Disclaimer: Is the sky green? No. Is the air made of red jello? No. Do CF or TM own X-Men Evolution or The Princess Bride? NO!

Authors' Notes:

CF: I'm going to Arizona for 9 days, so don't hound me for updates.

Rogue238:Let's go fly a kite, up to the highest heights. . . oh wait, I hate that movie!

Until we are sure about the Review rule, we'll wait. . . Thank you all for reviewing. :)

The Rogue Bride

Chapter 2 – The Capture

The directors sit glaring as the brotherhood are throwing eggs at the X-Men. But they aren't interrupting since the eggs are mostly hitting Scott and Evan. One of them has hit Jean, but other than that, Scott and Evan are feeling the worst of it.

"Can't you make them stop?" Evan cries cowardly.

"No!" all the directors yell at once.

Scott screams and curls up like a little baby.

"Somebody get him a pacifier," Raven orders.

"I'm not a baby!" Scott shouts, stamping his foot in a very Jean-like manner.

"Which just proves my lady's point," Lightning says with a raised eyebrow.

TM smiles lovingly at Lightning. "Isn't he cute." she says.

CF pats her on her head. "Enough, you'll make Raven mad."

"Don't want to do that," TM says, turning her head away. Raven's eyes had already begun to glow. "How about we just get on with the script, okay?"

"Good idea." Raven says through clenched teeth.

"I'm so happy!" CF squeals, thinking about Pyro in tights. "Places everyone! Lights! Camera! Action!"

Rogue is riding her horse through a beautiful woodland. Rob and Ray are once again the horse and they are fighting, making Rogue very mad.

"Why did you get to be the head?"

"I don't know! Maybe because I'm not stubborn like you, Crisp!"

"Well at least I'm not ugly like you, DaCosta!"

"Some people would think differently! I mean, you dyed your hair orange!"

"I like orange!"

"Well I don't!"

"QUIET DOWN!" Raven finally yells.

Offstage, through the microphone, Xavier's voice once again is heard, "Despite Scooterdinck's reassurance," everyone has to stifle a laugh at Scott's nickname again, "that she would grow to love him, the only joy she found was in her daily ride."

Rogue rides into a wooded glen where a beautiful sunset is just beginning. It is quiet, other than the sound of Rob and Ray bickering again. Rogue suddenly reins in, causing Ray to fall on top of Rob.

"A word, moy lady?" asks a strange Australian voice. CF grins happily. Before Rogue stand Pyro, dressed in a rather ridiculous outfit, Piotr, in an equally ridiculous outfit, and Logan, growling about electric shock devices in ridiculous costumes. Beyond them is a river. "We are but poor, lost circus performers." He laughs. "Is there a village nearby, sheila?"

"There ain't nothin' nearby; not fer miles." Rogue says.

"Then there will be no one ta hear you scream!" Pyro says with evil laughter. He nods to Piotr, who reaches over and touches a nerve on Rogue's neck (making sure to cover his hand of course).

She starts to scream, but it never gets out, as she falls unconscious off the horse.

Lightning puts the All Important POBP in front of the camera.

"Hurry up!" Raven calls, still aggravated at TM.

Everyone runs to a scene near a huge river where a sailboat awaits. The POBP is removed.

The sun has nearly set now and Logan is busy getting the boat ready and growling about stupid telepaths and their stupid electric shock devices. Raven, just for fun, pushes the button. Logan starts twitching and CF glares at Raven. Raven shrugs, smiling widely.

Piotr carries Rogue, who is still pretending to be unconscious, onto the boat. Pyro is ripping bits of fabric off of a uniform and sticking it to Rogue's saddle.

"Whatcha ripping?" Logan asks, having recovered.

"It's fabric from a uniform of an Army officer of Guilder," Pyro says, not looking up.

"Who's Guilder?" Piotr asks.

Pyro is frustrated. He points across the river. "The country across the sea. The sworn enemy of Florin!" He looks at the horse's saddle and thinks there are enough scraps of fabric, so he hits the back hard and Rob jumps up, screaming. The boys try to run as fast as they can offstage. "Go!" Pyro screams at the horse. Everyone boards the boat. "Once the horse reaches the castle, the fabric will make the Prince suspect the Guilderians have abducted his love. When 'e finds her body dead on the Guilder frontier, his suspicions will be totally confirmed." He once again starts laughing insanely.

"You never said anything about killing anyone." Piotr complains.

"Oy've hired you ta help me start a war, mate. It's a prestigious line of work with a long and glorious tradition!" Pyro says insanely, really getting into his part so he can impress CF and maybe Wanda.

"I just do not think it is right, killing an innocent girl." Piotr says, shaking his head.

Pyro whirls around to face Piotr. "Am Oy going mad, don't answer that, or did the word 'think' just come out of your mouth? It's in the script!" Pyro says fearfully, looking at the angry expression on Piotr's face. "You weren't hired for your brains, ya hippopotamic land mass. Hey what does tha mean?"

"It's not a real word, John," Raven groans. "You're just comparing Piotr to a hippopotamus."

"Oh, okay." he says cheerfully. Piotr does not look so happy.

"I agree with Piotr." Logan snarls.

Pyro is really angry now, "Oh, the sot has spoken. What happens to the sheila is not really your concern, mate. Oy will kill her." His voice grows louder, "And remember this, never forget this…" He advances on Logan, who shows no fear, but only mild annoyment, "When Oy found ya, you were so slobbering drunk you couldn't buy brandy!" He turns to Piotr, who is trying to look afraid. "And you! Friendless, brainless, helpless, hopeless…do ya want me to send ya back to where ya were… unemployed…in Russia!"

While Pyro is turning around and heading to another part of the boat, Logan is sliding up next to Piotr. Piotr looks very hurt, as Logan casts off.

"That Johnny, he can fuss…" Logan says softly.

Piotr looks at Logan, "fuss…fuss…I think he likes to scream at us."

"Probably he means no harm," Logan says.

"He is really very short on charm," Piotr rhymes happily.

"Bub, you've got a great gift for rhyme," Logan says proudly.

"Yes, yes, some of the time," Piotr answers, smiling.

Pyro whirls on them, "Enough of that!"

Logan just ignores him. "Piotr, are there rocks ahead?"

"If there are ve vill all be dead." Piotr says loudly.

"No more rhymes now! Oy mean it!" Pyro says, actually enjoying the rhymes, but since his character doesn't…

"Anybody vant a peanut?" Piotr asks, making Pyro scream from rage.

The scene cuts to the boat, further along. It's darker now. Logan is at the helm, Piotr is standing near Rogue, whose eyes flutter, Pyro sits absolutely still, dreaming of his precious fire.

Suddenly, Pyro looks up and says, "I love fire."

Raven growls, "Stick to the script or I'll take your flame thrower away!"

Pyro yelps. CF looks horrified, "You can't do that!"

"I've done it before." Raven says flatly.

"But…but…"

"No buts!"

Pyro then says to Logan, "We'll reach the Cliffs by dawn."

Logan nods and glances back.

"Why are ya doing that, mate?"

"Makin' sure nobody's followin' us."

"That would be inconceivable."

Rogue, having been awake for a while, speaks up, "despite whatcha think, y'all will be caught. And when ya are, the Prince'll see all y'all hanged."

Pyro turns to Rogue coldly, "Of all the necks on this boat, Highness, the one ya should be worrying about is your own."

Logan keeps staring behind them.

"Stop doing that!" Pyro shouts. "We can all relax. It's almost over!"

"You're sure nobody's followin' us, bub?" Logan asks.

"As Oy told you, it would be absolutely, totally, and in all other ways, inconceivable. No one in Guilder knows what we've done. And no one in Florin could have gotten here so fast. Out of curiosity, mate, why do you ask?" Pyro rants.

Logan shrugs. "No reason. It's just, I happened to look behind us and something is there."

"What?" Pyro exclaims and rushes to the back of the boat. Piotr follows and the three men stare into the blackness.

The wind howls, the darkness is strong. Ororo forgets to blow the clouds away. She's behind the set talking to Hank. When suddenly, she feels a tap on her shoulder. "Um, Storm?" Lightning says.

"Yes, child?"

"Back to work!"

The wind then parts the clouds and allows light to pass through and shine on a dark, black boat.

"Probably some local fisherman out for a pleasure cruise at night through eel-infested waters…" Pyro tries to explain.

SPLASH! Rogue has jumped off the side of the boat and is swimming steadily away.

Pyro screams, "Go in! Get after her!"

"I don't swim," lies Logan. "What? Adamantium bones ain't flotation devices, bub."

"I only dog paddle," Piotr says, making the hand movements to match.

"Veer left! Left! Left!" Pyro cries furiously.

Rogue is swimming fiercely until a strange shriek is heard in the water. She stops suddenly.

Pyro calls after her, "You know what that sound is, sheila? Those are the Shrieking Eels! If you doubt me, just wait. They always grow louder when they're about to feed on human flesh!" He laughs insanely.

Rogue stays still. The sound grows louder and though she is visibly afraid, she will not budge. "Better ta get eaten than have ta marry Scott," she mutters. Raven would normally have a cow, but she lets it go on the grounds that it's a very true statement.

"If ya swim back now, Oy promise no harm will come ta ya. Oy doubt you'll get such an offer from the eels." Pyro says.

The shrieking sound is louder still, but she doesn't make a sound. Behind her now, something dark, metallic, and gigantic slithers past. She looks scared, but she makes no reply, and now a Shrieking Eel has zeroed in on her, and now she sees it, a short distance away, circling, starting to close, and Rogue is frozen, trying not to make a movement of any kind, and the Mechanical Eel slithers closer, closer, and now the Eel opens its mouth wide, and it's never made such a noise, and as its great jaws are about to clamp down..

Professor Xavier's voice sounds over the microphone, "She doesn't get eaten by the Eel at this time."

Lightning places the POBP in front of the camera as they switch back to Jaime's bedroom.

"What?" Jamie asks, somewhat startled by the switch to reality.

"The Eel doesn't get her. I'm explaining to you because you looked nervous, or stupid."

"I'm not stupid! And who wouldn't be nervous around a senile bald telepath?" Jamie yells in frustration.

"Jamie!" CF shouts, waving the script and trying desperately not to laugh her mouth off.

"Oh, fine. Maybe I was a little concerned, but that's not the same thing!"

"Because I can stop now if you want."

"Please do," Jaime mutters, and then sighs. "No, you could read a bit more because it says so in the script."

The scene cuts back to Pyro saying, "You know what that sound is, sheila? Those are the Shrieking Eels."

Then it cuts back to Jaime's room again, "We're past that, Grandpa! You read it already."

"Oh, Oh my Pixie Stix, so I did. I'm sorry, beg your pardon." He starts flipping pages.

The scene goes back to the boat. Rogue is sitting in the water and the Mechanical Eel is there as well. Everything is going in super fast speed as the Professor reads his lines into the microphone. "All right, all right, let's see. Uh, she was in the water, the Eel was coming after her. She was frightened. The Eel started to charge her. And then…"

The scene looks like it did before as the Eel is charging Rogue when suddenly and giant arm pounds the Eel unconscious and lifts Rogue back into the boat. Rogue's completely soaked and this causes several whistles from a certain Cajun. She glares at him from the stage.

"Put her down! Just put her down, ya bloke!" Pyro whines.

Logan points behind them. "I think he's getting closer."

"He's no concern of ours! Sail on!" Pyro yells. He turns to Rogue. "Oy suppose ya think your brave."

"Only compared ta some," Rogue answers.

The POBP returns as the lights are changed to make it look like dawn.

CF yawns. "This is getting to be a long chapter."

"Oh, and I'm so sure you're sick of watching Pyro in his tights." TM says sarcastically, making the younger girl to laugh hysterically and Wanda to glare angrily.

After the POBP is removed, we see the black boat, being sailed by a Man in Black, and not from the movie Men in Black either. More like Pirate Man in Black. The boat is almost flying.

Logan points at him again, "Look, he's right on top of us. I wonder if he's using the same wind we're using?"

"Whoever he is, he's too late!" Pyro laughs and points, "see! The Cliffs of Insanity!"

The Cliffs loam in the distance, tall and foreboding.

"Nice name," CF mutters.

"And cut!" Lightning calls happily. "I love cliffhangers!"

"You also love to annoy people!" Raven grumbles.

"And you don't?" Lightning returns.

"I didn't say that!" Raven says loudly.

"They do this often?" CF asks.

"Every day." TM says.

Pyro runs up to CF. "How'd I do, sheila?"

"You were the best thing about this chapter!" she squeals. "Too bad you have to die next chapter…" she sighs.

"Die? Oi, Oy don't want to die!" he shouts.

Wanda rolls her eyes. "It's only in the play, you crazy freak!"

"Look who's talking," Jean mumbles.

The directors look at each other, "3… 2… 1…shut up, Jean!"

Scott screams and runs into his dressing room. He locks the door and starts to cry as the four directors laugh insanely.

Rogue grabs the keyboard from my hands, "HELP US! PLEASE SOMEBODY HELP US!"

Next up, the Mysterious Man in Black must battle his three foes to win the fair Princess Rogue…

Review threats here:

From CF: What she said. . .

From TM: Beware! If you don't review! CF's Squirrels will come after you!