Welcome to chapter 3 *^*

Sorry I´m so late with this one, there was just a lot of stuff going on and sudden interruption ah well- life happens x'DDD

But now the update is here 3 For those who wonder, "No escape", as well as "Behind closed doors" will be updated as soon as possible- so i don´t know- uh tomorrow xD And sunday- I guess- I will still try to update the other chapters on sunday as well- So gah-

xDDDD Let´s see how fast I can write, ne? xDDD

Now to this story~

Reader: naw, yeah I felt bad for Shinra as well, poor lil doc as for Shizu-chan, well- I guess you will love the end of the chapter regarding his part- C: tho I didn´t quite get to the actual comfort part yet ;A; Sorry for that I promised it and yet this chapter is not filled with comfort yet xc sowy but next chapter for sure C: thank chu 3 and sowy for being late gosh

Guest 2: naw yeah.. poor Shizuo. I think if Izaya really were to die Shizuo couldn´t deal with it. Izaya is just always there, a constant in his life, nah even more than that- even not regarding shizaya and stuff, in the actual series he already is sort of obsessed with the flea, I think it´s because he undoubtedly helps him to channel his anger towards someone that won´t get hurt or run away from him. so if he saw Izaya like that, actually hurt- mentally as well as physically, knowing someone did that to his flea I think he wouldn´t be able to take that thought. Izaya has the status of a hated family member, "hated"- but still family. Shizuo pretty damn well wants to murder those assholes- aww thank you I try to avoid any clear "statements" of how a character is feeling and try to show it instead C: so chu made me very happy hehe thank you 3 yeah, you know it always strikes me as odd when in some stories Izaya gets injured badly or example and Shinra never gives a fuck, even if it's really serious, like- no. they are friends after all, their sarcastic way of talking is just how they get along, like how Shizuo communicates with Izaya through anger xD I don´t know that story *^* but if Shinra is a nice cookie in it I shall read it xD once I got my other updates done gosh- sowy for being late with the update and also sowy for not actual comfort yet ;A; but right at the beginning of the next chapter the sweet stuff will start C:

Now now, let´s not hold you up any longer xD

Enjoy~!

.

.

.

-๑-๑ ஜ ๑-*0*-๑ ஜ ๑-๑-

Chapter 3: Bonds of hate ஜ

-Shizuo´s point of view-

"I don´t know if he will make it Shizuo."

The sentence kept repeating. Repeating, repeating to no end.

Everything had gone by in a flash, way too fast for Shizuo to even really perceive what was going on- or maybe it was just his mind playing tricks on him.

He hadn´t been able to move at all, he hadn´t been able to do anything. Shinra was working on the flea's body, and at some point Celty turned up. He couldn´t even tell how much time had passed- the only thing that he paid attention to was the steady rising and falling of Izaya´s chest.

Seeing, knowing that he was alive still.

That he was still-

Shinra kept babbling about medical things, explained what was going on with the flea, why he was so cold, why his heart was beating so fast, his face so pale- it almost seemed as if he tried calming down by rationalizing everything he saw.

Shizuo could just stare at Izaya. Keep looking at him, and at the transparent tube that was attached to his arm. He was still looking at that arm.

Even though the needle wasn´t there anymore, instead a band aid had been wrapped around it.

And the flea? He was in that room.

Celty had come over before he even knew it. She wrapped her shadows around Izaya and together they made their way over to Shinra´s place.

And then he disappeared.

Behind that door.

Izaya that is.

Into the room Shinra always treated Shizuo in. The room with all the medical devices and whatever.

Celty stayed outside of it, together with him in the living room.

And so they waited. And waited. And the sentence kept repeating and repeating to no end.

"I don´t know if he will make it."

Hours passed, two, three, then four. Shizuo didn´t leave.

The constricting feeling in his throat just wouldn't disappear. And so he waited, together with Celty.

(It´s going to be alright. Shinra will fix him for sure.)

Wondering the blond glanced at his dear friend.

How did she know?

How did she know that Izaya would be okay?

She didn´t see what he saw, she didn´t hear what he heard, how would she know?

Time passed, but Shinra didn´t turn up.

Time passed, but Shizuo didn´t leave.

He couldn´t.

It was already morning again. He didn't even know what Shinra was doing- he didn´t even know if maybe Izaya already died and Shinra just couldn´t get out to tell him.

What if he did? What if he was already dead?

His throat constricted even more, but he couldn´t bring himself to get up. He couldn´t walk over to the door, look behind it.

He couldn´t-

He was like frozen on that couch, arms connected resting between his knees as he hung his head low. Celty stayed next to him, the whole time. She didn´t go away, she didn´t join Shinra.

He didn't even know why he was so damn concerned over the flea. It was just the flea. Just Izaya.

He wouldn't die right? He just got injured.

He had already been stabbed once, and Shinra also told him later on that he nearly died as well.

It was the same right?

No...

It wasn´t the same.

Anger welled up inside him and his hands tightened- he felt this incredible rage in his veins, way worse than anything he had ever felt so far and at the same time he felt so weak. Powerless.

"Kill me."

His eyes snapped open and he shot up from the couch.

He couldn´t just sit here- he felt like he was choking.

Celty hurriedly got up from the couch as well, she shoved her PDA in his face, obviously trying to keep him outside the room, but he didn't even pay any attention to the device.

He had to see the flea breathing.

His hand resting on the freezing door knob he opened the door after a second of hesitation.

And so he saw the two of them.

Shinra.

And Izaya.

The first thing he noticed was that Shinra was still crying- and his heart stopped, wishing for a second he had never gotten up from the couch-

His lips barely moved as he looked at the pale raven, partly hidden beneath white covers that were pulled up to his neck.

His lips felt dry, his throat sore-

"Is he-" it was only a raspy voice that left his mouth, breaking halfway as the doctor shook his head.

"He is alive." It was almost a chocked sound that left the doctor´s lips. He was just sitting there, next to the raven, looking at him, wearing this sad expression.

"Sorry I kept you waiting so long. I just... I don´t know what else to do anymore. I patched him up, treated every wound, he is alright now, but... " The constricting feeling disappeared from Shizuo´s throat.

Izaya was alive.

He wasn´t dead.

Izaya lived.

Only with slow steps he approached the bed he was resting on. The raven´s eyes were closed. He was sleeping.

The white blanket hiding what he had seen before but the image was burnt into his mind.

The blood.

The bruises.

Only weary he felt his lips move again, asking a question he wasn´t sure he wanted an answer to.

"Shinra... What happened to him?"

But the doctor didn´t answer. Instead his eyes avoided him, looking at the unconscious raven instead.

"I can´t tell you that, Izaya... wouldn´t want anyone to know that." Heavy silence filled the room and the bitter taste on Shizuo tongue only got worse and worse, the words itself already affirming what his brain refused to see.

"I don´t care, tell me Shinra." But he needed to hear it- maybe he was just imagining things. Maybe he had just gravely misunderstood.

"No." But Shinra shook his head, denying him the certainty he sought.

He could still see those lifeless eyes in his mind, he could still hear that faint voice when Izaya asked him to kill him.

"Shinra I was there. I saw the injuries. I saw... the bruises," his voice dropped at the last part and the doctor visibly flinched.

"Shizuo... I really can´t-"

"SHINRA-" All the pent up anger that he had kept contained inside him just bubbled to the surface- resounding in his words.

Tell me it's not what I think it is!

And then it was quiet, quiet for a time span that felt like millions of years as Shinra didn´t say no.

Shinra didn´t deny him the information, didn´t say he wasn´t allowed to know.

And then his lips moved.

"He was raped." They started dripping again, the tears, from Shinra´s face. The already wet sleeve found its way back to the doctor´s face, wiping and rubbing but it was effortless anyway.

"By multiple men. I don´t know how long it took but considering the countless significant bruises... Izaya tried to struggle for a long time." Almost chocked the words left Shinra´s lips and only faintly Shizuo noticed the dullahan move over to hug the crying bespectacled. But he didn´t stop talking.

"They stabbed him. Probably to make him shut up forever. It was obvious they didn´t want him to survive this entire ordeal." Shizuo´s eyes trailed back to the raven´s expressionless face.

He looked so peaceful... sleeping like this.

"He will wake up. He is out of danger... physically- but..."

But Shizuo didn´t even listen anymore after that. All he could do was to look at that flea´s face.

Just a few days ago he had chased that stupid flea.

Just as usual.

Izaya pissing him off and him trying to catch him. Just as usual…

He would wake up alright.

He wouldn´t die.

But-

...

Fists were tightened, teeth grit and he turned around, his fist violently connecting with the wall.

-Izaya´s point of view.-

Quiet.

Hah... it was so quiet in the room.

He was awake, wasn´t he?

He blinked, letting his glance trail around aimlessly.

Soothing beeping reached his ears from a strange monitor. Warmth was the very first thing he noticed when he became conscious.

A blanket was sprawled over him, cozy.

He felt numb.

Just- numb.

And yet he felt something.

His breathing was shallow, calm even. His eyes had opened only a few seconds ago- his stare was fixated on the white ceiling above him.

That white ceiling with the weird spot. Shinra´s ceiling.

He was at Shinra´s. He was alive- and yet.

He swallowed thickly only to feel nausea return to him as if no time had passed at all.

He could feel it. Softly, but surely.

The unpleasant feeling of unfamiliar fabric being wrapped around his skin.

Band aids. On his body. Everywhere.

It was unsettling. Unnerving.

A shudder ruptured through his body, he didn´t even know why he was trembling as he just kept staring at that spot above him.

Thoughts were trying to invade his sense, thoughts that he didn´t want to hear, that he didn´t want to think about.

Feelings that he just wanted to shove away.

He closed his eyes once more.

His brows furrowed into a tight frown and he loosened his unintentional death grip on the bed sheets.

"Izaya...?" The raven´s eyes shot back open.

Slightly startled his eyes snapped over to the source of the very familiar voice.

Shinra.

It had been Shinra´s voice-

He spotted the doctor, standing in the door frame.

For a second he felt like he was choking. Heavily he swallowed the lump in his throat.

"Shinra."

More than surprised the doctor closed the door behind his back with a soft thud. Ever since Shizuo had brought Izaya here he had been checking up on him every few hours- he didn´t expect him to be actually awake however.

After one or two more days maybe, but already?

Only slowly he walked over-

He was happy, Izaya woke up finally- but- at the same time...

"You slept for a week." Only slowly the doctor started to talk. The usually so cheerful voice sounded awfully soft and sad, even he was aware of that. He tried mustering his usual smile, but somehow he had a feeling Izaya knew it wasn´t a real one.

"I patched up your… injuries. They are healing fine. Especially a cut in your abdomen was worrying me, but it´s healing up nicely... do you still hurt?"

"I´m fine."

Awful apathetic.

That´s what Izaya sounded like.

The doctor´s expression fell and silence filled the room for a couple seconds. Only a few centimeters separated him from the raven now.

Fine.

Izaya didn´t look fine at all.

Disregarding the way he was injured and how his wounds were hurting still- he definitely was anything but fine.

Shinra had known Izaya for a far too long time to know what a fine Izaya looked like.

What a fine Izaya talked like and joked like.

Right not his eyes were just empty. Tired. The words were spoken in a voice that sounded like it was going to break after a few more words.

"... there is no way you can be fine." it was barely a whisper, that left the doctor´s lips, but the raven still reacted to it.

Izaya felt his ears ring and his grip on the bed sheets tightened.

The frown on Izaya´s face deepened.

He hated this- A feeling that he didn´t feel often started to invade his senses. Anger.

And fear.

He didn't even know why it was just there.

He didn´t want to be here anymore. In this room. With Shinra. He didn´t want to hear what he had to say.

He felt like he was suffocating.

"Izaya-"

Shut up.

Just shut up already.

"I´m going home."

"Wait, what?" the forced, yet gentle smile dropped instantly off the doctor´s face- but Izaya didn´t care. Out of here.

He just wanted to get away.

Ignoring the way Shinra shuffled over and tried to stand in his way to keep the raven from going the man pushed himself off the bed, the covers slipped unceremoniously off his body- he wasn´t going to look at it.

He wasn´t going to listen to the doctor´s rambling.

"Izaya-" no.

No, he didn´t want to hear. He didn´t want to hear him say something that he didn´t know how to deal with yet.

His legs hurt- very much so- that was the first thing that he realized when he pushed himself up from the bed, but he didn´t pay any attention to it.

His coat was hanging on a chair not too far from him- clean, obviously washed and he grabbed it quickly as he made his way over to the door.

"Izaya, please, just-"

NO.

The door was pushed open.

"Izaya." And then the raven stopped in his tracks.

It wasn´t Shinra who had called his name, no.

A blond mob of hair was standing in the living room.

The door was open, the dullahan that hated him so much standing in front of the man, holding her PDA in her grasp.

But she wasn´t showing it to Shinra or Izaya, no.

Shizu-chan.

Shizu-chan was standing there.

Wearing his usual attire, a cigarette dangling from his lips and his glasses in place he was just standing there.

Confused, and surprised the blond stared at the flea in front of him.

He had come over to Shinra´s, mainly because he wanted to check on the flea, see if he had woken up, if anything changed– but… he didn´t expect him to be awake-

Way too pale. It was the first thing that crossed his mind as he caught a glimpse of the raven´s expression.

He didn´t look good.

He didn't look good at all.

Izaya was staring at him, wasn´t even hiding it–

The air seemed tense– what was going on?

"Hey, Shizu-chan." And then all of a sudden the flea just moved- the words were whispered, hushed, he felt he just had said them for the sake of having said anything at all.

He walked towards him, and then past him–

Shizuo didn´t attempt to stop the raven. He was just frozen in place.

He felt like a child that didn't know what was going on as Shinra just stood there. He wasn´t telling Izaya to stay nor was he trying to hold him back, he just stood there.

Shizuo was confused and the door fell into its hinges- the raven gone.

Everything inside him was screaming at him to follow the flea.

"Why did you let him leave?" his words cut through the silence- the air seemed tense, even worse than when the flea was still in the room.

"He said he wanted to go home." Shinra mumbled.

Go home?

He didn´t get it–

"Like that? What about his injuries? What about... those guys? Who were they? Where are those bastards?" How could Shinra just say Izaya just wanted to go home? Since when did Shinra simply let his friends leave whenever they saw fit?

"I don´t know-"

The blond stilled, the words somehow resounding in his head and letting a feeling loose that could only be described as pure rage.

"What? Why did you not force him to stay?! Shinra!" the sole thought of these bastards running around freely out there made his blood boil– but Shinra just shook his head and avoided his eyes, guilty, apologetic.

"I couldn´t ask him the questions a doctor would be required to ask. As a doctor I should have done so many things, said so many things, but as a friend... I couldn´t."

Bullshit–

"So what as a friend you are going to let him simply walk home like that?!" Let him walk home, alone, in a city where these bastards were still running around without a care in the world?

He let him go home injured?

He let him go home looking like that?!

When there was obviously something wrong with him?!

"I think it's the best for now."

The best-

His fists tightened as he glared at the doctor. He felt wood splinter as he grabbed the door handle once more, almost ripping the door out of its hinges as he turned around.

"The best for whom?!"

And so he left- the door to Shinra´s apartment slamming shut– the door handle falling to the ground.

-๑-๑ ஜ ๑-*0*-๑ ஜ ๑-๑-

End of chapter 3

Gomen, gomen, the actual comforting part didn´t make it into this chapter yet- but next chapter it will be the first thing to happen C: I promise 3

And for the other updates that I´m still missing THEY WILL COME SOON! xDD Sorry I´m so slow naw- But I will still try to update everything by Sunday xD

3 3 3

See you on Sunday the 11th ~! C: