MissNavi: Dun dun DUUUUN! CHAPTER 3!

Link: Wow, you've actually been doing pretty good with this fic, being that it's only your second.. You're other one isn't doin' that great... Hahahaha.. It's pretty good though...

MissNavi: Grrrr.. But thanks for saying The Legend of Zelda: The Age of Animals was good Link... Oh my god I just thanked Link.

Navi: Yeah! I guess it's pretty good! I personally think Link's a little more perverted in this one though...

Link: Yep, that's me!

Navi: You just stole Raven's line...

Link: You watch That's So Raven?

Navi: YEP!! And every Saturday I watch the Care Fairies! Lucky Fairy is sooo cute!!!! He's a little green glowing ball and he just flies around everywher----

Link: Ok... For a fairy that acts as my conscience, that's pretty scary...

MissNavi: Yeaahhhh... Riiiiight... NAVI COME BACK TO ME!!!

Navi: ---And then Share Fairy can be a real bitch, but she's kinda cool.. And then there's---

MissNavi: NAVI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Navi: ---Funshine fairy, but she's always happy and perky, it's annoying.. Then there's Laugh-A-Lot Fairy who can be very obnoxious because he's always laughing like hahaha.. And--- WHAT?!?!

MissNavi: Oh, thank god! You came back to me! THANK YOU!

-MissNavi gets down on knees, thanks god, and kisses the ground-

Navi: Psh, what's her problem?

-Everyone stares at MissNavi-

Link: Uh oh, I hope she doesn't have another 'episode.'

Navi: You mean..

Link: Yeah.. When she gets in her 'mental mode.' That's when she has an 'episode.'

Navi: Well, let's get the chapter going and get her to a hospital..

Link: Ok.. Here everybody! CHAPTER 3!

-MissNavi begins sobbing-

MissNavi: Thank you!!

The Legend of Zelda: Betrayers

Chapter 3

Link galantly rode into Faron Woods, chasing after the little twerps and Beth. As soon as Link entered, he saw Beth. Beth, but not Talo and Malo.

"Talo and Malo went chasing like crazy people after that monkey."

"Well, they are kinda crazy aren't they?"

"Haha.. I can't keep up with those two..." Beth managed to say that, but was gasping for air. Link rode further into the woods. A little further up the path, Link spotted Malo.

"... They went that way," Malo muttered.

"Why do you always mumble?" Link asked Malo the Silent.

"... The rest is up to you, Link..."

"Ok... Uhhh thanks... Bye!" "OH MY GOD!! NAVI!"

"What now Link?"

"I just realized! Malo and Talo are like Malon and Talon, but without the 'N'!!! WOAH THAT'S SO COOL!! I wonder if that is them, and they were resurrect. That would mean that Malon was resurrected into a guy.. A short stumpy guy.. Who mumbles.. She's not so hot anymore.. And Talon isn't lazy anymore..."

"... You JUST figured that out?"

"Actually, yeah..."

"Riiiiight... Now go catch Talo!!"

"Yes, I should go do that... This would be sooo much easier if this was Talon because he was really fat and lazy and really slo----"

"JUST GO!!" Navi commanded Link. Link ran over the bridge with Epona. He traveled through the passage in the rock walls surrounding him. He had entered Faron Woods. They came across a fence, nothing that could stop Link and Epona! Link made Epona speed up and she jumped over the fence like it wasn't even there. They came to a cave where Epona would not fit. They also saw a pathway off to the side, so they went there. They found a strange man named Coro, and spoke to him.

"Whoa! An Ordonian! Hey, guy!"

"The name's Link.. Not 'guy'..."

"Listen, I'm not sure you should be wandering around the woods without a lantern. Just because it's daylight doesn't mean it's safe."

"Psh! YA RIGHT! I'll use the fiery glow from my hottness! YeEeEeP!"

"There are a ton of caves and dank spots around here that get pretty dark even in the middle of the day. Here! Go on, guy. Take this!" Coro had handed Link a lantern. One problem: No extra oil.

"Dude, where's the extra oil?"

"See, I sell lantern oil here... I'm trying to drum up sales by giving away free lanterns! It's a business tatic, guy!"

"DID I NOT SAY MY NAME IS NOT 'GUY'?"

"See, as long as you've got oil to fuel your lantern, you can light your way and set fire to stuff. They're the best! Go on, guy! Try setting a fire under that big pot!"

"I wish I could set fire to your hair! LOOK AT THAT THING! It's a giant afro.. That would look like a pretty cool disco ball if I lit it... Maybe..." Link leaned in with the lantern attempting to light his hair..

"What are you doing, guy?"

"UH! NOTHING!" Link quickly pulled the lantern away from Coro's head..

"Riiight.. Now, light a fire under the pot of that disgusting, unknown soup!"

"Ok.. Nice way of putting it..." Link lit the fire under the pot of 'soup.'

"That's right! See! It's on fire, guy!" Link cringed at the sound of being called 'guy.' Coro leaned forward happily to speak to Link. That's when Link realized that there was a bird's nest in Coro's hair..

"Uhhh.. Dude?"

"Yeah! You keep using that lantern anytime you feel the need. And if it runs out of oil, you come see me to get it refilled!"

"Uhh dude.. You DO know that there's a uh.. A bird's nest in your hair?"

"Oh, you mean you don't have one?"

"Okkkkkk.. I'm gonna go now.. Like, RIGHT now.."

"Ok, bye, guy!"

"Grrr," Link cringed, and ran away as quickly as possible. Link came across a Deku Baba at the entrance to the cave, so he slashed it with his 'oh-so-powerful' wooden sword.

"Wow! That was easy!"

"Easy button, Link..."

"Oh, right... Let's go!!"

"Haven't you realized I don't have a choice?"

"Oh, you don't? Even better!"

"Oh god save me.." Link headed into the dark, damp, dank cave. As he entered, he came across a play wooden sword.. It was Talo's... Link hurriedly entered the cave. He didn't have much time to find Talo; he could sense it.. Link ran deeper into the cave. Link burned the spider web, but didn't know how he did it.

"Oh yeah! It must've been my hottness!" He later realized that the lantern was lit because he forgot to blow it out and it was burning a hole in his pants. Anyway, Link killed a rat, a few keese, and a Deku Baba thinga-ma-bob, and found a chest. He opened it to find a yellow rupee. Whoopee..

"OoOoO!! IT'S LEVITATING!! AND IT'S SHIIIINY!! But it's not red.. Oh well, not everything's perfect..." He ran out and down the second pathway to the left of the path he had just exited. He burned another web with the lantern, which he remember to turn off this time. He was running down the passage and heard a rustling noise.

"AHHH!!! WHAT WAS THAT?!"

"Link... That was you running through the grass..."

"Oh... I knew that, I was uh.. I was just.. I was just kiddin', y'know?"

"No, I don't..."

"Ugh, nevermind.."

"OK!" Link ran down the path way and out the door. He ran through the forest, fighting and defeating all in his path. Link saw two 'dots' on his map, so he decided to go after those. He entered at the top right area to find a chest containing a small key. Then he ran over to the area on the western part of the map.

"NAVI! THIS FREAKIN' DRAMATIC MUSIC IS SCARING ME!! Everytime something is going to attack me, it gets all scary!! Help me mommy..." Link started whining like a little baby while another monster attacked him.

"Just go on 'mute.'"

"Hmm.. Good idea, I'll try that right now!" Silence fell upon the woods. "... ?? ... ...'. . ... ...?"

"Oh yeah... You're on mute.. YOU CAN'T SPEAK!! HAHAHA!!"

"Well, that's changing right now!"

"Oh man!!" Link 'unmuted' himself and continued to listen to the scary music. Link opened the locked gate with his small key before more monsters were resurrected to attack Link. He ran through the cave and found two more on the other side.

"When will this end?!" Link shouted into the atmosphere in frustration. He slayed the two beasts and carried on about his business. He slayed another one when he walked into the next area of the woods. He then heard a loud and obnoxious voice...

"Woo! Hey! Woo! You're super!"

"Why thank yo--- Wait, what the hell was that?!"

"Now just buy something! Hey!"

"Oh, this bird wants me to buy something.. Oh god.. I might as well buy some lantern oil while I'm here, I think I'll be needing it." Link ran into the small shop area. The parrote greeted Link.

"Welcome! Hey! Buy something! Anything!"

"Ok, ok! I will! Sheesh! So bossy!" Link scooped some lantern oil and was about to leave when...

"Stop! You have to pay!"

"No! MAKE ME!" The bird came over and repeatedly pecked him on the head.

"ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! I'LL PAY!"

"Hey! Thief! Pay!" The bird squawked. Link dropped 20 ruppes in the box.

"Don't steal anything!"

"Don't worry.. I won't.. Anymore.. Bye!" "Freak.." Link ran into the woods until he saw a pathway leading to a tree. At the end of the pathway was Talo and the monkey locked in a cage, with two monsters guarding it, getting ready for dinner!

"Would you like a spot of tea, eh ol' chap?" The one monster asked the other.

"Well, certaintly! Thank you my good man!" Ok.. So it didn't actually go that way.. But whatever. They were still going to eat them. Link had to do something. He ran down the pathway and fought the disgusting pig-like monsters. Link heard Talo's screams, and talked to Talo.

"HEEEEELP! Lemme out of here, please!"

"Hmmm... I dunno..."

"Hey, Link, c'mon! PLEASE! Help me! Set me free!"

"Well... What's in it for me?"

"I'll get you a date with Beth!"

"Ok, I'll get you out.." Link slashed the wooden bars of the cage until the cage was broken and chopped into pieces. Talo and the monkey jumped and cheered. Link and Talo walked back out of the caves and such.

"If you hadn't come, Link..."

"I wouldn't have a date with Beth! OH YEAH BABY!"

"Gee, me and that monkey would've gotten eaten, probably!"

"But the important thing is.. That I have a date with Beth!"

"She's actually a pretty nice gal--"

"Yeah.. Beth is nice... But she's hot, too.. Ohhhh yeahhhh!"

"--- that monkey... She tried to protect me, so we got captured together."

"Oh, you were talking about the monkey... Right.. I knew that.. Psh, yeah! Of course I knew that!"

"Um, Link... You're not gonna mention this to my dad, are you?"

"About my date with Beth? NO WAY!"

"... You're kidding me? I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT BETH!!"

"Oh... Oh yeah! About the thing that just happened back there-- Don't worry! I won't tell anyone!! Although I would worry about that Colin kid.."

"Yeah, my dad's always telling me to never, EVER go into the forest, 'cause he says it's dangerous... So you really can't tell him! Really! You have to promise!"

"Ok.. I promise.. BUT!! Only if you keep my date with Beth for a Friday night and then get her to come to my house for the night. Ok?"

"DEAL! It will be nice to have Beth out of the way..." Talo ran off, and then someone called Link's name.

"Link!" Rusl, Colin's father, walked into view.

"My son told me Talo disappeared into the woods and had not returned. I came as soon as I heard... But it looks like you have brought him home already... I apologize. Such a task should not fall to you.."

"It's ok! I got a hot date with Beth out of it! Maybe I can take her skinny dippin' in the forest spring.. OoOoOh yeah!!"

"EWW SHUT UP LINK!"

"Oh, Navi! I forgot you were there! And is that all you can say?"

"No, it's just all that I NEED to say to get you to SHUT UP!"

"But has it ever worked, Navi?"

"Uh.. Well, uh.. I guess n---"

"NO IT HASN'T! SO LET ME DO THE THINKIN' HERE! NOW BE GONE!! I BANISH YOU FROM MY THOUGHTS!!"

"And yet, I'M STILL HERE!"

"Oh no.. My nightmare continues..."

"Tell me, have you noticed how strange this wood seems lately? I feel... uneasy about what may lie in wait..."

"Not me! I'm waiting for my hot date with Beth! Link + Beth SPICY HOT! ON FIRE! OH YEAH!!"

"Anyway, Link... Tomorrow is finally the day. You will be departing for Hyrule. I think it is a good thing I have given this task to you... Good luck! And return safely!"

"Ok, I will!" "I hope Beth and Ilia are there to see me and my hottness! They'll probably think I'm so manly and they'll be falling all over me! Oooooh yeah, now THAT'S what I'm talkin' 'bout! Uh huh! HOTTNESS!"

"If you are lucky, you may even get to meet Princess Zelda! Ah ha ha!"

"Oh my god, I forgot about Princess Hottie! Maybe she'll give me a little lovin'.. She's so hot, ohhhh yesSsSsSsS!!!" They had went back to the village and went to sleep. The next day, Link sat out in the field of Ordon Ranch, awaiting his big trip. He heard Fado call out to him.

"Hey! Link!" They met up in the middle of the field, and Fado began blabbing on about something, but Link listened anyway.

"So, almost time for you to get goin', huh, Link?"

"Yep!"

"So how's about we finish up early today, bud?"

"Ok, sounds good. Then I could go do some other things.." "Like making out with Ilia and Beth.. Ooooh yeah.. They'll miss me fa sure!! They're gonna miss makeing out with my hot lips and staring at me and drooling over my hottness all day long! Even though I haven't made out with them yet, but soon enough!! They are sooo hot, we're on fire!!" Link woke up from his daydream and called Epona over to begin herding. Link hopped on.

"Ok, then! Let's get started!" Link herded all 20 in in 1 minute and 4 seconds.

"Hoo, boy, buy y'all can herd! That was 1:56 faster than usual! Well, that about wraps 'er up for today, so how's about y'all head on over to the mayor's place?"

"Yeah, Miss Ilia Hott Stuff should be there... Ooooh yeah baby! She's hot!!" Link jumped over the fence and left for the mayor's house. As he galantly strode down the hill, Ilia called to her father, the Mayor. Ilia came walking alongside Epona and Link.

"Well, nice work." The mayor said. Link hopped off Epona and Ilia stood next to her to take his place. Link walked over by the mayor and they huddled up.

"The royal gift Rusl told you about is ready, so you should get ready for your trip to Hyrule Castle. Now, the royal family rerquested this gift specifically, so it's real special. It'd be... bad... if the representative of Ordon were to be late for such an occasion, you get me, lad?"

"Yeah yeah yeah.. Now... Could ya let go of me? You're kinda squishin' me..." Meanwhile, Ilia began talking to Epona.

"The path before you is a long one, my sweet horse... but please bear Link safely along it. Wait, what's this?" The mayor and Link both turned around.

"What's happened? She's injured, isn't she?" Ilia looked at Link, and Link sighed in guilt with a worried look on his face. Ilia walked up to Link and screamed, "Link! How could you! You were pushing Epona too hard again! I bet you hurt her leg jumping fences, didn't you!" Link backed away in fear that should would erupt like a volcano. But in a metophoric way, she already had.

"Now, now Ilia. calm down, no need to yell at him. I'm sure he didn't mean it.."

"FATHER!! How can you be so easy on him? You're the MAYOR! You should start acting like one!" Link and the Mayor looked down at the ground.

"You poor thing," the mayor muttered.

"It'll be all right, Epona. I'll take you to the forest spring right now." Ilia comforted Epona. The Mayor and Link stared at Ilia with their mouths gaping. "Once we soothe you in the spirit's spring, you'll feel better in no time!" The Mayor began to speed walk (which compared to his weight, it must've been an effort to run) after Ilia, but had stopped.

"W-Wait! Ilia!!! Why, without Epona... The gift won't get delivered in time!" It was too late. Epona had already walked away with Epona. "Oh, this won't do..."

"THAT BITCH TOOK MY HORSE!! OH SHE'S GONNA PAY FOR THIS!!" Link ran up to his house, which was on the way to the forest spring. Link found Colin walking around outside.

"... Link, are you going to see Ilia?"

"Yeah! THAT BIT---- I mean, she stole my poor little horsey, and I need to get it back from her.."

"Maybe it's just me... but those guys don't normally let people through..." Link and Colin both looked over at Malo and Talo blocking the way to the forest spring. "Um, Link, you think... You think we can go to see Ilia together?"

"Sure little dude! Let's go!"

"Ok! Link... C'mon, let's go..." Link and Colin walked over to where Talo and Malo were guarding the path.

"Hey, we've been waiting for you, y'know, Link. Yesterday was soooo much fun! Yeah, chasing that monkey was great!"

"That's great Talo, now please let us throug---"

"I was just telling Malo here about how we wanted to show it to him, but we let it go instead!"

"Oh, YOU didn't get caught, Talo?" Malo mumbled.

"Oh! Colin! Way to spoil everything by telling your dad. Nice job." Colin stared at the ground in a humiliated way.

"Yeah, thanks a lot! We got scolded by our dad something awful. I thought it was never gonna end..."

"I bet you're trying to go see Ilia, aren't you? Well, there's no way I'm gonna let you pass!"

"Why you little twerp..."

"Oh, hey, neat! Link! Lemme borrow that wooden sword! If I'd had that wooden sword yesterdday, I could've handled it all alone, definitely! C'mon! Let me borrow that wooden sword right now!"

"Oh, so that's why you were screaming like a little girl, crying for help? And why would I stoop down to your level just to let me pass? I COULD USE THIS SWORD TO CUT YOU DOWN OUT OF MY WAY! SO NO! NOW LET US THROUGH!"

"What?! Why not? It's ok! Just lemme borrow it! Look, we're never gonna let you leave here until you tell us we can borrow it, Link."

"Yeah, and what happened to your last sword? YOU LOST IT! Like I would let you borrow an ACTUAL sword that's ACTUALLY worth something!"

"Awww, Link... Look at Colin.. He really wants to get through, don't you feel bad for him? And Talo never got you that date with Beth.."

"You're right... But why would that make me give him the sword?"

"I don't know.. I'm just saying.. But if you do decide to let them borrow it, do it for Colin. Please, look how sweet he is.." Link thought about it. Link decided that he needed change. He needed to help others.. NAH! Link decided that he would do this just once. But before he let them borrow the sword, Link shot pellets at Talo and Malo. Everytime Talo got hit, he would reach for his stomach as if he had the wind knocked out of him and he was in pain. Whenever he hit Malo, Malo's head would bend backward as if it were a blow-up dummy. Then, Link walked back up to Malo and Talo.

"If you wanna get past here, Colin, you'd better start talking, fast. Make Link let us borrow that sword."

"Sheesh, you ARE my brother, Talo... but that's pretty low..." Malo mumbled. I think you've probably gotten the point that Malo always mumbles.. And he always looks grumpy for such a small child.

"Come on, be a pal, Link! I'll take real good care of it, so lemme borrow your wooden sword!" Link decided to let Talo and Malo borrow the sword.

"Ok... I guess...

"Whoa! YESSS!" Talo shouted after being handed the wooden sword. "With this thing... I'll show 'em!" Talo and Malo ran off to practice. They were very mediocre swordsmen, or at least Talo was..

"OK! BUT I WANT IT BACK BY--- Oh who cares, I know I'm not getting it back!" Link shouted.

"Link," Link averted his attention to Colin, "Thanks... Those guys are always teasing me... What's so fun about swinging something like that around anyway? I hate it... It's scary..."

"Yeah... I guess it kinda is.." Link began to show a side that he had never shown before; a sensitive side.

"But when I grow up, I'm gonna be just like you, Link!"

"WOAH! I'm not sure if that's all good..."

"SEE WHAT A BAD INFLUENCE YOU ARE?! YOU ARE TEACHING A SMALL, YOUNG, INTELLIGENT BOY TO BE A PERVERTED MONSTER LIKE YOU ARE NOW!! AND POSSIBLY WORSE!!"

"It's not my fault I'm a role model.. I'm just hott! They should take away the 'role' part though, then I'm a model!"

"I don't want to learn about swords or anything, but could you teach me how to ride a horse sometime?"

"Sure little dude, sure.." Colin gasped in excitement.

"Can you?! You have to promise!" Link looked into Colin's eyes. They were full of excitement, amazement, joy, and wonder. And yet, a sadness still seemed to linger in them.

"If I were to have a son, I would want him to be just like Colin..."

"Awww, Link! That's the sweetest thing you've ever thought..."

"Yeah... But I'd be getting so busy that I would probably have more than just one child, ooooh yeah!! Busy with Beth!"

"The moment is gone... Ueck..." Colin ran away in excitement, not sure of when he would see Link again. Link ran over to where he saw Beth, and talked to her.

"Link! Hello again!"

"Hey Hott Stuff! What's cooking?"

"Ooh! Ooh! You're going to Hyrule Castle, aren't you, Link?"

"Yes I am baby!"

"That must be sooooo nice... I want to go to Hyrule, too!"

"Well, you can ride me all the way there! Heheheh.."

"Oh no.. That's like, you're perverted laugh! You always laugh like that when you're being perverted!" Link ignored Navi and continued to talk to Beth.

"I mean, there's nothing that looks good on me in this town..."

"Then just take it all off!! Oooooooh yeaaaaaaaah, that's it baby! Keep it comin' off, baby! TAKE IT ALLLLL OFF!!" Link began drooling like a dog salivating over dinner leftovers.

"E---"

"I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO SAY SO DON'T EVEN BOTHER SAYING IT! EWWWW! SHUT UP LINK!! Navi, get over it! She's hot ok?! And I'm only human, I can't contain my wants! But she's not a want, I NEED HER!!!" Link ran down the path to the forest spring, where Ilia went with Epona. When Link got down there, he realized that she had closed the door to the spring.. He didn't even know it HAD a door! Colin was inside..

"Link!" Ilia turned around at the sound of Colin saying Link's name.

"If you came to take Epona back, you can FORGET it! Why don't you think about what you've done for a change! I won't open the gate until you change your attitude!"

"WHAT?! Biotch stole my freakin' horse!!" Ilia turned back around to wash Epona.

"Ilia, you don't know what happened yesterday..." Colin tried to explain. Colin turned to Link,"Listen, I don't know if she'll listen to me, but let me try to explain about Talo and the monkey, ok? You crawl in here though the tunnel in the back while i do, Link."

"Ok, thanks little dude!" Colin began explaining to Ilia what had happened with Talo as Link crawled through the tunnel.

"EWWW! NAVI!! They expect me to CRAWL in here? What am I, A DOG?! THEY don't even crawl! They walk on four legs.. Or is it four arms... OoOoO... I will never know..."

"Riiiight.. Just go Link.." Link finished crawling through and heard the end of the conversation of Colin and Ilia.

"I had no idea... I hadn't heard the details about Talo's capture... But, Colin..." Link stood in the spring near Ilia and Epona. Epona was overjoyed to see Link. "So you still prefer your master over me, huh, Epona? Don't worry about you horse, Link."

"Ummm.. I wasn't, but ok..."

"Fortunately, it looks like the injury isn't too serious. You two can go on together. But, Link..."

"Yes?"

"Can you at least promise me this?"

"Tell me first, then I'll see what I can do about it.."

"No matter what happens on your journey, don't try to do anything... out of your league. Please." Ilia looked at Link as if she knew something.. Something Link wasn't supposed to know. She stared at him with that look. She then looked down, and looked back up again with her big, beautiful, blue eyes. "Just come home safely." Link smiled, but then there was the feeling of an earthquake. A large ox-looking creature came in, and its rider shot down Ilia with an arrow, and took out Colin. Another one came in; a big blue ox, carrying an ugly, puke green rider. They had taken Ilia and Colin, and crashed through the bridge gate. They had left Link, so Link ran after them, and saw a black and orange force field on the other side of the bridge where the woods used to be. A hand reached through from the other side, and Link was pulled in by a shadow creature.. He was pulled into.. The Twilight world...

Link: WOAH! THAT CHAPTER WAS AWESOME!!

Navi: I don't say much anymore... It makes me sad.. :(

MissNavi: Well maybe there's a reason for that, Navi..

Navi: Oh no, am I being replaced?!

MissNavi: Maybe you are, maybe you're not... You'll find out later! It could go either way now, Navi.

Navi: But then I'll be stuck home all day watching Care Fairies!!

Link: Well that's your problem! I want to know what happens to me!

MissNavi: Uhhh.. Link? This happened already... You should know.. You were there...

Link: Oh yeahh... Well, I want to see it again!

MissNavi: Riiight... Well, please review!!