Ben settled himself in the passenger seat next to the Dejarik table. He hoped he might convince Chewie that his game had improved and he would be a better match this time. Once, his father had told the Wookie to let him win. But, Uncle Chewie didn't like to lose, so Ben was forced to learn new strategies time after time. Still, Chewie always managed to be one step ahead of him and Ben had only once come upon a very hard won victory.

C3-P0 was buckled in beside him, his tutor and the family protocol droid. Ben couldn't stand him. He never really liked droids much, there was something almost too oddly human about them that he couldn't quite get past. And to make matters worse, C3-P0 was always tattling on him, telling Leia everything he did. He couldn't get away with anything.

"Are you securely fastened Master Solo?" The protocol droid asked.

"Yes, I'm buckled," Ben replied rolling his eyes. He wasn't a baby anymore. He didn't need the protocol droid reminding him of everything he needed to do. He was big enough to do things on his own now.

Useless creatures, droids.

"Ready to go?" His father called over his shoulder from the pilot's chair.

Chewie growled a joke in response and Ben laughed. Uncle Chewie always made him laugh. The Wookiee had a wit faster than a class 2 hyperdrive. Shyriiwook, the main trade language to the Wookiee's of Kashyyyk was something Ben had grown up hearing and so could understand without the need of a translator. His mother had picked it up some time ago as well and part of Ben loved that no one else on his little planet could understand Shryiiwook. He couldn't speak it as well but he liked to use it as his own secret language.

The rumble of the Falcon coming to life made him grip the seat. He shouldn't be afraid of flying, not after all these years, but there was something about the takeoff that always caused him to grip the seat till his knuckles turned white, when would he stop being so afraid? The heavy thrum of the engines took over and Ben felt his heart racing, pounding away inside his chest. Deep breaths, in and out, that would calm him down.

The son of Han Solo shouldn't be afraid of flying.

"I'm not afraid," Ben mumbled to himself loosening his grip on the seat just a bit.

Don't speak out loud to me.

Speak to me in your mind little one.

Do you want them to know about me?

I'm not afraid, Ben thought but he still felt the flutter in his chest as the Falcon ascended. It didn't settle until they were preparing for hyperdrive and he was able to regulate his breathing.

When they shifted to a steady motion rather than the constant turning and twisting of flight that Ben had never quite managed to get used to, he was able to unbuckle and trudge to his room. He desperately wanted to settle into his bunk in the space he called his own aboard the Falcon. His father had left it untouched in the months that he had been gone and Ben was happy to find his holopad set on the shelf built into the bunk. He decided that for a long flight like this he might enjoy the calming feeling that reading always gave him.

He climbed onto the bunk and shivered. His mother was right. Space was cold. Ben had grabbed a blanket for himself and wrapped it around him as he pull the holopad from the shelf and pressed it on. The charge was low but it ought to provide an adequate distraction from the press of space and feeling of the chill dank air. He thumbed through the list of books that have been uploaded to the pad and maked his selection. He chose a history story about the royal family of Alderaan. He liked reading those types of books because they reminded him of the stories his mother told him.

A soft ache in his chest blooms, bringing him back to reality, mother. How will he survive without her? She is the one constant in his life, the one keeping him grounded. She promised to visit, she promised that they would talk every day. But, deep inside Ben could feel the lie in those words. At least she was able to take the time to travel with them to the Academy.

She will be too busy for you.

Her time will be spent with others more deserving.

The Senate is where her heart truly lies.

The words sting. But, Ben could feel the truth in them. As much as his mother may wish to have him always close, he knows that she will become buried in her work. It was hard enough for her to manage staying at home with him. It seemed like any chance she got to help with the New Republic and the Galactic Senate she was gone.

Sometimes she took Ben with her, but mostly he was left under the watchful eye of C3-P0, who never allowed any fun. Those weeks were boring and Ben found himself getting lost in the world of his imagination, until the creeping claws dug into his mind and he felt the migraines coming. When he read too much about the Jedi or when he dreamt of what it might be like to finally become a Jedi. The claws twisted and dug in their grip. That was when Ben's mind felt like it was shattering and he would find himself a private place to lay down and cry.

The protocol droid would always find him and always ask him what was the matter. Ben always responded that it was a headache and nothing more. The droid would still tut over him and chide him for every tear and then Ben's thoughts would turn to how he might like to dismember the droid, particularly how funny it might look with no arms.

The claws would then pull out and Ben would hear the soft and welcoming voice encouraging him to do just that. Rip the arms off the droid and feel the pleasure it would bring. Feel how the power would ripple through him in delicious waves of ecstasy as he dismembered him with his mind. Ben had almost done it once, almost pulled the arms from the droid, but then he thought of his mother and how upset it would make her. He didn't want to upset her, but he also didn't want to get in trouble.

But think of how good it might feel.

The power growing inside you.

Give in. Just a little.

But Ben was strong, he would not hurt intentionally. He told himself that he would never hurt someone on purpose, it just wasn't in his blood. His mother and father had taught him the morality of the galaxy. You didn't hurt someone unless it was in self-defense.

With that thought clear in his mind Ben could feel the weight of his eyelids as he began to drift to sleep.