[Humour-ish. Still don't think I write humour well. Ah well. Mild spoilers for Season Seven's Chimera.]
Libra (September
22 - October 22)
You
will tell a total stranger that you're "sick and tired of salad",
today. The stranger will recoil in shock and horror.
"I'm just saying, Jack, telling the head of an agrarian community that you don't like bread was maybe not the wisest thing to do."
"Oh, come off it, Daniel. I didn't say I don't like bread. I love bread." He said the last over his shoulder to the weapons-toting men currently herding them back to the Stargate. "I am the epitome of the 'bread and potatoes man'."
"Uh, that's 'meat and potatoes', Jack."
"Whatever, Daniel. I did not tell those people that I hated bread."
"You did sneeze, Colonel."
"I had a nose full of flour, Carter."
"O'Neill, you have in the past shown great disdain for baked goods."
"Oh for God's sake, Teal'c. This is about the doughnuts, isn't it?"
"Doughnuts, Jack?"
"The stakeout… that thing with Osiris? Teal'c brought doughnuts. Took him half an hour to pick them."
"You didn't eat them then, either."
"Excuse me, Carter?"
"Uh… sir. You didn't eat them… sir."
"Have you talked to Janet about that, Jack? You may be allergic to flour."
"What? Now how the hell do you get that conclusion from me sneezing once? You sneeze all the time."
"Because I have allergies."
"Daniel, so help me…"
"Jack, it's not a big deal. It's a simple test."
"Daniel… Carter… Teal'c, I will say this once and once only. I am not allergic to flour."
"So, you just don't like it then." Daniel pressed on mercilessly.
"I like flour just fine, thank you."
"Then why did you not consume the doughnuts? I was led to believe that this was the traditional food for a stake-out." Teal'c cocked his head.
"I didn't want them, okay? Simple, easy to follow."
I took great care in choosing the doughnuts. Please elaborate on your reasons so that I may chose better varieties next time."
"Well, here's hoping that we never need to go through that again."
"As you say. Still, I wish to know-"
"Oh, for crying out loud, Teal'c… doughnuts make you fat and I…" He trailed off uncomfortably.
His three team-members exchanged glances. "Jack?" Daniel finally ventured.
The Colonel cleared his throat and started walking away. Daniel exchanged glances with Sam, grinning.
"Jack?"
"Daniel?"
"So… we had our physicals last week."
"Yes, Daniel, we did."
Daniel cleared his throat, touching the side of his hands briefly to his lips. "I seem to recall you, um… well… making some comments."
"I may have made an observation."
"Well, no. I believe that, uh, 'Cut back on the chocolate, Danny-boy' may be a little more than.."
"An observation."
"Yes. Well."
"Is there a point to this?" Jack drawled, casting Daniel a withering look.
"Janet have any news for you?" Daniel cleared his throat and shoved his hands in his pockets.
"Now, Daniel, you know that's confidential."
"Yes.. yes, of course." He looked around. "So… nothing we as your, um, concerned and caring team-members should know?"
Carter and Teal'c exchanged looks, Carter ducked her head to avoid laughing out loud.
"Daniel."
"Seriously, Jack. Is it cholesterol?"
"What?"
"Saturated fats?"
"What the hell…?"
"It was the love-handles, wasn't it?"
Jack spun in place, trying to look at his lower back. "I don't have…"
Daniel nodded wisely. "High blood pressure."
"Jackson…" Jack growled.
"Time to lay off the Twinkies?"
"I…" Jack went still. "What did you say?"
"Wh- What?" Daniel finally faltered.
"What you said. The Twinkie thing."
Daniel looked back at Sam, a touch of fear creeping into his expression. "I- I don't know what you're talking about." He tried to express as much dignity as he could.
"You told her."
"What? I never told Janet anything."
Jack gave a predator's grin. "I never mentioned anything about Janet."
"Oh." Daniel squirmed. "I…"
Jack's grin grew wider. "Daniel?"
"Jack?"
"Run."
