Ambivalence
Chapter 3: Nightmares
By: Knowledge Eater
Disclaimer: Ubisoft owns Far Cry 5, I just like to play with their world and characters.
Aiden found himself standing before Joseph's church, the place where it all began. But unlike the last time, it was day time. Boxes and crates littered the ground with double the amount of green barrels filled with Bliss. Aiden couldn't remember driving here. But there had been so many gaps in his memory for the last several weeks that he stopped trying to piece together what happened during those blanks and just accepted wherever he awoke.
"Did you think you could just continue to do what you wanted without consequences?"
That was Faith. Aiden looked around him but he was alone in front of the church. His surroundings were normal, trees laid in the distance, the sky was blue, the afternoon sun high above him and hidden behind several clouds, so he wasn't in the Bliss. Where was Faith? He could hear her voice crystal clear as if she was just in front of him.
Movement caught his eye and he looked towards the opposite side of the church. His eyes opened in alarm when suddenly people surrounded him, everyone on their knees and a green cloud surrounding their heads. Aiden took a few steps forward and began to recognize their faces. People that he's come to work with, Jess, Adelaide, Sharky, and others. Then he realized that his fellow deputies and the sheriff were lined up as well. The most disturbing quality about them all was that their eyes were stark white, no irises, no pupils. Every one of them stared at him in silence.
"If violence is the only language you choose to speak…I'll speak your language."
The junior deputy recognized Faith's words. Those were the same words she spoke to him just before Marshal Burke killed Virgil, Hope County's mayor, and opened the County Jail's defense gate to the attacking angels and Peggies.
It was then that Faith appeared behind his allies, his friends. Fog formed into wings at her back and she floated a few feet in the air, her arms glowed green.
"And when their blood is on your hands we'll see how heroic you feel."
Aiden was too slow and powerless to do anything but watch as Faith threw green light at everyone. They all screamed and collapsed in growing puddles of blood.
Aiden jolted awake. To be outside in the sun and to suddenly find himself in a dark room was disorienting. A gentle glow of moonlight that seeped in from the window opposite of him was the only thing to penetrate the darkness. The drastic change was dizzying and a bit nauseating. It was difficult to breath, like each breath he took wasn't filling his lungs with oxygen.
To keep from getting ill the deputy sat up and focused on his breathing. It took several long moments for his short, rapid breaths to settle into slow, deep ones. It was then that he realized he was shaking and his shirt was soaked with now cooling sweat.
Just a dream, he told himself. He closed his eyes and held in a deep breath. A few deep breaths later and his hands ceased to shake.
Memories of everything that transpired the last twenty four hours flooded his head. Then he remembered why he was sleeping on the floor in a room he didn't recognize. Aiden stood up as quietly as his wobbly legs could allow. With dread heavy in his gut, he looked to the bed, severely worried to see it empty.
The moonlight from the window was only able to show the bottom half of the bed, but it was enough for Aiden to see two pale feet poking out of a blanket. A sudden gasp filled the silence and Aiden felt ice race through his veins. He grew worried he woke her, but then he could hear her soft breaths, slow and even. She was still asleep.
Feeling much better, the deputy laid back on the wooden floor. As tired as he still felt, he couldn't bring himself to close his eyes. The images of his friends and co-workers with their white eyes were still fresh in his mind and he couldn't stop hearing their screams.
Nope, he wasn't going to be able to sleep any time soon.
It became even more difficult to sleep when Faith began to make distressed noises. Even in sleep she was still hurting. Hearing her whimpers of pain was the polar opposite of her persona in his dream.
Aiden's dream rekindled the anger and almost hate he felt for Faith. To hear her words again before she caused so much death just to punish him, to see her strike down his friends and allies, it all brought back that anger he felt for the entire cult and its members. But every gasp and groan she emitted in her sleep slowly melted the anger away. It was confusing to say the least, of how he really felt about her. Should he hate her? Or did he pity her?
Reflecting on his thoughts only brought on a headache. His body hurt enough without needing to add a headache to it. He needed to do something, anything to keep his mind occupied. He wondered if the owner of the cabin left any alcohol behind. It had been too long since he had a drink to settle his nerves and sooth some stress. The last drink he had was after he killed John and destroyed his bunker, Mary May gave out drinks on the house to everyone at the bar then, in celebration of their victory over the cult. It felt like a lifetime ago.
Aiden found himself rubbing at his chest absentmindedly, specifically he rubbed at the now healed etching of the word WRATH John had tattooed to him. It still itched, but it didn't hurt anymore. Well, truthfully it only hurt when his thoughts drifted back to John.
He really needed a drink now.
The deputy climbed back to his feet and quietly left the room. He thought about shutting the door behind him, but if Faith awoke he didn't want her to get any ideas of sneaking out the window.
It took some time searching, but Aiden did manage to find a half bottle of whiskey. He didn't recognize the brand of the drink, but two sips in the alcohol went down smooth, but he could feel the jitters from his nightmare evaporate, it wasn't cheap alcohol.
He took a seat in the small living room and debated on lighting the fireplace. The days were a bit warm, but the evenings got cold. Sleeping on the wooden floor with nothing but a blanket left him a bit chilly, especially with his shirt soaked in sweat.
The evening was dark enough to hide the smoke, despite the bright moon, and the cabin was hidden enough from the road behind trees. Plus all the windows were shuttered so if there was a bypassing Peggie patrol they shouldn't even notice the glow of the fireplace from a window. Getting the fireplace lit wasn't a problem, there was a large box of matches on an end table by the couch, it only took two matches to get the dry logs burning.
It was difficult not to fall asleep now that both the fire and the alcohol warmed him from the inside out. So, to keep himself occupied, Aiden took out his handgun and began to clean it. He regretted he wasn't able to retrieve his AKM earlier. It took the better of a week of hunting all sorts of wildlife with Jess before he finally had enough skins to sell in order to get the required funds to buy the rifle.
He still needed to find out where Faith's bunker was so he could rescue the people that the Peggies took, which included sheriff Whitehorse. But it wouldn't be wise to attack the heavily armed bunker with nothing but a handgun. And the dream he had moments before left him feeling like he shouldn't take too much time in rescuing the sheriff and the others. Then there was the matter of what he would do with Faith while he snuck into her bunker. He couldn't barge in with her, injured or not. Maybe he could call in a few favors, get some cash to restock on some badly needed weapons, ammo and supplies.
But where could he leave Faith? There was no way that he'd leave her at the jail, she wouldn't survive. He wasn't sure he could trust anyone within the Henbane region to watch over her, everyone suffered some sort of loss that Faith caused. The only person he could trust to leave her alive was the sheriff, but he needed to be rescued.
He couldn't leave her here at the cabin either, he couldn't just handcuff her to the bed. Who knows how long it would take him to find the bunker and there was no guarantee he'd even make it out alive. What if he died and Faith would be condemned to starve to death? No, he couldn't do that.
While the alcohol helped clear his mind from his disturbing dream, he still didn't feel clear headed enough to really plan out his next action. He needed to find out where the bunker was, and he could only hope that Faith would be willing to tell him, but he doubted she would. He needed to take one step at a time. First, he needed to locate the bunker. Then he could figure out where to leave Faith.
By the time the junior deputy felt he should stop drinking the sun was high enough to paint the sky pink. When he stepped towards the bathroom to wash up, he poked his head in the bedroom and found Faith was still sleeping. He was somewhat glad she was able to sleep the whole night, she would need the rest to heal.
After a wash, the deputy headed to the kitchen to finally cook himself a warm meal, he had denied his complaining stomach long enough. And he'd need the food to sober up. The fridge was stocked with some eggs and what looked to be cooked ham, which still smelled edible. There was still half a loaf of bread and butter in the fridge, so he made himself three breakfast sandwiches. He wasn't the best cook, his days in college dorms taught him how to master nuking Hot Pockets and Ramen, but the sandwiches were easily the most delicious thing he's eaten since he arrived at Hope County.
Once his stomach was content, the rest of his body decided to protest. His head felt heavy and a distinct ache brewed between his brows. He didn't get near enough sleep that his body demanded, so he returned to the bedroom and settled back on his blanket. It didn't take long this time for sleep to claim him.
How long he slept for, Aiden couldn't be sure. A scream jarred him out of his sleep. In a panic, he sat up and pulled his pistol from its holster. It has become a habit for him to sleep with a weapon within easy reach, a practice that has saved his life multiple times.
There was no movement, no footsteps, no gunshots. Aiden peeked into the hallway, the cabin was still and silent. He looked out the window in the bedroom and found a family of deer passing by. Deer spooked pretty easily, and if a family of them were just outside the cabin then no one could be sneaking about. Then Aiden glanced at the bed and realized the scream came from Faith. Her light colored hair clung to her face, the blanket was wrapped around her good leg, and her lips barely moved as she mumbled.
"Please," she muttered.
The panic Aiden felt a moment before was quickly replaced with pity. He debated if he should wake her or leave her to sleep.
"I'm sorry," she said after a few more moments of incoherent mumbling. A sob escaped her and she continued to mutter apologies.
The junior deputy could tolerate it no longer. He had a weakness when it came to women and children sobbing. It was a weakness his father told him time and time again that would make him do something he'd regret in his line of work.
The things he's experienced in the past few weeks left him with a few nightmares every now and then. He always appreciated it when his friends, Jess or Grace, would wake him up whenever he was experiencing one. There were some things he didn't wish to relive.
So Aiden placed a hand on the thrashing woman's shoulder and gave it a gentle nudge. He didn't have a chance to say anything because she was immediately awake, her blue eyes opened wide. The moment she noticed him she sat up, gasped and promptly pulled away from his touch.
Aiden grabbed her arm to keep her from falling off the bed, but grabbing her only terrified her more. "Hey, it's me," he told her gently. "It's me, Aiden. It's okay, you're safe."
It took several tries, but his words eventually begun to register, she stopped struggling against his hold. Her breathing continued to be ragged, but she kept her eyes on him, as if seeing him for the first time.
"You're safe, it's okay," he continued to sooth her.
Now that she was sitting up, and with the sunlight lightning up the room, he could see the tears on her cheeks. His chest clenched in sorrow for a brief moment before it changed into anger. It angered him to see this woman so terrified over a dream, but he realized he was angry at whoever made her so scared of him. She wasn't scared at him, specifically, but there was a reason she kept apologizing as she dreamed. The bad guys didn't have nightmares that made them cry, right?
"You're safe." It wasn't a lie just to comfort her. He was responsible for her safety so he was honest about her being safe. He realized he was still gripping her arm a little tightly, though she didn't complain about it. Still, he let go of her, but kept his hand lingering near her in case she rolled off the bed.
Her breath still came in gasps, but they were calming. As if embarrassed by her tears, her hands reached up to hastily wipe her cheeks. Her hands shook just as badly as his did when he woke from his own nightmare.
"You're safe," he assured her again for the umpteenth time.
Faith looked at him, her blue eyes were no longer wide in terror. Her gaze drifted to the room and she looked confused for a moment. She grimaced and looked down at her injured leg. Aiden could see her confused expression change into recognition, the events of the previous day was returning to her.
Aiden gave her a few moments of peace so she could calm down. He preferred to sit on the edge of the bed instead of standing, just so he wasn't towering over her, but he wasn't sure if she'd welcome his close proximity.
He waited until her breathing calmed. "Sorry for waking you," he said. "You were," he paused. Would it embarrass her to say she was screaming? Crying?
She seemed to have understood what he was about to say anyway, her face turned red. "I'm…did I wake you?"
"No," he lied. He took a chance and sat on the edge of the bed. Faith's shoulders stiffened, but she didn't back away from him. "I didn't have the best dream either." It was awkward to think back on his dream, to see Faith murder people he's come to respect in cold blood, and now he was trying to comfort her from her own nightmares.
If she asked what he dreamt of he honestly wasn't sure if he could tell her. But his own curiosity was getting the best of him regarding her own inner demons. "Did you want to talk about it?"
"No," her response was clipped and immediate.
Aiden nodded. "I understand." He signed and unconsciously rifled his hand through his hair. It was getting too long, he'd have to find someone to cut it for him. "If you ever do want to talk about it, I'm here. Okay?"
Faith looked at him and narrowed her eyes. To say he was confused by her reaction was an understatement, but he had nothing to say. So he just looked down to inspect her bandage, the red blot was now brown. This was good then, it meant her wound hadn't bled. Her wound healing was one less thing he had to worry about.
"Okay," he reached for the first aid kit on the nearby end table. "Let's just change the bandage and I'll fix up some food. How's the leg feel?"
The question had a sobered affect on her and she stopped glaring at him. "It really hurts." Then her voice developed a sharp edge to it. "Everything hurts."
Aiden nodded. He felt similar, despite only suffering a few scrapes and bruises, his whole body felt sore. The medical tape peeled off nicely without leaving any residue, but the gauze refused to budge. He pulled at it with a little more force, but the action made Faith yelp.
"You're being too rough!" The frown was back on her face and anger flashed in her eyes.
One of the deputy's eyebrows lifted. He barely tugged at the bandage, but it wouldn't give. Maybe it was the dry blood that fused the bandage to her skin? He tried pulling at it again with just a little more force, but it had the same results except Faith cried out louder.
"What are you doing?" She asked.
A curse escaped the male. How could he get the bandage off? He fetched some water and tried wetting the bandage, thinking if he wet the blood it would detach the bandage, but it was still stuck. He glanced at Faith. "I'm sorry, I think I'm going to have to rip it off."
Her fists gripped at the bed covers tightly. After she took a deep breath she nodded to him. Aiden mentally counted down from three and pulled the bandage as hard as he could. A small pain stabbed at his ear from the sudden scream that erupted from Faith, and then he could hear stomping right outside the window. With a glance, he saw the family of deer disappear into the trees.
Okay, so huge lesson learned. He would have to change her bandages frequently to avoid this. Another curse escaped him when he saw he only succeeded in ripping off the bandage that was over the bullet entry wound. The bandage that covered the exit wound was also fused to her skin. He didn't warn Faith, he pulled at the second bandage, she didn't scream as loudly, but it hurt her just the same.
"I'm sorry," he told her as he cleaned up the little blood that seeped out of both wounds. It didn't take much pressure to get them to stop bleeding, and he cleaned her leg as best as he could before he wrapped her limb with fresh bandages.
"You're sorry?!" Faith shouted at him. Her eyes were aflame with anger and her bottom lip was bleeding, she probably bit at it when he yanked the second bandage off. "This is your fault!"
Aiden frowned at her. He had little knowledge of medicine, he honestly had no idea a bandage was capable of fusing to a wound. His mouth opened to voice his thoughts, but Faith continued to scold him. "All of this is your fault!"
Irritation flared inside of him. "I didn't know this would happen, I said I'm sorry."
Faith looked exasperated. "Not this," she gestured to her wound. "Everything! It wasn't supposed to be this way."
Oh, Aiden thought. She wasn't talking about the bandage fusing.
"If you hadn't interfered, everything would have been fine."
The slight irritation turned to anger. Aiden's tone became a little stern and condescending. "Fine? Is that what you call kidnapping innocent people, torturing and killing them? Fine?" Jess' experience was the first thing that came to mind, how she had her parents were abducted in the middle of the night. How they and other people, children, were starved and forced into cannibalism.
Faith frowned. "If they had just listened—"
"No!" Aiden didn't regret his outburst, despite it causing Faith to flinch. "Weren't you forced? Or was that a lie?" He waited a moment to see if she would deny the lie, but he couldn't judge if her silence meant she spoke the truth or if she didn't want to admit to a lie. That was her reputation, a liar and a manipulator.
"You said you were a child at the age of seventeen, drugged and forced to accept Joseph's will. Do you even know what was done to younger children?" The anger was molten inside of him now. Images of the cruelty that the cult did to people that didn't follow them ran fresh in his mind. He just wished he could show his memories to Faith.
The younger woman remained silent, but the anger in her eyes fizzled. She closed her eyes for a moment, and when she opened them again and looked at him, all anger was gone. "The Father only wanted to save all of us. We all should have just listened to him, and none of this would have happened. If you hadn't," she paused, her thin eyebrows pinched together like she was trying to think of what to say.
Aiden wanted to argue again, but he realized how much his head was hurting. Shouting would only increase the pain. And it probably wouldn't do anything to change Faith's mind. He wondered if she was even aware of what the other leaders of the cult did to people. The thought cooled his temper and he realized he was standing. He took a deep breath, and imagined his exhale forced some of his own anger out with it.
Once the anger cooled, the deputy felt the exhaustion, both physical and mental, seep into his sore bones. He sat on the bed again and rubbed his chest where the Wrath was tattooed on his skin. "I'm sorry for losing my temper." He glanced at her, found her looking at him with an expressionless face.
They sat in silence for a long moment. Aiden just wanted to sleep until next week, but he had so much to do. He needed to supply himself to raid Faith's bunker and find a place to safely secure Faith while he rescued the sheriff and the others that were taken.
"Always the hero, aren't you?"
Aiden almost didn't hear her whisper. A sudden jolt of panic stabbed at his chest. The last time she talked to him about being a hero he witnessed so much death, both in reality and in his dream.
"Saving them is all placed only on your shoulders, isn't it?"
The panic turned into dread. Did she have some hidden card up her sleeve? Was she going to somehow use the Bliss to force him to watch more death?
"I can see it in your eyes, your body," she continued. "You carry so much fear, but yet you carry on and…interfere." She sighed and leaned back against the headboard of the bed. "It's why I wanted to save you. And I think it's why the Father wanted to save you too."
Aiden didn't have the energy to argue. Still, he couldn't help but humor her. "Why did you want to save me?"
Faith closed her eyes and hummed. Maybe her outburst exhausted her as well. "You're not from here, are you?"
He wasn't expecting that question. "Hope County? No. I wasn't born or raised in Montana even. I'm from the middle-of-nowhere Oklahoma."
"I figured," Faith kept her eyes closed and failed to suppress a yawn. "Even though you have no ties to this place, you owe the people here nothing, still you wish to help the people here." Her eyelids opened to reveal glossed eyes. "The Father gave you the chance to leave. And after the helicopter crash, after everyone laid their burdens and responsibilities on you, you didn't run. You stayed and…"
"Interfered?" Aiden asked, the corner of his mouth pulled in a slight grin.
"You aren't like the people here," Faith's voice became softer. Sleep was pulling her into its embrace. "If you were from here, if you were already a deputy, I think things would be very different. Maybe I," she paused, but made no effort to continue speaking. Aiden almost thought she had fallen asleep until she finally continued to speak. "Let's just say that after the Great Collapse, we'll need people like you."
Aiden contemplated on her confession for a moment. He could understand why someone like Faith would value his sense of wanting to help people, but he still didn't understand why Joseph would want him to be converted to his cult. He asked Faith his thoughts, but she didn't reply, she had fallen asleep.
Well, he was too fatigued to care about their heart to heart conversation ending abruptly. He laid back down on his spot on the ground and had just shut his eyes for some badly needed rest. He'd sleep a little longer and then he'd worry about saving people later, he wouldn't be of much help if he was too tired to break into a heavily armed bunker and single handedly fight against an entire platoon of men and women with military grade weapons.
His eyes were closed for no more than two minutes before he heard his walkie talkie flicker to life.
"Aiden? You there, sweetheart?"
Aiden let out a string of curses that would've impressed Jess. What did a man have to do to get a little shut eye? With a groan, he fished out the walkie talkie. He recognized Adelaide's voice, he hoped she just wanted to check in on him.
"Yes, ma'am?" He kept his voice low, he didn't want to waken Faith and allow her to eavesdrop.
"Why, hello there, deputy. We were getting' a little worried when we didn't hear from ya. Did you find Faith?"
Aiden swallowed the lump that had suddenly formed in his throat. It wasn't that he didn't trust Adelaide, but he still wasn't sure if he could admit to arresting Faith instead of killing her. After his short argument earlier he didn't have the energy to argue with his comrades. They weren't like the sheriff, they all expected him to kill the cult's heralds instead of arresting them.
"You there, sweetheart?"
"Yeah," Aiden answered promptly. He quickly climbed to his feet and stepped out of the bedroom, he shut the door behind him. "Yes, I did find her. We won't have to worry about her anymore." It wasn't a lie, technically. He was just vague about Faith's status.
Adelaide wasn't alone. There was someone else speaking in the background that sounded a lot like Grace, but Aiden couldn't make out what she was saying.
"That's great news! We have some good news of our own. We were just takin' a short little spin on Tulip and we found Faith's bunker. We almost missed it, but you know how sharp Grace's eyesight is."
Aiden's heart leapt. That was one less thing for him to worry about, at least. "That is great news."
"Want us to pick you up, sweetheart?"
"No," Aiden responded a little too quickly. "I need supplies. We can meet at the jail. It'll take me some time to get there, but why don't you get in contact with the others and give them a ride to the jail? I'll need all the backup I can get."
"Sure thing, sweetheart. See ya soon then."
All right, so things were turning up. The only thing left for him to do was find a place to leave Faith. He couldn't leave her at the cabin, injured leg or not she already demonstrated she could try to escape. The only person he felt he could trust most with watching over her would be Hurk, but he didn't trust Hurk alone with Faith. The man was sweet on her, and Faith could easily use that to her advantage. No, he needed someone else.
He retreated into the living room and thought long and hard on who he could trust to watch over Faith. After what felt like an hour, but was most likely no more than a few minutes, a person came into mind.
Tracey.
They didn't get along, she never quite seemed to trust him, ever since she and the sheriff had to force him out of a heavy dose of Bliss. But he found a letter that she had written to Faith. He spoke to her about it one time, before the jail was attacked, he meant to break the ice between them. Tracey was insistent that she and Faith were no longer friends, that she looked at her as another Peggie, but she gave subtle hints that they were very close once.
Aiden fiddled with his walkie talkie and tuned into the line that the few remaining Cougars gave to him. It was meant as a means for him to communicate to them if he ever became aware of more Peggie movement towards them. But what he meant to use it for now was a huge gamble. He could only hope that a small part of Tracey still cared for Faith.
A/N: This chapter came out a little longer than normal, figured since I didn't update last week I'd make it up by having two chapters in one. I know it's starting a little slow, but things will be picking up. I promise!
