She had been trying to forget him.
Rey stared at Kylo through the mirrored glass, knowing that he felt her presence on the other side. He didn't make any move to confirm, staring at the cell's door instead. She had been observing him for the past five minutes, debating her next move, and yet his eyes—sunken in and dark with a lack of sleep- hadn't flickered from the door.
"Rey, are you going to come in or not?"
His words made her jump, and he only sighed, turning away from the door. Kylo was exhausted from waiting for her these past few days. He hoped that she realized what she had done to him in her absence as he rubbed his eyes. She had plagued his minutes, a barrage of rage, grief and replays of their night together descending on him like a vengeful mob, even while she slept and trained. He didn't turn his head when the cell door opened and Rey stepped into his space.
"Have they been treating you well?" Her words were quiet, and attempting to be civil. Kylo barked out a laugh- she didn't think his condition was her fault, thought that his guards had been mistreating him. His heart squeezed violently for a moment- even in her anger, she was concerned. Still, he answered surlily:
"I'm the son of the Resistance's general. No matter how disappointed she is with me, though everyone here despises me, I'm treated like a prince." He punctuated this with a violent flop onto his mattress. The admission brought him no joy, Rey could tell as he slumped against the wall.
"It's odd to see you in something other than black." She blurted out, wincing when his gaze snapped to her, fixated. He looked down at the gray prison uniform he wore.
"Your master had made sure my clothes were destroyed and replaced. Probably didn't want me to taint his star pupil when she came to visit." His words stung, but his eyes were pleading with her again.
"Do you know what you've done, Rey?" Kylo crossed the room to her now, so close, but not touching. He looked too wary to cross the final foot of air to her.
She ignored his words, and wished that her body would do the same as guilt snapped at her heartstrings.
"You thought I was loose." She accused him again.
"No. I thought you were experienced. I didn't expect someone like you would give up their purity to someone like me."
"Well then, don't you feel flattered?" Rey spat angrily, hoping venom would hide shock as he shook his head, shrugging before changing the subject:
"You've been training."
"Yes. I needed release. I am still angry with you, Kylo."
"Be that as it may, your master must sense what we've done."
She blinked, eyebrows furrowing. "No."
His eyebrow raised. "Who was it that had you visit me today?"
Rey's confidence shrunk a bit more. "Oh."
Kylo nodded, adding, "I can't say that I'm surprised that he knows. You've made it rather obvious to anyone attuned to the Force."
"What?" She sputtered. He tapped his finger against his temple, signaling that her thoughts had been rather loud, but her mind shot back to how he had used that finger the other night. He now winced.
"You need to stop doing that."
Rey flushed for a moment, before becoming peturbed. "You shouldn't be able to know what I'm thinking." She had been practicing putting up barrier's around her mind.
Kylo sighed, glaring at her now. "I can't help it. Since we've bonded with our bodies, our bond within the Force has only strengthened." He closed his eyes, turning away from her, thinking of all the insults she had screamed at him in her wrath the day after he had deflowered her. Rey could feel the anguish rolling off him.
"Every thought, every feeling, every sensation, Rey. You've put me through hell."
She shuddered now, becoming so very aware of how his mind now cried out.
"I didn't know." She said feebly.
"You've been too angry to notice." He turned back, studied her for a moment, approaching her again. Hesitantly, he reached out, cupped her cheek.
"Search my mind."
"What?" Rey tried to retreat, but he pressed their faces closer.
"You think I was trying to corrupt you. That the action was to drag you to my side." He shook his head. "Though you gave into your urges, didn't think of the consequences, that was not my intention. Before, perhaps. But after being away from my master for this long... it wasn't my intention."
Rey wasn't sure, but as he closed his eyes, she decided to try, taking his face in her hands and concentrating.
There was darkness in his mind at first, and she was worried that he had lied to her. But then there was light.
She could see his sleepless nights, how he had returned to his cell that night and had attempted to trash it, bare hands stripped raw from how the metal bedsprings had lacerated apart his hands as he attempted to mangle something—anything- in his grief and rage, in his guilt. She saw him attempt crafting apologies, try to work up the nerve to ask Finn to take them to her, losing that nerve whenever her friend was the posted guard.
She couldn't go on, releasing his head, shuddering. Kylo dragged himself away from her, looking drained.
Rey stumbled away from him, towards the door. She caught the handle, steadied herself. There was no way that they could meet each other eyes.
"I forgive you."
She only could choke that out before letting herself out.
Later, in her room, Rey closed her eyes. Come to me tonight.
And Kylo did, abashed but obedient. She pulled him into the bed, allowed his long fingers to undress her. When it came time for him to enter her, he did so from behind, neither ready to look at each other still.
There were no kisses- only the one that Kylo pressed against her brow as he got up to leave.
"Wait." He paused, and so did she, both curious what would pass in the air between them. "Stay with me. You can leave before your guard wakes up." She realized that it wouldn't be long, but she was sure that he could make it back in time.
He slid back into bed with her, trying not to smile when she asked, "How do you get out?"
"I usually just have the guard let me out. He doesn't mind." He heard her snort, tried to ignore how she snuggled closer to him.
That night, he slept.
