Born To Die
Written By: Mustbemiskaten
Rating: R
Notes: None
/
Chapter Two: Dream On
Morning was in full swing by the time she took another pain pill. Her stomach had been throbbing horribly and there was no avoiding it. At least she had a shower, food in her stomach, and knew she still had a few days left at her motel before her stuff was chucked out to the curb. After she had explained that Hydra was who had experimented on her and in turn was after her, their conversation ended up getting interrupted by Matt's phone going off. She blinked at his ring tone, it just saying 'Foggy' over and over again but didn't have time to ask anything as he said he would be back in a moment and slipped out of the room.
Lily was trying hard not to panic over the fact she just broke rule number two. Rule number one was don't stay anywhere for longer than six months, rule number two was don't tell anyone the secret. If it wasn't for the fact she could touch him, she probably would have crept out of his apartment while he slept. She knew it was selfish, the reason behind putting his life in danger was because she could touch him...but she never knew what it felt like to be touched without pain, and now she did. Selfish.
She willed the tears away, biting her tongue as she listened to the faint mumbles of Matt talking on the phone in the other room. She was starting to feel regret over telling him, she was also starting to feel the pain pill kicking in, and the urge to drift off to sleep rising to the surface.
Listening to his mumbling Lily took the moment to wonder about him. Honestly her life was so screwed up she didn't even think about who HE was. She only knew a few things, his name was Matt, apparently he wandered around the streets at night in a mask saving screaming girls, and his apartment was very very barren.
"Sorry about that." Matt said as he came back into the room, she blinked a few times trying to push the need to sleep away.
"It's okay."
He sat back down on the bed again, the mattress sinking under his weight. She looked down at her feet and how they were being swallowed by the legs of the pants she had on.
Things were quiet for a moment, neither of them speaking but somehow her hands found his again. He was like a beacon in the darkness for her. It was unsettling.
"Maybe it's because I'm blind that you can touch me." He said finally, causing her head to snap up so fast she was surprised that it didn't detach and fling itself across the room.
Blind? He was blind? How the hell was he blind? He fought off her attacker, he walked around like he could see, he moved towards her like he could see.
"You're blind? Like...for real? You...are you sure? I mean, no of course you're sure-just, you don't seem blind…" She wasn't sure if it was her shock causing her to stumble over her words or the fact that the pain medication was kicking in quite well and she wasn't sleeping yet.
"Let's just say...I'm special like you." She blinked at that and wondered if her life was just some big cosmic soap opera.
"I actually touched a blind person before, when my mother was first in the hospital for her cancer I ran smack dab into her, well actually the woman's cane tripped me and I ended up tackling her to the ground on accident and didn't have my gloves on."
"I take it you saw her future?"
"She was going to get married, it was nice. Still painful as heck, but nice nonetheless. She wasn't too pleased that I tackled her to the ground."
It was quiet again, and in that moment she couldn't help but wonder if it would have been better for her to have bled out in the alley. Her mind was swimming with thoughts and questions, for the first time in a long time she realized how tired she truly was of running.
"I was nine when I was blinded." He said suddenly, pulling her away from the thoughts she was having. "My Dad died not too long after that."
"I'm sorry."
"It's okay, I just wanted you to not feel like this was one sided."
This, what was this even? This was him trying to make her feel comfortable after spilling her guts to him. Yet when his hands found hers again she couldn't help but start to cry. Yes she was a little more comfortable the more she found out about him, but that was also the problem-she was finding out about him. It was conflicting. It was enough to make a girl want to run again, maybe instead of staying in New York she could go to a different big city and get lost.
"It's okay, you're okay." He assured her, trying to help calm her tears.
"It's not fair." She told him, squeezing her eyes shut and trying to will the tears away. "It's not fair that this doesn't hurt."
"What do you mean?"
"I've gone my entire life where touch meant pain and more than likely visions of horror, and now-I know what it feels like not to have it. It's like taunting a thirsty man with water. I get to know what this is like, what feeling someone is like and soon I'll go back to my motel and that will be that-because it has to be, it's not safe otherwise. It...just makes me wish for what I can't have." She tried to explain, it wasn't the most coherent explanation due to the meds making her brain start to swim.
They were silent for a moment, it was clear that Matt had no idea what to say to her. She was trying to decide if it would be viable to just pick up her stuff at the motel and run, but of course that selfish part of her was whispering 'stay, it will be okay'. That stupid voice in her head was going to get her captured.
"How about you sleep for now? You look like you're ready to pass out. When you wake up we can figure things out."
"We?" She looked up at him curiously.
"I thought you would figure out I was a bit of a protector by now, I'll figure out a way to keep you safe-at least while you're in my city."
"It could get you killed."
He gave a shrug, moving to help her back into bed. She enjoyed feeling his fingers brush against her hands and arms. "Everything I do could get me killed. This won't be the first or the last time, let me help you."
"I'll stay, for a little while at least-until my stomach is back to working order and I can walk without needing to reach for medication. How does that sound?"
"Better than sending you off right now." He said with a sigh. Where she had an urge to run all the time, it seemed like Matt had an urge to help people-even if it meant he might be killed in the process.
"Thank you, you didn't have to do this...any of this."
"What can I say, I'm a good ole' Catholic boy." He gave her a smile, and she returned the gesture before shutting her eyes. She felt his fingers on her forehead brushing her hair back, and as Lily fell back into oblivion she could only reflect that this wasn't a good idea, but maybe it was time to have a bad idea for once and be a little selfish.
/
'Curiosity killed the cat' was all Matt could think as he sat on his sofa. There were no current cases, so he didn't need to go into the office if he decided not to. Foggy had called to check up on him, which is something Foggy did often. He wasn't quite sure what to think of the girl and her story, by her heartrate he knew her to be true, but he also knew that she had been more than likely missing crucial pieces of the story. He assumed that if these people experimented on her, they probably knew what would happen, in turn showing that they wanted someone who could see the future to let them know what will happen to them. He imagined her being caught would mean she would be tossed in a room and forcibly touched over and over again so that men could hear their fate and avoid death.
That thought made him shudder. She was quite clear that it was painful to have visions, and the thought of her captured and alone being tortured in that way was enough to sound the alarm in his head to help her, even if he was still on Fisk's trail.
In his own fiery vision he could see that she was small, and wondered if her mother or anyone had ever tried to teach her to protect herself. Maybe he could teach her something, he knew her staying there even under his protection wouldn't last long. His time with her had a limit. He pictured a hourglass in his mind, remembering the look and feel of them, and thought that's what they were running up against. He would keep her safe while she was healing, and then more than likely she would run, and he would be back to working against Fisk.
There was also the curiosity of her not being able to have visions of his future. The way she reacted to his touches made him feel oddly good, every brush of her flesh against his lead to her heart speeding up, her breath catching in her throat-he would be lying if it didn't make him feel amazing to make her feel that way with only a casual touch.
It had been over an hour, he had been listening to the news on the radio to see if there was anything amiss in the city when her voice cried out for him. It wasn't loud, and if he didn't have better senses than most he might not have heard her call his name.
When he arrived at her bedside he realized she was sleeping, apparently calling out to him in her sleep-perhaps dreaming of how they first met, or maybe her mind was making up terrifying situations now that she had decided to let him keep her safe until she was all healed.
Instead of returning to the living room he sat on the bed next to her, keeping a watch over her in the same way he tended to watch over his city. She mumbled something that he couldn't quite make out, and gave a sigh in her sleep. He sighed as well, his mind trying to figure out how this was all going to play out.
/
When she woke up, she again had no idea what time it was. Light was still filtering into the bedroom, which was the only giveaway that it at least was the same day. The pain still throbbed in her midsection, but this time as she woke up she felt more rested. It also only took her a few moments to realize that there was a warm body next to her. Her entire body froze for a second before she realized it would have to be Matt, and therefore she could relax-his touch didn't hurt. She vaguely remembered having bad dreams, and wondered if she asked him to stay with her. Maybe he was simply there because he was tired of sleeping on the couch.
He rolled slightly in his sleep, moving against her as one of his arms wrapped around her torso and pulled her close against him. She again was reminded with that simple movement that this was all a bad idea. It was like playing some weird version of house where the house was on fire, but you were ignoring that problem and continuing on like everything was fine. She could hear her mother's voice in the back of her head, chastising her for wanting to stay with a near stranger for longer than she should. Hell, it didn't even matter that she was unique-even if she was normal this was a bad idea-Matt was a stranger. A stranger that liked to dress up and go fight crime in his spare time. It was a bad idea to stay next to him, to stay with him.
Yet she was still as he slept next to her, Lily wasn't running out of his apartment, she wasn't running at all. Selfish. She was being selfish. It was going to end badly, she knew it would. Even if she managed to stay in New York for a few months with no one finding her, she would have to leave at some point and it already was going to be hard to leave the only person who could touch her and he was still a stranger. In a few months when she knew him better? It would be even harder to leave.
Still, she shut her eyes and focused on keeping her breathing in time with his. Her life was hard, her mother was dead, Lily had been stabbed, and she spent most of her time on the run...if this was something she wanted to do knowing how stupid of an idea it was? She was going to do it and enjoy it. She found peace laying next to him just then. Not an 'everything would be okay' peace, but the kind of peace of mind you came across when you just said 'fuck it'.
She was sleeping again in minutes.
/
Matt didn't intend to fall asleep next to her. He spent the last few days on the couch in a half awake state when he could, so it really was only a matter of time before he truly fell into deep sleep. One moment he was sitting up thinking about the crime in Hell's Kitchen, the next he was waking up. When he woke he realized that the sounds of the city were different, loud but not as loud-night time then. He also came to note that he was laying flat on his back and Lily was curled up against him, her head was on his chest, and his arm was instinctively wrapped around her small frame.
After being beaten so many times it was a nice feeling to have a warm body next to him. It also made him more aware of what he needed to be doing. He needed to be working to keep her safe while she was in the city, that was his promise. A plan was coming together in the back of his mind while he laid in bed next to her. As soon as she was awake he would order some food, and then he would head to her motel to pick up whatever stuff she had there. Then what? Well, he was just making it up as he went along.
Honestly he would like to understand why she couldn't see his future when everyone else's was crystal clear to her. Apparently it wasn't because he was blind. What else could it be? The thought ebbed at him as he listened to the sounds of the city. He was so caught up in his private musing about what could cause his future to be dim to her that he didn't notice she was stirring until her head lifted up off his chest.
"Hi."
"Hello."
"This is a bad idea."
"I know." Truly he did, he already had enough going on trying to start up a law firm with Foggy and trying to figure out how to get Fisk out of Hell's Kitchen. Now he had all that and a woman he saved off the street who had a unique talent, people after her, and a knife wound to the gut.
But what would his father say if he didn't try to help her?
They were quiet for awhile, she laid her head back down on his chest but he could tell by her breathing that she was still awake. Both of them simply listening to the sounds of the city and reflecting what poor decision making abilities they had.
"You know…" She started, drawing him out of his thoughts, "If you hadn't mentioned it I really don't think I would have known you were blind."
He was silent, unsure what to say to that.
"Why do you do what you do?"
"Because I can." He said quite honestly. He might be blind, but he was able to help his city, able to protect her from a thug off the street.
"I wish I could help people like you."
"Why don't you? Use your gift to let people know what will happen?"
"That kind of thing draws attention, those after me would use me for...well I think we can both assume it wouldn't be good since they aren't the...good type. People don't believe me anyway, I have tried before to warn people...Cassandra's curse I guess."
"Cassandra?"
"She was able to see the future, but when she wouldn't 'seal the deal' so to speak with Apollo she was cursed so that no one would believe her."
His hand found hers, and he listened to her heart speed up a little more. Matt was fairly certain he had never been around anyone who enjoyed the simple act of hand holding as much as she did. "That's a bad curse."
"So is being blind."
"Guess we're both cursed in different ways then." He said, listening to the steady drum of her heart mix in with the sounds of the city.
"How did it happen? You said you were nine, were you sick?" She asked, curiosity lingered in her voice.
"Chemicals. There was a man and he was going to get hit by a truck, I reacted and pushed him out of the way, but in doing so the chemicals that were being transported on a truck splashed into my eyes."
"So you were saving people even before you were blinded."
"I suppose I was."
There was a silence between them once more, she started playing with his fingers again. Her hands were cold and soft. He wondered what it was like not to be able to truly touch someone without pain, "What does it feel like?" He murmured finally, causing her hands to go still on his.
"Touching you with no pain, or having the visions?"
"Both."
"Touching you is intoxicating, the pain I feel with the visions is...shocking. If it's a short touch it's not as bad, almost like accidentally touching an electric fence-it starts in my head and the shock works itself through my body as the vision starts. If the touch is longer, be it by accident or force its...much worse." She took in a breath, and as she did so Matt could tell that her stomach was starting to bother her again, the way she pulled the air back into her lungs, the slight shift of her body against him, yet she continued on, "There was this day when my mother and I were in Oregon, I had just turned thirteen. We were in a grocery store but I went to grab something from a different aisle when some store worker came over to me, she thought I was shoplifting or something...her hand reached out and grabbed mine getting ready to pull me to the manager's office or something...it hurt so bad. It wasn't like the small shocks of accidental touches, it was like a searing fiery pain as her life was flashing before my eyes."
She took a raspy breath, he could feel his shirt getting damp, tears. She was crying.
"The woman had only been touching me for a minute or so, but it was enough to see a good long look into her mundane future, long enough for me to be screaming the entire time. My Mom grabbed me away from her and we ran. I was really out of it for a few days, the pain lingered in my head, and my voice was so raspy from screaming. I think my mother and I both understood then, the pain that would wait for me if Hydra found me."
His free hand, the one that had been holding her close went to her hair as she spilled tears onto his chest. Matt chewed on his bottom lip, suddenly feeling very guilty that while he would try to protect her while she healed up-the chance of him keeping her safe as she was being chased down by Hydra would be slim. "I'm so tired of running Matt, but I know if I stop for too long...and they find me…" The statement hung in the air.
He did the only thing he could think of, he held her closer-letting his hands linger on any exposed flesh they could find. Matt couldn't protect her forever, but he could at least give her physical contact that was pain free.
"Well in this moment you do not have to run. For the rest of the night let's just pretend."
She lifted her head up off his chest, "Well if we're going to be having a night of no worries, let's get some food...I'm starving."
He laughed at that, and joined in-everything was so absurd why not have a little carefree moment while they could...while they both could?
/
Soundtrack Notes:
Chapter Title: 'Dream On' - Depeche Mode
Background Noise: 'Fade Into You' - Mazzy Star
Story Q&A:
So why can't Lily see Matt's future?
We'll find out in a few chapters. There is an actual reason.
Why are they already so close?
They're both in moments of emotional weakness, Matt is in the middle of hunting for Fisk, and Lily finds she can actually touch him. Some relationships just start fast and hard.
So, Hydra?
Yup. They're the boogeyman that looms in her deepest fears.
How exactly do her powers work and why?
That will be answered in time. It's not something to be explained now because even SHE doesn't know.
Who is her Dad?
That's for me to know, and you to speculate about!
