I asked people on tumblr what to write over winter break and they requested another chapter of Yours Truly, a Friend. I'll make an attempt to write more, and eventually finish the story, but I can't make any promises.


Dear Eli,

How's Japan treating you so far? Two weeks in, and surely you're a pro already! How is it? Are you finding your way around okay? Has anything exciting happened yet? Are you remembering to take your shoes off when you get inside? That's important, ya know! As for me, I'm nearing the end of my current project, I'm sad to say. I'll miss the girls when it's over. And I guess I'll have to find a new job, huh? The trials of adulthood never end.

It's strange, though… I feel like I'm right on the edge of something. The edge of a cliff, perhaps? And it's a long way down to the bottom, but there's a bridge I could take… I just have to be brave enough to take that first step. Or maybe I've already fallen? Maybe I've caught myself on a ledge, unable to move, and there's a hand reaching out to me from above. Should I take that hand, and risk slipping and falling farther, or should I stay where I am, stuck but safe? Surely the reward for getting out must be far greater than the risk.

What do you think? Have you ever felt this way? Is my imagination getting away from me?

Lots of love,

Nozomi *heart*


Eli liked to think of herself as someone who was composed, someone who could adapt flawlessly to any situation with grace. She had cultivated that persona for years, holding her head high and hiding all traces of bewilderment she might feel when the world throws her for a loop. She had mastered the art of it all – or so she had thought.

"I've been to Moscow a hundred times," she muttered under her breath, "I shouldn't be this lost in a city."

Eli glared at the gps on her phone, then spun in a circle and glared at the buildings surrounding her. People pushed past her on all sides, chattering away; cars flew down the road; even the wind whistling through the tall buildings was deafening. It near overwhelmed Eli, and the knowledge that this was a quiet time of day terrified her.

Already, Eli was missing her quiet life in her small Russian village. Sure, there was nothing to do there, and she had long grown tired of seeing the same faces day in and day out, but at least she could breathe. Even when she managed to find her way back to her apartment, she wouldn't be able to block out the noise.

"Oh my god, you're gorgeous," a voice said.

Well, Eli wasn't a quitter – except sometimes, when she was, but that was in the past, and she wasn't going to be like that anymore – and she was simply going to have to get used to it. She just needed some time, is all.

"Hey, do you have a map?" the voice continued. "Cause I think I'm lost in your eyes."

"Oh." Eli finally noticed the young woman standing in front of her. She was short, even for the Japanese, and she wore a bright smile that Eli felt she could trust. What had she said? Everyone spoke so fast here – was it something about being lost? That must be it. "Ah, yes, I've gotten a little turned around. Would you mind giving me directions?"

The woman looked surprised for a moment – had Eli said something wrong? – but she bounced back instantly. "Oh, you're new here! That's great! I'm Yazawa Nico, just Nico is fine, and I'll be your tour guide! I'll show you alllllllll the wonders of Japan, don't you worry."

Nico hooked her arm through Eli's, who for the first time in years found herself unable to keep up with what was happening, and pulled her down the street.

"So! European, right? You've got to be, with those blue eyes. What country? My first guess was France, but you don't sound French, at least I don't think so. German maybe? Russian? What other countries are over there… Ukraine? Norway? Chile? Wait, no, that's one of the Americas, isn't it? I was never very good with geography. Hey! Have you ever thought about dancing?"

Eli gaped at Nico. What had she gotten herself into? At least Nico's barrage of questions had been said at a slower pace than before, and once Eli pulled herself together she realized she had managed to understand it all.

"Yes, I'm Russian, but I'm actually more Japanese than Russian, it's just been a while since I've been here…" Fifteen years, to be exact. Eli had planned on coming back sooner, possibly for high school, but life got in the way, and now she barely remembered anything about the country. "And I used to dance, but not anymore."

"Perfect! I knew it the moment I saw you!" Nico nodded to herself, as if acknowledging what a genius she was. She dragged Eli into a random building, sat her down at a table, disappeared, and returned a few moments later with two steaming cups of something in her hands. Nico moved fast, slipping around people and darting through the crowds, and between watching her and breathing in the smell of coffee that filled the small café, Eli was almost dizzy. She took the cup Nico handed her gratefully.

"I forgot to ask what you like," Nico said, "so I just got hot chocolate, because who actually likes coffee? I mean, my friend Maki does, but she's a med student and I think an addiction to coffee is required for graduation, so she doesn't count. Also, what's your name?"

"Elizaveta Alexandrovna," Eli said, sipping her hot chocolate and grimacing as it burned her tongue. Nico gave her a blank stare and Eli sighed. Right. Japan. "Eli in Japanese. Ayase Eli."

"Cool. What're you doing in Japan, Eli? Visiting? Moving?"

"Moving. I graduated university a year ago, but I couldn't find any interesting work back home, so I thought I'd try here. Plus…" Eli hesitated a moment, then continued on. "I have a friend here, we've been sending each other letters for years, and it'd be nice to finally meet in person."

"What, you two were pen pals or something?" Nico scoffed at the idea. "That's stupid. This is the twenty-first century, we have phones and webcams. Use those and you can find out someone's abandoned you after a week, instead of waiting 3 months for a letter that will never come."

"What?"

"Anyway!" The odd darkness that had clouded Nico's eyes vanished as quickly as it had appeared, and she was back to her sunny and dazzling self an instant later. "When are you going to meet this mystery friend of yours?"

"I don't know… We haven't really talked about it yet."

"Seriously? Come on! How long have you two been friends?"

"About ten years."

"Ten years! And you're not racing down the streets to throw yourself in their arms? What kind of friends are you?"

"Well… It's kinda nerve wracking, isn't it?" Eli gave a sheepish grin. "I like to think I know her pretty well, but talking in person is a lot different than writing. And what would we do? We've never had to… do anything together before."

"You could see a movie? Go bowling? Go to an arcade? An amusement park? Take a walk through the park? Go to the beach? See touristy stuff? Go-"

"Okay, okay, I get it! There's lots of things to do!" They laughed together, and Eli felt her nervousness ease, just a little.

They left the café a little while later, Nico leading the way to Eli's apartment. She pointed out various landmarks that Eli tried her best to commit to memory, and talked nonsense the rest of the time. Eli had tuned her out by the end of it, which she felt bad about, but it was exhausting going from Japanese class once a week to full immersion with native speakers. She needed a nap.

"And ta-da! Home sweet home, right?" Nico gestured to the apartment building, which Eli was slowly beginning to think of as hers.

"Yes, thank you Nico. You were a great help." Eli made her way to the door with relief, Nico following a few steps behind.

"So, hey, Eli, you want to go out with me?" Nico asked, and Eli paused on the threshold.

Did she? She supposed it wouldn't hurt to have another friend here, especially one in the area. Somehow, she got this feeling that hanging around Nico could lead to more trouble than it was worth, with her impulsive actions… but Eli had had fun, and moving to a new country meant taking risks, didn't it?

"Alright," Eli decided. "Message me if you want to meet up, then. My job doesn't start for another couple weeks, so I should be free whenever."

Nico grinned, raising her hands up in some weird pose. "You got it!"


Dear Nozomi,

I ran into the oddest person the other day…

Nico's words kept spinning around in Eli's mind. There was no doubt about it: the correct course of action was to ask Nozomi to meet up. She couldn't imagine Nozomi saying no, and surely they would be able to find something to do. Still, there was that fluttering of her heart that came up whenever she read one of Nozomi's letters, or whenever she looked at that jar slowly filling up with paper stars, and it made her hesitate.

Eli folded the 484th star, finished the letter, and didn't write anything at all about getting together.


Eli's phone buzzed early in the morning, and she groaned as she opened her eyes to sunlight. Buying curtains was moving up in her priority list. A fan, too, she decided, as she spotted the blanket lying on the floor. She had vague memories of kicking it off during the night, unable to deal with the heat. The phone vibrated again, and Eli fumbled through the clutter piled on her night stand until she found it.

11:03 am, the screen read. Not that early, then, and she couldn't use jet lag as an excuse anymore. Well, she was technically on vacation, so she was allowed to sleep in. Eli yawned and pushed herself into an upright position.

"It's your favorite up and coming idol, Nico-Nii!" the message read, "I compleeeeeeeeeeeetely forgot to ask you something important the other day. Think you can find the coffee shop again and meet me there? You won't regret it, I promise!"

The gps said the café was a 20 minute walk. Eli gave herself an hour to hunt down the place, and prided herself on getting there in 45 minutes. She bought a chocolate latte and sat down at the same table as before. Nico walked in a short while later, looking almost dressed up in her pink blouse and doodle-print skirt. It was a cute look.

"You actually made it!" Nico said, dropping herself in the chair. "I'm surprised. I thought I'd have to rescue you again."

"I'm not completely hopeless."

"Yeah? How long did it take you?"

Eli took a sip of her drink instead of answering and ignored Nico's smirk. "Anyways, what was that important question you had?"

"Oh yeah! You said you knew how to dance, right?"

"I did, but…"

"What about singing? You have any experience with that?"

"Not really, no."

"Well, that's fine. Your accent is a bit thick, but your voice is nice, so there shouldn't be any problems."

"Wait, problems with what? What are you talking about?"

"My idol group, of course!" Nico said it with such confidence and energy that Eli almost nodded in understanding before she realized that she still had no idea what Nico was talking about.

"Your… idol group? You mean, like a celebrity?"

"Sure. But idols are better, and a whole lot cuter! I'm aiming to be the number one idol in the entire universe! Me and my friend Maki are forming an idol group together. We're going to debut soon, but we're looking for one more member first. That's where you come in!"

"What? Hold on-"

"You said you're free for a couple weeks, right? That's plenty of time to catch up on the dance moves, and we're almost done with the song, and then we can find time to meet outside of work. Of course, once we make it big, we'll have to practice full time, so don't get too attached to your job, okay?"

"Wait, wait, I haven't agreed to anything yet. Why are you picking me for this?"

"Uh, because you're hot? And you just have that talented look about you, too. I've got a sense for this stuff, you know! I can see it now," Nico said, stars in her eyes, "your face on magazine covers, the headlines crying out about the new foreign star, Ayase Elizabeth-"

"Elizaveta."

"Same thing?"

"As same as Nico and Nicole."

"That's kinda cute, actually."

Eli sighed heavily. "Nico, I appreciate the offer, but I'm not interested in joining your idol group."

"Aw, come on. Why not?"

"Because… because I have enough stuff to do right now, and I'm going to like my new job, and I haven't danced in over eight years and I'm not planning on starting again."

"Why not?" Nico asked again, and this time she had a more serious look in her eyes. Still, Eli wasn't about to open up to someone she had just met, new friend or not.

"It's complicated," Eli said, and met Nico's suspicious look with a firm one.

"Well, fine," Nico decided after a moment. "But you'll still come with me to meet Maki, right? I told her I was bringing you over, and she'll make fun of me if I don't."

"I suppose that's fine, just meeting her…" Even as Eli said it, she had a nagging feeling that she should be saying no. The more distance she put between herself and dance, the better, and this was getting to close for comfort.

"Awesome!" Nico jumped out of her chair, full of energy. "Let's get going then!"

Eli shook her head helplessly and followed Nico out the door. What had she gotten herself into?

"So, our group," Nico started, leading the way down the street. She grabbed Eli's hand as they walked, and Eli almost jumped at the contact. Nico didn't seem to notice. "Right now, we're thinking of calling our group BiBi. It doesn't really mean anything, but it sounds pretty cool, right? We've got that one song I mentioned mostly done, and I'm writing lyrics for a second one. Maki's the musician, except she only plays piano, and who's ever heard of a classical music idol song? No one, that's who, so I've been helping her play around with some fancy music software. It sounded pretty terrible at first, but I think we've finally gotten somewhere! And of course, dancing is easy. Maki could use a little more enthusiasm though. She's kinda bland sometimes."

"Uh huh," Eli said, still distracted by Nico's hand. Was this what friends in Japan did? Hold hands as they walked down the street? She had so much more to learn than she thought. Normally she'd be bothered by it, but… it was kind of nice, actually. For some reason, it made her think of Nozomi. Is this what Nozomi would do, when they finally met up? Eli still felt a pang of regret for her inaction. Next letter, for sure, she would ask.

Nico didn't let go of Eli's hand until they reached their destination. She led the way through the building, past classrooms filled with tired looking students. It was Maki's university, Nico explained. She had gotten permission from the school to use the auditorium for a couple hours every few days, which was much nicer than Nico's cramped apartment.

"Sounds like she's already here," Nico said, hearing the faint music floating down the hallway. They found her at the base of the stage, completely at home on the grand piano, playing like the rest of the world didn't exist. They listened quietly, Nico with impatience and Eli with awe at the beauty of it. Maki hit the last few notes with a lingering sadness for the end of the song, and the music faded away. She ran her fingers silently over the key before turning around.

"You're late," Maki said, throwing Nico an annoyed look before turning to Eli. "And you're the new member Nico is dragging into this mess?"

"Yes. I mean, no, I'm not joining your group, I just came because Nico wanted me to meet you, or something…" Eli paused, glancing between Nico's smirk and Maki's disinterested look. "I'm Ayase Eli, by the way. Your piano playing is marvelous."

Maki's whole expression changed at the compliment, mouth dropping open and eyes widening. She forced her surprise into a frown, but she couldn't hide her red cheeks. She coughed, turning away and playing with a lock of hair. "Er, thanks. I'm Nishikino Maki."

Nico laughed. "Oh, man, this is going to be fun. Hey, Maki! Why don't we show Eli our song? Give her a taste of the idol world!"

"Do we have to? I'd rather do singing warm ups first."

"That's boring, I don't want to. Oh, yeah, speaking of boring things – you find a producer yet?"

"How is that boring? We can't do anything without a producer. And yes, I think so. My friend says she knows someone."

"Your giiiiiiiiiiiiirlfriend, you mean?"

Maki turned truly red at that, standing up and stomping her foot. "She's not my girlfriend, stop saying that!"

Nico practically cackled at that, and even Eli wanted to laugh at the childish display, though she hid her smile behind her hand.

"Anyways!" Nico said, setting up the speakers she pulled out of her bag, "let's do that song."

"Fine," Maki growled, "but just one run through. Then we're doing warm ups."

"Sure, sure. Whatever you want." Nico hopped on stage and gave Eli a bright smile. "Here's the deal, okay? You said you're not going to dance again, and that's fine. I'll respect that. But you didn't say that you didn't want to dance again, so I'm guessing that, maybe, deep down, you actually want to keep going. I could be wrong! But if you truly don't want to dance again – prove it. If you watch us dance, and you don't feel any urge to join us, then I won't bug you about it anymore. But if you do feel that urge, if I see you tapping your foot or singing along – you have to join us. Got it?"

The speech was the last thing Eli expected. She would have to join them? If she showed any enjoyment in their performance, she would have to join them? There was a heat growing in her chest, and as she pushed through her shock, Eli realized she was angry. She'd met Nico three days ago; this was their second interaction; how dare Nico try and control her life? What gave her the right? Eli had quit ballet because she was a failure, through and through, and that was never going to change. She would never be good at dancing. She would never get better. That's the way it was, and as much as it hurt, it would hurt even more to pretend there was hope. Did she want to keep dancing? Of course she did. Of course. There was nothing she wanted more in the world, and Nico was treating it like a joke. Like Eli was hiding that desire away because she was scared. Like her soul could be bargained with.

Eli glared at Nico, fists clenched, fury burning in her blue eyes – but Nico didn't back down. And for some reason, once again, Eli thought of Nozomi:

Maybe I've already fallen. Maybe I've caught myself on a ledge, unable to move, and there's a hand reaching out to me from above… Surely the reward must be greater than the risk.

Surely the reward…

Have you ever felt this way?

The anger drained out of Eli.

"Alright," she said softly, collapsing into a front row chair, "You have yourself a deal."