This is such a long chapter. Ugh.
Hayden's rock, screamo music was playing over his headphones while we lay in my bed, next to each other. I was working on my homework while he was reading a book he was supposed to read over the summer, but of course didn't. I thought about the History question again, in my head, for maybe the third or fourth time before I finally sighed and turned to look at Hayden. His head was bobbing slightly to the music, his shaggy brown hair falling into his face. Pretty soon, he'll need to get it cut for football season. Too bad, I really liked it long.
I pressed the pause button on his iPod, to which I received a very dirty glare.
"What is it? It was just getting good."
"The book or the song?"
"The book."
"Right." I snatched the book from his hand and quickly skimmed over the last paragraph. Ah, yes. I remember this chapter. "Ok. What just happened?"
His eyes narrowed at me and I gave him a knowing smile in return. Finally, he sighed and turned so his body was facing me and he was leaning on his elbow. "Ok, I admit I have no idea what the hell is going on."
I laughed and handed the book back to him. "Maybe if you weren't listening to loud music, something could sink in."
"Doubt it. This shit is so confusing." He sighed and closed the book, sliding a hot hand on my waist, skimming underneath my shirt for a brief second. I couldn't help the small sigh that escaped. He smiled; obviously proud of the effect he had on me and pulled me easily closer to him, crumpling a paper underneath my ass.
"Hayden!"
"Ms. Brown will not freak out just because your paper is crumpled, Bella. Calm down," he teased me before lowering his head and kissing me softly on the lips. Moments like this made me wonder if he didn't just like me and was in fact, in love with me. The way he kissed me so softly as if I was breakable and cradled my face with such tender love made me feel awful. The moments also when I would be sitting in class, just chewing on my pen and I would look up to see him staring at me so fondly, as if he was the luckiest man in the world. If only I could love him back as deeply as he might love me.
He pulled back, his green eyes lovingly looking at me, a small smile on his lips. I tried to convey the same emotion in mine and his eyes flickered, narrowing at mine for a moment before his warm palm left my cheek and he lay on his back, snatching the book. His music turned back on but it was quieter this time and my chest felt hollow. I think he knew how I felt about him too and ached for me to feel the same way. I looked at him out of the corner of my eye, biting my lip, contemplating on whether or not to say anything and decided it would be better not to. Guys and their feelings and all.
"How was that uh, chick, by the way?" his voice was soft as if anything louder would shatter the unspoken moment between us shared moments ago. I leaned back against my wall, my book and papers in my lap, pen behind my ear and thought about it.
"Well, Eric was right. She's young and pretty. I thought she was going to die today but she actually held her own pretty well."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. James…"
"Matthews?"
"Yeah. He hit on her and then she warned him and of course, what did he do? Made another outrageous comment and so she kicked him out."
"She kicked him out? Really?"
"Yep. And then she made a call so I don't know what happened to him after that."
"Goddamn it. That means it probably got to Coach. I hope he lets him play in the game against Rodney." He flipped a page in the book but I knew that none of it was making sense to him anyway. "I don't know if I could handle being under that much pressure."
Rodney was our rival school and everyone in almost the whole school showed up with signs, spray-painted hair and covered face paint with our colors, horns, and sometimes the senior guys took off their shirts and painted their whole chests. It got pretty crazy. I wasn't much for it but I made a promise to Angela and Jessica that I would go this year to almost every game.
James was the star quarterback and Hayden was only there if James was hurt. This is the first year he's been in that position and honestly, I don't know if he can really do it.
"So you think she's hot?" Hayden asked again, indifferently.
Hot? As in, sexy? Uhm, no. Gross. "No. I'm not gay like that, Hayden."
He chuckled. "You girls are always like, "Oh, girl, you look so hot in that outfit,"" he did his best at a girl impression, which turned into a gay guy impression. I started cackling.
"We don't sound like gay guys! And I've never said that, first off. Secondly, I don't know. I think she's really pretty."
"You should consider it, ya know."
"Consider what?"
"Going gay. Well, no," he turned to me. "Just bi so that I can have you too. But then you can have a girlfriend and I can watch you two make out." At this, he smiled widely.
"Gross, Hayden!" I playfully punched him in his bicep which, naturally, didn't do anything to him.
"Just don't leave me for some chick," he finished, still chuckling. "That'd be fucked up since I had you first."
"I'll keep it in mind," I replied sarcastically.
"If you do leave me for some girl though, I'm pretty sure I can just hook up with Ms. Brandon," he said, ignoring my sarcastic remark.
For some reason, that really bothered me. Why is it that all high school boys have this ridiculous fantasy that a mature, older woman will suddenly lose all inhibitions and sleep with them?
"Yeah, right. I really, really doubt that she'll take you up on that offer, sweetie."
"Oh come on. I think she'll see my rock hard body and fall in love with me in a second," he continued, totally sarcastic and smiling cheekily.
I took this seriously, however. "Really. Think about it. If you have an affair with a teacher, you'll be mocked for maybe the remainder of your high school and possibly college career. And he or she will never get a job in education again. It's just stupid and it's not that hard to work and get an A, ya know? Don't need to fuck the professor to get a good grade." I finally finished my rant, only to see Hayden looking at me, his brow furrowed.
"It was just a joke, babe."
"Yeah, well," I shrugged and wrote a couple words down on my paper before he interrupted.
"Wait. What if two people fall in love? What about that? It isn't always just someone wanting to get an A." He turned, sat up and focused all of his attention on me, making me a little uncomfortable. I didn't realize this was going to turn into a debate. And I certainly didn't expect that he would be the romantic one and I would be the cynical one. Well, scratch that. Due to a mistake I made freshman year, I've since then looked at relationships cynically.
"For example?"
"That chick and that dude. In that one state. Uh, the 14 year old guy who slept his teacher and then she went to jail and now they're married and have kids?"
"Is it worth it to have that attached to their names now? All they're known for now is for that very incident."
"If you're in love, yes, Bella," he said softly with intense eyes. Why was he so adamant bout this damn thing? Since when did he suddenly turn into a huge romantic?
I sighed, fed up with this debate. "Just go back to looking at it as something sexy, please? Like some porn to watch or whatever."
"I don't watch porn…"
I gave him a glare and right like that, we switched moods entirely just like we always do. That's the one thing that always made our relationship easy.
"Come on, baby. Why would I watch porn when I have you?"
"Oh that makes me feel sexy," I laughed. "Compare me to the slut that's been fucked by like, a hundred guys."
He leaned forward, pressing his body over mine and squishing the books and papers easily and kissed my jaw, then beneath my earlobe and then my neck. "No, baby. I'm saying none of that gets me hard. Only you can." He pulled back and looked me in the eyes.
I knew that look. "Those are your sex eyes. You want sex."
"Hey, I'm just a guy. All that talk of teacher and student shit just made me think about you in a schoolgirl outfit," he said jokingly. I knew that that wasn't true. He was still weird from our moment earlier when he looked at me so tenderly and obviously wanted to talk about it but was dancing around the subject like such a guy would.
"No."
"Come on. How long till Charlie gets home?"
"About five minutes and I haven't even started dinner, Hayden."
"I can be quick, babe."
"Yeah, I know you can," I spit out and laughed, watching his face fall in mock anger before I slid out from underneath his huge, muscular body.
"Hey! I'm not a minute man. You sure as hell know that too," he defended while he followed behind me downstairs.
Charlie, Hayden and I were sitting down, eating spaghetti peacefully and I was actually having a good time when Hayden and Charlie got into the sports talk just like they did every time that all three of us ate together.
I had nothing to contribute to this so I just ate my food silently while I pretended to be following along, nodding at the appropriate moments and going, "Mhm. Yep," as convincingly as I could, which has improved over time so much so that they actually believe me now.
My mind was still wandering on Hayden though. He obviously loved me. I'm sure, however, that he knew I didn't love him. He's handsome, got a great future ahead of him and could easily have anyone in the entire school so I have no idea why he stuck with me when he knew that I clearly didn't love him in return. I treated him awful sometimes, too. But then again, he could be an ass as well, especially when some guy even talked to me. He still makes daily death threats against Mike but I know that he's joking…somewhat.
I just don't think I can open up to him, much like I haven't to my past boyfriends either. The only boy that I did open up to was Edward, my freshman year. He was a senior at the time and for some reason, seniors always like to pick on freshman and make their lives a living hell. Edward was the school's hero, the popular guy, the hottest one in the bunch and was friends with everyone in the faculty so he could pretty much get away with anything.
He and I had met at a party and he had oddly enough, chosen me out of every freshman girl and pretty soon, we were dating. He was hot, I must say. His unruly bronze hair was sexy and his deep chocolate eyes always seemed to be smoldering. He wore dark clothes and this one particular black leather jacket that made him seem dangerous but also at the same time, really fucking sexy. He let me wear it all the time.
We'd only been dating for a month when I'd done something I always regret.
"Bella, honey?" Charlie's voice pulled me out of my thoughts and I raised my eyebrows, focusing my attention on him. I felt Hayden's hand caress my leg lovingly beneath the table.
"Yeah?"
"How was your day at school?"
"Oh, uh. It was great. Interesting, to say the least," I said, my mind drifting to Ms. Brandon's actions.
We had a seating chart the next day in Math. Fantastic. I just hope I don't get behind a kid who farts or next to one who picks his boogers. It's quite amazing how we're almost in college and some kids still pick their boogers at school. Yes, we all do it but save it for your home, preferably your room.
I was standing in the back, holding my notebook and looking out the window when Ms. Brandon's perfect voice floated into my ear, "Bella Swan". I looked up hastily, maybe too quickly actually. It may have looked like I experienced whiplash, much to my dismay. I really was trying to figure out why I couldn't act normal in this class. Maybe it was the mere fact that someone as gorgeous and clearly rich was teaching. She should be modeling or something. If she's obviously that rich, also, why would she even need to work?
I shuffled forward, noticing that I was in the middle of the classroom, front desk. Oh my Lord. The worst place to ever be in a class. Perfect. Now I can act like a blubbering idiot a foot away from her instead of ten feet, where she might not notice me because Jamal's huge afro might cover my face. I sat down, begrudgingly and waited for the rest of the students but the routine was mind numbing to me, having had to experience it for several years so I laid my head down on my desk.
Next thing I know, a gentle but firm finger was pressing repeatedly into my shoulder. I swear to God, if it's Nikolai or some punk tapping me, they will forever be on my shit list. That was a good dream. I sat up slowly, only to see a ruler in my peripheral vision to my right. Fuck.
"So happy you could join us, sleepy head," that perfect voice said teasingly. I heard a chuckle in the back of the room but chose to ignore it. I sat up, finally looking up and looking at her.
"Sorry," I muttered. She gave an encouraging, gentle squeeze to the area between my shoulder and my neck, accidentally brushing against my naked skin where my collar of my shirt started. It was like a bomb of tingles went off around my neck and a blush crept up onto my cheeks. Jesus Christ! I jumped slightly and her hand left me. Her face looked slightly torn at the face that I clearly didn't want her to touch me. Sorry, lady. It's not my fault you continually scorch me every time you touch me.
"It's OK. Just don't want you to get behind, honey."
Honey? Hm. Well I guess I'm on her good list.
Didn't she say on that first day that if you want to text and fail, that's your decision? Isn't sleeping kind of on the same grounds too? Then…why did she wake me up? Oh shit. I was probably snoring, damn it.
I started copying down what was on the board, listening to her intently. She taught the lesson well, but also her voice was strangely addicting so I listened without even thinking about it. I wondered if anyone else thought this and glanced over my shoulder. Even James was writing things down, looking up at her between every word he wrote down. Wow. We should document this.
She assigned the homework and I opened up my book and started working without any problem. Until a damn word problem came up. Nasty little fuckers. Just when you start feeling good about yourself these come up. I grabbed my book, my paper and my pen and walked up to her desk, stumbling over the peg of my desk in the process. God. I was so damn clumsy all the time and now it was maximized in here.
"You okay?"
I looked at her, sheepishly. "Yeah, yeah. I'm, uh, fine. Anyway," I set the book and paper on her desk and pointed with my pen. "No idea."
She giggled and pulled the book closer.
So that was super adorable. I wish I had a laugh like that. I was trying to think of jokes in my head to get her to laugh again but came up with dumb ass knock, knock jokes that would only earn a 'wtf' look from her and determined against even trying.
Not only was her laugh engraved in my brain, but I was noticing a distinct, amazing smell as I was leaning next to her. The scent might be near impossible to explain but whatever it was, it was addictive, mind boggling, and sultry all at the same time. The aroma surrounded me and I fought against the desire to lean closer and sniff.
"Okay. It's simple, really. They're just trying to mess you up and make you feel bad about yourself. I hated them too when I was your age." She took a second and lifted a paper and then another before turning to me and taking my pen. "May I?" She asked after she had it in her hand. What was I supposed to do? "Uh, no, bitch. Give me my pen back?"
I don't think so. "Yeah, sure."
She grabbed a scratch sheet of paper and started pointing at the words in the paragraph and saying what they really meant and then she wrote down a formula based on the words. It was exactly what she had taught us today.
"Oh, right. See, if I have a formula, I'm good."
"Yeah, I know what you mean." She turned from the paper and looked up at me and that's when I realized how close I was to her. Damn her for smelling so amazing. I backed off a bit and cleared my throat. "They're really tricky. Here ya go." She held out the pen and when I went to reach for it, our fingers brushed and that familiar tingle inhabited my fingertips now. If she felt that too, she made no indication.
"Can I uh, do it up here so you can check it?" I hate it when I stutter.
"Of course, honey." She scoot the book closer to me and I worked the problem as accurately as I could under her watchful eyes but it was hard to do without a shaky hand.
I really didn't like how I acted around her. Maybe it's because she was such a bitch to James that first day so I know that she can be scary. Yeah, that's it. I'm scared of her. I glanced over and saw her soft eyes lift from the paper to meet mine.
No, that can't be it. Those eyes are wayyy to nice. I'll have to figure this out.
"You got it?" She asked softly.
"Yeah, I think so." I didn't move and she slid her chair closer so that our hands were an inch apart on the book. Her eyes worked over the problem and I could hear her muttering numbers under her breath.
"Good job, Bella. That's right." She smiled at me, beaming with pride like I was her own daughter or something. She really takes an interest in her students and wants them to achieve. Huh. Most teachers don't really give a shit.
"Thanks."
"You're welcome," she replied and then just when I thought that it was done and I could go back to my seat, she started up a conversation. "You a senior?"
"Yep. Yeah, I am."
"That's exciting, isn't it? Where are you going to college?" She asked and then signed some papers, turning her attention away from me.
"I haven't really uh, decided yet to be honest."
"Don't worry about it. The colleges will still be there in a year or two. There's no rush to get into one."
Um. Wow. Hallelujah. Someone sees it the way I do. Shit. I need to respond.
"So, uh, you going to the game?"
She shrugged and then stopped what she was doing with her paperwork and folded her hands over it to look up at me. "I don't know. I don't really understand football to be honest with you." She giggled softly. "Wait. Do teachers have to go?"
This time, I chuckled. "I uh, I don't think so. But you do have to go to the pep rally."
"Oh wow. I remember when I was in school; the principal would put the new teacher in front of the whole gym and tell us who she was. I really hope he does not to that with me."
I laughed again. It was really, really easy to talk with her. "It can't be that bad."
"Bella, you know how some teachers put the new student up in front of the class?"
I nodded.
"Ok. Imagine that but instead of just in front of some twenty odd students; it's in front of the whole student body, which in this school is what, like five hundred? Six hundred?"
"Oh, wow." Another laugh sounded from me. "Ok. Yeah, it would suck to be you tomorrow," I teased her.
"Exactlyyyy." She fidgeted with the papers and then looked at me again. "Are you going to the game?"
"Yeah. I kind of have to. My boyfriend is one of the quarterbacks."
Her eyes narrowed for a second. "What's his name?"
"Hayden Lembrownski."
"I don't know who that is. Thought maybe I would. Well, I hope he's ready because when I spoke to Coach Vickers the other day about James and his behavior, he said he can't play for the game."
My heart sank. "Really?"
She nodded. "Sorry, honey."
Does she call any other students honey? I haven't heard her say that. But then again, I was asleep most of today and the day we had in class, the majority of the period was James and Ms. Brandon battling against each other.
"It's all right. Well, uh," I picked up my books and my pen. "Thank you again Ms. Brandon."
"No problem," she said before sliding over to the middle of her desk.
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Review please.
Also, I haven't taken Calculus yet because I'm awful at Math so…I'm just gonna try and wing it as best I can.
