So so…Have some suggestions about what Girlycard should do to Pip or visa versa, because this could be way too much fun… *evil smile*


"Integra!" Pip slammed his fist on the door to his employer's office.

"Come in."

Pip opened the door, red faced with anger.

"What is it you are yelling about?" Integra snapped. Alucard in his tall menacing male form was near her chair, on one knee in his submissive pose to his master. Pip could have sworn he saw the glint of playfulness in his eye as he glanced at Pip.

Pip pointed at Alucard, "It's that thing!" He glared at Alucard, "He's been turning into a little girl and pulling things on me, but I've had it! I've had it! All my underwear iz gone, my boots are still being cleaned, Seras zhinks I'm the one raiding her room and I'm being punished for it, her mad laughter keeps me awake at night vhen I'm trying to zleep, and he…she…won't leave me alone!"

Integra's frown deepened. "Pip, in case you haven't notice, Alucard is a seven foot tall man. He can turn into a dog, but that's about it."

"He turns into a fourteen year old girl!" Pip's eye twitched as Alucard grinned slightly, closing his eyes as if just listening. "I know you're laughing!" Pip spat.

Integra frowned hard again. "Alucard, please, clear this up."

Alucard stood and made a slight bow, "I'm sorry, mercenary, but I have no idea what you are speaking of."

Pip couldn't even speak, he was too flustered. No, Alucard wasn't doing this to him... Was he just some special victim Alucard enjoyed tormenting and making a fool of?

"Do cling to what is left of your dignity and leave." Integra ordered.

"But…but…he's lying!"

"Out!"

Pip grumbled as he walked away from the office. Hopefully the vampire would get bored. No one believed him around here. Alucard was going to make him go crazy, he knew it, one day he would flip his lid and that would be the end of him.

Then came that high-pitched crazed voice behind him.

"Gooooooiiiiinnng cooooommmmmmannnndooooo!" She howled as she tore his pants down to his knees. Then she was running away with her hands up in the air, cackling like there was no tomorrow.

Pip desperately grabbed his pants, but it was too late. Thanks to his lack of underwear he had nothing on underneath, and Seras was just coming into that very hall behind him.

Seras screamed.

Pip managed to pull his pants up and turn, holding onto them so they wouldn't fall down again. "Oi, Seras…" He put out a hand, "It's not what it looks like!"


Pip sat in his room with an ice bag on his head, a cigarette hanging from between his lips. He grimaced as he let his hand and the ice down on the table he sat at.

IT appeared next to him. He didn't even acknowledge IT's presence.

She placed a bowl down on the table and pulled up a chair next to him. Girlycard plopped down on a seat she pulled up for herself and stared at Pip. She only got a small hateful glance.

The bowl was full of blood and she had begun eating it quietly with a small spoon, staring up at Pip all the while with her wide red eyes.

"Why, Alucard, why?" Pip mumbled after a while.

"Who's Alucard? You never tell me!" She snapped, throwing a fist on the table.

Pip calmly removed the cigarette from his mouth and doused it in the bowl.

Girlycard stared at the bowl where he had put his cigarette, her eye twitching rapidly. "That…was…my…SOUP."

"Now it's an ashtray." Pip smirked.


"Ma'am, our mercenary, Pip, will be out of duty for today." Walter informed his master.

"And why is that?" Integra glanced up from her paper work.

"It turns out he has offended both our vampires somehow, he is currently in the hospital ward."