There are medical terms and situations beginning in this chapter that are completely exaggerated. I realize this – I'm not a doctor – so just enjoy the story and please realize it's entirely fictional. I hope you enjoy!
Thanks so much to those who reviewed :-) For the rest of you, I'm issuing an ultimatum. I have the next chapter ready to go – It will probably be posted in a week or so. If I get 10 reviews for this chapter I will update the next chapter immediately (as soon as those 10 reviews are posted). I know, it's low… but I'm desperate to prove to myself that more than 4 people like my story! At least, I hope that's true…
Again, thanks to those loyal readers who have already reviewed the first two chapters – it is much appreciated!
Chapter 3 - Visits
Making the decision to have a child - it's momentous.
It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside your body.
– Elizabeth Stone
On Monday, Emily awoke to the sounds of birds chirping and water gurgling. She was confused until she remembered where she was; sure enough, there was a fountain outside the guest room window. Looking down onto the grounds, Emily caught sight of her hostess, sitting in the yard while her five children played nearby. Dressing in a simple navy sundress and sandals, Emily wound her way through the quiet house and found Samantha and her children.
"Good morning," Samantha said happily, "you're up early."
"I'm not much of a sleeper," Emily admitted.
"I understand," Samantha said with a chuckle. "Even before the kids I was an insomniac."
She sat in a lawn chair next to Samantha and accepted the cup of tea that was passed to her. The sun was warm but not too hot, the grass was still shinning but not wet, and the breeze was gentle. It was a perfect morning. The two women continued to enjoy it in a mutual silence while they watched the three girls run around pretending to be princesses. From what she could gather, Emily believed that the three sisters were trying to protect their imaginary castle from an evil monster. The twin boys, barely two years old, dug happily in a sand box without a care in the world.
"Your children are beautiful," Emily said thoughtfully, eyes taking in the scene. "And very well behaved," she added with a smile.
"Thank you. I wish I could take credit. But they've always been low-key. Even as babies. When Grace was born, I was terrified that she wasn't crying enough." Samantha laughed at the memory. "My mom and the doctor assured me it was fine; and they were right – she was simply a happy baby."
"Sorry for the change of subject," Emily began, "but do you need any help with the shower? I know it's a little late to be asking, but if I can help—"
"Thank you. But everything is done. Nothing to do now but enjoy the festivities. What are you up to today?"
"I don't think JJ scheduled us for anything," Emily said jovially. "Actually, do you have any suggestions about calling a cab?"
"I would suggest you don't do it," Samantha returned, much to Emily's surprise. "You can borrow one of the cars – you can even have Carl if you'd rather not drive yourself," she said, offering up the services of the family's butler and sometimes driver.
"I could impose—"
"It's not an imposition. You're staying for a week. No one expects you to stay in your room until JJ or I decide to go somewhere. Take a car. Please. I'll feel horribly now if you don't," Samantha said sulkily. She knew she had Emily the moment she turned on the guilt. Before she knew what was happening, Emily was driving into the city in a beautiful blue Lexus. She spent a good part of the morning shopping; it was a privilege that she didn't often allow herself.
Just before noon, she found herself driving up the same road that they had followed the night before. When she stopped in front of the orphanage, she sat for a long while, wondering what she was doing. Despite her doubts, she eventually grabbed her bag and walked up to the front door. Once she rang the bell and was admitted to the office, she wasn't sure what she was supposed to say.
"Good morning," the woman behind the desk greeted her, "may I help you?"
"Good morning," Emily answered. "I was here last night with Samantha Evans and Jennifer Jareau—" Before she could continue explaining, she was greeted by Tru Davies – JJ's other maid of honor and best friend from high school. They had met and spoken briefly both at dinner Saturday and at the spa on Sunday.
Once Emily explained that she didn't really know why she was there, Tru smiled and waved her in, telling the secretary that it was fine. As they walked down the hall together, Tru explained that she worked a few hours a week at the orphanage, offering pro-bono medical treatment for the children. She had been called in that morning when one of the youngest children awoke with an ear ache.
"So, who are you looking for?" Emily bit her lip, not sure how to answer that question; she still wasn't completely sure she wanted to be looking for anyone.
"I was talking to Ella last night. I actually don't even know her last name—"
"Oh, there's only one Ella," Tru assured her with a smile, "she's a good kid. Very quiet. But a sweet kid."
"Anyway," Emily continued, "I was at the book store – and we had been talking about books – and I have a book – for her." Emily finished the sentence in almost a stammer – she knew how ridiculous she sounded. Tru simply laugh quietly and said that she didn't need an explanation. They found a teacher who pointed them in the direction of the small girl; she was supposed to be playing kickball. When they came upon the field, they found that Ella was the only child not playing. She sat alone in the grass, eyes wandering every way except to the field.
Tru left Emily in the grass, watching the small child, while she explained to the lead teachers that Emily was there to visit with Ella. She nodded to Emily and headed back to the main house, waving her goodbyes. Emily waved her thanks and wandered toward Ella, making sure to stir up enough noise so as not to frighten her. Indeed, Ella was not surprised when a person sank into the grass next to her. Not that she was terribly interested; she never turned her head.
Emily watched the game for a long time, remaining silent as she peripherally observed Ella. The little girl was twisted blades of grass between her fingertips; a nervous indicator that she was aware of the older woman's presence. Pulling her knees to her chin, Emily rested her head on her knees so she could see Ella.
"Do you remember me?" Ella nodded. "Do you mind that I stopped by to visit?" Ella shook her head and bit the inside of her lip. "Well, I have something for you," Emily said cheerfully. She saw a
look of surprise in the young girl's expression. Emily opened her purse and pulled from it a new copy of Anne of Green Gables, another of her favorite childhood books. Ella took it in her hands and held it for a moment before her eyes turned to meet Emily's.
"Thank you," she whispered.
"You're welcome," Emily answered with a warm smile. After a few moments, she convinced Ella that it would be okay if they began to read it together. "This is not very lady-like," Emily said as she lay back in the grass. Ella giggled and lay next to her, not too close – but close enough to see the book. They took turns reading and Emily was stunned by Ella's fluency. For a nine year old, she read like an adult: a very eloquent and intelligent adult.
The probably would have read until the sun took away their source of light if Emily hadn't heard the child's stomach growl. She finished the page she was reading and set the book aside. "I think it's lunch time," she said, sitting up and looking at her watch. It was actually well past lunch and Emily was certain she has caused the child miss a meal. Ella's eyes bulged when she saw Emily's watch; she stood and began to run toward the house. Emily caught up with her quickly and stopped her frantic strides.
"Hey," she said softly, "it's okay. You're not in trouble," she assured the young girl. Ella seemed to be listening to her but Emily knew she didn't believe the words she was hearing. Offering Ella her hand, Emily walked back to the house calmly and found her way to the kitchen. Inside, she found five women working busily; obviously preparing the evening meal. She walked up to the oldest one who was cutting potatoes; she looked kind – and possibly in charge.
"Hi," Emily said sheepishly, "can you help me with something? I'm visiting Ella and we were outside reading a book – and lost track of time. It's my fault – I should have been watching the time. But I'm sure she needs something to eat before supper." The woman smiled at Emily,
"Of course, dear. The children know all they need to do is ask. Give me a minute and we'll put together a few sandwiches. You can make yourselves a nice picnic. What a beautiful day it is outside." Emily looked at Ella, who was still attached to her hand, and raised an eyebrow. The little girl smiled back sheepishly. They went back outside and spent the remainder of the afternoon reading and working on the small but delicious picnic lunch the woman had packed for them.
"What were you so worried about, when we were late for lunch?" Ella shrugged her shoulders and walked along beside Emily, her eyes cast down. Realizing that she had no choice but to let it go, Emily sighed.
"I had a very nice time today," Emily said, stooping next to Ella so they were at eye level.
"Me too," Ella answered softly.
"Would it be okay if I came back to see you again?" Without answering, Ella almost knocked Emily over with a fierce hug. Before Emily could respond, the child had disappeared into the house. When she returned to Samantha's home, the activity level had risen significantly since she'd left that morning. Will, Morgan, Reid, and Hotch were returning from what looked to be a golf outing.
"Oh Reid," Emily said, horrified when she saw his ensemble.
"JJ already yelled at me."
"And you didn't think to change?"
"I didn't have time," the genius answered, genuinely confused. Emily shook her head as she crossed the grass to speak to him.
"Make the time," she suggested, "make the time. And Reid – Pennsylvania is from now on the land-of-no-sweater-vests. Consider them illegal."
"What about in DC?"
"They're still working on the legislation," Emily answered wryly. "Just lose the sweater vests – at least until after the wedding. How are you going to pick up the cute girls at the reception if they're turned off by the sweater vest? And they will be," she told him firmly. Reid blushed from the attention but shook his head – he would never care about clothes enough to remember all of these rules.
"Where have you been, girl?" Morgan asked as he threw an arm around Emily's shoulder. "You were gone before the rest of us left siesta land."
"Shopping," Emily answered quickly, "a girl's favorite hobby." As if to prove the point, she pulled out several bags and handed them to her friend. "Thanks," she said coyly. Morgan shook his head after realizing that he'd just been volunteered to be a porter.
Dinner was a quiet affair that evening with a buffet-style menu and people perched in various rooms. Emily wandered out onto the back deck and chose a seat near JJ and Garcia; they were busy chatting about wedding details. JJ was still unsure about the slideshow her mother wanted Garcia to design for the reception.
"Hi Em," JJ said with a smile, "how was your day?" The three ladies spent the rest of the evening chatting about the wedding, their day, and what was planned for the rest of the week. Emily, despite the negative voice of her realistic consciousness, returned to visit Ella each of the next three mornings. They finished Anne of Green Gables and were working on Anne of the Island by the time Thursday rolled around.
That evening, Emily knocked softly on the mahogany door leading to the library, half-hoping that no one would answer. After all, with the rehearsal the next day, everyone should have been sleeping. Her half-hopes were dashed when a gentle voice invited her to enter. Samantha was sitting on a sofa in
the far corner of the library, jotting things into a notebook. Her feet were pulled up, her hair down, and a glass of wine not far from reach.
"Hi Emily," she said with a smile. "Come in, have a seat."
"I don't want to interrupt—"
"You're not," Samantha insisted. "Please, come and sit down. May I get you something?" Emily shook her head and offered her thanks.
"You have a beautiful home. And your children – they're a joy."
"I like them," Samantha said with a grin. "And thank you. But I'm sure that's not what you're here about. What's on your mind?"
"I want to adopt," Emily said quickly, spitting out the words before she could change her mind. Samantha smiled knowingly and pulled a folder from a nearby bag. She handed it to Emily, who opened it to find adoption papers and all sorts of legal looking documents. "How did you know?" She stammered, eyes pleading with the younger woman.
"It's not every day one of my charges is visited five days in a row by the same adult. My employees keep me informed."
"What do you think?"
"I think you would make a fabulous mother and I've barely known you a week. JJ talks about you constantly and I trust her. And she wholly supports your decision to adopt."
"Why am I not surprised that she knew I wanted to do this before I did?"
"Because that's who she is. She's always been intuitive – long before she worked with profilers. I agree with her. From what I've seen, I think you would do wonderfully to adopt."
Why does it sound like there's a 'but' in there?" Emily asked astutely, having picked up on a bit of hesitation in Samantha's voice.
"You really are a profiler," Samantha said with a smile. "I think that you would make a great mother. But I'm assuming you're interested in adopting Ella."
"And?"
"And there are things you need to know before you continue your consideration. Ella was placed in the system as an infant. She was in foster care until she came to me around age four. She was abused. Sexually, Physically, Mentally. She was raped and molested. Every rib and arm bone in her tiny body had been broken at some point in her life before I met her. There's really nothing she hadn't faced by the time she was old enough for preschool." Emily nodded, listening and biting her lip to keep the tears at bay. She'd already grown so attached to this kind, intelligent, beautiful little girl. The thought that she'd been so deeply hurt ripped at Emily's heart. She found her voice and answered,
"I don't care. That doesn't make her any less lovable."
"I agree," Samantha said evenly. "But there's more. She was only with me for about three months before she was adopted by a couple from two towns over. They kept her for two months. Her next two families only kept her for about a month each."
"Dear God. How could they do that to her?"
"It wasn't an easy decision for any of them. But it brutally hurt Ella– she hasn't agreed to see prospective parents since she'd been back these past four years. And truthfully, she's approaching an
age where she won't be what most adoptive parents are looking for. The families who brought her back weren't cruel. They were simply unprepared to deal with her special needs. I tried to prepare them, but all they saw was a beautiful little girl with good manners and a sweet smile."
"What happened?"
"Ella suffers from extreme, chronic night terrors."
"Nightmares?" Emily couldn't believe that three families would turn their backs on this little girl because she had a few bad dreams.
"Night Terrors. Cold sweats, feverish temperatures, screaming, crying, thrashing, the works. It happens almost every night."
"That poor girl," Emily said softly.
"Unfortunately, most don't see it that way after being deprived of their own sleep for weeks on end."
"But then how do you deal with it at the orphanage?"
"She's spent a lot of time at sleep clinics in the past few years and we have it mostly under control. Her pediatrician is our friend Tru. She's worked with us and Ella trying all sorts of things. It's extreme, but what we do is the only thing that seems to help her get any semblance of sleep. Ella has a strictly regimented schedule beginning at eight every night. She reads for half an hour and then takes a 20 minute shower. She brushes her teeth, changes into her pajamas, and then lies down and listens to classical music until 9:30. There are certain pieces that she's found are more soothing than the others. At that time, someone goes to help her get settled. It's always either myself, Tru, or my nanny - who
also volunteers at the orphanage. We give her a mild sleeping pill. It's equivalent to the potency of a Benadryl. And before she goes to sleep, she's restrained."
"Dear God," Emily repeated, " What do you mean, restrained? Isn't that dangerous?"
"A waist belt, wrist cuffs, and ankle cuffs. They're all set up to release if the fire alarm goes off. She also has a call button that she can reach. One of the nurses on staff is in the next room all night. I know it sounds horrible – but it's completely necessary. Ella understands that. Trust me when I tell you that we have tried everything."
"What about a stronger sleeping pill?"
"The ones that are strong enough to knock out the night terrors also make her vegetable-like during the day. It's no way for a child to live." Emily nodded; she could understand that. They were silent for a few moments while the older woman processed this new information. She looked at Samantha and their eyes locked.
"I still want her."
"I was hoping you'd say that," Samantha said, her eyes misty and a small smile gracing her lips.
"I'm going to need your help."
"You've got it," Samantha promised. "She's a special kid. She deserves someone like you in her life."
"I hope I can live up to that," Emily said softly.
