This is it! I did my best with the ending, but I think it ended up a bit too sappy, but I hope you guys enjoy it. And please leave a review on your way out.

Disclaimer: If I owned them, I'd write an epic Scotty/Lilly storyline and probably get fired because it would no longer be a procedural show.


Chapter 3: Spill My Heart

I'm still sitting in the hospital hallway. I don't know how many hours it's been, but it must have been a long time because I can barely feel my lower body. Still, I don't make a move to stand up. Where am I supposed to go at a time like this? The idea of a bar crosses my mind, but I know I couldn't… that's my mom's game.

They wheeled Scotty out of surgery a few hours ago, telling us that there was nothing more they could do, that all there was left was waiting and hoping he'd wake up. Talk about tragic irony, huh? All these years, we've just been partners, and yesterday the possibility of something more just showed up at my door. It was disheveled and angry, but still a possibility. Not only did I proceed to mess it all up, but now the universe is telling me that I may never get a chance to repair it. Yep. Story of my life I suppose.

The doctors told us we should talk to Scotty, that he was essentially in a coma, and sometimes the comatose could hear us. I know. I know what you're thinking. It's something along the lines of, what the hell are you doing out here when you should be in there talking to him, Rush? But I just can't bring myself to do it. All the others, they've been in there, sitting by his bedside and recounting memories, giving him strength. But everything I think of him lying in that bed, oxygen mask over his face, this giant wave of guilt comes over me and it freezes me. Every time I think of getting up this happens. Every time.

What if he dies? No, seriously. This is the first time I've allowed myself to think about it. What if he just doesn't wake up? I'd have to get a new partner. One that isn't ridiculously good looking, one who doesn't make me laugh like he does, one who might not take a bullet for me, one who isn't as dedicated to the job as I am… one who just isn't Scotty. I'd miss out on… on what? Well, on everything that he silently offered me yesterday. More than a partnership… love. That same laughter and dedication outside of work. And I'd have to live with the fact that the last thing I said to him was an order to leave following what was likely the most hurtful things I'd ever said to anyone in my life. I. Don't. Love. You.

I guess you could say that's when I made my decision to go into that room. I have to make things right. Even if there's the slightest chance he could hear me, and my voice could coax him out of that deep sleep, I want to try. I'm going to try. I'm trying now, damn it.

Without allowing myself to dwell on it any longer, I get to my feet. Bad idea. I'm so dizzy as the blood rushes out of my head that I have to steady myself with the wall for a few seconds. As soon I'm composed, I stride purposefully into Scotty's hospital room.

It takes a second for me to get up the courage to sit next to him, in that stupid chair that's probably designed to make people feel uncomfortable. That or the hospital engineers are terrible, but listen to me… stalling again. I remember the first thing I wanted to say, despite the haze of I don't know what emotions swirling in my mind. So I just start babbling.

I start talking about how sorry I am.

"I'm sorry. God, Scotty I'm sorry. For you getting shot for me. I-I wish it were me in that bed and not you. 'Cause it's killing me, just watching you there. Just… sorry. And sorry for the stupid things I said yesterday. I didn't mean to hurt you. Believe me Scotty, the last thing I want is to hurt you."

Apologies aside, I'm not ready to venture into the other, murkier stuff, so I start hear myself start talking about the finer points of our partnership.

I start with the day we first met.

"Remember when we first saw each other in the observation room? I think we were both pretty pissed at our new partners. I just wanted to say you turned out great. You are a better partner than I could ever hope for, probably a way better partner than I am. R-remember that day we solved our first case together? And the first time you got my coffee order completely right? And all those times you saved my life or stopped me from doing something stupid? Oh, and uh, we can't forget all those late nights at the office."

I find myself talking about this one case, I think afterward I realized maybe it wasn't so crazy to be dedicated to this job like I am, as long as there's someone to be dedicated with me.

"Anyways, that one time, we're both in the evidence warehouse, surrounded by cold jobs. It's probably three or four o'clock in the morning, and I fall asleep on your shoulder. Boss found us the next morning, both snoring away on the floor. Told us not to come to work for a week."

I trail off then, wondering what the hell I'm doing. I'm supposed to be telling him the things I would've said yesterday, if I wasn't so stupid. I guess I'm putting it off. And if there's one thing I don't want to be, it's a procrastinator. So I grit my teeth, and decide I might as well come out with it. If this is going to be my only chance, well I don't want to have any regrets. God knows I have enough of those to last a lifetime.

I've been feeling kind of foolish, just wringing my hands and trying to make awkward, one sided conversation with him. I don't know what tells me to, but I find myself reaching for his hand. I've never held Scotty's hand before, believe it or not. In fact, I can could on one hand the number of times we've made physical contact. It just isn't something we do. As I cradle his hand in mine though, his tanned skin in contrast to my own pale color, I realize how right it feels, and I guess it gave me courage to say everything I said next.

"Scotty, this is gonna sound stupid. If you can h-hear me in there, I know it's gonna sound stupid, and I want you to know that I know… I… love you. I love you. I love you. Yeah, I know. Couldn't I have just said this yesterday? It would've saved a lot of trouble. I guess it takes almost losing something you love to realize how much it means to you. Scotty, you're more than a partner to me, and I know that 'cause if you were only a partner I wouldn't be feeling this bad. I care about you so much it's ridiculous."

The words are spilling out of my mouth and it's such a relief. I don't care how cliché they are, or how sappy they sound, how out of place or inappropriate, or controlled by big red police lines they are. I have to get them out. I realize they've been sitting on my chest for way too long, instilled way before Scotty showed up yesterday. I suppose now that I've started, my heart won't settle for doing things half way so I keep going.

"That's why you've… you've got to wake up Scotty. There's no way that this is it. That we both see the light and then it's taken away again? No. I can't live without you. I don't wanna live without you. So, just… just wake up. Wake up!"

My last few words are punctuated by sobs, and hiccups. I'm probably starting to sound hysterical. Wait, no probably about it. I'm definitely starting to sound hysterical. And as Scotty's eyes slowly ease open, I know I'm not just sounding hysterical, I am completely, hysterically hallucinating… off the deep end. I squeeze my eyes shut and stop myself from looking at him. Because if it's not real, if him waking up isn't real, if it's just my mind playing a cruel joke on me… well I don't know if I can take that.

Then I feel the gentle pressure on my hand.

Scotty.

He's squeezing my hand back.

Never mind the fact that I've been slowly depriving his finger tips of circulation for past fifteen minutes, the gentle pressure I think I'm feeling makes me open my eyes again. And I find myself staring back into his.

Shock.

Complete utter, shock.

I drink in the sight before me. He's all disheveled hair and wavery smile, and … are those tears in his eyes? Damn, they are. He's crying too.

And before I know it I'm leaning forward and my lips are on his. I don't know if the tears on my face are his or mine because everything is just all mixed together. In the still cognizant part of my mind, it registers that Scotty probably doesn't know what the hell I'm doing, since chances are he didn't hear a word I said, and as much as I dread having to say it all again later, in that moment I learn to live in the present.

"Hey." I whisper, resting my forehead on his and trapping his face between my hands. Maybe it wasn't the best thing to say, but it was all I could think of. So sue me.

"Hey."

I can't help the smile that crosses my face. Scotty does that, makes me smile like nobody's business, even with a single syllable. In the most dire of situations, he never fails to bring a smile to my face, to my heart.

Things are about to get a lot more complicated between us, I know that. There's no way either of us can go back to the way we were, not after the past twenty four hours. All the things we said, all the things we went through. Was it really only a day ago that this man was only my partner?

I decide then that we can figure this all out later. All the fine print, the relationship, the partnership, the friendship, the love. What matters now is that we're both here, and neither of us have half a mind to be anywhere else. I don't know much for sure. I've never known much of anything in my life for sure actually. But I do know one thing. Scotty and I have something special. Something that I don't ever want to let go of, and if the look in his eyes are any indication, he feels the same way.

Oh, I guess I know one more thing.

My therapist is gonna have a field day with this.

But despite the hours of talking to about my feelings to a complete stranger looming in the not so distant future, I don't feel the dread I usually feel. Somewhere in the turmoil of the past day I realized only one thing matters. And that one thing, the one that eclipses everything else, I did it right.

I said it. I love you. I care about you. I can't imagine ever living without you.

I said it.


That's the end! If you have a spare moment, please leave a review to tell me how I did. :)