Chapter 3: Dreams
"I can't control it," says Kelly, exasperation in her voice. "EDI, can you do anything?"
"The parameters you set for the simulation do not allow me to interfere," comes the calm voice of the Artificial Intelligence.
"Goddamnit, EDI, can't you change the parameters?"
"The parameters do not let me."
Kelly throws her hands up in the air, and lets out an exasperated cry.
"Maybe we should let her continue," Chakwas says, her eyes not leaving the screen. "She seems to be working things out on her own."
"Working things out? How?" Kelly comes over and stands beside her.
"She almost changed the timeline again, and let Joker die. But she didn't."
"Kaidan's still alive, though. I don't think she's going to let him die."
"I think we should just watch, see what she does."
"Miranda is going to kill me."
"I'll handle Miranda. Let's just wait and see."
When Shepard sees Kaidan on the colony of Horizon, she wonders why she didn't think of him before now. Why she didn't try to contact him.
I thought he was dead.
But now it is very obvious that he is not. And she has no idea why she thought he was.
"Commander Shepard," Kaidan says, walking out from behind the buildings. "Captain of the Normandy. The first human Spectre. Saviour of the Citadel." His voice is loving. Her heart leaps. "I thought you were dead, Shepard. We all did."
And then he is standing right in front of her. Commander Alenko now, she reminds herself.
For a moment, they face each other, not sure what to do. And then he steps forward, embraces her, and she could cry.
Garrus watches, his face unreadable.
"It's been too long, Kaidan. How have you been?"
"Is that all you have to say?" he lets out a frustrated breath. "You show up after two years, and just act like nothing has happened?"
"Kaidan, I…" but how can she explain? I thought you were dead. You thought I was dead. Mistakes happen, let's laugh about it, have some beers?
"I thought we had something, Shepard. Something real." His voice is angry. "I loved you." He steps away from her, crosses his arms. "Thinking you were dead tore me apart. How could you put me through that? Why didn't you try to contact me? Why didn't you let me know you were alive?"
I don't know, she thinks, but her thoughts are confused, broken. Like this has happened a million times. Like it has never happened at all. She puts her hand to her forehead, massages her temples.
"I don't know," she says, and her voice sounds weak, "I was dead. I thought you might be, too… I had a dream you were."
He shakes his head.
"That's not good enough, Shepard. You had a dream I was dead? What kind of crap is that? Well, you know what, I moved on. But then I got reports of you and Cerberus. Cerberus!"
"The Alliance turned their back when I told them about the Reaper threat. Cerberus is the only one who believed me, who backed me."
"You can't really believe that! We both know what Cerberus is like. What they're capable of. I wanted to believe the rumours that you were alive, but I never expected anything like this. You turned your back on everything we believed in. You betrayed the Alliance. You betrayed me."
"Kaidan, you know me, you know I'd only do this for the right reasons."
"I don't know anything anymore," says Kaidan, unfolding his arms and turning away. "And I certainly don't know you."
"Dammit, Kaidan," Garrus broke in from behind her. "You're so focused on Cerberus, you can't see what's right in front of you. Who is right in front of you. This is Shepard, pull yourself together!"
Shepard glances back at Garrus, who looks as angry as Kaidan, then back to the man in front of her.
"Kaidan," she says, changing the tone of her voice, "Come with me. I could use someone like you in my crew. It'll be just like old times. And that way you can keep an eye on Cerberus, and me."
Kaidan turns back, crosses his arms again. He's silent for a long moment, and then he says,
"I'll think about it. I'm not as free as you to move around. I'll need some time. But… maybe." He begins to walk away, and then calls back over his shoulder, "Someone has to keep Cerberus honest."
"Well that went better than it might have," says Garrus after Kaidan is gone, and Shepard turns back to face him.
"Thank you," she says. "For saying that. I think… I think you might have helped change his mind."
Garrus shrugs, no mean feat in his heavy armour.
"He's an idiot if he walks away from you," he says. "Someone needed to remind him of that."
"She's replayed what happened with Williams," Kelly says. She takes a sip of the hot coffee from the dispensing machine. "Except she thinks that if it had been Kaidan, he would have understood."
"I don't know if he would have," Chakwas says, adds a spoonful of sugar to her cup, and stirs. "His first loyalty was always to the Alliance."
"Well, that's not how she imagines him," says Kelly.
The doors to the med bay slide open, and a grim-faced turian enters, stalking towards Shepard's gurney.
"Wait-" Kelly says, at the same time that Chakwas says, "Garrus!"
"I heard about Shepard," he says, his two-toned voice rumbling in his chest. He makes his way to her side and looks down at her. "How long has she been under?"
"It's a little more complicated than that," says Kelly, a the same time that Chakwas says, "We need to talk."
Garrus blinks, looks at the two females, then back down at the Commander. He takes her hand, and gently entwines his talons with her fingers. "Then talk," he says, and his tone will accept nothing else.
"I don't like it," Garrus says once they are through. "You're basically spying on her."
"Miranda authorised it," says Kelly, at the same time that Chakwas says,
"It seems to be working. She's revisiting everything that hurt her."
"Everything?" Garrus asks, and there is a slight catch in his voice.
"You might not want to see this," Kelly says. "You should probably wait until she's awake-"
"I'm not going anywhere," Garrus says. And Chakwas abruptly remembers how Shepard refused to leave his side when he was on the same gurney, half his face destroyed by a gunship.
Kelly is about to object, but Chakwas gently puts a hand on her forearm. "He can stay," she says, and Garrus rumbles in agreement.
It's a surprise when Kaidan turns up on the Citadel, bags packed. He catches Shepard's expression, says "You offered me a chance to keep Cerberus honest. I'm taking you up on it." Then he's walking past her, towards the crew's sleeping pods.
I guess it's too much to hope for, that he'd go to my quarters.
But it's a start.
END CHAPTER 3
Author's Note: Thank you everyone for your encouragement, and interest in this story! I'm looking forward to seeing where this goes as much as you are - I hope that you'll stay along for the ride! :D
