Disclaimer: I don't own Fatal Frame… if I did, this would what the game would be like. What? The implications are there, y'know!
Title:The True Fatal Frame
Type:
Parody
Rating:
PG-13 to R for language and implied content.
Summary:
My really funny Fatal Frame Parody. Himuro Mansion, a whorehouse? Okay… wait, what? And Miku, insane? Well, as if that wasn't obvious!

.:in which I warp the ending of Fatal Frame:.
chapter three


What was that thing shining on the ground?

She had been wandering innocently around Himuro Mansion, looking for the Blinding Mask (that looks hella fun!) when she wound up in the Hell Gate. It was really dark, and Miku squinted.

"Damn!" she swore. It was too dark to see. Looking around, she clenched her hands into fists. Her right hand tightened around something cool, cold, round. Oh yeah. The flashlight. Shining it in the direction of the glinting thing, her eyes widened. "Oh shit!" Miku groaned. It was a part of her camera. It must have broken when she tripped on the way in. She needed that fucking camera! As she rushed to get it, so she could take sexy pictures again, she stopped on the way when she passed a circular mirror embedded in a column of wood.

She didn't even notice Kirie (and Mafuyu, hidden behind her) appear. She was too obsessed with checking her hair. Her mouth dropped open in horror. God damn, why the hell had those Americans dyed it auburn? It had been such a nice dusty shit-brown color before!

Just then, she got the feeling something was behind her. Oh, that's right. Kirie. She probably wants to check herself out in the mirror, Miku reasoned, and stepped aside. Kirie and her mass of hands walked in front of the mirror, purposefully bumping Miku into the dark.

"Bitch," Miku muttered under her breath, but cried out in surprise when the dark, sexy aura around Kirie lessened, and the hands vanished, leaving behind a beautiful (if a little less sexy) Kirie. Her hair, instead of flowing over her face, was parted neatly to the side. "Mafuyu!" Miku screamed suddenly, her voice cracking as she finally caught sight of her brother.

She raced over nonetheless. "Mafuyu!" she said, pronouncing it incorrectly as usual. "Thank goodness!" Miku wrapped her arms around her brother, glaring at Kirie, who was kneeling at the ground, staring at her hands, and then at Mafuyu, and back to her hands.

"Augh!" the young woman cried, wiping her palms furiously on what remained of her kimono.

Mafuyu looked hurt. "What's that supposed to mean?" ("Whaaaaaaat's thaaaat suuuppoooseddd toooo meeeeeannn?")

Kirie flushed, but didn't have time to answer as the figure of a child appeared before her. Miku dragged herself away from where she had been about to force herself on her unfortunate brother. The little girl, whose name was Little Kirie (really original, huh?) pointed at the Hell Gate and murmured hollowly, "Don't forget your duty."

Across the room, Miku sniggered. Duty. Doody. Shit.

Kirie hung her head. She didn't want Mafuyu to see this! Or… did she? It didn't matter, she didn't have a choice. It was her job to keep the prostitutes from pouring out of the aptly named Hell Gate.

With a sigh, Kirie walked over to the gate, pushing it closed from where it had opened a crack. Closing her eyes, she grumbled about the horrible English dub that the people at Tecmo had given her, and barely remembered her line. "Uh… oh yeah. 'My job is to keep this gate closed,' " she recited obediently, rolling her eyes. And then her eyes narrowed, and she hummed the Mission Impossible theme as she whipped her arm out and, with her SPESHUL POWAZ!!11one, made ropes fly out and wrap around her wrists. She didn't even wince (the brave soul!) when the ropes suspended her in the air in… um… a quite suggestive position. You figure it out.

Miku gasped. She considered becoming a lesbian.

Mafuyu took a step toward Kirie, much to Miku's disbelief and fury. She latched onto his arms. "Nooo, Mafuyu!" she insisted. "Come back with meee! I need you more than this lonely bitch, hanging helplessly off a doorway to keep the whole existence of the world at bay ALL ALONE FOREVER, does!" The Hell Gate threatened to burst, shaking the whole cavern and possibly dislocating some of Kirie's limbs. "I mean, come on!" Miku pleaded, pointing at Kirie. "She OBVIOUSLY doesn't need your help!"

"Leave dis gate to me," Kirie said grudgingly, sounding oddly Rastafarian for no apparent reason. Those damn dubs! "The rest of you, hurry and escape!" Miku and Mafuyu decided she must have been seeing double. The rest of you? The hell? There were only two.

But still, Mafuyu stepped toward her. "But what about you?" he said, achingly slowly.

"I must stop the Calamity!" Kirie said, losing her Rastafarian accent. "Or else it will happen again… we have more than enough prostitutes at Himuro Mansion, thank you very much!" She paused, allowing this to sink in. "Don't worry about me. Just go."

Miku squeaked as the Vegas-style room began to fall apart. The strings of broken, formerly brightly colored Christmas lights fell from the ceiling, along with fluorescent signs. "Mafuyu!" she said, once again saying his name wrong. "Come on!"

"Miku," Mafuyu said gravely, turning back to her. "I must stay."

"What are you saying?" Miku asked shrilly, her nasal voice cracking. Behind, Kirie stuck her tongue out and hollered pointedly, "I love you, Mafuyu!" Miku's face got really red and she screamed, "Fuck you, bitch!"

Mafuyu told his sister not to insult Kirie and to shut up, and went on, "I think I can help her." More busted lights fell from the ceiling. Kirie averted her gaze, flushed, and Miku flipped her off, and started moving toward her brother.

"Miku," Mafuyu said, ignoring his little sister and turning back to Kirie. "You go on without me." Miku wasn't about to let this happen, but before she could get to Mafuyu, the ceiling fell in on him and Kirie.

Miku's mouth fell open. "OH SHIT!" she screamed, and jabbed her finger at the place where her brother had been standing a minute before. "How're you going to help her now, Mafuyu?!" She began to cry. Now she had no one to talk to about her 'urges'! She was an orphan, a lonely, miserable orphan! "I'm all alone," she sang loudly, tears streaming down her face as she backed out of the Hell Gate. "There's no one here beside meeeeee!"

"Miku."

It was her brother's voice, in her head. Any other person would have decided that they were going crazy, but not Miku. Miku spun around in circles, searching for her brother. "Mafuyu!" she cried, her voice cracking. "You escaped after all!" She began to sing, to the tune of the Spider-man song. "Mafuyu-man, Mafuyu-man, does whatever a Mafuyu can…!"

This confirmed it. Miku was crazy.

"The whole time Kirie," Mafuyu continued, pronouncing Kirie wrong, "was guiding me—"

"What the hell?" Miku shouted. "Guiding you? You sick, twisted bastard! You cheated on me!"

Mafuyu ignored this. "—I could hear her screaming… screaming for help. As the Rope Shrine Prostitute, she was destined to seal the gate. Yet she also wanted to be with the one she loved (me! …Right?). But she couldn't have both, and was being torn apart by those two feelings, which resulted in the Calamity. Prostitutes poured out and covered the world. Not that I'm complaining. Uh, anyway… her spirit was uh… touched by the Sexiness, and she became a creature that wanted to make others feel pleasure like she had. Again, I'm not complaining. Now, free of the Sexiness (aww, man!), she has to fulfill her duty as the Rope Shrine Prostitute. Her soul must remain here, keeping this gate sealed off for all eternity."

"All alone," he continued. Miku had long ago zoned out. "Endless pain. But is long as she is free of pain—"

Miku didn't get it. "I thought you just said she would be in endless pain?"

There was silence, and then a cough. "Anyway… as long as she is not left hopeless, I wish… to be by her side."

Miku sniffled. "Bastard," she choked out.

"You're a bitch."

"You're the bitch!" she shouted, and stormed out. She stepped past all the prostitutes and out of Himuro Mansion. Blue orbs filled the air. "Oh, look," she grumbled, "all the prostitutes' souls are going back to where they belong… IN HELL!"

"Miku," came Mafuyu's voice sharply, and then he went off in a tangent: "I now realize why I was brought here… it wasn't just for the sex… I will accept this destiny of mine. And Miku? Thank you… for everything… you bitch."

When Miku finally finished her story, it was four in the morning and everyone had left. She was all alone, except for the unfortunate barkeep, who was asleep at his post, having long ago given up begging her to leave.

"Ever since that day," Miku said, regardless, "I stopped seeing things… other people don't see."

The bartender awoke suddenly as she finished, and picked up a broom. "That's great!" he shouted, booting her off the chair and sweeping her out of his bar. "Now get back to the insane asylum, you crazy bitch!" And with that, he shut the door in her face.
A/N: Several things in this parody are based on my experience, such as Kirie's Rasta accent and Miku's slurring in the first chap. When I first heard the intro, Miku did go, "I fffffelt uneasy..." and when I heard the ending, Kirie did sound like she was putting on a Rastafari accent.
I might do the Xbox ending to finish this parody off...

P.S. You may have noticed that at the beginning of the chapter, instead of finding the last Holy Mirror shard, Miku finds a part for the camera. Well, that was on purpose, not me just being dumb. It's there to provide a hint towards what the camera's use is in this story...