Episode 3: The Black Cauldron
Disclaimer: As before, I owned nothing involved with these episodes and all material belongs to their respective sources.
Airnaruto once again is seen sitting behind his desk ready to begin his next review. "Hello I'm the Classic Critic; I remember it so you're not required to." He says before continuing, "Today is a special one because it's going to be my first ever co-review and my guest is gonna be all the way from Singapore, Darren Mathias aka DW64 aka The Anime Critic." Airnaruto says before we cut to another young boy named DW64.
"Hello I'm the Anime Critic and I review anime thanks for having me here Air." He said as the camera pans back to Airnaruto.
"Your welcome Darren, anyway before we begin let's talk about the darkest period in animated movie history; the late 1970s to the mid 1980s." Airnaruto said as we see a montage of movie posters from back in those days posters from films like; Watership Down, The Plague Dogs, The Last Unicorn, Fire and Ice, Rock and Rule, The Secret of Nimh, The Lord of the Rings, and The Hobbit.
"Yes that truly was an interesting era, the animated films that were released back then were much different than what we see today, focusing on more the darker side of reality and some of it's more frightening moments in some cases the characters and their setting seemed to be a bit dark and creepy." Darren says before continuing "However the Disney studios remained to true when it came to storytelling and animation in their films and in 1983 they went from Walt Disney Productions to Walt Disney Pictures and released their official and most famous logo." Darren says before we see the old Disney castle opening.
"You got that right Darren, however throughout the 80s the company was going through it's second dark age and felt completely out of place due to the trend of dark and edgy kids films that were released at the time, so for their 25th full-length animated motion picture Disney tried to cash in on the trend and instead ended up with their darkest, most violent, and edgiest animated film to date, and to this day it has been called the black sheep of Walt Disney animation. This film is also the subject of our review today, released on July 24, 1985 the film is…you guessed it The Black Cauldron." Airnaruto says as the title appears on the screen before cutting back to him. "Now I'm sure that you're wondering how dark and violent could an animated film from Disney, the happiest place on earth be?" Airnaruto asks.
"I don't know about you but let's find out shall we?" Darren asks.
"Yes we will on with the review." Airnaruto says we cut to the opening scene of the film. "The film starts with a dramatic and well told prologue narrated by legendary British director and voice actor the late John Huston." Airnaruto says before we hear a sample of John's prologue.
John Huston: Legend has it that in the mystic land of Prydain, there was once a king so cruel and so evil that even the gods feared him…
"Cool we've got Gandalf narrating the movie." Airnaruto briefly interrupts.
(A photo of Ian McClellan as Gandalf for the live action Lord of the rings films is shown.)
"No I didn't mean that Gandalf." Airnaruto said.
(Still of Gandalf from the animated Lord of the Rings film is then shown)
"I didn't mean that one either." Airnaruto said again.
(A still of Gandalf from Rankin/Bass's The Hobbit is shown)
"That's the Gandalf I was referring to." Airnaruto says.
"John Huston huh, well I have to admit he does a very powerful voice." Darren says before we go back to the prologue.
John Huston: His demonic spirit was captured in the form of a great black cauldron. For uncounted centuries, the black cauldron lay hidden waiting while evil men searched for it knowing whoever possessed it would have the power to resurrect an army of deathless warriors and with them rule the world.
"Wow that is one powerful pot." Darren says.
"Tell me about it, you could serve 21 bowls of miso ramen in something like that." Airnaruto says when suddenly Naruto Uzumaki comes in and tackles him.
"Airnaruto how could you hold out on me by keeping 21 bowls of ramen without me knowing?" Naruto asks while shaking Airnaruto.
"Naruto I don't have the ramen it was a figure of speech." Airnaruto says making Naruto let go.
"Oh sorry about that." Naruto says before leaving the room.
"Anyway after that dramatic and epic prologue, we meet an enchanter named Dallben voiced by British actor Freddie Jones who has an assistant pig keeper named Taran who just can't help but daydream about his desire to be a knight." Darren says before Airnaruto picks up the next part.
"He does so because at the time a huge war is going on in Prydain and Taran wants to get in on the action." Airnaruto explains.
"You know if I were as young as him I would be happy with where I am today." Darren says to readers.
"Just so you know Taran is voiced by Grant Bardsley personally I don't know anything about this guy but I just thought it would be a good idea to get that bit of trivia out of the way." Airnaruto says before continuing with review, "Anyway Taran's job is to pamper the pet pig named Hen Wen who might be just the cutest little porker in an animated film yes even more so than Wilbur from Charlotte's web." Airnaruto says.
"You know just seeing her makes want to stop eating bacon." Darren says commenting on Hen Wen's innocence.
"We along with Taran find out that Hen Wen has oracular powers that enable her to see the future in a water bowl, and it appears that an evil being known as the horned king has returned to Prydain." Airnaruto says as Darren cuts him off.
"Oh give me a break. The horned king was that the best name they could come up with?" Darren asks.
"Tell me about it Darren, I mean with all the other Disney villains like Jafar, Scar, Hades, Captain Hook, Ursula, and Maleficent he can't be that intimidating can he?" Airnaruto asks.
The Horned king: Soon the Black Cauldron will be mine.
The screen then gets a close up of his face which looks like a green skeleton with burning red eyes.
Airnaruto and Darren with their jaws dropped have only three words to say.
"Oh…. My….. God!" They say in unison.
"He has got to be the scariest villain I've ever seen in a Disney feature, I mean he looks like a fusion between, Mum-Ra (Thundercats), Skeletor (Original He-man cartoon), Talpa (Ronin Warriors), and Palpatine (Star wars). Aside from that he's voiced by British actor John Hurt." Airnaruto says.
"Wow now there's a shocker John Hurt as this scary bag of bones yikes!" Darren says before continuing the review.
"To achieve his goal of conquest the Horned King must first find the Black cauldron in order to bring an army of skeletons to life to lay waste to the land." Airnaruto says.
"So Taran is told to take Hen Wen to a hidden cottage where she'll be safe but unfortunately along the way he has another daydream and loses her." Darren says.
"Then he comes across a small creature named Gurgi." Airnaruto says.
Gurgi: Great prince gave poor starving Gurgi munchings and crunchings.
"He kind of looks like a dog with the arms of a chimpanzee." Airnaruto says think of the best way to describe the little guy.
"You know he's kind of cute, not to mention the fact that he's voiced by voice impersonator John Byner best known for his work for the Ant & the Aardvark shorts." Darren says before carrying on, "Anyway Gurgi claims to have seen Hen Wen but it's unfortunately too late as she is snatched by two dragons who then fly her back to the Horned King's castle." Darren says.
"Taran then decides that he has to enter the castle to save Hen Wen but Gurgi wants to tag along…" Airnaruto says before he guts cut off by Darren.
"Hold on a second." Darren says.
"What's the matter Darren?" Airnaruto asks.
"A small creature that follows around the main character refers to himself in the 3rd person point of view, speaks in an exaggerated voice, and calls the person master?" Darren says before giving a full assessment of Gurgi. "This guy's a furry rip-off of Gollum!" He exclaims.
Gurgi: Gurgi come back to be your friend.
Gollum: You don't have any friends nobody likes you.
Airnaruto: PWN'D!
"I don't see much of a similarity." Airnaruto says before he changes his voice to sound something similar to Gollum. "Of course there's a similarity, we both follow around the main character for our own reasons, and both end up meeting our untimely ends by falling off the edge of something." Gollum/Air says. "You said you would go away and never come back." Sméagol/Air says. "I lied." Gollum/Air says before Air slaps himself in the face. "Let's continue with the review." Airnaruto says, "So Taran sneaks in to find that the soldiers are just bunch of drunks who do nothing but party all day, wait a minute I'll bet these guys graduated from the animal house." Airnaruto says before three words came flashing across the screen.
"Medieval Toga Party" Someone screams.
"That is how it plays out until the horned king arrives." Airnaruto says before we see The Horned King enter the castle.
"Wow he sure knows how to make an entrance." Darren says.
Creeper: Welcome your majesty, we were just celebrating our success…I mean your success.
"Well looks like we forgot about the Horned King's lackey, the creeper." Darren says.
"Now I know they say if you kiss your boss's ass enough times you'll avoid getting throttled but The Creeper can't seem to find a way around that." Darren says as we Creeper getting throttled again.
Creeper: That's right.
"Just as Hen Wen is about to be tortured to show the future, Taran jumps in and saves her life." Airnaruto says.
"However he's forced to show her powers and have her show all she can to the Horned King, but Taran then turns the tables on them and is able to get Hen Wen out of the castle but in the process he gets caught and thrown into the dungeon, while stuck in there he meets Princess Eilonwy voiced by Susan Sheridan." Darren says.
Eilonwy: Oh hello.
"Hold it, Hold it!" Darren says.
"What is it now DW?" Airnaruto asks.
"If she's a princess in a Disney film why isn't she part of the merchandise?" Darren asks.
"To be honest I don't know, my best guesses would be due to the dark overtones of the film, the fact she never really gets to fight like some of the other Disney princesses, and she doesn't sing." Airnaruto says voicing his guess.
"Oh well moving on." Darren says.
"While trying to find a way out of the castle, Taran discovers a magic sword that can destroy anything that it touches and manages to rescue Fflewddur a minor king who enjoys travelling around as bard and owns a magic harp that breaks a string every time he tells a lie voiced by Nigel Hawthorne." Airnaruto explains.
Fflewddur: I'm Fflewddur Flam! Minstrel of Minstrels, Balladeer to the grandest courts in all the land!
(Harp snaps a string)
Fflewddur to harp: Well have you forgotten, I've sung in some of the finest courts.
(Harp snaps another string)
"Now this is why I play harmonica instead." Darren says.
"What happens when you lie though?" Airnaruto asks.
"The holes get a little rusty." Darren answers.
"So they escape much to the Horned King's dismay who again takes it out on Creeper, and then our heroes come across a familiar face." Darren says as we see the scene where Gurgi pounces on Fflewddur.
Gurgi: Oh boy Gurgi's lucky day, Wow!
"Oh boy Gollum…whoops I mean Gurgi." Darren says sarcastically.
"Later they find an old cottage belonging to three witches which just happens to be where the Black cauldron is hidden but once they meet these hags, they learn that they can only get the cauldron by bartering for it, but when the batty witches learn of the sword Taran has they come up with quite the game plan." Airnaruto says.
Orddu: We'll trade the cauldron for the sword.
Orwen: But what can they do with the cauldron Orddu?
Orddu: Nothing that's the point we'll have both the sword and the cauldron.
"So they say deal instead of no deal, get the cauldron only to realize that they got gypped because as it may be nothing can destroy the black cauldron." Darren says.
Orddu: Only it's evil powers can destroy it, a living being must climb into it of his own free will however that being will never come out alive.
Gurgi: Yikes!
"Later the Horned King's soldiers recapture them and take the cauldron with them; there The Horned King sacrifices the body of a dead soldier by placing it into the cauldron thus bringing the skeletal army to life." Airnaruto says as we see the scene where the army comes to life and kills to of the living soldiers. "Hopping Horned toads!" Airnaruto exclaims.
"It's a skeletal army of darkness!" Darren screams.
"Fortunately, Gurgi arrives to free our heroes, Taran decides that he must dive into the cauldron but Gurgi stops him by…sacrificing himself?" Airnaruto says in a confused manner.
Taran: NO!
"No, that wasn't supposed to happen, no, GURGI!" Darren screams before starting to cry.
"Luckily Gurgi's sacrifice causes the skeletal army to die, sucks the Horned King into the cauldron thus destroying him, and destroys the castle just our heroes manage to get out in the nick of time." Airnaruto explains.
"Yes but at what cost?" Darren asks.
"I think the loss of a good supporting character would be the price." Airnaruto says before he starts crying.
"So having saved the world, the witches return to take the cauldron back but Taran has a little bargain for them." Darren says.
Orddu: Did this old ear hear the word bargain?
"Yeah a bloody bargain tell them Taran." Darren says before Taran gives the items involved for the bargain.
Taran: The cauldron…for Gurgi.
Witches: (Gasp!)
"The witches agree to the deal, take the cauldron back, and leave behind Gurgi who just happened to be revived." Airnaruto says.
"Maybe that little fur ball is the son of…" Darren says before Airnaruto cuts him off.
"Darren let's not do that joke." Airnaruto says.
"Okay we won't do it." Darren says.
"Now our heroes live happily ever after." Airnaruto says before the camera cuts back to Darren.
"Well that truly was….epic." Darren says in an interested voice.
"That it was, so how did this film do in theatres?" Airnaruto asks before answering it himself, "To put it bluntly it bombed big time." He says.
(BOOM!)
"Needless to say but double C is right. After a long production period it was released very few positive reviews and received less than half of its 44 million dollar budget back. Most people blame this on the PG rating it got." Darren says, before Airnaruto explains why the PG rating was partly to blame.
"You see folks from the late 70s through the 80s PG was a rating that was taken more seriously than it is now, with even several horror films getting the rating. In fact this film was almost rated R because of all the violence in it but it got trimmed down to get a PG rating instead." Airnaruto says before continuing, "Aside from the rating system, the film was based on the second book in the Chronicles of Prydain book series by Lloyd Alexander, some fans of the series and critics criticized the film for its lack of touching on the book's dark nature but other critics gave it good reviews. Roger Ebert's review of the film at the time of the film's release was generally positive. However, the film's failure at the box office combined with its dark tones lead to Disney shelving the film for 13 years, this film didn't even get released on VHS until 1998." Airnaruto explained.
"Now that I think about it that's how I was introduced, to this film sure it has its dark moments but they didn't really bother me at all." Darren says.
"Despite its lackluster reception at the box office the film has developed a cult following among viewers and will be receiving a special edition DVD release this June." Airnaruto explains.
"Now that should be interesting to see." Darren says as we cut back to Airnaruto.
"All in all, I can see why Disney wants to forget they ever made this movie but if you actually sit down and pay attention to it, it's not that bad. I mean sure it may not be as good as Rankin/Bass's The Hobbit, Watership Down, the Plague Dogs, or the Last Unicorn, but it's definitely better than the animated Lord of the Rings movie but I wouldn't recommend this to little kids unless they watch it with their parents." Airnaruto says cautiously.
"I couldn't agree more, even with its dark moments, it is a beautiful mix of adventure, horror, and fantasy and retains a little bit of that old Disney charm." Darren says in total agreement.
"Therefore Darren and I give this film a rating of 3 stars out of 5." Airnaruto explains. 'Well that's it for now folks; I would like to thank the Anime Critic for joining me for this review." Airnaruto says.
"It was a pleasure and an honor to be here." Darren says before leaving.
"See you next time folks and remember I'm the Classic Critic, I remember it so you're not required to." Airnaruto says before leaving.
Pros: Nice detailed animation and the debut of early computer animation, decent cast, and a nice mix of three genres.
Cons: A little dark, some frightening moments, and some violence not suitable for children, the PG rating.
Final rating (Scale 0 to 5 stars): ***
A/N: well glad I got that episode finished see you next time folks read and review
