DISCLAIMER: I do not own
A/N: A huge thanks goes to everyone who has reviewed and to those who have added this story onto their favorites, and to everyone following this fic. And of course the biggest thank you goes to Jesa463 who has helped me write this story, and has been my beta.
Enjoy x
The Doctor looked down at the human worriedly. He hovered over him, quite aware of his current fragile state, but didn't move as he took a brief moment to study the young human. Rory's eyes were glazed over, and held none of their usual warmth. They were icy cold, and filled with such strong hatred that The Doctor could feel it emanating from them. Why was Rory angry? Was the anger aimed at him? Perhaps it was because he had fallen on top of him. He hadn't meant to. He'd only been trying to prevent further harm to him. Crushing Rory to a pulp hadn't been part of his plan.
Though he supposed that's how his life was. He tried to protect the universe from evil, and in the end he only ended up destroying it further. He was destructive. Like the flames of a wildfire reaching out to everything and everyone around him. Burning them. Reducing everything he touched to ash. Rory was just one of his many victims. When would this stop? When would the injuries he inflicted on the ones he loved stop?
He could feel Rory shaking under the tender touch of his hands, and his pattern of breathing had become erratic and ragged. If The Doctor wasn't very much mistaken, the Roman's eyes were misting up with the tell-tale signs of tears. Perhaps Rory's injuries were worse than The Doctor first imagined. Though something in the deep depths of The Doctor's gut told him that this was only slightly connected to Rory's physical state. Perhaps it was more to do with the emotional side of things. After all, human emotions were the most delicate of things. It took very little pushing for them to cry. It was most likely to do with a certain fiery red head that, come to think of it, should have been on board the TARDIS too if things were really okay with the Ponds. That brought up another rather concerning matter. Rory had lashed out at him earlier because of the use of the nickname "Pond." It wasn't like Rory at all, and besides, he hadn't put up a particularly big fight about being referred to as "Pond" before. What had changed? She wasn't with him, which meant one of two things. One: Rory and Amy hadn't really been fixed. They were still fighting, or rather avoiding each other. Or two … actually there wasn't really a second option. It was as plain as day that the young man was suffering. He seemed distant, and his expression was pained.
The moment grew more and more intense by the second. Rory's heart was thudding so hard that The Doctor could feel it pulsating into his own chest. Their faces were inches apart now. A strange tingle ran along the full length of the Timelord's spine. Rory obviously felt it as he stopped trembling momentarily. He found that his own breathing was hitching now. Skin brushed against skin. Clothes rubbed roughly at each other. The Doctor felt Rory's hands gripping his middle tightly. At first he thought Rory was going to shove him off, but instead, much to his surprise, he was dragged closer. If that was even possible. Their rib cages clashed against each other now, and breathing was becoming an impossible task. The tears finally began to spring from the centurion's eyes. They pooled at the outside corners of his eyes, slid down the sides of his temples and dropped out of sight into his hair.
Before The Doctor could even comprehend what was going on, he found that he was under vicious attack – or rather his lips were. The Doctor tried to struggle and break free. This was wrong. This was Rory for goodness sake! He had Amy! Rory's lips attacked his own from every angle. The young male's tongue flickered against his mouth's entrance. He could literally feel Rory begging him to let him enter. The Doctor was losing a fighting battle. The kiss was hot and fiery. It was filled with raw emotion. Hatred, anger, and resentment crashed over The Doctor in huge waves. It was too much. It hurt. It mixed in with The Doctor's own self-loathing and self-hatred. It pooled in every corner of The Doctor's mind. It poisoned him, and left him utterly powerless. Why was Rory kissing him? It didn't make sense. He loved Amy. He kissed her. He was loyal and big hearted. He was most certainly not the kind of person to go kissing people for a random reason. So that begged the question: what reason was fueling this kiss?
Rory began raking his hands through The Doctor's thick brown mop. The strokes began getting faster and more insistent until, finally, Rory yanked at his locks. The Doctor yelped through the kiss and tried to roll away from Rory. It was useless though. There was no escaping Rory's grasp. With each violent pull of his hair The Doctor felt yet another scream die in his throat. Giving in, he closed his eyes and waited for the whole ordeal to end. His scalp felt as if it was bleeding, and he wouldn't be all too surprised if it was. He hadn't realized before, but he had tears forming in his eyes himself. Rory was like family to him. To see him hurting so badly that he actually wanted to cause him physical pain was both terrifying and heart wrenching. He felt like whatever he had done, that he deserved this. He had inadvertently hurt Rory, and now this was his punishment. He was going to sit back and take it.
When he felt the weight of Rory's lips leave his own, he found the disturbing sound of his own screams breaking through the atmosphere. So much pain. Too much. His head was throbbing, and it felt as though blood was seeping out of his scalp. He slid off of Rory, and like a helpless child, began to crawl away. He felt exhausted, more exhausted than he had ever been in his life. He suddenly felt incredibly old, and as he caught a quick glance of the young human in the corner of his eye, he realized that he was.
He was an ancient God, rusting away, covered in dust and emotional scars. Every God has to fall. Perhaps this was his time. The time where the universe finally put him in his place. But why had it come in the form of a kiss? And from Rory, of all people? It didn't make sense. Why?
"Wha-" he gasped, trying to form a sentence, but his mind wouldn't cooperate. His mouth could only spit out semi-coherent whats and whys. He struggled to catch his breath and regain composure. After a while he tried again
"What the hell was that?!"
"Oh, God." Rory muttered over and over. "Oh, God. Oh, God!"
A swift movement caught his eye. He looked over at Rory. He saw him sit up and back himself into a corner, curling himself into a messy ball of tense nerves. He clenched his fists and pressed them into his eyes, groaning with the pain he inflicted on himself. He proceeded to rock back and forth. He sobbed, hiccuped and gasped for breath as his shoulders shook. The Doctor knew he was looking at a broken man that had just hit his all-time low. He wanted to look away. No, he told himself, this is the consequence of your actions. He needed to fix this.
He started to slowly scoot himself over to where Rory was scrunched up. He sat himself mere inches from the trembling form of the man. He tentatively reached out a hand to him, delicately gripping one of Rory's wrists. He tried to carefully pull it away from his face to make Rory look him in the eyes so he could see his hurt, his regret and his sorrow communicated through them. He softened his voice, trying to comfort the man with a light hushing noise.
"Oh, Rory. I'm so sorry." He said, putting extra emphasis into his apology.
Rory only shook him off. "Don't touch me!" he snapped. "Just get away!"
The Doctor recoiled at the harsh words. "I'm sorry, Rory. Please-" He broke off, unable to speak through the sobs now rising in the back of his throat.
"You took everything from me!" Rory accused. "All that I love!"
"I'm sorry. I never meant for this to happen, any of it. I didn't know what I was doing. I would take it all back if I could, but I can't." The words came pouring out. He couldn't stop them, couldn't hold them back. This broken man was his doing. He had changed both Rory and Amy's life. He knew that. He hadn't known, however, the full effect he had on their relationship, until now. It wasn't until he stopped for a moment to sit still that he saw the damage.
"Of course you don't, you never do! All you do is screw things up, and by the time you realize what you've done it's too late to fix things." Rory's accusation hit home. He's right, my whole life is just one big screw up. His thoughts chipped away at his mind.
"All I can do is try. Let me try!" The Doctor pleaded
"I have nothing!" Rory looked at The Doctor, his light-green eyes wild with manic desperation. Then he crossed his arms, resting them on his bent knees, and slumped his head desolately onto them.
"That's not true. You've got me."
Rory slowly lifted his head, and threw a look in The Doctor's direction that was so haunted that goosebumps began traveling up his skin like wildfire, "You?" Rory's Adam's apple bobbed up an down in a nervous fashion, "How have I got you?" He shifted under The Doctor's watchful eyes.
"Oh, Rory." The Doctor edged forwards, "The big-hearted Roman. The last centurion." He reached his fingers out to cup Rory's chin but the young man flinched away from them like he was expecting to get burnt. Brow knitted, he made a decision, " I understand what you're feeling. I know what it's like to lose everything. I've been there. I saw my whole planet burn. I heard my people scream as they fell into oblivion. That pain that you're feeling now. I've felt it too. Except there's one difference between me and you." His voice was as dark as his hearts had become over the hundreds of years of guilt, and grief that had mutilated them.
"What's that?" Rory asked, hanging on to his every word.
"You don't have to go through it alone." And with that, he ended his valid point with a soft, gentle kiss to the lips. The shaking human kissed him back though he seemed reluctant, and unsure, like a schoolboy kissing for the first time.
A small voice cried within The Doctor's mind "why are you doing this?"
He, as per usual, ignored the voice. If he listened to the voice too often then he would never get anything done. It would drive him utterly mad.
His hearts were telling him that this was the right thing to do, and that Rory needed this, and much to his shame, he felt as though he was dire need of such close contact with someone. Someone who saw him for who he really was: a monster.
The kiss was soft and gentle; a total contrast to the previous kiss. Though The Doctor could practically taste hints of anger as his tongue traced the man's lips. He was far from earning the forgiveness of Rory.
When he eventually released Rory from his lips, The Doctor immediately stood up and backed away. Rory's eyes were dilated, and his face was creased. He was clearly as befuddled as The Doctor was feeling.
A single tear cascaded down Rory's cheeks, leaving a white stain upon his flesh. The Doctor reached forwards and caught it with the palm of his hand before it could reach the floor. There had been far too many tears shed today.
It was in that moment that Rory said two words The Doctor hadn't been expecting, "I'm sorry." He croaked.
"Rory Williams. You have absolutely nothing to apologize for. This," he gestured in Rory's direction, "is all my fault. I seems I always find a way of destroying the people I love." He muttered the last part as he knew just how true that statement really was.
Rory shook his head and smiled weakly, "You called me Rory Williams."
"That is your name, isn't it?" The Doctor smiled back. The Rory he knew and loved was starting to shine through.
"Yeh, S' pose it is." Rory retorted, moaned heavily and got to his feet. He strode over to The Doctor with what looked like a strong purpose. It would have been far more effective if he wasn't hobbling. He was definitely in pain. I'll have to do something about that, The Doctor pushed the note into the front of his mind. He closed his eyes. He was half expecting Rory to hit him.
Instead he felt fingers running through his hair. Hissing, he bit down hard on his tongue. Please, not that. Anything but that.
"Does it hurt?"
Wincing an eye open, The Doctor cocked his head slightly. "No." He lied. He wasn't about to tell Rory that his head was quite literally throbbing, and he was in total agony. Humans felt guilt so easily, and guilt was definitely not an emotion Rory should have to deal with right now.
"You're lying." Rory stated, pulling back his fingers which were now speckled in tiny droplets of blood.
"It's really not that bad." The Doctor shook his head. This time the lie was hindered by a low whimper. "Rory your injuries are far worse than mine." The Doctor pointed out in a high-pitched, slightly-panicked tone of voice.
"You didn't cause my injuries." Rory retorted as he continued inspecting The Doctor's head. "I deliberately did this to you."
"Rory! I quite literally crushed you." The Doctor exclaimed.
"Because you were trying to save me." Rory's voice sounded like a tire slowly deflating.
"Yes, well, wasn't very successful in doing that, was I?" The Doctor reached out and ran a finger down Rory's chest, and watched as a ripple of pain ran down it.
"Rory, I know this is probably the last question you want to hear right now, but, where's Amelia?"
Rory shook his head, "Can't." He choked on a fistful of sobs.
The Doctor watched as the already-broken man crumbled. "Okay then. You don't have to answer, not right now, but eventually you'll have to, you know. I need to know. For now just come back to the medical bay with me, and let's get everything sorted, alright?" The Doctor moved to wrap his arm around Rory's shoulder, motioning for him to do the same.
Rory acquiesced, and leaned a portion of his weight on The Doctor as he was helped up the steps.
Broken bones, bruises and cuts would heal, but would it even be possible to pick Rory's heart up off the floor and glue it back together again?
Only time would tell.
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