When the initiates enter the training room, I am in the middle of the ring, combat training with Cristina. She is kicking my ass. The initiates surround us in a circle, they watch in awe as we fight.
Cristina yells and charges, I jump out the way and run around her side, giving her two jabs in the ribs as I pass, then one kick to the bag of her legs, she falls , I land one punch to the backs of her head. She screams out in pain, then jumps up suddenly, punching me in the jaw as she lands on her feet - the blow causes my head to snap backwards but I don't go down. I grin at her, it's a taunting one.
"Stop." Will says firmly, we both turn to look at him. I am disappointed, I was finally starting to win. We turn back to each other, smiling, and we shake hands.
"Initiates," Cristina says, dabbing her fist across her bloody lip. They all stand to attention, eyes on her. Except for Zac, who is watching me. "There are three stages of training." She says. "The first is physical. We teach you how to fight, how to use a gun, how to hit a target. We will build up your muscle mass, we will make sure you have stamina, we will train you to be able to withstand pain. It is demanding, it is painful, it is harsh."
"Stage two," Will says, not giving them a moment to process the information. "Is emotional. You will face your fears. You will learn to control yourself in an environment where all you feel is fear. Mentally, it is scaring, it takes weeks to master, and there is no one who can help you, only you are in control."
"Stage three," I say, "is your bravery. If you do not know the manifesto off by heart, I suggest you learn it. I suggest you learn what bravery is. We will not be warning you on what we are doing to measure your levels of bravery. We will not be cluing you in. You have to figure it out for yourself, you have to be smart."
"You will be ranked." Will says.
"What?" A Dauntless-born demands. "Why?"
"We have a few select jobs." Cristina glares at him, "those who are the best, get the best jobs, those who are not, get the worst jobs."
"If you fail all tests," Will shouts, "you will be made factionless. It is our aim to ensure no one gets this. If you do terribly, you will be the janitor. It is in your best interests not to fail. We have no time for pansycakes."
A few snicker at the word, but their faces fall when they see the look on the three of our faces. This is no time for jokes, and we are not joking around.
"Who came first last year?" An Erudite asks.
"I did." I say. My eyes fall on Zac. "I was a transfer from Abnegation." My eyes fall to the girl from Abnegation, Jane. She looks hopeful. I glance around at everyone. "Do not underestimate your fellow initiates. Just because you are Duantles-born does not mean you will be better. If you do well in stage one, it doesn't mean you will do well in stage two. Be vigilant, be prepared, listen to us. We are here to help you. Take our advice."
"This week," Cristina smiles, it is menacing. "We will start with combat training, by the end of the week, you will be fighting one another. We don't make the fights fair. I once had to beat Will, I won. You have an entire week to learn your strengths, that is more than what we got."
I step off the ring and walk towards the boxing bags dangling from the ceiling. "Transfers with me, Dauntless-born with Cristina."
The initiates split, seven transfers walking with me, seven dauntless born with Cristina.
"This morning," I say, "is all about different fighting styles and techniques. You need to learn how to handle yourself in combat, how to be prepared for an attack, what to do if you don't have a weapon. That is what today is about." I pause to look at them, they're all staring at me, wary, scared. I don't remember feeling the same way, I remember being determined. "This afternoon is about stamina and muscle mass."
I show them six different style of punching, and pair them with a bag each. I run through the demonstrations repeatedly, getting them to copy. It takes a few tries for them to figure out where to stand, what to do, how to do it. I meander through them, much like Tobias had with me. I feel strong, assertive and also protective. The abnegation girl is gritting her teeth each time she hits the sack, her knuckles are already bruising but she doesn't stop. Good.
Zac is standing too close to the bag, his elbows are bent as he hits it. He's more likely to break his own arm then hurt his opponent. A girl from Erudite has tears rolling down her face with each hit, I don't feel sorry for her. The rest of the class seem to be getting the hang of it. I am pleased with progress.
I walk back around and stand next to Zac, analysing him. "You're too close," I tell him, placing my hands on his shoulders to push him backwards. He glances nervously at my hands, then looks to my face. We're too close together, I can feel his breath wash over my cheeks. I am uncomfortable and I don't know why. I think it's because of the way he is looking at me, the same way Al used to. I step back. Zac looks embarrassed.
"You have strong muscles already," I say, my voice is steady. "And long arms for a further reach. When the blow lands, your arm should be straight, and you need to use your weight behind it. You could probably take someone down with one punch."
He nods stiffly and begins hitting again, it's better, more forceful, "good" I say.
I look to the Abnegation girl, preparing to go and give her some advice but I falter. Tobias is there, giving her direction. He's showing her how to hit with his elbow and she's smiling up at him, I know that look. I have been that girl.
I frown at him, when did he come? Why did he come? I walk towards him, as if he knows I'm looking, his eyes snap to mine, and he looks angry. He holds my gaze whilst I make my way to him but before I reach him, he stalks away. I sigh. He was meant to be meeting with Abnegation this morning, not here. I follow him out into the hall.
"Tobias," I say, he stops and spins, there is betrayal on his face. "What is wrong?"
"I thought there was something odd between you and Zac last night." He spits. "The little blush you just gave him confirms it."
I roll my eyes, "you're being ridiculous. He's an initiate. I didn't blush. I am helping him. The way you helped me."
He steps forward, eyes blazing. "Exactly Tris, the way I helped you. The way I looked at you, the way I felt towards you, the reasons for helping you - is that why you're helping him?"
I grind my teeth together, he is being impossible. "No, Tobias. I am helping him the way I would of helped Cristina, or Will, even Al. The way you helped Shaunna, I want him to pass, I want them all to pass. I was heading over to Jane to help her, but you got there first. This is childish, it's not like you."
"How would you know?"
"Because I know you." I step towards him, he doesn't step back, so I take another step and keep going. He lets me place my hands on his chest, and I reach up to kiss him. He visibly relaxes. It isn't funny anymore, I don't want him to feel this way. "How did the meeting with Marcus go?" I want to change the subject, get him to talk about something steady.
"It didn't." Tobias grunts. "He wants to meet alone and I said I wouldn't without your father present. The next time I arrange the meeting, I want you to come. I trust your instincts."
"Tobias, you were just basically telling me you don't trust me at all."
His jaw sets, "I don't trust anyone with my heart, Tris. And I have inexplicably given mine to you."
My blood pounds in my ears, only Tobias can say something so romantic and mean it as an insult. "And you think you don't have mine?" I ask, offended. "That I don't feel the same way about you?"
"That's not what I m-"
"That is exactly what you're saying." I cut him off. "Think about your next words carefully, Four."
"Don't use my name against me." His voice is soft, his eyes are raking over my face. I can see his love for me. "It's not fair to do that... I am sorry, but there's something that makes me uncomfortable about Zac."
"That's because he likes me," I admit, "likes me the way you do. But it's me you need to trust, not him."
He raises his fingers to brush my lips, "I don't just like you, Tris."
"I know," I say quickly. We haven't said the words out loud yet, and I don't want them to be said here, in this hallway, after a fight. "Stay with us for the first few days, watch our interactions. I think then you will understand why I want him to survive. Tobias, he is what I imagine you were like all those years ago. He reminds me of me too."
I know as soon as I say it, it makes him uncomfortable again, but he can't think my love is that fickle. It isn't, and it's not fair to me, or nice to imply that it is. Tobias nods slowly and I smile, we enter the room together. Zac turns to look at us, and frowns as we smile and part. Tobias heads over to the Dauntless born and I meander through again, the Abnegation girl is attacking her bag with enthusiasm, she's using her speed and her elbows, heeding Tobias' advice.
"Very good." I smile encouragingly at her, she grins back. I give her a few more tips, things that I know that helped me, things she couldn't get from Four, and though she barely speaks, she listens carefully and follows through. She is very pretty, her blonde hair is long, her blue eyes are piercing, now she is in Dauntless clothes she looks nothing like a plain Abnegation girl and more like someone who had been melded together to become incredibly pretty. I stare at her for too long, I know, but she is captivating, determined yet quiet and unassuming. She is one to watch.
Two hours pass, all the initiates look exhausted. "Alright stop." I yell, they all do and turn to look at me. "I am going to demonstrate how someone smaller can get an advantage on someone bigger." I turn and walk to the ring, my initiates follow but stay on the outside. I motion for them to sit around the ring, they collapse to the ground, thankful for the release.
On the other side is where the Dauntless born are, they're looking over. I nod at Cristina and she stops her training, motioning for them to copy the transfers, they flop around me too.
Will and Tobias are standing by the door, I look at Tobias and he shakes his head laughing. He knows what I'm asking.
"You're funeral." Will shouts as Tobias enters the ring, the initiates laugh.
"This is Four." I say, pointing to Tobias. "As you all know, he is the main leader of Dauntless." Tobias looks at me sharply, but he's fooling himself if he thinks they don't know. "He was the top of his class also, and he trained me. He knows my every move, my every tell, my fighting habits. He's smarter, stronger and quicker than I am. Still, I am going to win this fight."
Tobias laughs with disbelief, so do Will and Cristina, some of the initiates grin at each other. The problem with Tobias is that he is used to winning every fight, and he knows he can beat me. What he is forgetting is that he loves me, and when it comes down to it, he won't be able to hit me or hurt me. I have no problem with hitting him today though.
I also have been fighting with Zeke behind closed doors for weeks now, learning to be able to beat someone bigger than I. Our last session, I beat him and now I am confident.
We stand opposite each other, Tobias is grinning like a excited boy. I roll my eyes. I'm not going to rush him straight away, he would expect it. Instead, I circle him for a while, he keeps his eyes trained on me, waiting for my tells. He doesn't know about Zeke and I, he doesn't know that I know my tales now too.
"Do something!" Something yells, and I rush at Tobias. He expects me to go for the throat with my elbow, that is what I would before but this time I slide myself on the ground, knocking him to his feet. There is no point in jumping on top of him, he would throw me off in seconds, but as he jumps up I land a blow to his stomach, he falls back down again.
"Oh my god." Cristina says.
I circle him, waiting for him to get back up. He isn't grinning now, he's frowning, confused and I laugh. He dives for me, but I have studied Tobias as much as he has me, and his face shifts a little whenever he decides to attack, it's subtle and I only know it because I look at him everyday, I am aware of his every expression, his every thought. I dive out the way before he can even get near me, I am behind him and I jump, landing a kick to the back of his legs. He goes down again, I roundhouse kick the back of his head and he falls. I know he's not knocked out, but he doesn't get back up either.
I glance at Cristina and Will, they look impressed, and they look scared. Tobias jumps to his feet, and he walks over to me, I know the fight is over so I don't shield myself, he gives me a quick kiss on the lips and steps out of the ring. The room is silent and it is deafening in its stillness, everyone is waiting for me to speak. They stare at me with respect. Tobias causally leans against the wall, looking bored, but his body is tense, tight. I turn to my initiates.
"That was an unfair fight." I tell them, "does anyone know why?"
An Erudite raises her hand, I nod to let her answer.
"You know him." She says. "You know him as well as you know yourself, and you used it to your advantage. He underestimated you, he was surprised by your actions - he was predicting you, thinking he knew you as well, you used that."
"I also really just wanted to beat him for once in my life." A few laugh. "But you're exactly right. Never underestimate your opponent, never think you know them well enough, and never think you can win just because you're bigger, smarter or stronger. Four should have won outright, anytime before today he would have. I used my brain, you would all do well to remember this lesson... You're dismissed. Be back here by one o'clock."
They get up and file out, talking excitedly amoungst themselves. I feel a little guilty and I don't know why. Zac and Jane are the last to walk out, they're chatting animatedly to each other throwing looks to me as they exit.
I sit in the middle of the ring, Cristina, Will and Tobias join me.
"What was that?" Cristina asks.
"Last year, Peter beat me up because I didn't listen to Four, and I didn't use my head. I rushed in - if they're going to be knocking clumps out of each other, I want them to use their heads, not brute force to win. They need to think as well as act."
"Everyone is going to hear about this." Will says, "you just made Four look like he isn't invincible anymore."
"Everyone in Dauntless that knows him, and has seen him fight, will think he let me win." Cristina and Will nod, it's true, no one will believe I beat him.
"Where did you learn to fight like that?" Tobias asks, his eyes are boring into mine. "That isn't what I taught you. It was quick, it was smart, but you don't even have your tells anymore, I had no idea how you were coming at me."
I blush, "every morning before the initiates arrived, when I disappeared for a few hours?" He nods. "I came here with Zeke. You trained me well, so well that Zeke didn't really know what to do with me at first. Then we decided if I was going to be better, I would have to know how to beat you. I've spent an entire month dedicating myself to being as good as you are, if not better."
Cristina lets out a low whistle, Will looks impressed, but Tobias is staring at me like I am an enigma.
"I'm not so sure it's healthy for your desire and drive is to be able to beat your boyfriend up." Cristina laughs.
"It's not my desire." I say, I'm staring at Tobias. "I wanted to be his equal."
