NOT WHAT IT SEEMS
Choice
It was a Wednesday and there was a tiny spot on his ceiling. Right above his head, threatening to dive into his perfectly white sheets.
But Levi paid it no attention, because his mind was still recovering from what happened a few hours ago.
He could ask himself what was he thinking that he allowed it to happen, on such an open place, but he already knew the answer to that. He had simply ignored everything that would hold him down. He was blinded by desire. He shut his mind up and just let himself be dominated.
The sun was rising and the morning light started to bathe the corner of his bedroom. He hadn't been able to sleep since he left Eren. He would keep on rolling back and forth, trying to relax, but sleep just would not come.
He had ran away for good. He knew that. He just wished that things hadn't happened this way. He would rather have said goodbye to Eren, but thinking straight at that time just wasn't going to happen anymore. Besides, that voice that interrupted them sounded dangerously familiar.
Levi decided to just give up on trying to get any rest. He kicked his sheets, annoyed at his insomnia, and searched with his feet for his slippers.
It was 6 am, he still had some time before getting ready for work. He would prepare himself some tea and sulk until the alarm reminded him that he still had a whole day to endure.
...
Levi entered the office room walking fast. He was usually the first to arrive and the last to leave. As the chief of his section, he liked to be sure that everything was on the right place when he arrived and before he went home.
He went straight to his little office room and sat on his large leather chair. His monitor was full of memos left by his friend Hanji. He hated when she did that.
The small sticky and colourful notes were pulled one by one after their contents were read.
Lecture on the new systems interface at 10 am
Meeting about the internships at 2pm
Happy Hour tonight - don't run away!
Snorting a laugh, he picked the last note and stared at it. They never gave up on trying to drag him into these things.
He should try to put his thoughts in order rather than watch his colleagues get drunk.
...
Eren watched the streets with more than his usual interest, looking through the glass of the bus. Somehow, he was hoping to find Levi walking on the streets, just waiting for Eren to pass by. But he knew that it wasn't going to happen, because Levi just took the late train, and it was still 5 pm.
He wondered if Levi would ever look for him. It's not like he put resistance to Eren's move, although he tried to at first, but he quickly gave in. Levi seemed to want it too, suddenly kissing with such a need, like someone who was repressing feelings and then suddenly allowing them out at once.
The sun would set soon and Eren thought of the evenings he jogged feeling the summer's night breeze. He was gonna miss it. As much as he would miss Levi's company on his way back.
He got off the bus close to the cafe they went in to talk for the first time. Walking with decisive steps, he sought that same table by the window and sat on the same seat he occupied last time.
"An expresso, please."
...
Not for the first time, Levi would silently get away before everyone started to gather for Happy Hour. By the time he was missed, he would be already by the train station.
Levi was content with himself for successfully escaping it again. He wasn't unsociable, and sometimes he felt like he should seek more social interactions, but his co workers just talked about work even when drunk, so no point.
Having left work earlier, he wouldn't be taking the last train. He entered his usual wagon and made his way to his favourite seat. Looking at the side Eren used to pick transported him back into those silent trips with curious glances.
He had no idea of what to do yet. He knew where Eren lived, but after his desperate retreat, he would feel really pathetic for coming back and knocking on Eren's door saying 'Hi, I'm back, sorry for running away yesterday, please put up with my childish adult issues!'
Yes, childish, because even though Eren was the youngest, he seemed exactly to know what he wanted and knew how to do what he was doing, unlike Levi, who was trying not to drown into his insecurities.
The thing is, would Eren have done more than what he already did if he had the chance? Although it didn't depend entirely on Eren, Levi found himself bound to Eren's desire, because while they were at it, he just couldn't run away.
His trip back home passed in the blink of an eye, Levi had barely noticed, for his mind was filled with worries.
He crossed the street and passd by the arcade, not really looking in there. Next on his way was the cafe. He did look inside this time, but there was no sign of Eren. On the table they picked the last time there was just an empty cup.
Well, now this is pathetic of me. He sighed and made his way home, without looking around for Eren anymore.
...
Eren looked impatiently at the clock. The last train had already arrived, but there was no sign of Levi.
The boy sighed dejectedly as he realised that they were closing the gates, which meant that there was no one else inside the station.
Getting on his feet, he decided to walk back home, kicking stones on his way.
He heard at some point the sound of dogs barking wildly coming from the way he was heading. Speeding up his pace, he tried to find the place from which the sound was coming from. As soon as he got to the corner of the street, two dogs ran past him, the second chasing after the first, with bloody wounds. Without thinking twice, he ran after them.
...
The spot was still there. It still wasn't bothering Levi. Unless it started to move, it would help him focus. Finding a place to focus his gaze on that plain ceiling helped him think more clearly.
He had had a nap after he came back from work. Now that he was rested, his mind urged him to think of his problem.
Not having seen Eren on that day also helped to shift part of his ability of taking decisions back into his brain, whereas other things insisted on remain rooted in his heart.
Although it wasn't the choice his heart wanted to make, he thought that maybe not looking for Eren at all would be the best decision he could take. The most mature choice he could make about Eren.
Besides, he remembered how Eren said that he couldn't let it pass, as if it was the only chance. The last chance. This thought brought the fear that he had possibly been just a summer crush from a teenager full of blooming hormones.
Of course that Levi was mature enough to understand that these things happened to everyone, and he also had had his own summer dates. Just as long as his need lasted. But falling victim to it, this time seemed to hurt.
Despite his inner struggle, he had decided that the right thing to do was to just keep on doing things as he always did: just keep on living as if nothing happened, and whatever came after that would be left for fate to decide.
Just as he made his decision, the dogs in the neighbourhood started to back insanely loud. The sound of dog whimpers alerted him that there was a stray dog fight nearby.
What a bother. He thought.
The fight seemed to be getting closer to his door, and soon he heard voices too.
"SHOOOO! GO AWAY, YOU BAD DOG!"
"Leave my dog alone, you idiot!"
"Don't you see what your dog is doing to this poor thing! Learn to control your dog, you horse face!"
"LEARN TO CONTROL YOUR MOUTH, YOU LITTLE SHIT! DON'T HURT MY DOG!"
Levi immediately got on his feet and put on a shirt. He also grabbed a broom as he headed the door. It seemed that he would have more than one fight to pull apart.
On the moment he looked through the window before opening his door, he realised that fate didn't decide anything. It made things happen, but the final choice would always be his own. He took a deep breath.
