Emily had once read something that said after a traumatic experience it would become the memory you can always recall at the blink of an eye. She believed it – she could recall all the traumatic memories her father caused. She could recall the night she was raped and she could recall the night she killed her first man with high definition intensity. She could now also recall the fight with Cameron Hayes and the look in his eyes as she had slit his throat.
She had read books and books written by killers and how they described the life going out of someone's eyes but Emily decides they were all wrong. It wasn't like a light switch being flicked and one minute they are alive the next they are dead. It was a slow process, like a bath draining of water or a puddle being dried by the summer heat. There was nothing fast and clean about death – yeah the heart stopping beating was fast but nothing else was. And death really wasn't clean.
Her eyes trail over to the patch of carpet in her sister's living room that had borne witness to her crime – it had been cleaned and better cleaned. The shade matching the rest of the living room. Even the wall was free of the marks. If a stranger was to walk in they wouldn't see anything wrong with it but for Em and her sister they both knew what had gone down in this very living room. Their eyes kept trailing to that exact spot as they chatted – both of them remembering the scene for different reasons.
Em because it was where she had killed a man and for Tara it was where she had nearly lost her sister.
She had been out of hospital for a few hours now – the doctors had come to clear her after Happy's visit and she'd noticed as her sister drove her home the unmarked car following them. It would appear that even though she was allowed home – ATF were still keeping her in their sights. Agent Stahl had revisited before Emily left once again proposing the deal and Emily had once again throw it in her face making the agent none too pleased and insisted that Emily was out on bail. When she had gotten charged she didn't know but didn't see the point in arguing.
She was too tired. The whole incident had drained her and then Happy's visit had famished her all of care.
She hadn't expected him to come see her – she had wished it yeah. But she had thought he'd have better things to do then come see the woman who warmed his bed. But he had come and he had kissed her. They hadn't spoken – neither of them opening their mouths to form a single syllable. Happy basically because that was who he was and Emily because she had no idea what to say. She couldn't lie because he would have seen through it and she didn't want to tell him the truth – not out of fear but something else.
She wasn't scared of him – well she was a little but not completely. The more she realized his world was her world and the more she realised she was his in some fucked up way the more the fear surrounding him had started to disappear around her. She was still scared because of his history and knew that killing was second nature to him and she knew she would always feel that but she was getting better with it.
She thinks.
"Emily"
She tunes back into the conversation and tears her eyes away from the spot near the wall and back to her sister. Tara smiles sadly as she notices the look in her sister's eyes. She had seen it plenty of times in Jax's. It was of a person haunted.
"You okay?" Tara asks concern lacing her words
"Yeah" Emily nods forcing a small smile on her face "Just tired"
Tara stares for a few more moments before nodding and begins re-asking Em the questions she was. The two of them had been previously talking about the sale of their dad's house. Emily wanted to move out of there – too many memories and shit but due to Tara also being on the lease the sale had to be confirmed by the both of them. She'd come to the conclusion that morning when Tara had come to pick her up from the hospital, surprising not only her sister but herself.
"So any idea where in town you want to move to?"
"No" Em replies shaking her head "Just away from that street so I don't really care to be honest"
"Okay" Tara nods "I'll put the paperwork in tomorrow and see if I can get some brochures and stuff"
"Sounds good"
Tara nods ending the subject and stands up grabbing both hers and Em's coffee mugs before padding her way into the kitchen. A cry splits the air and Em stands up slowly and makes the small trek down the corridor to the nursery pushing the door open. Walking in and over to the cot she smiles down at her nephew who silences the moment he sees Em.
Reaching over the cot and hissing to herself as the movement pulls on her stitches she lifts Abel and rests him against her chest as she stands.
"Hey there buddy" she coos "How is my handsome man today"
As she stares into Abel's wide eyes something clicks inside her – something that had been out of sorts as she thought on the murder. This was the reason why she had done it – this little boy who was currently gurgling at her with a large smile as he wove his small chubby hands into her long hair. He was the reason she had taken a life – a life for a life. If she hadn't taken Cameron's then there was a good chance Abel would have been killed. Or as Jax said kidnapped.
"Em" Tara cries rushing in the room and going to grab Abel "You shouldn't be pushing yourself"
"Sis" Em says stopping Tara in her tracks "I'm fine. I don't need you doctoring me okay. I know how much I can do and how much I can't"
Tara doesn't look like she believes her but nods and heads back out the room as Em turns and walks over to the rocking chair sitting down with Abel in her arms. Rocking gently whilst her nephew plays with her hair she watches his childish innocence. He didn't know the danger that had coming knocking at his door just barely a week earlier – he had no idea the lengths the woman holding him had gone to and she would make sure he never knew or that danger never came knocking again.
"You okay?"
She glances up to see Jax leaning against the nursery doorway – his blue eyes observing the scene before him. He looked tired that bone deep tired that aged him by about ten years.
"I could ask you the same" Emily counters earning a chuckle
"Fair enough" he sighs "I see you have a babysitter still"
"It's still out there"
Jax nods and walks into the room and stands in front of Em reaching out a finger to trail down Abel's face before turning and sitting on the day bed. Em turns in the chair to see him better, hissing softly as the movement hurts her stomach.
She couldn't wait till the damn stitches were out and she could do what she wanted again. For now she was restricted and it was fucking annoying. She never wanted to be stabbed in the stomach – again. Like ever as it fucking sucked.
"What happens now?"
"I don't know" Jax shrugs "Between the Irish and ATF gunning for you we have to keep an eye on you"
"No" she growls already knowing where the conversation was heading
"Emily"
"No Jackson – I am not going into lockdown and being babysat every fucking hour of the day. How would that look to the ATF huh? I mean they want me to help take you guys down, I refuse but all of a sudden I'm pretty much under lock and key with the club"
"Em…."
"I am on bail Jackson and I am going to carry on my life as much as possible. Once I am medically cleared I am returning to work to find out just what Mina is up to as well as get my affairs in order for my pending prison stretch"
Standing from the rocking chair she walks back to the cot and places a now sleeping Abel inside before turning to the man still staring at her. She wasn't a fucking baby who needed watching at every god damn minute. And she knew as did Jax that the ATF wouldn't give up on her and the more they put her in lockdown the more it gave them reason to raid the place looking for her.
She was not doing that to the club – as much as she was still learning to understand it she knew she wouldn't not be welcome inside its walls or around its members if she was the cause of a raid. No matter how much Clay and Jax swore to protect her. The club came before her – hell it came before anybody.
"Once the Irish learn it was you that killed Cameron they will come after you Emily and if you're unprotected it will not end well"
"Let them come" she shrugs not really giving a shit "You and Clay have both said you'll protect me so fucking do it. But seriously Jax I am not a little girl that you can make go stand in the naughty corner because she's misbehaved, I am a grown ass woman who can make my own decisions and right now I'm making them. Yeah they might be the wrong decisions but fuck it. I'm the one paying for the consequences so why should it matter"
"You remind me of my mother" he groans
"Well then you know this conversation isn't going to go your way"
He runs a stressed hand through his blonde hair before securing her with his blue eyed gaze – she holds it without blinking until he looks away and stands up walking towards her. Pulling her into a hug he leans his head against her head and sighs.
"We'll protect you but please don't do anything stupid"
"I can't make that promise"
And she couldn't – she had a war to plan with the woman who had used her as a tool.
Jax lets her go and takes a few steps back.
"I need to head back"
"To let them know I'm not behaving" she smirks
"Something like that" he nods "Do you want a ride home?"
She nods and follows him out the room – stopping in the kitchen to grab her coat and say goodbye to Tara who was washing up she follows Jax out to his bike. Accepting the spare helmet off him she fastens it and slowly pulls her coat on making sure not to stretch too much. Using the time as a distraction she glances up the street and notices the unmarked car parked at least four houses down.
Using her photographic memory she clocks the licence plate before gingerly climbing on the back of the bike behind Jax wrapping her arms around his waist. He starts it up and pulls out the driveway driving down the street past the car. Glancing through the mirror brown eyes meet green as the agent behind the wheel follows them with his vision.
She'd never seen him before but he wasn't a good agent. I mean she'd been followed by officers before and every time she'd walked past the unmarked car they were in they had done their hardest to look busy and not as though they were watching her every move. But this guy – this guy had stared straight at her as though he wanted her to know he was watching.
It caused a sliver of fear to travel down her spine as she thinks on the way his lips had curled into a sneer. It wasn't a scary sneer as Jesus it had nothing on Happy's – it was a sneer of promise as though warning Em. Warning her that he wasn't going anywhere and wherever she looked he would be there.
It almost made her reconsider the lockdown option – almost.
Glancing behind her she notes he's literally a car's distance away from them. His speed high enough to keep up with the way Jax was motoring down the road. Again not the signs of a good agent.
The more she watches him, making sure to grip Jax tightly and take his lead in movements, she actually wonders if he is an agent at all or someone else entirely.
I am so fucking sorry this had taken forever to get out guys. I've been without internet as I moved house and then my hard drive blew up taking out my chapters for this story and the one I had originally written. This is a replacement and it's nowhere near what I had written but I hope it suffices and I am sorry it's so short. I couldn't remember what I had written last time and that chapter was near like 5,000 words.
Anyway I hope you are all still behind this story even with me doing a disappearing act. And I hope you enjoy this chapter.
Feedback would be highly appreciated.
Love you all.
