A/N: I thought that being deprived of your State Alchemy title would be better than how not to get one at all. So, here it is! Hope it sucks, lol.

By the way, this takes place AFTER Ed and Al get their bodies back in Brotherhood. At least I THINK they'll get their bodies back…I'll get back to you on that…

(If I underline it, it happened in my school!

If I bold it, it's actually happened in my life!)

How To Be Deprived Of Your Job As A State Alchemist!

1: Color within the lines after drawing with chalk.

They always knew that Fuery was really a middle schooler with a knack for drawing.

2: Be nice.

The new Alchemist always seemed to have a stick up their butts these days…

3: Transmute ugly versions of your boss's face into the wall.

After three weeks, the Furher was not amused.

4: Transmute the lunch room into a club.

Roy learned that Alphonse and beer don't mix.

5: Pretend you're on American Idol.

Military men had a tendency to boo when introduced to these American concepts…

6: Act like Ryan Seacrest.

All of the people that had joined in on the trend had started looking the same to Havoc.

7: Start marking down the days on a calendar that covers the entrance to Central.

For some reason, tomorrow was now "doomsday".

8: Call Edward Elric short.

For people forced into State Alchemy, this was the quickest way of escaping Central's insanity.

9: Call Alphonse Elric big.

Even though it was a lie, this was the second quickest way of escaping Central's insanity.

10: Call Roy a matchstick.

The new recruit was, fortunately, a master of water.

11: Start smoking.

The death rate had gone up ever since the Furher had gone hippie, and he didn't know why.

12: Start laughing like Patti Thompson from Soul Eater.

Madness was common, and common sense was starting to become pretty uncommon.

13: Perform a human transmutation.

Truth's mother had been wondering for some time now why her son had been getting so many visits lately.

14: Write a poem on the bathroom mirror in lipstick.

Ed didn't remember being taught how to read a message made from lipstick kisses.

15: Steal someone else's magazine.

What's a magazine?

16: Steal someone's video game.

Edward had gotten rather grumpy ever since Winry ripped off his auto-mail and started playing with it.

17: Call someone by the wrong name.

Alphonse really needed to cut his hair.

18: Not brush your teeth properly.

Armstrong had become even more unbearable than he had before.

19: Mess up on an art project.

Why May Chang's silver pocket watch was now a statue of Alphonse Elric with Edward's head, no one knew.

A/N: I don't think May Chang becomes a state alchemist.

20: Blow up Mustang's gloves.

"THAT'S MY JOB!"

A/N: Okay, I think that's sucky for you.

So, what did you think? Any ideas for what I should do next? Should I make more of these as well? I might.

So, see ya! Until next time! And please, read my other stories! They need attention! I don't even care if you read one word in the first sentence. That's all that matters!

REVIEWS ARE BETTER THAN HAVING ALPHONSE ELRIC! (Well, maybe not, but that doesn't matter right now!)