Chapter 3: The first night
Phil was right, just as we got back to the ground floor the others arrived. The minute they walked through the door, the two smallest children ran up to Phil. "Phil!" the girl, Lucy, Dan remembered, squealed as she tackled his legs. He ruffled her hair and all of a sudden Oliver was launching himself into Phil's arms. Phil laughed and casually slung him over his shoulders to give him a piggy back. Dan watched in amazement, Phil was just… great. He didn't seem to let anything bother him, he was just genuinely nice. Dan had never been able to cope with the small kids in his care homes, they were just so clingy. It wasn't their fault, after being abandoned or whatever had happened to you at that young an age, it was natural that you thought everyone was going to leave you, so you'd try and cling on. Sometimes Dan still wanted to do it. Phil managed to unhook Lucy from around his legs and held her hand instead, before saying "Hey Luce, Ollie, how was the film?" Lucy giggled and said "It was ok, you should have come! Sarah spilt coke all over her!" Sure enough Dan glanced over at one of the adults and they had a huge stain on the front of their shirt. Phil chuckled slightly and said "Hey, you two, this is Dan. Be nice alright, or I might have to bring lion Phil out and he'll eat you." Lucy squealed and ran in the direction of the kitchen and Phil laughed. He quickly reached behind him and picked Oliver off of his shoulders before saying softly "You know I can't carry you like that anymore Ollie, you've got to tall! You'll hit your head on the doorways!" Oliver pouted slightly at Phil before sticking his tongue out and running in the same direction as Lucy. Phil smiled at Dan, and they followed.
They reached the kitchen and Lucy and Oliver were already seated with one space between them. Phil chuckled slightly and said "Lucy, do you want to sit opposite me today? If you do after dinner we can play with the cats." A grin spread across Lucy's face and she disappeared under the table before appearing on the other side. Phil went and sat next to Oliver, motioning for Dan to sit next to him. Eventually everyone had filtered in and Dan was sat in-between Phil and the woman he supposed was Sarah. Dave turned away from the oven and placed on the table with a flourish what looked like some sort of pasta dish. He walked around the table quickly, filling up everyone's glass with water and chatting about the film, seeming undeterred when most of the kids didn't say anything. He sat down in the only empty place and said "Right, we have a new arrival today, and I figured we should all introduce ourselves while we wait for the food to call down." Dan heard a lot of sighs around the table and he smiled to himself, he guessed something's never changed. Nobody ever wanted to go through the whole "Hi I'm…" routine. He was looking at the table and he heard somebody whisper loudly, obviously meaning to be heard "Great, he looks like a nutter." And somebody replied just as loudly "Looks like an emo freak like Phil, look at his hair." Before Dan could think of something to say he heard Phil say, not even pretending to whisper, "Shut up idiots, at least he's not an asshole." Dan glanced over to Phil and smiled slightly and Phil smiled back, but they were distracted by Dave saying "Guys! Look, I'll start. My names Dave and I'm very messy." They went round the table, and most of the kids only said their names. The first kid had short, obviously dyed red hair and she was slim and short. She reminded Dan of a pixie. She said "My names Jay and I want to go out." She glared at Dave who just shook his head. The girl next to her was her twin, but they looked nothing alike. The only similarity was that they both had brown eyes. The girl was tall and was wearing a lot of pink. Her eyelids were shimmering and her lips glossy, she looked like a little girl who'd been playing with her mother's make up. When she spoke she had a high sugary voice and she said "My names Emily and unfortunately I'm a twin" Her and her sister started punching each other under the table. The next person was a hulking boy who looked like he was on some sort of steroids, his body was so muscled, it looked grotesque. He grunted "My names Jake." One of the adults was sat next to him and she was tanned with long fake nails. She had blonde hair and green eyes, a pretty combination, not that Dan noticed. She smiled reassuringly at Dan before saying "My names Sonia and I like music." The next girl was Lucy. She had long black hair and very light brown eyes. She smiled brightly at Dan and said "I'm Lucy and I like cats." Dan smiled back at her, remembering Phil telling him she was obsessed. She was sat next to another adult who sighed before saying "I'm Harry and I like chocolate." He was pale with watery blue eyes which Dan could already imagine narrowing in anger. Next was a girl who Dan hadn't even noticed, which amazed him considering how colourful she was. She had hair that was died a combination a sky blue and pastel pink. She had bright green nails to match her bright green skinny jeans and she was wearing a neon pink button up shirt which Dan was pretty sure would glow in the dark. She sat there not saying anything. The woman next to Dan piped up and said "That's Zeena and she has crazy hair. I'm Sarah and I'm a klutz." She said, motioning to her t-shirt. Little Oliver piped up then, saying "My names Oliver and I'm a spy." All the kids apart from Phil and Dan groaned and there were outbursts of "Oliver! You're not a spy!" Dan noticed Phil lean over during this commotion, and Dan could have sworn he heard him whisper "It's good they don't believe you! Remember you need to keep your cover!" When the noise died down Phil announced "Im Phil and I like lions." He leant forward and high-fived Lucy over the table as she said "Lions are big cats!" That only left Dan. He tried to smile and he decided to stick to the animal theme. "My names Dan and I like llamas".
Dinner passed quickly after that and it was a rowdy affair. People were shouting over each other and kicking each other under the tables. Eventually it was finished and everyone wandered into the living room or their own bedrooms. Oliver had to go to his therapy session, something which only Phil remembered. Dan, Phil and Lucy walked Oliver to the room and Oliver looked up at Phil worriedly. Phil smiled down at him and said "Remember, this is a crucial part of your spy work!" Oliver nodded sadly and walked in. Phil, Dan and Lucy walked to Lucy's room so she could get her 'cat brush' and while she was in there Dan turned to Phil. "You're really good with the little ones." He mumbled. Phil nodded and said "I don't see the point in trying to make this place miserable for them. Let Oliver play at being a spy, people forget that these two a still little kids. This is the stuff they would be doing at home, so why shouldn't they do it here? I just don't want to see these guys go from sweet kids to the ones you normally get in places like this. The ones who don't trust anyone, who just hide away and don't get a childhood." Suddenly, Dan was hugging him, but he pulled away quickly, blushing slightly. He said quickly "It's really nice what you do for them." Phil just smiled at him and then Lucy came out, so they walked up to Phil's room.
When they got there Phil looked through his pile of huge cuddly toys until he found what he was looking for, and pulled it out. It was a giant cat, and Lucy screamed with delight when she saw it. She automatically grabbed it from Phil and whispered to it while she went to sit in the corner. When she sat, she started brushing it, still whispering. Phil smiled at her for a few minutes before turning to Dan and saying happily "So, do you wanna watch a film?" Dan nodded and followed Phil over to his DVD collection. He scanned them quickly, surprised to see that him and Phil had similar Film and TV taste. Dexter, Buffy, Death note, but none of these were suitable with Lucy in the room. They settled on watching a few episodes of Pokemon. Phil slid the DVD into his DVD player and then they settled down. He grabbed the beanbag and pulled it over to the TV and Phil and Dan laid down next to each other using the beanbag as a pillow.
After 3 hours Phil leaned away slightly reaching for a marker pen. Dan watched him out of the corner of his eye wondering what he was doing. He finally managed to get hold of it and started to draw on his face. Dan turned to face him fully now, and opened his mouth to ask him when Phil motioned to him to be quiet. Dan watched as he scribbled on the tip of his nose and drew lines on his cheeks and he felt a grin spread across his face. He was drawing cat whiskers. He put the marker down smirking at Dan and then continued to watch the TV as though nothing had happened. He kept glancing at his phone though, and after about 15 minutes he winked at Dan. He turned around quickly the face Lucy and yelled "Roar! It's bedtime and you're still awake. You know what that means!" He pounced towards her but somehow she managed to dodge him and she ran out of the room giggling. Dan burst into laughter and Phil just grinned at him before coming back to lie down next to Dan. They stayed like that for a while before there was a knock on the door, and Dan shuffled further away from Phil automatically. He didn't know why, but he felt like they'd get in trouble. Phil just smiled at him and called out "Yeah?" Sarah's voice called back "Hey Phil , is Dan with you?" Phil chuckled again and said "Er yeah, come in!" She opened the door but didn't come in. She smiled at Dan and said "Sorry, but it's half nine, it's curfew for you Dan" Dan smiled at her and said as he got up "S' fine. See you later Phil!" Phil just looked at him for a moment before standing up. He pulled Dan into a quick hug, which surprised him and he hugged him back. Phil pulled away after a moment and went to sit on his bed. "Meow" he said to Dan, who chuckled slightly and said "Meow right back at ya!" before following Sarah out of the room.
He had been lying in his bed for about 2 hours when he decided to give up. He'd been having trouble sleeping for a while now, and he didn't see the point in trying. He couldn't shut his brain up. For some reason he couldn't stop thinking about Phil. How warm he was when Dan hugged him, how pale his flawless skin was, how kind and funny and random he was. He was how Dan imagined the perfect human to be. He completely broke… no destroyed all the boundaries of being a 'care home kid'. He was nice and he didn't seem to only care about himself. His eyes were so clear, and he just made Dan feel… comfortable, and happy, and just… stuff he hadn't felt in a long time. He'd only known him for a day, but he knew that Phil was the best person to walk into his life, apart from his mum of course. He didn't pity or give fake sympathy. He just listened and understood. Dan wanted to make an effort here, to try and make this work. Not just because of Phil, although Dan had to admit to himself that he played a big part, but because he liked it here. This whole place made him feel comfortable, even… at home, even if some of the kids seemed like typical bullies you get in most care homes, Dan was used to that. He liked the freedom he felt he had here, he felt as though he could be himself here. He didn't really know what that was yet, he hadn't really had time to think about it. He was just… Dan. He liked his own company, although some people, like Phil, managed to worm their way in. He knew a few things about himself. He knew he was random, he knew that he liked music and stuff like that, but that wasn't really… him. The only in depth thing he understood about himself was that he was gay. He'd figured that out around the 3rd or 4th care home. He'd done the whole 'coming out' thing for a while, not too bothered what people thought about him. Eventually though, he gave up on it. What was the point when he kept moving on, all it meant was that he got bullied for the few months he was in each care home. He just kept it to himself now. He wasn't ashamed, but he didn't see the point. It was nobody but his own business anyway. He was only thinking about it now because Phil kept popping into his head. Dan sighed, staring at the cream walls of his bedroom, wishing it didn't look so plain. Phil had told him that once it was clear you were going to be permanent you were allowed to decorate your room, and Dan was looking forward it. For now however he was going to have to cope. He suddenly remembered he'd forgot to unpack and he could have sworn he put a few posters in there. What the hell, he couldn't sleep anyway.
He rolled over and sighed as he climbed out of bed and wandered towards the suitcase. He rummaged through it for a minute before finding what he was looking for. He grabbed the headphones and reached for his phone on his desk. He plugged them in and slid them in his ears, sighing as he listened to some my chemical romance. He started unpacking his bag, whispering the words to himself. He hung up his clothes in the wardrobe and finally made it to his personal belongings. He found the posters with blue tack still attached to the back of them and stuck them up on one wall quickly. He put his laptop and his favourite piece of clothing on his desk. He loved his llama hat. All that was left were his DVD's and some photos. He carefully placed the photos on his desk, not looking at them to closely. He didn't want to have a break down or something, which he had quite a lot whenever he thought to much about his mum. One doctor had diagnosed them as a rare form of panic attack, where he didn't act like most people having panic attacks did. He didn't go quiet or cry, he screamed and kicked ranted, worsening the fact that he struggled to breathe during these episodes. He wasn't normally like that, but during these episodes he just seemed to change into a completely different person. That was probably another reason he was sent to this place. He stood still for a moment, concentrating on not thinking about it for fear of causing an attack. He hated them so much and he always felt guilty after. He normally had to spend a few days in bed after; they wore him out so much.
He was placing his DVD's in his desk drawer a while later, still calming himself, when he heard a loud cough. He spun around quickly, ripping his headphones out of his ears, to see Dave in the doorway."Oh, sorry" Dan whispered apologetically "Was I being too loud?" He saw Dave shake his head slightly before saying quietly "No, its fine. I was just doing my night round and I could hear you walking around. You ok?" Dan nodded quickly "Yeah, fine. Just struggling to sleep you know, so I thought I'd sort my stuff out." Dave smiled slightly at him and replied "Ok, well it's 4 in the morning, so try and get a little sleep, ok?" before shutting the door. Dan shrugged his shoulders and went back to organising his DVDs. He knew he wouldn't be able to sleep, so he didn't see the point in saying he'd try.
