PART III

-0-

Molly's flat. Three Months and Two Weeks After Eurus' Game

Molly Hooper stands dumbstruck at her doorstep after Andrew left. When sense got back to her, she rummages her purse for the keys for her flat. She looks at it for exactly eight seconds before putting it back on her purse and running to the nearest busy street to hail a cab.

A cab stops in front of her, and she goes inside.

"Baker Street, please." She says, and the cab goes on its way.

-0-

Watson's Residence. Five Days After Eurus' Game

Sherlock Holmes does not have time to think about Molly Hooper.

He has a lot on his mind to entertain the thought of her. Eurus' re-emergence turned over his world. Her game opened a room in his mind palace he never thought he had. It was cold and dark and going inside of it scared him. However, scientist as he is, he goes in. He explores. He explores even if every memory he unravels disturbs his long-grounded beliefs about who he is.

He finds he is still wounded by Eurus' actions.

Still, he chooses to forgive because he understands. He understands what it's like to feel like no one can ever reach you, to feel like no one will ever understand. He felt like that for a very long time.

Yesterday, his parents met him and Mycroft after news that Eurus is alive reached them. They were furious of how Mycroft concealed his little sister's condition. Understandable, but Sherlock knows he did his best to do what he thought was right.

"What do we do now?" his mother asks him.

He thinks of himself, of how lonely he was before he met John Watson. John Watson, who little by little taught him that he doesn't have to be alone, that he never was alone.

He thought Eurus deserved as much.

"Make her feel less alone," he replies after a long pause.

He does not have time to think about Molly Hooper.

He ponders on this truth as he stands bowing his violin, trying to compose a tune for his little sister. Yet, as he struggles to find the right notes, her image dares to slip into his mind, breaking his concentration.

He stops playing and drops his violin and bow. He doesn't have time to think about Molly Hooper, he tells himself.

He put his violin back in place on his shoulder and starts again.

-0-

Watson's Residence. Two Weeks and Three Days After Eurus' Game

"I asked Molly to look after Rosie while you were gone." John Watson says casually. Sherlock arrived back to London from Sherrinford yesterday and John fills in now and then with what happened while he was gone. "She says you haven't talked to her yet."

Sherlock does not react.

"Sherlock, I really think you should talk to her." John says, concerned. "She needs an explanation."

Sherlock still does not react.

John sighs and leaves him alone. John probably thought he was tuning him out again, but he heard him. He knows that he should talk to Molly and ask her for forgiveness. However, right now, he still does not have the courage to.

-0-

Molly's Flat. Three Weeks After Eurus' Game.

Sherlock stands at Molly's door, but he couldn't bring himself to move.

In an ordinary day, he would have picked a lock, or climbed through the window.

He cannot do that now.

He wants her to know that he is sincere. He wants her to know that this is just some silly game to him – that she is not a game to him.

He still doesn't know the words he'll say, but he decided that he couldn't put off talking to her any longer.

All he knows is that he desperately wants things to go back to normal. All he knows is that he desperately wants to stop thinking of her.

He sighs, his courage leaving him. Maybe he can do this tomorrow, when he sorts out the things he wants to say.

He was leaving when he heard her voice call his name. "Sherlock?"

"Molly, I – "

She cuts him off, telling him that she knows about Eurus, about what the phone call was about. She tells him that she understands, but she's still hurt.

"Despite the tension of the moment, was there any part of you that meant the 'I love you'?" she asks him. She says she wants to know the truth and that she wants to know if she should still hope that he will love her back.

He stands speechless. He was expecting her to be angry at him, to spat curses at him, to threat severing ties with him. He did not expect her to ask that. He finds that he does not know what to answer. He feels a lot of things for her – gratitude, respect, guilt – but love? He doesn't even know what being in love feels like. He used to think that he loved The Woman, but later on he realized that all he felt for her was admiration and curiosity. It's not like he doesn't have any idea of what love is. He has seen it, of course – with John and Mary and with some of his clients. He knows how it works, the chemistry and biology of it. However, he doesn't know how to detect it in himself, how to fish it out from all the emotion he feels. For a second, he considers telling her that he meant it, even if he's not sure if he does. However, he thinks against it. He has given her false hopes before, and hurt her because of it. Saying that to her now, only for him to tell her later that it wasn't true if he realizes it isn't would break her. He doesn't have the heart to do that to her. She said she wanted the truth, so he decides to tell her one thing that he's sure is.

"I . . . I care about you, Molly," he says.

"That's not what I wanted you to say," Molly says before she mumbles apologies, wishes him well and walks away.

He does not go after her.

-0-

Watson's Residence. Three Weeks and One Day After Eurus' Game.

"What does love feel like?" he asks.

Molly Hooper appears in his mind palace. "What do you think it feels like?"

He looks at her in annoyance. "Why are you asking me? You're supposed to tell me things I don't know."

"I don't tell you things you don't know." Molly says calmly. "How could I? I'm you. I'm a ghost in your mind palace, remember? I just make you see things you don't notice. I just push you to think harder. Now, what do you think love feels like?"

He looks at her, and thinks hard for an answer. Nothing. "I. . . I don't know."

Molly looks at him with pity, and disappears.

-0-

St. Bartholomew's Hospital. One Month and Two Weeks After Eurus' Game.

He finds himself going to St. Bartholomew's more and more. He goes even though he doesn't really need to do anything there. It's just that being there feels like home.

Moreover, he wants to see her. He wants everything between them to start going back to normal. With much effort, he tries harder to be nicer to her. He refrains from asking for her help. He tries to help her with her work. He offers her lunch when she forgets to eat.

"You don't have to this out of guilt, Sherlock." Molly says.

He looks at her. He admits that at first, he did help her out of guilt. However, as time went on, he realized that he likes taking care of her. He likes helping her.

Sherlock watched as Molly continued finishing her autopsy report. "Maybe I just want to do these things for you," he says softly.

-0-

St. Bartholomew's Hospital Cafeteria. Two Months, One Week And Five Days After Eurus' Game

Molly starts declining his lunch offers every Thursday. It does not take him long to figure out that she is meeting someone.

He really did try not to interfere, but he couldn't help himself. On the third time her lunch date comes over, he goes downstairs to see him for himself.

He sees them at the farthest table from the counter. Sherlock only meant to just look at the man from afar, but after seeing him laugh at something Molly said, and Molly laughing with him afterwards, he finds himself walking towards their table.

"Molly," he says. "Could you help me analyse the blood sample I got from Ms. Fairfax's apartment?"

"Couldn't you do it by yourself?" she asks, probably a bit surprised that he made a request after months of not doing so.

"I would, but I have more important things to do at the moment." Sherlock says. Liar, Mary's voice rings in his ear. He ignores it.

Molly nods. "Okay, "she says. "I'll just finish this up first."

He frowns. He hoped that his request would prompt her to go back upstairs with him and leave her date behind. He turns his attention to her date, carefully deducing him.

Doctor. A&E consultant from The Royal London Hospital. Day off. Lost a lover years ago. Lives alone. Sleeps with the lampshade on. No indication of violent behaviour. No indication of criminal past.

"Okay then," he says, when he was finished. "But do hurry up," he adds, a bit impatient.

-0-

Watson's Residence. Two Months, One Week and Five Days After Eurus' Game

"You felt like this before, you know." Mary says as she waltzes into his mind palace. "You didn't notice, because you were much more focused on worrying you'll lose your best friend."

"Mary," he says as he looked at her.

"I'm right, aren't I?" Mary continues. "You felt this way when you learned that she was engaged. You were so jealous you even humiliated her fiancé during our wedding."

"Stop it." He moves closer to Mary, his eyes serious. "I don't get jealous. Jealousy clouds the judgement. My judgement does not get clouded. I would never let it."

"Oh Sherlock. You can never hide anything from me." Mind palace-Mary says, smiling knowingly.

-0-

221B Baker Street. Two Months, Three Weeks and One Day After Eurus' Game

Mrs. Hudson offered to plan some kind of party on the first day that he moves in to his newly renovated flat. In a normal occasion, he would have thought this idea to be utterly stupid, but so much has happened in the past few months that her fawning over him makes him nostalgic.

One by one people arrived at his flat. Lestrade came first. Then, his brother (Mrs. Hudson invited him, surprisingly). Then, John and Rosie came. Then, Molly came.

She wore a simple purple collared dress, far from the dress she wore on the infamous Christmas party a few years back. She gave him a gift – for the flat, she says. He takes note of the colour of the gift wrapper. It doesn't match her lipstick at all.

His eyes follow her when she proceeded to chat with the other guests in the room. She's not The Woman, he thinks to himself. The Woman demands your attention at first glance. Her presence exudes a combination of beauty, confidence and intelligence that challenges you and keeps you guessing. On the other hand, Molly's presence does not demand you of anything. Instead, her intelligence and kindness welcomes you. It makes you feel like you matter, no matter who you think you are. She's beautiful, too. Not in the way that The Woman was beautiful, but beautiful in a way that grows on to you.

He notices himself staring (and feels, quite to his horror, that Mycroft notices too), so he tries to talk to Lestrade and to others, attempting to small talk. Time and time again though, his gaze lands on her. He notices she looks happy. It is far from how she looked at the screen the day he called. He smiles to himself.

She takes the used plates to the sink, and he follows her.

"I'll take care of that, Molly." He says.

She voices her disbelief in his offer, so he offers reasons to believe it's true.

When he feels that she still did not believe him, he reasons a deduction he made. She laughs and he smiles at her. He decides that he likes to hear her laugh, and he wonders if that's the reason why her lunch date annoys him that much – the fact that he made her laugh, and he was not able to do that for a very long time.

She turns to go back to John, Lestrade and Rosie and it takes all his effort not to ask her to stay. He wants her to stay close to him so he can hear her laugh. He wants her to keep on listening to him. He wants to keep on listening to her. Maybe he just wants to feel her close to him. Maybe he just wants to . . . he wants to. . . Oh no.

-0-

221B Baker Street. Two Months, Three Weeks, and Two Days After Eurus' Game

"I think I love you," Sherlock Holmes says to Molly Hooper in his mind.

"You do?" The brown haired pathologist appears before him. She is wearing a white lab coat and her hair is tied in a tidy ponytail, looking the same as every time he visits her. "Why?"

"Because I like being with you."

She looks at him, looking for more. "And?"

"Because I still don't know what could I possibly need from you, but I still need you."

"And?" she asks again.

"Because with you, I feel safe and at home. Because with you, there is no game and I don't even mind."

Molly nods, smiling. "Will you tell me?"

He looks intently at her brown eyes. "I don't know."

-0-

St. Bartholomew's Hospital. Three Months After Eurus' Game.

He becomes more sensitive of her presence, or rather; he becomes more sensitive of how he feels in her presence. He notices how his pulse races when they touch. He notices how he unconsciously takes note of the perfume she wears on a particular day. He notices his jealousy when she goes downstairs to have lunch with her date. It's unsettling, but still familiar. He wonders how long he'd felt like this around her.

He watches her intently as she finishes removing the cadaver's brain and placing it on a bowl. He wonders if he can just tell her right there.

I think I love you, he thinks to himself. He waits for his mouth to catch up with his thoughts, but it doesn't.

-0-

Molly's flat. Three Months, One Week and Two Days After Eurus' Game.

He decides that if he doesn't tell her now, this overwhelming feeling will start to affect his work.

With a nervous heart, he goes to her flat, late enough for her to be home but not too late to disturb her sleep.

He arrives just in time to see the man he recognizes as Molly's frequent lunch date kiss her.

He turns around before he sees Molly react.

-0-

221B Baker Street. Three Months, One Week and Three Days After Eurus' Game

He stalks Molly's frequent lunch date the whole day. He learns that his name is Andrew Knightley and that he is much well-loved by his colleagues and patients. He learns that he graduated the top of his class in medical school and that he lived briefly in Manchester a few years back. He learns that he likes his coffee white with no sugar and that he still finds time to prepare homemade chicken sandwiches despite his long shifts. He learns that he was engaged a few years ago but his fiancée died in unfortunate car accident. He learns that he has been noticeably happier after he went on a blind date set up by his brother's schoolmate.

He chastises himself for not noticing sooner. How far in the relationship are they? He knows that Molly frequently goes to lunch dates with him, but there was no indication that their relationship went farther than that. Was there? Was he so distracted in exploring his feelings for her that he failed to notice that she was growing feelings for someone else?

He sighs. He has to admit that Andrew seems like a good man. He's smart, much smarter than her ex-fiancé. He suffered a great loss, and he would understand Molly's loneliness. He's a doctor too, so he would understand Molly's work.

"Are you happy with him?" he asks Molly in his head.

"What do you think?" Molly Hooper waltzes into her mind palace, dependable as ever.

He thinks of how Andrew made her laugh and wonders if he's the reason why she looks noticeably happier these past few days.

"Yes."

Molly nods.

After a few moments, he asks hopefully, "Will you be happy with me?"

"What do you think?" she asks again.

He thinks of how angry she was when he used drugs, of how disappointed she was when he led her on, of how worried she was when he put himself in danger.

"No," he says, realization striking him.

She nods again.

Sherlock looked at the brown haired pathologist sadly. "I think I should let you go."

-0-

The Royal London Hospital. Three Months, One Week and Four Days After Eurus' Game

He'll see him this once, he says. He'll see him to make sure he's really right for her. He'll see him to make sure he'll be right for her.

He thinks that he had let her go once. He let her go to a man he barely even knew. Back then, he did not know the full extent of his feelings for her. Back then, he did not trust himself to look into the man she got engaged with. Back then, he was afraid of what he'll find out about himself if he did. In the end, they had broken up. Whether or not the reason for their relationship's demise involves him, he's not sure.

He won't let that happen to her again.

When he lets her go this time, he'll make sure he'll let her go to the right person. He'll look into him and try to befriend him. He'll let him know that he's not a threat. Most of all, he'll make him realize that he has to be the best person he has to be for her.

He checks the time. 10:10pm. He enters the hospital to find Dr. Andrew Knightley leaving from work.

-0-

Angelo's. Three Months, One Week and Four Days After Eurus' Game

It takes a few minutes of deduction for Sherlock Holmes to conclude once and for all that he's letting Molly go to the right person.

He looks at Andrew intently while he eats. He knows he's unsure of the reason for his invitation to dinner. He decides he better tell him now.

"I'm really happy Molly met someone like you," he starts. He tells him reasons for why he thinks this is true. He tells him what he wants him to do for her. He chooses his words carefully, not wanting Andrew to think that he disapproves of their relationship. Sherlock does not say more after he finishes.

"Please don't tell her about this," he makes one last request after they finished dinner.

He goes back to 221B thinking that maybe this is what love is – love is wanting the best for a person, even if the best does not include you.

-0-

St. Bartholomew's Hospital. Three Months, One Week and Five Days After Eurus' Game

He still feels his pulse racing when they touch. He still unconsciously takes note of her perfume when she gets close. Yet, he ignores it, filing it under things that he normally feels on a day to day basis. Not remarkable, but still there. At least, that's what he tells himself so he can focus on work.

"Shouldn't you be downstairs, Molly?" he asks one day. "Your boyfriend might be waiting for you."

"What?" she says, a bit surprised as she removed her pipette tip.

"Your boyfriend. He usually comes in here around this time for lunch." He repeats.

"Oh. You mean Andrew?" she says, going back at the sample she was diluting. "He's not actually my boyfriend. We're – " She pauses, unsure. "Um, I mean, he did not text me today, so he's probably busy."

He looks at her worriedly. Had he said something to put Andrew off? Should he have not interfered? Had he ruined a possible good relationship for her again? He considers inviting Andrew to dinner again, but thought better of it. He thinks he had interfered enough. Moreover, strange as it may seem, he trusts Andrew and believes he truly cares for her. He brushes the thought away.

-0-

221B Baker Street. Three Months and Two Weeks After Eurus' Game.

He stands near the window, bowing his violin. In two days, he will go to Sherrinford again to visit his little sister. He decides to spend his night composing a tune for her.

A knock on the door.

He ignores it.

Another knock on the door.

He stops playing, annoyed. He made it perfectly clear to Mrs. Hudson that he won't take any cases today. He's not sure why she even lets people up, and at this late hour at that.

Another knock.

Exasperated, he opens the door.

He is greeted by the eyes of Molly Hooper.

"You can't keep doing this to me, Sherlock," she says.

-0-

221B Baker Street. Three Months and Two Weeks After Eurus' Game

"You can't keep doing this to me, Sherlock," Molly Hooper says as she sees Sherlock Holmes.

"Molly," he says softly in surprise.

"I asked you. I asked you that day to tell me if you meant the 'I love you'. I asked you, and you did not say that you did."

Sherlock turns his back from her. "He told you. I asked him not to."

She ignores his statement. "You can't keep doing this to me, Sherlock. You can't keep giving me hope when I feel myself accepting that you will never love me back. I told you I'll be your friend. I told you I'll continue being your friend even if you don't feel the same way, and I did, didn't I? What more could you want?" She paused and Sherlock looked back at her. "Why do you keep on doing this, Sherlock? Why can't you just let me go? Just let me go, Sherlock. Tell me you don't love me. Break my heart. I don't care how much it hurts. Just do it. Just – "

The words she'll say got interrupted by his lips on hers. She feels herself relaxing on his arms, and then he pulls back. She looks at him, dumbstruck and confused.

"I'm sorry, Molly Hooper," he says. "I did not want to give you false hopes again. That's why I did not tell you the day you asked. It took me a while to learn what love feels like, but now I know. I now know that it feels like this." He moves a little bit away from her. "So yes, Molly Hooper. I will let you go. I am letting you go. However, forgive me, but I can't tell you I don't love you, because it wouldn't be true. Maybe it never was."

"You love me?" she asks. She can feel tears falling from her face, but she's smiling nonetheless.

"Yes, I do." Sherlock says with grave seriousness.

"You love me?" she asks again, just to clarify if she'd heard him right.

"Yes. I thought I made my point very clear." He says, mild annoyance colouring his voice.

"Say it again."

"I love – "

Molly Hooper gets on her tiptoes and interrupts his words with a kiss.

-0-

221B Baker Street. Four Years and Four Days After Eurus' Game.

"We've looked everywhere for Molly's ring in your flat." John says. "It's not here, Sherlock. Maybe she found out about your plan and decided to play a trick on you."

Sherlock still continues to rummage frantically on a drawer near him. "No, no. She still doesn't know. There was no indication when she left this morning. No, it must be here. I don't understand. I never took it out. Why would it stop being where I put it the last time? Unless . . ."

"Unless what?"

"Someone took it."

John Watson looked at his friend disbelievingly. "Who in the world would take your ring? We're the only two people who knows it even exists in your flat."

"No, we're not. There's another person who knows where the ring is hidden." Sherlock Holmes said, realization striking him. "Rosie," he says to himself.


A/N: I was hesitating to write this chapter due to fear that it would be redundant. However, I decided to write it anyway because I feel like it would be better to show how Sherlock's awareness of his love for Molly came to be, rather than to tell it. I always thought that the phone call would be muffled by the other things Sherlock experienced on Eurus' game, so he wouldn't recognize what he felt for her right away. So there. Also, thank you for the reviews! I really appreciate it. Another also, listen to Vancouver Sleep Clinic's Killing Me To Love You, if you want. It was partly my inspiration for starting this fic. So yeah. Thank you again for reading and I hope you enjoyed this.