the fuck, Veronica? Am I right? But then she stayed. And her dad almost died. Hell, I almost died. And then, you know, she jumped me. I didn't have time to think. At least not much. There was only time to act. And what's a guy to do when the love of his life is pulling him into a kiss that could put the flames of hell to shame? Yes, dramatic. Son of two actors, remember?

As soon as we actually made it to the bedroom, I had to ask. I mean, it was Veronica. I would have done practically anything. But if she'd been cheating, she wouldn't have been able to live with herself. She assured me she wasn't but it wasn't until today that I got the whole story. How Wallace and Mac had helped them connect when Piz had moved to NYC for his public radio gig. It surprised the shit out of me when she said that before then she'd only dated here and there sporadically. Schoolwork before a relationship or some other bullshit excuse.

She said they fell back into things because it was easy. It was safe. He adored her. He put her on a pedestal. He let her get away with anything and expected nothing from her in return. Maybe that last isn't quite true. After all, it was her loyalty to me over him that finally spelled their doom. Which, I gotta admit, I'm not sorry about in the least.

We're different now, V and I, but somehow we're the same. I told her that before Carrie, there'd only been random one night stands. Sure, there were a couple girls I thought I could have gotten into. But then I'd inevitably find that each one was just like the others. Out for my name and a story. Finally, I met up with Carrie at a party that Dick threw while I was home on leave. We'd never really been in the same crowd back in high school. We shouldn't have had much of anything in common now. The truth, I think, is that it was her snark and our banter that attracted me. The push and pull of our relationship for that first year was nearly intoxicating. Tell me that doesn't sound like my relationship with someone else that we know.

Of course, then the second year rolled around and she was a mess. And you know the story from there.

I knew she'd die. I knew I'd never be enough. I couldn't save her. She didn't want to save herself.

Damn, this got introspective fast.

Let's change that. Let's talk about today. Today I had to tell Veronica that we only have twelve days left to our bliss. Twelve days till I go back to the life I built for myself without her. Twelve days till we lose the other half of our souls. She was brave when I told her. She snarked and quipped and scoffed. What she doesn't know is that I heard her crying in the shower. Before I took off.

I had to check in at the base. Do some paperwork. Make arrangements.

I made other arrangements while I was there as well. Arrangements for Veronica to have the use of my car. For Veronica to be listed as my next of kin. For Veronica to be left with everything I own if anything should happen and I don't make it home.

She doesn't know about these arrangements but now that I've written about them, she's sure to find out. I plan to tell her. I do. Just not, quite, yet.

I also arranged for tonight. When I got back into town after my time on the base, I stopped at the Mars house and took Veronica out. We'd rarely, if ever, been on a real date during all the times we'd been together in the past. I intended to make up for that. I took her skating. Told her she was in luck, that Ruby had bowed out. She laughed. She loved it.

We fell all over each other but we had a blast. By the time we got back to her dad's, we were bruised and out of breath. In spite of her protests, I scooped her up and carried her into the house. This time, at least, she was awake, and stopped protesting long enough to help me open the door. We stumbled inside and I wasn't surprised when she adjusted from me carrying her to her wrapping her legs around my waist. I slammed the door closed behind us and spun her around until, purposefully, I'd pinned her right back against that same damn beam.

Her eyes lit up knowingly and I'm sure mine danced with glee. She grasped my shoulders and I caressed her face, drinking her in.

"I still can't believe that I'm here with you," I murmured against her ear, "That you're here with me." I lowered my lips to that tender spot at the nape of her neck that has always driven her wild.

"I'm here," she replied as I was rewarded with feeling the shiver that ran up her spine, "I'm home. I'm not gonna leave."

This time, I spun us away, kissing her soundly, reveling in the taste of her tongue responding in kind. Clearing the door, I lowered her to the bed and she pulled me down beside her. I cupped her face in my hand but she covered it and slowly, with deliberate precision, moved it down her body. I looked her in the eye and the emotion in hers took my breath away.

"Make love to me," she said simply. The trust and commitment and the utter lack of fear in her eyes set my heart, and every other part of me, on fire.

I undressed her slowly as she undressed me. We took our time. I marked her body and she marked mine. Mouths and tongues and teeth collided. Arms, legs, hands, feet entangled and entwined.

I hovered over her. I smiled down at her and she smiled up at me. I brushed several loose, sweaty strands of her beautiful blonde hair behind her ear and kissed her cheek. Then I gave her a teasing grin and asked, "Ready to go to sleep?"

She laughed and pulled my mouth to hers, kissing me soundly before she answered smartly against my open mouth, "Not in a million years."

Together, we rolled us over and I let her have her way with me. She straddled me, rocking against me, rolling her hips till I filled every inch of her. I rested my hands behind my head. I watched her as she worked her warm mouth across my chest to place a burning kiss right over my heart. When she lifted her head and those sharp blue eyes met mine, I thought I just might die.

When she opened her mouth to speak, I thought I really had died. The words that she spoke were ones I'd waited for what seemed like forever to hear. Sure she'd said them two days before but that was in the heat of the moment. This, this was different. This wasn't just lust or passion. This was for real.

She ran her fingers through my mussed-up hair and with her heart in her eyes she said, "I love you, Logan Echolls. I always have and I always will."

The joy those words brought to my heart almost felt like pain. I flipped her over and fucked her senseless, her words tasting like promises on my tongue.

"I love you, too," I breathed against her mouth before letting out something between a choke and a sob, "But you oughta know that by now."

Two more beats and we climaxed together, collapsing in euphoria as we slowly came down. We laughed in awe, amazed at ourselves. Soon she fell fast asleep, still wrapped up tightly in my arms. Sure, I'll have to tell her about all those arrangements, but no, not today. Today was for us to enjoy each other, to be together. Today was filled with joy. Tomorrow can be filled with pain.