Disclaimer: I don't own the song "I'm on a Boat". That song belongs to Lonely Island and T-Pain, I think.


Chapter 3: Prussian Overboard!

The voyage to America was a long one. Ludwig was sitting on deck, bored while watching Gilbert annoying Roderich by rapping "I'm on a Boat".


Gilbert was running around the deck, startling passengers and rapping.

"Aww, shit.

Get your towels ready, it's about to go down

Everybody in the place, hit the fucking deck!

But stay on your motherfucking toes

We running this, let's go

I'm on a boat. I'm on a boat.

Everybody look at me 'cause I'm sailing on a boat

I'm on a boat. I'm on a boat.

Take a good hard look at the motherfucking boat!"

"Gilbert Wilhelm Beilschmidt!" Roderich shouted as he chased after his baby brother. "Watch your language, or you're grounded!" But Gilbert didn't listen.

"I'm on a boat, motherfucker

Take a good look at me

Straight floatin on a boat on the deep blue sea

Busting out five knots,

Wind whipping out my coat."

Gilbert then stopped, turned around, and pointed at Roderich.

"You can't stop me, motherfucker

'Cause I'm on a boat!

Take a picture, trick

I'm on a boat, bitch!

We drinking Santana Champ,

'Cause it's so crisp

I got my swim trunks

And my flippie-floppies

I'm flipping burgers,

You at Kinko's

Straight flipping copies

I'm riding on a dolphin,

Doing flips and shit

The dolphin's splashing,

Getting everybody all wet

But this ain't SeaWorld,

This is real as it gets

I'm on a boat, motherfucker,

Don't you ever forget!

I'm on a boat and

It's going fast and

I got a nautical-themed pashmina afghan

I'm the king of the world

On a boat like Leo

If you're on the shore

Then you're sure not me-oh

Get the fuck up, this boat is real!"


Ludwig stood up and shook his head. "Screw this." He walked away from his brothers and went to be bored someplace else, when someone jumped him from behind. "AAAAAAAHHHH!"

"Ciao, stranger!" an Italian voice said cheerfully.

"Runter von mir!" Ludwig yelled. He began doing a crazy dance, trying to get whoever was on his back off. Finally, he managed to shake whoever had startled him off and turned to face the person who scared him. Turned out the voice he heard belonged to a young boy about his age.

A Japanese boy the same age as Ludwig and the other boy came up to the pair. "Feli, what the hell?" He faced Ludwig and bowed respectfully. "I'm so sorry about my friend; he's a little crazy."

"My name's Feliciano Vargas," the Italian boy said, wearing a dopey smile. Feliciano put his arm around the Japanese boy. "And this is my new friend, Honda Kiku. Honda, say hello to our new friend."

"My name's Kiku," Kiku said. "Honda's my last name."

"Uh…nice to meet you," Ludwig said. "My name's Ludwig Beilschmidt. What are you guys doing in this dump?"

"You stupid potato, we're on our way to America, just like you," a cranky 16-year-old Italian boy said. He was munching on a tomato.

"Who are you?" Ludwig asked.

"Lui, this is my big brother, Lovino," Feliciano said, introducing the elder Italian boy to his new BFF. "Isn't he shizzy?"

"Uh, sure…yeah, shizzy, whatever," said Ludwig.

"Lovino's the coolest big brother ever!" Feliciano said. "Right, Lovi? Now say hi to my new friend."

Lovino just looked at Ludwig and rolled his eyes. "Grow some balls, you damn potato eater."

Feliciano pulled Lovino away. "It's hug time."

"Will you stop it with your hug therapy, stupid?" Lovino screamed.

Ludwig sighed. "I'll never understand Italians."


While Ludwig was hanging out with his new friends, Gilbert made a couple new friend himself: Lovino and Feliciano's 6-year-old brother, Savio, and another boy, 9-year-old Peter Kirkland. They were all now standing on the edge of the ship, rapping "I'm on a Boat" while Roderich was busy breaking up with his harem back in Frankfurt via text message.

Gilbert: Fuck land, I'm on a boat, motherfucker!

Fuck trees, I climb buoys, motherfucker!

I'm on the deck with my boys, motherfucker!

This boat engine make noise, motherfucker!

Savio: Hey, Ma, if you could see me now

Arms spread wide on the starboard bow

Gonna' fly this boat to the moon somehow

Like Kevin Garnett,

Anything is possible

Peter: Yeah, never thought I'd be on a boat

It's a big blue Watery road

Poseidon look at me

Oh, never thought I'd see the day

When a big boat coming my way

Believe me when I say I fucked a mermaid

Peter, Savio, and Gilbert: I'm on a boat.

I'm on a boat.

Everybody look at me

'Cause I'm sailing on a boat!

I'm on a boat.

I'm on a boat.

Take a good, hard look

At the motha' fuckin' boat!


After he and his friends were done rapping, Gilbert lost his balance on the edge of the boat and screamed as Savio and Peter held on to him. "Help me!"

"Don't worry, Gilbo, we've got you!" Peter said.

"I'm slipping!" Gilbert cried. "Roddy! Roddy, help!"

"I'll get him," Savio said and ran over to Roderich, who was now flirting with a girl named Blair.


"You know, I'm a pianist," Roderich said.

"Roderich, Gilbo's—" Savio began, but was abruptly cut off by Roderich.

"Go away, you little pest," Roderich said, then turned back to Blair. "Now, where were we?"

"You were telling me you're a pianist," said Blair. "I have a thing for musicians, you know." She leaned in and put her arms around Roderich.

"Roddy!" Savio said urgently. "It's important!"

Roderich pushed Savio away. "I said go away, you little Italian insect."


"Savino, I can't hold on much longer!" Peter called out.

"I want my mommy and daddy!" Gilbert said. Finally, he slipped through Peter's grip and fell into the ocean with a loud splash.


Roderich heard the splash and was jolted out of his moment with Blair. "What was that?"

"Probably just a whale, Roddykins," said Blair.

Peter came over to Roderich, Blair, and Savio. He looked upset. "I'm sorry, Savino, I couldn't hold on any longer."

"What happened?" Roderich asked. "And where's my brother?"

"I was trying to tell you that Gilbo was in trouble!" Savio yelled at Roderich. "Pete, where's Gilbo?"

"He fell into the ocean," said Peter.

Roderich pushed away from Blair and ran over to the side of the boat. He looked down into the sea and saw a huge ripple where Gilbert had landed. "No…Gilbo, no, no!"

Ludwig, Feliciano, Kiku, and Lovino came up to Roderich, Blair, Peter, and Savio after hearing Roderich, Savio, and Peter's frantic yelling.

"What happened?" Kiku asked.

"Gilbo fell overboard!" Roderich said.

"I'm sorry, fratelli," Savio said to his older brothers. "I couldn't hold on to my new friend."

"It's not your fault, fratellino," Feliciano said.

"What do you mean Gilbo fell overboard?" Ludwig said.

"He lost his balance on the edge of the boat, and he fell 'cause we couldn't hold on any longer," said Peter.

"Roddy, go in and save him!" Ludwig said.

"But these clothes…they're my good ones," Roderich protested.

"Fine!" Ludwig said angrily while Lovino glared daggers at Roderich. "I'll go in and save him, since I'm clearly a better brother than you! What would Mom and Dad think if they heard what you just said, Roddy?" Not caring that his clothes were going to be soaked afterwards, he jumped into the ocean.

Roderich, Lovino, Kiku, Feliciano, Peter, Savio, and Blair all watched anxiously for any sign of Ludwig and Gilbert. Minutes later, Ludwig emerged from the water and was helped back into the boat by Kiku and Feliciano.

"I'm really sorry," Ludwig said, looking down at the wooden floor of the boat as a dry towel was draped over his shoulders. "All I could find was Gilbo's bear." He held up a teddy bear that was also soaking wet.


As the boat continued its voyage to America, Roderich, Ludwig, and the others were all worried about one thing: little Gilbert's safety, and/or whether he would be found at all.


Author's Note: Runter von mir!- Get off me! (German)

fratelli- brothers (Italian)

fratellino- little brother (Italian)