Oh diary I had such a good time tonight. Sheldon got his neighbour to drive us to a restaurant she stayed for dinner. Her name is Penny and she was not at all the sort of person id have thought Sheldon would associate with. However in talking to her I found out quite a bit about Sheldon. He seems to have a similar relationship with his mother as I do with mine; and he, unlike his neighbour, has not had lots of relationships. It was his first date too. He was considerate, funny and polite the whole evening and thankfully didn't feel the need for inane chit chat, discouraging Penny when she tried to encourage it. He did text me as soon as he got home to say he did not want to progress with the baby experiment, but I am OK with that. I realised tonight I like Sheldon as a friend not just a science partner.
I also realised how blue his eyes were. The reminded me of those eyes so long ago!
Amy hoped her admitting to 'the pleasure experiment' to Sheldon would not lead him to judge her. She hoped not, he was friends with Penny after all! He seemed open minded. Grinning as she thought about how excited Sheldon had got doing the maths when talking about Pennys past Amy realised she really did have a lot in common with Sheldon, did he realise it too?
Amy had decided not to tell her mother about the date, she would only judge, or worse want to meet Sheldon she had sounded as if she didn't quite believe he existed before. Amy wanted to keep this to herself. Seeing Sheldon with Penny tonight Amy realised she really was missing out. She didn't have anyone outside of the science world and her work other than her mother. Sheldon on the other hand appeared to not only have a successful career but friends and acquaintances who were not only scientists but waitress/ actors, engineers, shop owners. Amy envied his popularity and the ease with which he could switch from talking physics one minute to social anthropology the next. Having Sheldon in her life made Amy reassess her goals. She too would like a circle of friends outside of work, people to share a meal with or hobbies. She would like to know that if she had a bad day at work she had someone other than a monkey or a diary she could share her troubles with. Maybe filling her life dreaming about her ideal man had actually stopped her finding the friends she now craved.
73
We had a fight. Everything is OK now but it was the first fight I have had with anyone really and I didn't like it. I need to remember Sheldon is proud and may find it hard to admit I could be right on occasion. I did get to meet his mother though. She doesn't like me I think. It is strange how her judging me didn't bother me though, all I care about is Sheldon's opinion. When did this happen? I know we have been getting closer, not just texting but having dinner and socialising at his. Something else happened which is bothering me. When his mother expressed her concern about our relationship Sheldon said I was more like him than anyone else he had ever met! I had no idea he felt like that! Then when he showed me the cats, Zazzles was so cute!, well it was strange. Leonard and Mrs cooper were nudging and winking at each other when we returned; and I am sure the message on Leonard's phone said something like 'Sheldon let her in his room!' Why is that so strange? I am his friend and he was showing me his cats. Anyway we are friends again and that's the main thing. It made me realise how much I missed him. All of them really, even Leonard and his annoying little ways. I know they find it hard to see Sheldon with me, I guess I am a threat to their carefully constructed group but I am sure Sheldon being happy is important to them and his standing up to his mother for me surely proves something. Doesn't it?
Amy knew she would not find the answers to her questions in the pages of her journal but she was not sure she was ready to ask Sheldon either. They had been getting on well lately and tonight she was going to the movies with him and the other guys. She wasn't really fussed about the film but she was thrilled Sheldon had thought to invite her. The other thing that she had noticed lately was at work she had things to talk about other than work. She was actually able to join in conversations. Smiling as she prepared to leave for the cheesecake factor Amy wondered if it were possible, maybe one day in the future, that Penny or even Bernadette would let her join in their gatherings too.
73
So much has happened. I asked Sheldon if he would meet my mother. She had started pestering me when I slipped up and mentioned him on the phone last week. Sheldon panicked when I asked and thought I wanted him to actually be my boyfriend. Once I had assured him that was not the case, romantic love is after all a cultural construct that adds no value to human relationships, we had great fun skyping mother and telling her we were doing all sorts of sexual acts together. Her face was a picture. I know Sheldon had fun too, he does enjoy a joke.
It was strange as when he thought I was trying to trick him into some sort of relationship he was leaving his building in a disguise and the hat he had on, ear flaps and all, reminded me so so much of the hat my ideal man wore. With Sheldon's blue eyes too it made my heart flutter. I must be needing to dust off Gerard, its been a while.
73
I have a bff! I never thought this day would happen. Penny invited me to a sleepover with her and Bernadette. We prank called the guys, we had pillow fights and we played truth or dare. It was such fun! I think Penny tried to play down how big a part of their lives I am becoming to spare Bernadette feelings as she doest join in as much; but I know having girlfriends will be even more fun than just hanging with Sheldon. I realised today though that since my social calendar has began to get more busy the amount of time I spend thinking about my ideal man has lessened. Not that I would ever forget him. How could I, but lately it is thoughts of playing counter-factuals with Sheldon or whether or not Penny would enjoy coming to visit me at work like I do her, that have filled my thoughts.
I did dream about my ideal man last night. It is getting harder to hear his voice but his eyes I will never forget, or his long slim fingers. And it is strange as when I close my eyes and think back to that German canteen and him reading so studiously I am sure the book he was reading is one I actually saw on Sheldon's shelf when I was in his room playing with Zazzles. Maybe I will ask Sheldon about it.
73
I spent more time with my bff today. Sheldon had told me he was going paint-balling with Leonard so I called round on the off chance Penny wasn't working. She didn't seem terribly impressed to be woken at 9am but when I made her her second cup of coffee she mellowed a little. She is very astute when it comes to people I have noticed. I can learn a lot from her. She told me that my letting Sheldon win at counter-factuals was a smart move; but she also said I should not let him win all the time. Evidently Leonard gives into him too quickly but Penny says he needs to be challenged. I asked her if Sheldon had ever shown interest in other women. When she stopped laughing she assured me I had no concerns there. I find it very hard to believe that Sheldon hadn't got a queue of women waiting to ask him out and Penny told me about someone called Ramona Nowitski. I guess it is easy to fall in love with your tutor, someone wiser, look at my ideal man. I hinted to Penny I had someone in my past, someone I had met years ago in Germany but she was in the shower at this point and I think a little uncomfortable by me being sat on the side of the bath; so I left to let her get dressed. I will maybe mention it again and see if she has ever had such an experience.
Knowing she had Penny to talk too somehow made her time with Sheldon more special, he had always seemed a little uncomfortable if she had 'women's issues' she felt the need to discuss and now she could share those with Penny so her time with Sheldon was spent usually discussing science or, if both of them were free, exploring the zoo or local museum. Amy was happy. A bff and a boy/friend who really did seem to understand her and want to spend time with her.
If she had known all those years ago she would be capable of having such relationships and had not believed her mothers propaganda that she would end up alone Amy may have been brave enough to have said hello all those years ago to the young man in that German canteen. Asked him if he missed home and his family, asked if he wanted a friend.
Amy was baffled as to why the others thought Sheldon was odd. Surely they had routines/habits they liked to keep, look at Penny and her nightly bottle of wine; or Howard on his insistence that he understood science. Yet they mocked Sheldon when he objected to them entering his room. Amy had seen his room and it was spotless; she would not have wanted them in there either if she were Sheldon. She totally understood his need for sanctuary, she after all had her whole apartment to retreat too when the need arose. The fact she had been spending less time there recently was a coincidence. Sheldon wasn't unreasonable either. He let her in his room. She had been in when she had seen his cats and on occasion she had been in if he had a new comic book he had wanted to show her. They just made sure the others were not around when this happened as it usually led to Leonard moaning or Penny teasing. They seemed to find it hard to understand the concept of a boy/friend/girl/friend concept. Everything had to come down to sex. When Penny had listed the things she and Leonard did together and the things Sheldon and Amy did together Amy had to admit apart from a physical relationship there was not much difference.
But Amy had her ideal man and Gerard to satisfy her there. She didn't need anything more.
Tonight for example she was going out with Penny and Bernadette for dinner. She didn't meed Sheldon for that, she was more than happy if he spent time playing halo or whatever game it was tonight. They would meet for lunch tomorrow, her lab this time as she had been to his office last week. Notes would be compared on their respective work, their social group and maybe plans made to visit the science museum this weekend. Then when she got home Amy would, if she felt the need, spend an extra half hour in the shower with Gerard after which she would dream about her ideal man. The fact his eyes seemed more like Sheldon's now than ever before was just a coincidence.
73
Something strange happened last night. I told Sheldon today and he thought it cold have been an alien parasite but I think we both know it wasn't really. When I was out with Penny and Bernie I met Zack. Wow! He was tall and built and quite frankly unlike any man I have seen before. Penny told me he was not very bright but as my eyes seemed focused on his gluteus maximus for the entire time he was stood at the bar I don't think it was his brain that attracted me!
Sheldon seemed as stunned as I was when I told him. This has never happened to me before, not even in Germany. Then I was just amazed someone so beautiful could be there reading a science book and so totally unconcerned with the world around him.
With Zack it was... well quite frankly it was his body. I had to recharge Gerard this morning. I didn't tell Sheldon that bit! I told Penny and she sniggered. Evidently Sheldon had mentioned it to Penny too and she mistakenly thought Sheldon was going to make some kind of sexual advance towards me. I soon put her straight. No, tonight Sheldon has arranged for me to meet Zack. He is just proving that he is an even better friend than Penny, he didn't laugh or judge he is trying to help. I am so lucky to have him in my life.
73
Well that was a disaster. Penny was right! Zack certainly was lacking in the brain department. So much so it reaffirmed my desire for all thing cerebral. I held Sheldon's hand walking home. It did not cause the electric sparks that Zack or indeed Gerard causes, but it was comforting, warm and safe; unlike everyone else he was there for me. The others say he has a touch aversion, he even says it himself, but he didn't pull away when I held his hand he just looked at me with those big blue eyes. He is a good friend. Sometimes he seems so vulnerable. When he left me to go see Zack he had a look in his eyes I hadn't seen before. A note in his voice. Penny had told me he had a vulnerable side, I think she used the term in connection to his being ill once and needing her to care for him, but as his childhood was, to use his term, 'hell' then I guess feeling vulnerable when you are ill is not unexpected.
Last night I had a dream. It was different than the others. It was definitely Sheldon this time. He was sat in his spot but he was wearing the hat he wore when trying to avoid me and reading the book I saw in his room. I really must ask him about that. I wonder if he had ever been to Germany. I am sure he would like it. Mind you the only place I have ever heard him express a wish to go is Switzerland so maybe I am just living in a fantasy world again and I know he wouldn't thank me for that.
