The Gamble

I spent the next week in either my cell or the library, unless I was forced out into the exercise yard. I read books, more than I had in the entirety of my previous sixteen years. I read books by old English people like Dickens' Hard Times and Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austin. I read F. Scott Fitzgerald and Arthur Miller, Steinbeck and basically just kept my head down. It was easier the second time round, though I was in a different institution the rules were just the same.

When I first got in they wanted to monitor me, my wounds from Luke more than visible. They checked me out to make sure there was nothing more serious going on inside me. As soon as they told me there was no internal bleeding or smoke inhalation or whatever could have happened to me after having the shit kicked out of me and then left in a fire… I requested to be put straight into Gen. Pop there was no point putting off the inevitable.

The fact that I was in Gen. Pop my face resembling nothing better than a raisin meant that I got a near instant rep. Word spread that I'd got the bruising killing a rapist, a priest, a cop… No one within the prison could agree on who I'd killed, just that I'd killed someone and then burnt down either their car, their church…

So I simply read, lost myself in books to Victorian England, Puritan Massachusetts and the 1920s. It was nice to not think about my life. The rep I'd acquired meant that I was just left alone to drift in and out of other places.

I was brought back into the real world after about five or six days, one of the guards dropped a book down on the table to get my attention. I looked up at her and all she said was:

"Visitor." I stood up and followed her to the first gate, waited for her to put cuffs on me before walking through to the second gate and finally the visitors' section.

I smiled and sat down in front of Sandy.

"Some good news." He smiled back, "Kirsten's company has dropped all arson charges, which means, pending your probation hearing, you'll be out, no problem."

"That's brilliant," I beamed back at him, made slightly harder by the fact that not all my bruising on my face had cleared up.

"They checked you out?" He asked, noting the pain that had yet to leave me. I just nodded. "Who did this to you?"

"No one." I said with a shake of my head, knowing full well that he knew who had done it. "So," I went back to smiling, "when do you reckon I'll be out?"

"30 to 60 days. I could have you out sooner, if I could release you into the care of a parent or a guardian."

"30 to 60 days?" my smile vanished. "That could be two more months, 8 weeks…" I stopped and thought for a minute, "1,440 hours." I rested my head on the table, "Bet he served like 24 at the most."

"You want to repeat that to me, rather than the table?" Sandy asked, lifting my head.

"I said, 'Bet he served like 24 at the most.'"

Sandy looked uncomfortable, "Well, according to both of you, the fire was an accident, and he's got no priors. His record's clean." He stopped as he looked at my healing face, "If you want we could prosecute him."

I just shook my head, "What would that achieve?"

"Justice." He said looking directly in my eyes.

I looked down at my cuffs and around the room at the guards in each corner. "This isn't justice." I told him quietly.

"Alex, you know, if I could take you home..." he trailed off, "It's going to be okay."

"My mom ditched me," I placed my hands on the table, "I got the shit beaten out of me by a bunch of Neo-Nazis and then I burned your wife's house down. How is this going to be okay?"

"We'll find your mother."

"I'd rather you threw me back to the Nazis."

"Alex she's your mothe-"

"She just abandoned me and now we have to track her down cause I need her. I needed her before. Didn't stop her from leaving."

"If only you'd come to me..." he sighed out the words that I'd expected to have been the first ones out of his mouth, "instead of running away..."

"I know, and…" I looked around the cold room, "I thought foster care would involve me being pushed from pillar to post surrounded by kids equally as screwed up."

"So instead you chose to go to jail and be surrounded by screwed up girls?"

"I didn't choose this." I told him, before pushing back my chair and walking away.

"We'll talk again before your hearing." Sandy called out after me as I simply walked back through the gate and back to my cell.


A couple of days later the guard dropped a book in front of me again. I looked up at her and she simply nodded towards the exit of the library. I stopped at the first gate and allowed her to cuff me before walking through to the second and then into the visitors' area. I looked around for Sandy and consequently got a shook when I saw Seth, Kirsten and Marissa all sat at a table waiting for me.

"Hey," Marissa smiled at me throwing her arms around me.

"Hey," I smiled back, once she'd let go, "I'd hug you back, but…" I held out my linked hands in front of me.

"Hello Alex," Kirsten nodded at me, rising from her chair. "Kids I'm going to wait by the window 'til you're done." She told Seth and Marissa before walking away allowing me to sit in her seat.

"You're face is clearing up." Seth beamed at me from across the table.

"Yeah," I smiled back, "its amazing what can happen when you're not getting beat."

"I'm sorry the plan didn't work. I thought I had it figured out. Thought you were safe." Seth sighed.

"The plan was great in principal." I shrugged back at him. "You didn't know the Klan were going to pay me a visit."

"Sorry bout that." Marissa said looking at the table. "But I broke up with him, if that's any consolation."

"Ris, you didn't have to do that."

"No I did," she told me placing a hand on mine.

"Wooooooooooooooh Attwood," one of the girls called over, "she know you're a killer?"

"Shut it, Lopez." I told her, warningly.

"Killer?" Seth questioned once I'd turned back to him and Marissa.

"Yeah," I sighed; rubbing my eyes rather awkwardly given I was cuffed. "The girls gave me a rep whilst I was in the medical wing, decided I got my injuries from killing someone."

"Girl I like your swerve." Lopez whistled at Marissa.

"Lopez!" I growled at her.

"What? Come on Attwood you can't keep a fine looking lady like that all to yourself."

"Is everyone here a lesbian?" Marissa laughed uncomfortably.

"Sorry, about her." I nodded in Lopez's direction. "We're not all like that."

"I know," she smiled at me.

"Shouldn't bother you anyway," Seth laughed at her, "now you're a dyke too."

"Huh?" I raised my eyebrow at her.

"Yeah," she sighed, "I am a lesbian."

"Huh?" I repeated, still not following.

"Luke told everyone I broke up with him because I want to be gay with you."

"Oh." I said slowly.

"Now the only people talking to me are Seth and Summer."

"I'm sorry I've caused so much trouble for you." I looked down. "Maybe it's a good thing I'm back in ja-"

"Hey Attwood," Lopez interrupted, "why don't you throw you're bitch over here, I wanna get a propper look at her." She licked her lips suggestively.

"Why don't you just back the fuck off?" I'd pushed my chair back and walked over to her.

"Hey," Lopez stood up and held up her tied hands, "you can have her back in like five minutes."

I nodded at her and pointed one of my hands, "That's not actually a bad idea, but how about this one?" I asked shoving her, causing her to trip over her chair.

"You're going to pay for that bitch." She said as she rose from the ground.

"What you going to do?" I asked looking around. "None of you're cronies are here."

"Oh you wait till we get out in the yard," She said shoving me back and knocking me into Marissa, "and I've got these fucking cuffs off."

"Why wait 'til then?" I asked her, punching her the best I could with my hands locked together. She put her hands to her lip and when she brought them away again I could see blood on the tips of her fingers. I simply smirked at her, "And people wonder how I managed to kill that whore."

"Oh," she shook her head at me, "you're dead now." She charged at me, knocking me over so that I was bent backwards over one of the tables, she held my shoulders so that she could bang my head against the table before she was pulled off me by the guards that had appeared, seemingly from nowhere, kicking and screaming. "I'm going to kill you bitch!" she shouted before her arse was hauled off into solitary.

I couldn't gloat for long, however as, as soon as another guard became available I was shoved down the hallway to solitary behind her.


Solitary wasn't as quiet as I'd imagined. I sat on the cot and was forced to listen to Lopez screaming death threats at me. I leant against the cold wall staring at the metal toilet, wondering how I was ever going to be able to keep my head down when I got back into Gen. Pop.

When the guard opened the door, allowing light into the tiny strip of a room, I was surprised. The guards that had shoved me in the room had taunted me by saying I wouldn't see daylight for a week, however, the door was opened to me after only something like an hour.

"Out." The guard grunted at me. "Seem's you've made bail." He told me as I walked towards him, holding my hands out to be re-cuffed.

"How?"

He merely shrugged as he motioned for me to follow him. He lead me through more locked gates than I'd ever previously seen until I found myself in the civilian area staring at Kirsten, Marissa and Seth, who was holding a box marked with my name.

"I couldn't let you stay in there," Kirsten explained as a guard took off my cuffs.

"Thank you," I smiled at her, rubbing my wrists.

"Are cuffs really that painful?" Seth asked, passing me my personal belongings.

"No," I smiled, "just wanted to get a little more pity."

"Why don't you get changed into your own clothes and we can go get something to eat before heading back to Newport." Kirsten suggested pointing to female toilets down the hall.

I nodded and left the three in the entrance, walked into the Ladies' and into the nearest cubical. I dropped the lid of the toilet and placed my box on top of it. As soon as I took off the lid my nostrils were hit with the smell of smoke. I pulled out my T-shirt and inspected it; it was grey where it had previously been white. Having no choice in the matter I pulled off the jump suit and pulled the T over my head, before pulling my jeans out of the box.

I walked out a few minutes later, after re-doing my hair and thinking about what to do with my streak, and dropped the box on the front desk, with my jump suit inside it.

"That all you got?" Kirsten asked me, looking up and down my figure dressed in just the grey T, the smoke stained jeans, dying Converse and one of Trey's old hoody's that I grew so attached to that I stole.

"Lost everything else in the fire." I told her.

"Hmmm," she looked at her watch, before turning to Marissa, "Your parents expecting you back or do you have time to come shopping with us too?"


After I'd showered and put on some clothes that didn't smell like smoke I joined Seth in front of the TV.

"Where's Marissa?" I asked picking up the other controller.

"Her mom called her home," Seth shrugged, "apparently Summer wasn't very good at keeping Marissa's cover, especially when her mom went round to Summer's to pick Marissa up and found out she wasn't actually there."

"Why did she come to visit me anyway?"

"I don't know. I went over there, told her that me and Mom were getting ready to head out and she just grabbed her purse, told her mom she was going to Summer's and dragged me to the car to wait for Mom."

"When she and Luke break up?"

"As soon as he got out of jail." Seth said simply. "What's with all the questions? You still crushing on her?"

"I'm not crushing on her." I told him, looking away from the TV and at him to emphasise my point.

"Whatever." He smirked at me before going back to concentrating on the game.

"Will you stop killing my men?" I asked him.

"Will you stop suck-"

"Seth! What did we say?" Sandy called in from the hallway, "No video games." He stopped when he saw me sat next to him on the floor. "Oh."

"Yeah," I smiled up at him, "Guess you're not the only one who likes bringing girls home from jail!"

"No… I guess not… Kirsten?" he called walking off.

"The confusion on his face was priceless!" Seth smiled at me, "I like you being here."

"I like being here." I smiled back at him, before jumping up and heading out to the kitchen.

"They were going to kill her in that place, Sandy. She couldn't stay there. But she can't stay here." I stopped walking and just listened, they couldn't see me because they were too far into the kitchen. "We've got to find her mother."

"She doesn't want to find her." Sandy told her.

"She's a kid. She doesn't know what she wants."

"I know I don't want her." I told her stepping out from behind the pillar and opening the fridge door. "Do you mind if I have a soda?" I asked picking up a can of Diet Coke.

"No." Kirsten said quietly.

"I'm sorry about what I did before, about being so ungrateful, but please," I looked at Kirsten rather than Sandy, "I'd rather you sent me into foster care than to her."

"Alex, you can't mean that?" She tilted her head, in that sympathetic way.

"And you can't have met my mother." I told her, sipping from the can.

She pulled a glass out of the cupboard and handed it to me, "Alex-"

"You have no idea what its like to do nothing but try and have nothing be good enough for the person that's meant to love you most." I sighed, pouring the coke into the glass before walking back to Seth.

"You all right?" he asked raising his eyebrow at me when I flung myself on the floor next to him again. I just looked at him. "Okay," he resumed the game; "I'm being quiet."


"Feeling better?" he asked me the next morning when I went in for breakfast. I just shrugged and sat next to him at the counter. "Well we have a wide assortment of breakfast cereals for you to brood over." I glared at him. "Sorry, I forgot you don't brood." He said with a roll of his eyes.

"This about Marissa?" he asked after a while of silence.

"No." I said simply continuing to eat.

"Cause I mean, Marissa's a very attractive girl-" he stopped suddenly when glared at him again. "Dude, for someone that's recently got out of jail you're far from chipper. What's up?"

"Your parents want to find my mom and send me back to her."

"Isn't that a good thing?"

"Think of me as an asylum seeker and my mom as Iraq."

"That bad?"

"Well it wasn't." he looked at me confused, "But, like, say you've had nothing but stale milk to drink all your life and then someone gives you some of their chocolate milk to try?" He continued looking at me confused. "Well when you're expected to drink the stale milk again, after having tried the chocolate milk, you realise that the milk you'd been drinking all your life wasn't what milk should taste like and that you deserved more than just stale milk to drink."

"Dude, why didn't you just say that life at your mom's sucked and you want more?"

"Cause I'd been thinking about the chocolate milk analogy all night to tell your parents and I wanted to try it out."

"What you want to try?" Sandy asked me as he walked into the kitchen and to the coffee pot.

"Chocolate milk." Seth told him.

"You've never had chocolate milk?" Sandy asked me.

"Yeah of course I have." I frowned at him.

"Then why you want to try it?"

"I don't." I told him, still frowning.

"I'm so lost." Seth said looking between us.

"Why are you lost?" Kirsten asked, going up to Sandy and kissing him before taking the coffee from him and pouring some into a cup.

"We're talking about chocolate milk." Sandy told her, sipping from his flask.

"What's confusing about chocolate milk?" She asked Seth, who simply shrugged and went back to his cereal.

"Anyway," Sandy said slowly looking at his son curiously, "I have to go," he kissed Kirsten on the cheek, "I have an early court date."

"I have to set up for Casino Night." Kirsten told him before looking between him and me.

"If I promise not to get offended if you take the matches with you and then promise not to find anything else to burn the house down with… can't I just stay here?" I asked looking between them both.


"Oh, hi, Julie." Kirsten smiled at a stern woman with red hair who was right by the door of the country club.

"Kirsten." She nodded, "Seth."

"Julie, this is Alex." Kirsten told her, drawing the woman's attention to me for the first time.

She looked me up and down before holding out her hand, "I'm Julie Cooper. I've heard so much about you."

"Oh so you're Marissa's mom?" I smiled at her, shaking her hand. "Its nice to meet you."

She made some sort of disgruntled noise, not dissimilar to the sound I would imagine a constipated chicken makes, before something over my shoulder caught her attention.

"There he is." She smiled, walking over to the door me, Seth and Kirsten had all just walked through.

"Hey, Mrs. Cooper." Luke smiled at her.

"I'm so sorry to hear about you and Marissa," she shot me a dirty look before continuing, "I'm sure she'll come to her senses and go back to you in no time." He just forced an awkward smile before turning to Kirsten.

"Thanks for coming." She told him.

"Yeah, you know," he scratched the back of his neck nervously, "anything I can do to help make amends for what happened." She just nodded at him before taking me aside.

"I forgot that he was coming." She told me quietly in my ear, "If you want to..."

"No, I'm here. How can I help?" I asked Mrs Cooper.

"Well, now that we've got our happy helpers, shall we get started?" She smiled clapping her hands together.

"Uh," Kirsten looked between me and Luke, "why don't Alex and Seth move furniture and Luke why don't you go way over there." She pointed to a can of gas and a small pile of balloons.


I found that moving furniture with Seth meant that I did most of the lifting, the moving and general. He explained that his role was as supervisor as I tried to move a small chaise longue by myself. I dropped it and just glared at him.

"You want me to help?" Seth asked.

"Yes please."

He cupped his hands around his mouth and called: "Hey Marissa!" she looked up at him from across the room and walked over.

"Hey," she smiled at me, "I didn't know you'd be helping out too."

"Yeah, well," I sighed, "Kirsten didn't want me alone in the house."

"Ouch."

"Yeah." I half heartily smiled back, "That didn't do anything for my self esteem."

"Guess not." She looked the chaise longue up and down. "Want a hand?"

"Yes please." I smiled at her, as she picked up one of the ends.

"Well clearly you two don't need me here." Seth smiled, "I'm going to see if Mom want's me to do anything."

"She wanted you to help me move the furniture."

"Yeah but Marissa seems so keen." He smiled at Marissa holding one end up.

"If you two are quite done bickering," she nodded down at the chaise longue she was holding up, "heavy thing not getting any lighter here."

"Oh," I said sheepishly, quickly picking up the other end, "sorry."

"You alright with Luke being here?" She asked as we walked across the room to where Kirsten had told me to put the seat.

"I don't have much choice." I shrugged. "Anyway Kirsten's making sure that we don't talk or anything."

"The Cohen's know that he was the one that beat you up."

"I haven't told them but I think they've pretty much guessed." I put down my end and motioned for Marissa to do the same, before I sat down. "You didn't have to break up with him." I told her once she'd sat down beside me.

"I did."

"I mean I'm not going to be around forever, I'm either going back to my mom or going into care… Seems stupid of you to throw away your relationship because of me."

"Alex," I looked up at her, "do you really think I'm that person?"

"Uh, what person?"

"The kind of person that can know full well that her boyfriend's a bigoted thug and still want to be with him? I mean he could have put you in hospital, I don't want to be with anyone that does that to another human being."

"Yeah but," I sighed, "you've lost you're friends."

"If they don't like me because they think I'm gay, then they were never my friends."

"Just as well you're not actually gay." I smiled at her, "then you're life could be really tricky."

"Yeah," she sighed, looking away for the first time.

"What am I supposed to do with 120,000 pounds of concrete?" Kirsten asked her cell phone as she walked past us. "Get a new mixer? Just call me when you know." She sighed as she hung up.

"You all right?" I asked her.

"Yeah, its just work."

"What do you do exactly? Real estate or construction?"

"I tried to explain it to Seth once and he fell asleep half way through."

"Try me."

"I'm going to see if mom wants me to do anything, before I go and see Summer." Marissa said standing up.

"Okay," I smiled at her.

"See you soon?" she asked.

"Hope so."

"Cool," she smiled. "Bye Mrs Cohen."

"Bye Marissa." Kirsten smiled, sitting down on the chaise longue where Marissa had been sat. "So you too are getting on well." She smiled at me.

"Oh no," I smiled at her.

"What?"

"You're doing that thing that Seth does," she continued to look at me blankly, "assuming that me and Marissa are into each other."

"Why would you b-," she looked at me, her eyes wide, "Oh."

"You didn't know?"

"No," she frowned, clearly thinking. "That's not why you got beaten up is it?" I nodded at her. "I'm sorry."

"Not your fault." I told her. "Anyway, you were going to tell me about your job."

"My dad is in real estate development. He owns the Newport Group."

"Wow," I smiled, "you guys built the mall, the Pacific Auditorium, baseball stadium, stuff like that."

"Mm-hmm." She nodded, "And I'm in charge of residential development."

"So, you deal with the contractors, the architects, planning and zoning commission."

"How did you know?"

"Keith, one of my mom's ex boyfriends, was a builder. He got me into architecture, to such an extent that I even considered being one for a couple of years."

"What do you want to be now?"

"Seventeen."

"Me too." She laughed, "Come on, let's grab Seth and head home."


"There are some great historical homes in the area and we can always go on an architectural tour." Kirsten told me as she open the front door and walked in.

"Yeah, those things are awesome." Seth deadpanned, walking in after me and Kirsten.

"Yeah, I'd like that." I smiled at Kirsten, ignoring Seth's sarcasm. I stopped walking when I spotted a woman talking to Sandy in the living room.

"Hey, Al." My mom smiled nervously at me.


"Thank you, Rosa." Kirsten smiled at her maid as we all sat round the Cohens' dinning room table.

"Um... thanks." Mom smiled awkwardly at the woman, only having served people before.

"No thank you, Rosa." Sandy told her as she walked round the table to him, "So, Dawn, how long you been working at the Laundromat?" he asked, trying to break up the awkward silence that engulfed the table.

"Uh, not long. Just a couple of weeks." She told him, starting to eat.

"What happened to the restaurant?" I asked.

"Um...they were making cutbacks."

"You got fired." I corrected. "You turn up drunk again?"

"Alex!" Kirsten scolded me from across the table.

"Well, it was for the best." Mom explained to Kirsten, ignoring the 'drunk' comment. "They had rats, cockroaches. Disgusting."

"You seen Trey?" I asked her.

"Uh, went to visit him at the prison. He wouldn't see me."

"Unbelieva-"

"Where are you living these days?" Kirsten cut in before I could say any more to her.

"With friends." Mom nodded at her uncomfortably. "I'm between places right now."

"Why don't you stay here tonight?" Kirsten offered.

"What about A.J.?"

"No. I broke up with him. We're through. No more." She said looking at me and then turning between Sandy and Kirsten, "I put up with too much. He laid his hands on me and Alex too many times."

"Oh for fuck's sake." I pushed out my chair and walked out into the garden towards the pool house.

"Hey!" Sandy yelled after me. "That might be how you talk to your mother in your house, but you won't disrespect her like that in mine."

"I TOLD YOU I DIDN'T WANT TO SEE HER." I shouted back at him. "Just put me in foster care." I said, my voice lower this time. "Please."

"I can't now."

"What? I know I ruined my chances of that group home but there must be somewhere."

"It doesn't work like that kid," he sighed at me, "now we've found your mother there's no reason for the state to look after you."

"What?" I sat down on one of the patio chairs.

"She must be better than jail." He said quietly sitting down beside me. "Why don't you just finish you're dinner try and work things through." He led me back through the house and into a chair in front of my untouched dinner.

"So," Kirsten smiled at me uncomfortably, "we were just talking about your childhood."

"Yeah?" I said not looking at either her or my mom, just pushing food round my plate.

"I was saying about how you always loved the beach when you were kid." I nodded, still watching my fork play with my food. "You couldn't wait to get in the sea. You been down to the beach much whilst you've been staying here?" she asked me.

"No, went back to jail though."

"Oh," I looked up and Mom just looked away.

"So this time when you disown me you can't blame it on Trey." I told her.

"Look kid I'm trying here."

"You shouldn't have to try, Mom," I spat back at her. "You're my mom you should just love me."

"Uh, Sandy, Seth," Kirsten stood up quickly, "why don't you help me out in the kitchen?"

"Where's Rosa?" Seth asked.

"Now Seth!" She told him before walking out to the kitchen with Sandy and Seth behind her, leaving me and Mom in silence.

"I do love you." She said after a while.

"No you don't." I was looking her straight in the eyes, "you haven't loved me since you caught me in bed with Theresa. Or don't you remember all that drunken hitting, cause I sure do." I told her.

"It was a shock Alex."

"It's been two years. Two years of you having a chance to get over your shock, two years of you letting your deadbeat boyfriends and their rednecks' beat me, two years of you just waiting for an excuse to kick me out."

"Shit Alex." She sighed at me.

"Oh don't act like you're hurt by that." I spat at her, "You and I both know you're only here cause you found out they've got money."

"That how little you think of me?" she asked.

"How much more is there to think of you?"

We sat in silence. She looked out the window, round the room, at the family pictures on the wall; anywhere but at me.

"This was a mistake." She said eventually, getting up from her chair. "I'm going to go." She told me quietly, walking out to the kitchen to talk to the Cohen's, leaving me sat in front of my untouched dinner, staring at it from behind glistening eyes.

I shook my head, rubbed my eyes and went into the Cohens' formal living room to find Mom's purse. I went through it until I found her cigarettes, half a pack of Cherokee Red a cheap disposable lighter squashed next to the remaining sticks. I picked up the pack and walked out the front door, letting it slam behind me and walked out of the gated community.


"So your mom's gone home," Kirsten told me, sitting beside me on the beach on the rapidly darkening beach.

I just sat there staring out at gentle evening waves. I lit up the last cigarette and tossed the empty pack away.

"She signed a form, turning you over to the state, as you wanted." She said quietly.

I turned my head to her, allowed her to see how much I'd been crying.

"You think I wanted this?" I asked her. "I'm sat on a beach smoking my mom's cigarettes cause I have no money to buy my own, and even if I did, no shop round here would serve me." I inhaled and quickly exhaled from the thin white stick, "I've lost everything and top it all off my own mother has given up on me." A fresh wave of tears ran down my face.

"I'm sorry about that."

"Don't be you and Sandy have done more for me than..."

"No, I'm sorry for finding her." She said quietly. "I'm sorry I didn't listen to you. I'm sorry that it took me trying not to listen to you and your mom's fighting to realise that maybe being with your mom isn't the best place for you."

"She'd be fine if I could just get over this damned homosexuality." I sighed, inhaling from my cigarette.

"You know lesser people would have crumbled, hidden who they are and just pretended…"

"All men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." I told her quietly, stubbing out the cigarette in the sand next to me.

"You believe in G-d?"

"I believe in love." I said, staring out at the ocean.

She pulled out her cell phone. I turned and watched her.

"I'm just texting Sandy, letting him know I've found you." She explained, putting it away moments later and just joined me in watching the ocean.

It wasn't until I started shivering that she suggested that maybe we should go back. I nodded quietly and followed her to her car.

She started the car and filled it with music from the radio, I stared out of the window and let everything wash over me. I tried not to think about where I was going to be sent, what was going to happen, tried not to think about my future, if I even had a future. I tried not to think.

"We're here." She said quietly, shutting off the engine and taking me out of my thoughts.

I followed her out of the car and into the house, to Sandy and Seth in the kitchen.

"Alex's going to stay with us now." She told them, placing an arm across my back. I turned and looked at her. "If you want to…"

I started crying again, but for the first time I had a smile on my face as the tears ran down it. Kirsten wrapped her arms around me and I just cried onto her shoulder.

I finally had a home.


R&R, thank you. Circus.