A/N: Thanks again to all of you who've reviewed and to those who've added this story to your favorites and story alert. You've placed a rather large and silly grin on my face.
Once again, I have to remind others that I don't own Bones or its characters. If I did, the network censors would have a fit.
The Truth About Conspiracies
"Ange, I don't know about this." Hedged Hodgins, looking a littled peaked. When she first beaconed him to her office, a mischievous grin on her face, he thought that his luck with her had changed. Maybe she was rethinking the whole idea of them getting back together. The huge grin on his face that he was attempting in vain to suppress vanished all together when Wendell showed up, apparently at Angela's behest.
The confused look on his face turned to amusement as she disclosed the reason she called them into her office. Of course it had to do with Booth and Brennan, her current obsession. He wouldn't be surprised if one day she snapped, stripped them down and threw them into a broom closet naked. Since she began her celibacy kick, she's been possessed by this idea that the partners were going to admit their love for each other and start having sex if she had to use mind control to get them to do it. Hodgins was even tempted to show her his files on secret government mind control experiments. Maybe even earn brownie points with her by giving her the numbers of some of his sources.
The only thing that stopped him really were the thoughts of what Brennan and Booth would do to him if they ever found out. Even with all of his money, Hodgins was fairly sure that if Booth wanted to find him, there was no where he would be able to hide for long from the ranger and army trained sniper. And Brennan, she was scary for a scientist. Booth could take him out at 1500 feet while Brennan would just beat the crap out of him face to face. And then she would make sure that his remains would never be found.
Just as he was shuddering from that thought, Ange flashed her brilliant, not to mention wicked smile his way. She was up to something, something he would pay to see...from a safe distance, and with some form of plausible deniability. Although, the look in Angela's eyes had a different idea. One that would have him directly involved. The plan she outlined was devious, multilayered without being too complex, and most of all a shining example of her genius. That is, if everything went according to her plan and if you know Brennan and Booth, plans have a way of falling apart with them. Best of intentions and all that. The closest that anyone has gotten to getting them together was Caroline's idea with the mistletoe. According to her the kiss wasn't just hot, it was August in the middle of Hades hot. Just when she was about to sneak out of the office and let nature take its course, the duo broke apart, saying that the kiss was nothing. Brennan said it was like kissing her brother, and Caroline told him that if it was true, then that family was closer than they should be. After the lip lock they went about as if it never happened.
As much as Hodgins would like to see Brennan – his de facto boss and her so called partner hook up, he would like to be alive to see it happen. And what Angela was planning, he wasn't so sure about that.
On top of that, she wanted to include poor Wendell. Wendell was just a kid, he wasn't even a full squint, he was just a squintern. A squintern of the week and she wanted to subject him to the anger of Brennan and Booth. Angela said that she had it all planned out, that she had backup plans for her backup plans, but something about this didn't feel right to Hodgins. More than being his sort of boss and her scary FBI partner, Brennan and Booth were friends of his. Hodgins agreed with Angela that they belonged together, but he was more of the opinion that they were grown ups - they should be left alone to handle their business. If they were really meant to be together, it should be because they want to be together not because of some beautiful artist's clever machinations.
Problem was, once Ange got an idea into her head she didn't let it go. Hodgins supposed he should just give in to his survival instincts, that would be the smart thing to do - say no and just pretend that he had no idea of her plan. That would have been the smart thing to do. Unfortunately, Hodgins was never smart when it came to Angela. One look in her eyes and it didn't really matter what she asked of him, he could never say no.
"Hodgie, Wendell, this is plan is as foolproof as a plan can get," she said reassuringly. "Especially when the plan involves those two fools."
"What if Dr. Brennan and Agent Booth find out what we're up to?" asked Wendell nervously. Hodgins couldn't blame the guy. He's known the pair for years, and they still have the ability to make him a touch apprehensive. "Won't they be pissed off at us? I mean, I used to box and I was pretty good in the ring so I can defend myself against a regular joe off the street and come out of it fairly intact. Thing is, Booth is an FBI agent. A big FBI agent who's damn good with a gun and a rifle from what I've heard. And Dr. Brennan has more black belts in more martial arts than I can pronounce. Those two aren't the kind of people that you piss off unless you have a death wish."
"Relax junior squint," Angela said in a tone that reminded him of Brennan telling an intern something they should already know. "Like I said, its foolproof. Unless of course, someone I've trusted to be involved in the most comprehensive matchmaking scheme in the history of matchmaking ends up losing his nerve and spilling all to the dynamic duo. Is that something you're considering Wendell?"
"No 'mam." Jack almost laughed as he looked upon Wendell's recently admonished face and heard Wendell gulp.
"Good," Angela beamed, now assured that Jack and Wendell were on board. "I'll implement the first stage as soon as Brennan comes back from lunch with Booth. Sweets will put stage 2 into play-"
"What's stage 2?" asked Wendell, still somewhat apprehensive about his part in Angela's plans.
"Stage 2 will have Brennan upping the heat factor in those 'guy hugs' that Booth gives her." replied Angela.
"I cannot believe that she fell for that line!" laughed Jack. "Oh come on people! Guy hugs? What kind of guy hugs other men on a regular basis? Especially a manly man like Booth. I once tried to hug Booth after he gave me some really good advice when I was feeling emotional and he threatened to shoot me. I guess the only guys he hugs are women that look like Brennan."
Jack took a moment to laugh at his own joke before he noticed Angela's glare aimed at him.
"Sorry. Please continue." he said sheepishly.
"As I was saying, Stage 2 is designed to increase their comfortability at physically showing affection for one another-"
"Excuse me Angela," Wendell cut in hesitantly.
"Yes Wendell." She said in an amused schoolteacher tone.
"Isn't Booth already used to showing her affection?" he pointed out. "He's always touching her, his hand is always either at the small of her back, or around her shoulders, and according to you he pulls her into guy hugs on a regular basis."
"Ah, but you see, that show of physical affection is initiated by our...or should I say her Knight in FBI standard body armor," she explained. "Stage 2 will have Brennan initiating the gestures of affection."
"And with Dr. Brennan showing physical affection for Booth, that will give Booth the impetus to increase the frequency in which he shows affection for Dr. B. Right?" confirmed Wendell.
"Exactly," Angela beamed, realizing that they were now appreciating the brilliance of her plan. "Stage 3 will come into play once their physical boundaries have been re-established in a satisfactory manner. Stage 3 is where you two come in-"
"What is everyone doing in here?" asked a familiar voice that caused the three to nearly jump out of their skins.
"Sweetie!" gasped Angela, turning to look upon the confused visage of her best friend. "You shouldn't use your stealthy ninja skills for evil and sneaking up on your friends."
"If you wanted privacy, you should have closed your door." Brennan suggested wryly. "What's stage 3?"
"It's a play," Angela improvised. She didn't have to look at Wendell or Hodgins to know that they wouldn't be of any help. "A friend of Wendell is writing a play about the neighborhood that they grew up in."
"Oh, that sounds very interesting," Brennan nodded, accepting Angela's explanation. "I'd be very interested in seeing this play. Tell me if and when your friend brings his play to the stage. I'm sure that Booth would want to see it as well."
"Sure thing Dr. Brennan." Wendell smiled weakly.
"People, time to stop gossiping!" Booth declared, coming up rather close behind Brennan. "We have a murder to solve, remember?"
"Booth's right people, time to get back to work." Angela reiterated, shooing everyone out of her office.
"Bones, Charlie just called," Booth informed Brennan. "They just picked up the victim's husband. He's in interrogation waiting for us."
"Brennan will be there in a minute, I just have to borrow my best friend for a sec." Angela intervened, grabbing Brennan by the arm.
"Bones?" Booth asked uncertainly.
"I'll be there in a minute," she smiled, giving him silent permission to go ahead. "Don't start the interrogation without me!"
"Wouldn't dream of it Bones," he smiled, heading out of the lab doors. "I'll wait by the elevators. If you're not there in 2 minutes I'm going on without you."
"What is it Ange? Booth and I have a suspect to question."
"I was just wondering what was up with Booth," asked Angela with seeming innocence. "He seems a little down lately..."
Wendell and Hodgins watched as Angela led Brennan away from them and towards Brennan's office. They looked at each other and grinned before knocking each other's fists.
Stage 1 is proceeding as planned.
