No Matter What Happens

Chapter Three

November 2010

Derek and Penelope spent their second day at the beach at an aquarium. They picked up some take out for dinner and went back to the house they rented. He decided to change into jogging pants and a sweat shirt and take Clooney on a run.

When he got back he found Penelope talking on her cell phone in the kitchen. As she talked to JJ she was making a salad to go with their dinner.

Derek walked up behind her, trapping her against the counter with his hands on either side of her, "Sexy mama, the point of picking up food was for you to not have to cook."

"I'm not cooking. I'm tossing together. Say hi to JJ."

"Hey JJ," he said as Penelope held up the phone. He then kissed Penelope's cheek and said "I'm gonna grab a shower and then we can eat. Sound cool?"

"Sounds perfect, Hot Stuff. You know I like my men fresh and clean."

"Well then I better get that way fast." He left the room with a big smile on his face.

Penelope told JJ "Just between you and me Morgan is even sexier when he's all sweaty and overheated."

Laughing from the hallway he called out "I heard that, baby girl!"

"Take your shower, you eavesdropper!" she joked back.

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After dinner Derek made a fire. Then he sat on the hard wood floor, with his back against the couch, and motioned for Penelope to sit between his legs. "Right here, baby girl. Get your sexy behind over here."

She sat down. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her back against his chest. She closed her eyes, leaning her head back on his shoulder. "This is nice. I could stay here for months, snuggling with the best noir hero ever born."

Her compliments always warmed his heart. Dropping his voice he said "I just want to apologize again for making you listen to me getting threatened for hours. I know that kind of stuff is hard on you and I knew it would be when I went in there. I didn't want to put you through that but we had to get JJ out of there. She has Henry at home and...."

"You just couldn't stand to see someone you care about in danger that way. I know. We're a family and we'd do anything for each other. Do not worry, my love. I get it. That night sucked but its over and you're here."

With his mouth next to her ear he told her "Fighting to come home to you has saved my life so many times. Thank you, baby, for being my secret weapon."

She smiled and turned her head to look at him. "You're my proof that life is beautiful."

"Considering our job, I'm surprised you can believe that still."

"As long as you're around I'll believe." She settled against him again. After a moment she said "I hope you know that I'm happier around you than anyone else in the world. This time away was just what I needed-"

"Hey, its not over yet, baby."

"Just listen to me, okay? I know you've been trying to protect me and heal me since my break up with Kevin, hence spending all your free time with me, but when we go back home I think it needs to end."

"You could always say no when I ask you to hang out. But you don't. So where is this coming from?"

"First, you don't make it easy to say no. You give me puppy dog eyes."

He chuckled slightly, though he was still tense. "Do not."

"Yes you do. And, second, this is not about what I want. Its about what you need. I love every second with you but you can't spend all your free time with me if you expect to get another girlfriend, which we both know you will want eventually. When that happens its gonna hurt me to suddenly lose all this that we have now. It would be easier for me if we just agree to give each other space and support in finding new relationships."

"And what happens to us?"

"We'll still be us, sweetness, just together less often outside of work. Its not what I'm looking forward to but we can't go on like this."

"I don't get why not. Don't you like our time together?"

"Its not fair to you, that's why not! I'm keeping you from moving on. You're hiding from love with me and I love you too much to put up with you doing that to yourself."

He tightened his arms around her, encouraging her to relax against him again, and then said "Hey, hard head, I'm where I wanna be. You're going to have to do better when it comes to your reasoning to move me out of my spot in your life."

She sighed. "I don't want to move you, my love."

"Good. Cause I'm not letting you."

She leaned her head back on his shoulder, again, and this time let out a groan. "So frustrating! You know I'm right."

"Nah, I don't know that at all, baby girl. Since when do you push me off on other women anyway?"

"I just want you happy and loved."

"I'm happy, believe that, and you make me feel loved. So chill, would you?"

It was moments like this when he wondered: Does she freak out because she's scared to admit she wants to be with me or is she saying what's in her heart? If she really doesn't want me then how do I let all the dreams I have for us go?

He never dreamed about white weddings, baby carriages, and joint bank accounts until he saw her laying in a hospital bed. And then he knew he could be the kind of man who had all that. If she was the one he shared it all with.

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She was enjoying being with him too much. And that was starting to scare her. If they didn't progress to something more than she knew she had to stop her heart from doing what it was currently doing everyday: growing to love and need him more and more.

Penelope hated the idea of not spending as much time with Derek but what they currently had couldn't last forever. It was too close to a romantic relationship and still miles away from one.

Limbo.

Painful and lovely, all at once.

For tonight she'd just forget about that though. She had tried to talk to him and he wasn't hearing it. He must still feel she was secretly, deep inside, a wreck over losing Kevin and she needed him right now. Or else he was hiding from the thought of looking for true and lasting love by getting most of what he needed in that department from her.

She had no doubt he loved their time together but she knew it was too perfect, and way too emotionally charged, to go on like this forever. They had to pick a side. Finally become more than friends or ease into a different sort of friendship where they didn't spend every free minute they had together or on the phone with each other.

The last six months had been heaven for her but it would be hell when it ended. She just wanted to get to that place sooner rather than later because every minute that went by made her love grow deeper....and so would her pain when he moved on to his next fling.

Derek was still holding her as they sat on the floor of the rented beach house, in front of a roaring fire. He said, in a soothing tone, "Hey, stop thinking so much."

"Is that an order, Sir Derek?" she flirted

"Yes it is, pretty mama, and I like to have all my orders followed to a T."

"What kind of punishment do you have in mind if I don't?"

He started to tickle her and she squealed. Then she started to tickle him back. They were both laughing and squirming around. She grabbed a pillow off the couch and beat him with it.

He got it away from her, put it behind him and out of her reach, and got her to end the play fight. When they stopped he was smiling widely. His voice dropped low and he said "I love our time together. I love you, baby girl."

"I love you too." She got up and headed for the kitchen. "I need wine."

She was acutely aware that his eyes followed her as she walked into the adjoining room.