A/N: The plot finally comes in this chapter. Enjoy and please review. Also, if you DO review, can you tell me if Butters stutters too much? Not enough?
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"Where were you today, fat ass?"
Kyle and Cartman were at after-school detention. Eric hadn't showed up for their last class of the day, so this was the first time Kyle had seen him since lunch was over and he disappeared. Kyle wasn't worried that the larger boy had vanished for over an hour; he had assumed Cartman was just skipping class to go to Shakey's Pizza or something.
"Is that really any of your business, Jew?"
They were cleaning up the classroom they were in. Even though he had asked Kyle something, Eric didn't bother to look up at the smaller boy.
"Yeah, Cartman, I think it is. I had to do our group work by myself today."
Their teacher, like all of their teachers, had put them in a group to work together. On the days that Eric didn't come to class Kyle had to work with himself. He was one of the smartest kids in the class so he didn't really need help, but he still wanted to give Cartman a hard time about it.
"Well Jew Boy, if you must know, I was with my new girlfriend."
Kyle wanted to laugh. He really wanted to. Cartman? With a girlfriend? It should have been funny. But he didn't feel like laughing. Something about the idea of Cartman dating someone made him feel bad. Something about it was bothering him. He felt something in his chest, but he couldn't name it-he didn't want to name it. If he was honest with himself, he would have to admit that he felt jealous. But if he was honest with himself, he would have to admit exactly why he was jealous, and it didn't have anything to do with the fact that Cartman had a girlfriend and he didn't.
"Butters doesn't count as a girl, dumb ass."
Kyle could tell that the larger boy was irritated by his reply, though he tried to hide it. Kyle noticed Eric tense slightly and his eyes narrow. He could tell when Cartman was mad and trying to control his temper, even though he didn't try to control it often.
"Butters does too count as a girl! Besides, it isn't him anyway!" Cartman let a smirk slip onto his face and Kyle knew the next words out of his mouth would make the feeling in his chest double. He was beginning to feel queasy. "It's Wendy."
The feeling in his chest didn't double; it tripled. Kyle felt his mouth part slightly. There was no way that Cartman was telling the truth. Wendy had broken up with Stan a few weeks earlier, but there was just no way she would lower herself to dating someone like Cartman. It didn't matter that Cartman's eyes were a warm chestnut color or that he was on the football team. He was still Eric Cartman, the jackass they all grew up with.
"No way, man. No way. There is no way Wendy would ever date a fat fuck like you." Kyle ignored Cartman's scream that he wasn't fat. "Besides, she'll just get back with Stan in a few weeks like always."
Cartman got the look on his face that he always got when he was about to tell someone they were wrong. "Well, that's where you're wrong, Jew." Kyle didn't take time to wonder about how he could tell when Cartman was trying to hold back his temper or his facial expressions. "She's with me now. Bitch decided she wanted a real man, not some damn hippie like Stan."
Kyle sighed out the word "Whatever" and dropped it, knowing Cartman wouldn't believe him. He didn't want in this, really. He needed to tell Stan though, before he made an ass out of himself before trying to get the raven haired girl back.
"Stan's going to be pissed, Cartman."
Cartman finished cleaning the chalkboard, but didn't turn to face Kyle. Kyle didn't need to look at him to know he had rolled his eyes.
"Whatever, Kahl. Stan can suck my cock."
"He's...dating Wendy."
Kyle had just told Kenny, Stan, and Butters, who was sitting at their table that day, about Cartman dating Wendy. He would have the night before, but his bitch mother wouldn't let him on the phone because he had homework to do. He was glad Cartman had chose that day to sit with Wendy because he would have laughed at the gaping look Stan was currently giving their lunch table and Stan didn't need to be laughed at at the moment; there was a chance he would explode if someone had laughed at him. It was taking a while for the dark haired boy to come out of his daze and wrap his mind around what Kyle had told him, but the shock was starting to wear off.
"He's dating Wendy! That fat fuck is dating my girlfriend!"
Butters fidgeted with his hands; the blond had kept the habit all these years. He was one of the few boys in the school that was out of the closet and Kyle had to hand it to him that he was brave. It took a lot to come out in a hick town like this. Kyle didn't see why Butters didn't have a boyfriend though, even if his choices were slim.
Butters was shorter than all of the other boys at the table, including Kyle. His eyes were a lighter shade of blue than both Kenny's and Stan's. He was slim, but he didn't look anorexic like Kenny did from lack of eating. Butters' figure came from his hobby-dancing. Butters was one of the best dancers the school had and the blond was damn flexible.
"U-uh Stan? Didn't you and Wendy break up a f-few weeks ago?"
Butters had also kept his stutter.
"Dammit Butters! That's not the point!"
"Th-then what is the point?"
The point was that Stan was still in love with Wendy and Cartman would be lucky if he didn't get his face beat in for dating the girl.
"The point is that Cartman's gay."
It was the first thing that Kenny had said after Kyle had told them about Cartman and Wendy dating, and it took them a minute to process what he had said behind his hood.
"What?! Kenny, Cartman can't be gay."
Kyle was thinking about Kenny was saying while Stan automatically assumed the blond boy was wrong. Could Cartman be gay? No. There was no way. Kyle didn't get a chance to say his opinion though before Butters changed the subject.
"Well...If you want W-Wendy back, why don't you just find someone else for E-Eric to date? I-I mean, he's on the-the football team, so it ca-can't be too hard to find somebody who'll date him."
It was a good idea, and one that might actually work. Who would Cartman date though?
"Hey! I got an idea!" Kyle sat up on the book, proud at suddenly thinking up an idea. "He's such a nazi, why don't we find someone that's blond with blue eyes?"
"Yeah.." Stan said thoughtfully. Cartman was obsessed with Hitler, so why not? It could work. "That might actually work. Who's blond with blue eyes though? Bebe's eyes are green and Annie's are brown."
"W-well, why does it have to be a girl?" If Butters agreed with Kenny about Cartman being gay, maybe he really was. "E-Eric could be bi-curious or somethin'." Butters had a point. Kyle had never even considered the brunet they were talking about went both ways.
"Dude, Cartman's not even gay."
Stan didn't believe that a jock could be gay. He didn't have anything against gay people. He wasn't homophobic; he was friends with Butters, after all. The only problem he had with Craig and Tweek was that they made out every chance they got.
"Well, how do you know?" Kenny wasn't going to let this go. Suddenly, Kyle was reminded of how long Kenny had had a hold on Cartman's arm during lunch the day before.
"Uh, for one he's dating Wendy, r-tard."
"That could be a cover-up."
"Y-yeah," Butters agreed. "A cover-up! W-why, Eric could be gay and none of us know it!"
"He's right, Dude." Kyle felt bad for siding against his best friend, but they had a point.
Stan sighed, finally giving in. "Yeah, whatever...Hey! How about we place a bet? I bet you all fifty bucks each that Cartman isn't gay!"
"You're on!"
"Yeah!"
Kenny and Butters may be wanting to throw away their money, but Kyle decided not to say anything. Something about this was bothering him more than it had the day before when he had found out about Eric and Wendy.
"Alright. Fine. Go on. Try to find a boy Cartman will date!"
Stan got up to go dump his tray, leaving the other three boys to sit there and ponder. Who had blond hair and blue eyes at their school?
"What about Tweek?"
Stan came back right in time to hear Butters' innocent question. The boy had probably just forgotten that the coffee addict was seeing someone.
"Tweek has green eyes, dumb ass."
"Alright," Kenny shrugged. "I'll do it."
The three other boys at the table turned to look at their friend. Kenny was a pervert and a sex addict, but he wouldn't try to sleep with a boy, would he? Kyle had never stopped to consider the McCormick boy as being bisexual, but it was a possibility.
"Do what, man?" It was taking Stan a second to realize what Kenny meant. "Oh! No way, man! That'd be gross!" He didn't want one of his friends to try to screw another one of his friends. Kenny just shrugged though; there was a lot he'd do to make money.
"By golly, I-I'll do it too."
Butters now had Stan's attention. He couldn't understand why so many of his friends would date Cartman of all people.
"Butters, why?"
"W-well, hamburgers! I-I'm tired of bein' single, you guys. A-and besides, you guys might not understand it, but I l-like Eric!"
Stan sat there for a moment taking the new information in. Butters, sweet little Butters, had a crush on the world's fattest asshole. It was too much.
"I'll see you guys later."
Stan stood up and left the table, not once looking back.
"H-he isn't mad, is he?"
"No," Kyle wasn't sure why, but the idea of both Kenny and Butters wanting to fuck Cartman irritated him. "He's not mad. He just needs time to think. Don't worry."
"Oh." Butters relaxed slightly but still fidgeted with his hands. "I was about to worry."
"So," Kenny changed the subject, excitement filling his voice. "We're on to see who can snag him first?"
"Wait.." Kyle was slightly confused, but his thoughts went back to the hand on Cartman's arm once again. "I thought you were just in it for the money."
Kenny didn't say a word as he shrugged and stood up from the table. Kyle had a bad feeling about all this.
