Okay, a thought that popped into my mind all of sudden while writing. This is unrelated to my fanfiction.
Lavi: Hey, Allen, ever wondered why Yuu always wear long loose robes around you?
Allen: I thought he always wears them. Goes with his weird, messed up foreign sense of style.
Lavi: Nope. He wears normal clothes every couple of weeks when you're not here.
Allen: So, why?
Lavi: He gets a boner whenever he gets within a hundred-foot radius of you.
Allen: -speechless-
Yes, the thoughts that pop into my head while writing Yullen are rather random and creepy. _
3. 1 Kanda to Allen
Kanda's, or Kanda's impersonator's, next letter came when Allen was hanging out with Lavi. He saw it when he went back to his room before dinner and despite himself, his heart gave a little leap of anticipation.
Moyashi,
I don't know what the *bleep* is wrong with you when you sent me your ridiculous love letter. I am definitely NOT interested in you. As much as my hair may seem otherwise, I am very straight. Or at least straight enough to not like you, since I might have had a crush on Alma. HOWEVER, THAT'S A TOTALLY DIFFERENT SUBJECT THAT'S IRRELEVANT TO WHAT'S GOING ON BETWEEN US RIGHT NOW. Which is nothing. Seriously, what *bleep* were you on when you wrote that?
Just to clear things up, I would never cut off my hair for you. Too much shampoo, conditioner, leave-in-conditioner, combs, brushes, hair straighteners, gel, mousse, hairspray, hair ties, expensive salon cuts have been invested in it to sacrifice for a stupid moyashi.
Ouch. Allen cringed.
It's nothing personal against you, really, although you are quite annoying and overly cheerful and you eat like a pig. It's just that I am not looking for a partner and the thought of getting laid with you brings chills down my spine in a bad way. So if I were ever to go on a date with you, it will not be at a restaurant. I prefer a day cruise to a romantic little island. The smell of the ocean fusing our love, gentle waves lapping against sandy beaches. NOT THAT I WANNA DO THAT WITH YOU OR ANYONE ELSE.
And about Lenalee's boobs…I'm pretty sure they're real. Komui would never let his little sister add to her already above-average sexiness.
Just to make it clear, I hate you.
From, Kanda
Allen sat back, a glazed look in his eyes. He suddenly didn't want to go to dinner anymore, which as I'm sure you know is a very very rare thing. There was no point in living anymore…his one true love hated him…he'll never get his happily ever after…he'll die alone…he'll be a 40-year-old virgin before that happens…Before he could finish his depressing chain of thoughts, another letter slid under his door. He looked at it warily before picking it up.
3.2 Lavi(pretending to be Kanda) to Allen
Dear cutie Moyashi,
I'm so sorry I wrote that! I was so shocked and I have no idea how to react to your declaration of mutual love. Which I swear is mutual. I don't lie awake in bed laughing maniacally thinking up new ways to torture you, I swear. After all, I don't enjoy laughing whether it be maniacally or nicely. Although the first choice is slightly easier.
Let's get this straight:I would love to get laid with you, even though it seems kinda creepy. I was scared to admit this at first, but I don't think I should keep secrets from you. And even though you're not as hot as Lavi, he's just not my type so let's not discuss that. I'm thinking we should build our relationship up from the mental level first. This may seem like a huge shock, but I'm secretly somewhat psychopathic and according to Komui I am socially challenged. Oh, and I have an unusually strong mental attachment to my sword. But I'm willing to put Mugen away for a short period of time for you, because although I can't be sure, I don't think making out is rathercomfortable with a sword hilt jabbing your face as we French kiss, which hopefully we will.
I hope to get my date on a beach with you someday.
Awaiting your reply, Kanda.
"That asshole Bakanda, playing with my heart like that… *bleep* him." Allen fumed. He crumpled up both sheets and threw it into the corner. Then he picked it up and reread the part about the romantic vacation and getting laid, because he was secretly pleased by the second letter. Allen sighed miserably. Why couldn't he like a normal person, like Lenalee or Lou Fa?
Outside the door, crouched so that Allen wouldn't see him through the peephole, Lavi giggled. He turned around to leave and found his face mashed up against Komui's crotch.
"Um. Hi." The redhead said nervously, backing away and standing up at the same time.
Komui led him around the corner, "I know what you're doing, Lavi. And I'm assuming you don't want Kanda and Allen to find out?" The supervisor grinned evilly.
"No!" Lavi gasped. He imagined being sliced into a million tiny bloody pieces by Mugen, Allen shaking his head in hurt disappointment before dealing the final blow…
"Then you will do as I say." Komui's glasses glinted.
"Y-yes. Anything! Just don't tell Yuu."
"Well, as you know, I hate how Lenalee flirts with most of the male Exorcists without even noticing. I'm getting sick of having to threaten Allen every time he looks her way, so I'm hoping you'll write a threatening letter to them pretendin you're Lenalee's boyfriend."
Lavi's face lit up, "Ohmygawd, you're letting me date her?"
Komui's face turned an ominous dark colour and he suddenly seemed a lot taller, "No. Unless you want all my malfunctioning Komurins trying to murder you every second of your life, I advise against it. I meant make up a fake boyfriend and write a threat to Allen to keep his hands off my dear little sister. You're quite good at forging writings, although you kinda suck at the actual letter-writing. I mean, you really shouldn't mention your exaggerated sexiness since it's a pretty direct giveaway. And besides, Lenalee's sexier. I ALSO KNOW YOU'RE CURIOUS ABOUT HER BOOB SIZE, WHICH I WON'T IGNORE UNLESS YOU WRITE THAT LETTER."
Lavi felt himself shrinking, "Yes, supervisor! I'll even write one to Yuu since he might be bi or something."
Komui smiled sweetly, and one could almost pretend he was a perfectly normal supervisor, "Be sure you do that."
Well, that's it so far.
If you like Yullen, review!
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If you think Tyki Mikk is hot, review!
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If you - Okay, I'll stop here and let you click the little review button below. ^_^
~Frostyshadows~
