A/N: hi :) so here's chapter 3! finally some Mac and Jo action...sort of... i apologize if Jo is a little out of character :/ i rewrote this chapter about half a dozen times and i'm still not completely happy with how it turned out...anyway enjoy and pretty please read&review
Chapter 3
Jo sat stretched in her chair. She'd been at the precinct long past her shift and still hadn't finished filing the huge stack of papers on her desk. She leaned further back in her chair and rubbed her temples. She picked up her cell again to call Tyler. This was her fourth call and each time she'd kept saying, "I'll be home soon." Yet, she was still sitting in her office. She picked up the phone once more as Mac came into her office.
"Jo, what are you doing here?" Mac gazed over at her. Lately he found himself staring at her more, standing just slightly closer to her in the lab, and calling her into his office for no reason whatsoever but to gaze into her beautiful caramel eyes. Admitting he was in love with Jo was something Mac had accepted but just couldn't so out loud.
Jo was slightly frightened by his entrance. She quickly calmed herself. Not Russ, not Russ. She repeated her mantra. "Just finishing up some work."
"It's late, go home Jo." Mac said as he turned to leave her office.
"Can't; gotta finish up this paperwork for the Parker case." Jo rubbed her temples as she checked over another file.
Mac crossed his arms over his chest. "Jo, that can wait for tomorrow. Don't you want to go home and see Ellie?" That was always Jo's weakness and Mac used it mercilessly when he saw that Jo was getting too involved in a case.
Jo sighed and shut down her laptop. "Alright, I'm going." She sighed and mumbled under her breath, "I hate when you do that."
Mac smirked as Jo approached the door. She cautiously grabbed her jacket off the hanger and Mac frowned. "Is that seriously what you're about to wear; in this weather?"
"Yeah, what's the problem?" Jo was unconsciously preparing to physically defend herself.
"Jo, it's practically a blizzard out there! You'll freeze to death."
"No, I won't. I'll be fine." Jo tried to brush past Mac but he held her arm. Jo froze; flashing back to those times. Not Russ, not Russ…
"I'm not letting you go out in that weather. You live too far to be out in this thing." He pulled at the thin fabric of her jacket. "You'll come home with me. I live right down the street."
This isn't a good idea. The voice in Jo's head reminded her.
"No," Jo said quickly. "I'll be fine. I can catch a cab."
"Jo, you know there's no way you'll be able to catch a cab. Just come home with me." Mac stared deep into Jo's eyes. She was drowning in his dark chocolate stare. Before she could even think about the words she answered, "Sure." Damn, what the hell am I doing?
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Jo and Mac ran into Mac's condo as she unlocked the door. Jo shivered and shook the snow off of Mac's coat that he had so graciously placed around her after they'd stepped into the cold.
"Hey, want some hot chocolate?" Mac offered from the kitchen.
"Obviously, did you think I was just going to let myself freeze to death?" Jo grinned at the irony.
Mac shot her a look. "Oh, so what did you call that little thing at the office earlier?"
Jo blushed. "Shut up and get me my cocoa."
"Ms. Bossy." Now it was Mac's turn to blush. Jo was the only person he'd let boss him around. The whole team had noticed at this point and though Mac didn't want to admit it he found that quality of Jo quite attractive.
Mac brought two steaming cups of cocoa to the living room table. "I'll be right back. I want to get out of these clothes."
As soon as Mac closed the bedroom door behind him, Jo shot up out of her seat. She ran through the condo looking for every exit route; the front door, the back door, and the windows. There were far too many sharp objects in his house. Jo was going through his culinary collection when Mac came out of the bedroom.
"Jo? What are you doing?" Mac eyed her suspiciously as she fingered his culinary knife collection.
Jo spun around. "Huh? Nothing…"
"Uh, huh…looks like you were going through my knife collection." Mac started to turn into the kitchen. Jo backed up the other direction, around the breakfast bar. He followed her with his eyes, wondering why every time he or anyone really, tried to get close to her she suddenly darted in the other direction.
"Uh…you cook?" Jo had only then realized that most of his sharp objects were cooking utensils, though that didn't make them any less dangerous.
Mac smiled and half laughed. "Yeah, I'd say I'm pretty good. Why, are you hungry?"
"No, just wondering…" Jo's shoulders tensed slightly less.
Mac eyed her suspiciously, but Jo could see whatever he was thinking slowly fade out of his head. "Anyway, would you like to watch a movie?"
Actually, I'd like to just get the hell out of here. "Yeah, let's see what's on." Jo went and sat on the far end of the couch, with her knees pulled up to her chest. She was quite uncomfortable in her work clothes and her foot was falling asleep.
"You want a blanket or something, Jo?" Mac leaned across on the couch to look her in the eyes.
"No, I'm good." I want it to stop snowing so I can get the hell away from you and to my daughter.
Mac got up and pulled a blanket out of the closet. He went over and wrapped it around Jo. She felt a chill run up her spine from Mac's hands on her shoulders.
Why must you do this to me, Mac?
Jo was half paying attention to the movie but when it came to a part when the woman suffered a miscarriage, Jo could feel the tears welling up in her eyes. She tried to wipe them away before Mac noticed.
"Hey, what's wrong?" Mac slid across the couch and sat next to Jo.
"Nothing…I'm fine." She lied horribly.
"Obviously not," Mac turned her face towards his wiping away a stray tear from her face. Jo flinched at his hand so close to her face. She waited to feel a sting or a crack or anything painful. It was just warm and gentle. "What's the matter, Jo?"
Jo tried to pull away from him. She couldn't stand to be that close to a man, that close to anyone. "Mac, stop." She pushed his hand away from her and stood from the couch. Even with the feeling of a million needles stabbing her foot Jo kept her ground and moved as far as possible from Mac.
"Why do you do that?" Mac said as he rose from the couch as well. He'd followed her over to the other side of the couch but she'd slipped from his hands again, darting back to the other side.
"Do what?" Jo asked, stiffly, knowing full well what he meant.
"You know what I mean. Every time I or anyone gets close to you, you run away. What's up Jo? What's going on?" Mac tried to pull Jo's hand into his but she quickly retracted it.
"Nothing, Mac; just leave me alone." Please, for the love of God, leave me alone before I have a emotional meltdown in front of you.
"Stop that! Jo, why won't you let me help you? Something is wrong. Talk to me!" Mac and Jo had been circling the couch the entire time. He was slightly irritated by this cat and mouse game.
Jo shut her eyes tight, trying to keep the tears in. "I can't tell you. You wouldn't…understand." Jo didn't believe that for a second. Knowing Mac, she knew he couldn't relate but he sure as hell knew something of what she was feeling and would do anything to help her.
Mac was now holding Jo's hands tightly in his. He wouldn't let her walk away. "I will. Just tell me."
All Jo had to do was look into his eyes and she fell apart. Though she wanted desperately to run away, she let him pull her into his arms. She shook violently from his touch and the rush of tears that she'd been holding in for so long suddenly fell. He wrapped his arms around her tightly and let her tears soak his shirt. Mac soothed her by running his soft hand down her back, whispering in her ear, and kissing her. He kissed her head, then her forehead, then her cheek, until he reached her lips. He brushed the hair from her face and slowly embraced her. Mac slid his hands to her waist and pulled her closer.
Jo felt a rush of emotions as the kiss went on. She felt like she was walking on air but drowning at the same time. It was blissful and horrifying all at once. She wanted to run from Mac yet pull him closer. She couldn't pick out the stronger emotion and before she knew it, Mac was leading her into the bedroom. An alarm went off in Jo's head. Suddenly terror and anxiety ruled her body. She didn't want to let go of Mac just yet but every inch of her body was tensing and preparing to be paralyzed.
Mac gently laid her on the bed and began unbuttoning her shirt. Jo remembered belatedly all the scars her body hoarded. "Stop!" Mac immediately paused, looming over Jo. "I…I can't…I'm sorry." Jo waited for Mac to move off of her, too afraid to touch him herself. Mac rolled over to the side of the bed and Jo immediately slid to the edge. She buttoned her shirt back up and breathed out heavily. Mac sat on the edge next to her and Jo shifted over.
"Did I do something wrong?" Mac asked, still keeping distance from Jo.
"No!" Jo answered quickly. She wasn't quite sure if he had or not. "It's not you…it's me."
"What happened?" Mac inched closer to Jo.
She simply shook her head. Those memories couldn't be relived; they were unbearable. Mac placed his hand on hers. She trembled at first, but finally let him leave it there.
"Jo, it's okay. I'm here. Talk to me." Mac's voice was like velvet to Jo's ears. It kept whispering to her to tell him everything her heart had been bearing, but Russ's nails-on-a-chalkboard voice laughed at her; it taunted her, made her believe Mac was only toying with her. He didn't really care about what she was feeling; he just wanted her for her body. Not Russ, not Russ, not Russ, please not Russ…
Jo could barely speak as it was and she took in a long breath. It was shaky and she could feel more tears preparing to fall. Come on, Jo. You can do this. It's Mac, not Russ.
Mac moved slightly closer to Jo as she stumbled out the words. "Russ…abuse…Jo cringed at the word. It was an understatement for what he had done to her. "He…he…" Mac could see Jo wanted to close up again. He placed his hand around her shoulder and held her hand with his other. Jo tensed up slightly, but convinced her body that it was safe in Mac's arms. "He forced…himself…on me…I…" Her words quickened at the thought. "I screamed and cried but he just wouldn't stop!" The tears flooded her eyes. She pulled her hands to her face. She'd cried far too much that night and couldn't stand to let Mac see her that way. Even after Russ, she'd convinced herself not to show weakness to anyone. That night, she was already infuriated for exposing so much of herself.
Mac held her tightly in his arms as she buried her head in the crook of his neck. Almost all the moisture in her body had been drained and Mac gently rocked her to a comforting sleep. He laid her on the bed and pulled the sheets up over her. As he prepared to leave the room he whispered in her ear, "I love you, Jo."
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Jo jolted awake the next morning. Shit, I overslept! Why didn't my alarm go off? She rubbed the sleep out her eyes and realized belatedly she was in a bed not her own. Slowly recalling the night before she thought, Oh, god. What have I done? Jo began beating up her- Mac's pillow. Stupid, stupid, stupid! Why did I have to come over here and tell him all that? Now he's gonna hate me and I just ruined a perfectly good-
"Jo?" Mac poked his head through the door. "What are you doing?"
Jo whipped her head towards the door then threw the pillow on the floor. "Huh, me…uh, nothing!"
"Uh, huh, right." Mac snickered behind the door. "I'm making breakfast. Do you want some?" Mac had decided to avoid the topic of the night before unless Jo brought it up, which he doubted she would.
Jo heard her stomach fiercely growl at her. "Guess so. I'll be out in a minute." Mac nodded his head then closed the door behind him.
Jo washed up in the bathroom. She tried hard not to, but she ended up looking in the mirror. Her eyes were still red and puffy. Dammit. I don't even have my makeup. Brushing it off, she went into the kitchen. Mac smiled and placed a large plate of bacon, grits, pancakes, eggs and cheese, sausage, and toast in front of her.
Jo stared in awe at it. "You know how to feed a girl."
Mac shrugged. "It's not exactly the best thing for you to be eating but I know you're a junk food junkie and this is the best I could do."
"Well done; though not as good as McDonald's." Jo immediately dug into the food. She scarfed it down, not afraid to show Mac her barbarous eating habits.
Mac stared at her, his fork an inch away from his mouth. "Geez, were you hungry?"
Jo nodded her head and continued chowing down. She had already finished her plate while Mac was still working on his pancakes. "You're slow." Jo teased, going to the kitchen for seconds.
"No, you're too fast; plus, your stomach needs time to digest. You're going to be hungry again in less than two hours." Mac took another bite.
"I'm always hungry." Jo sat back down, her second plate full of more food than the first.
"Probably because you don't eat; you inhale your food." Mac held back a grin. Jo waited until the fork was out of his mouth to smack him on the arm.
"Yeah, whatever; look could you hurry up? I wanna go home and check on Ellie, and I need to shower and change clothes, and then we need to get back to work." She'd already conquered her plate once again and was placing it in the sink.
"Okay, okay. I'm moving." Mac took a few more quick bites of his food then went to change clothes. "I'll be right back."
Jo wandered around his condo as Mac was changing. She noticed that he didn't have any pictures around the small home. There was art and furniture, cooking utensils and the "man area", otherwise known as the living room, but no real semblance of a home. She walked past his bedroom door and saw that he hadn't completely closed it. Mac stood in the center of the room, undressing. Jo stared as he pulled off his CSI trainee shirt to reveal his toned six pack and chest. Tiny pieces of hair poked out forming a sharp 'V' down his torso. Jo's breathing grew heavy and a few sweat droplets slid down her face. She slowly moved closer to the door as Mac began stripping off his pants. "Ow, shit!" Jo hollered as she stubbed her toe against a table leg.
Mac rushed out the room. "Are you okay?"
Jo was hopping on one leg, holding her other up. She nodded her head.
"Wait, why were you standing…were you watching me undress?" Mac smiled brightly.
Jo quickly put her leg down and walked back into the kitchen. "No, I don't know what you're talking about." She spoke so fast, Mac barely comprehended what she'd said.
"Yes you were! You sneaky little-"
"Shut up!" Jo said trying to keep him from seeing her blush. She crossed her arms over her chest and turned away from him.
"Oh, so you do like me? I knew it!" Mac was half teasing, half serious.
Jo huffed. "I do not! I was not watching you undress and I don't like you! I was just…um…" Jo couldn't think of a lie quick enough, not that Mac would have believed her anyway.
"You were what, huh? That's right; caught! It's okay. Just admit it; you love me." Mac teased playfully, but still serious.
"I…what if I did?" Jo could feel her cheeks burning bright red. She still wasn't facing Mac, but she turned half her body his direction.
"You do, don't you? You love me?" Mac sounded curious. Though Mac was now convinced he had fallen in love with this woman, he didn't have the slightest clue what she felt for him.
"I…so what? Not like you feel the same." Jo didn't believe it when she said it. If he didn't love her, he wouldn't have done what he did last night. She wanted to shut down whatever was about to happen before she got shut down again.
"What are you talking about? I love you, Jo. I thought you knew that." Mac was standing close to her now, reaching to take her body in his arms.
Jo's smile faded and she stared into Mac's eyes. "You…you do?" Jo couldn't even tell if she meant to ask. Some part of her always knew but didn't want to believe it, didn't want history to repeat itself.
"Yes. I love you." Mac pulled her closer by the waist, her arms still crossed over her chest. "I love you."
"I…love you too." Did I just say that? Oh, god, it's too late to take it back now. What is he going to say? Wait, he already said he loves me, but what if he doesn't mean it? What if this is just a dream? What if he's just like him? What if…what if…
Jo finally noticed that Mac's lips were pressing into hers. She didn't stiffen this time. She savored the kiss and gave just as much of herself to Mac as he gave to her. Finally they broke apart, gasping for air. "So does this mean…" Jo asked, still unsure of what was happening.
"If you want it to…" Mac said, hoping she wouldn't suddenly change her mind again.
Jo encircled her arms around his neck and pulled him into another kiss. "Oh, yes…" Jo whispered.
Please don't make me regret this…
A/N: i hope you enjoyed this chapter! chapter 4 will be up soon (it's already written, i just need to proof read) please read&review :)
