Zero's bed was surprisingly comfortable, the mattress almost absorbing me into it, but I forced myself to get up and headed to the shower. Hopefully he wouldn't be annoyed. Logically he shouldn't have, right? I didn't have anywhere else to go, it's not like I could have just left off bathing for however long it took to get me a place of my own. I let the hot water run through my hair, and over my face. It felt good, like all the worries were washing away from my skin.
But not out of my head.
So.
Problems. I scrubbed at my face with a cloth, wrinkling my nose. Problem one: I was an amnesiac. Which wasn't my problem - it was everyone's. Thinking of how other people had reacted, I was... intimate with important people? Important myself? Alia was close, maybe even - (my face heated up, I suddenly wasn't sure what to do with my hands, a sudden flash of severe discomfort)
Best to avoid her if I was to keep the amnesia secret. Which came to another point - it had to be secret? I frowned, scrubbing my hair hard and trying to think of a reason. Why would I need to keep amnesia a secret? We were obviously in a military context, where NOT knowing information was more vital to the rank and file than knowing, lest information get to the enemy. If anything, forgetting would be a benefit. If I had known something vital, nobody had shown signs of worry about losing it. Why...?
The answer came to me in a flash. Public appearances. I couldn't look forgetful because forgetfulness equaled incompetance.
Was I famous?
..Was I a figurehead?
I watched the water spiral into the drain, and sighed, resting my forehead against the wall. That... would make things difficult. I'd have to act like nothing was wrong, and I didn't know enough about what was around me to fake it convincingly. Maybe my whole life had been an act, gaining public support for this institution. What institution was I even involved in? I had no idea. I frowned, scrubbing at my face with the soap. I'd just been drifting around for the last day or so, and now I should figure out what I was involved in.
Zero was still asleep. I had wondered where he had gone, but the snort and a thump I heard through one of the shower walls showed that he'd slept on the couch in his living room, rolling over several times in the early morning light. I winced, thinking - (Zero, smiling, his hands pulling the blankets around himself in one large fluffy pile, and I said-)
The water kept spiraling into the drain and my head hurt.
...I was happy, at one time or another. I remembered the picture on the nightstand. Zero and I, (I barely recognized myself, but remembering that smile, I felt echoes of it) grinning like idiots, putzing around in the snow. He was happy, I was happy, I must have been happy if I could smile like that and Zero could too, what the hell happened?
The forgetting?
My throat choked up. I bit my lip. I'd forgotten everything, yes, but there was probably a pivotal point, a key that I'd lost, one fact that I was missing. How could everyone around me be so happy, and now so miserable?
I couldn't do anything about the memories. Those were gone, and maybe someone better with, with programming or whatever would be able to get them back, but I had to work with what I had.
What did I have? A building full of people who expected things from me? A fight I knew nothing about? Or-
Zero.
Zero, who couldn't look me in the eye.
I turned off the shower and shook my head, water flying from my unruly hair, and took a deep breath. If there was a way to help, I'd do it. If there was some problem in the world I could change, I'd work to change it. And if I'd hurt him in the past - (sorrow, something in my chest wrenching, I don't know why I felt so awful) - I rubbed my eyes, shivering in the sudden cold. I'd make it up to him. He was a good man, he deserved better than whatever I'd done. He was a good man. I could work hard.
I had a feeling that no matter what, we could fix any problem if we could learn to work together.
First new bit I've written for this in a long time; previous chapters were old writing. Concrit would be appreciated.
