A/N So, I'll be leaving town for a bit tomorrow and I won't be back in time to post by Wednesday, so I went ahead and decided to post this today so you guys could have something this week.
Bilbo's POV
When I awoke the next morning, I knew right away that Fili or Kili or both were planning something, for Fili was very aptly keeping Thorin's attention away from his brother. I sighed; a few of the other dwarves were glancing at them with equal wariness, having surely noticed the same thing that I had. So, yes, I most definitely expected something to happen, but I didn't expect Kili to drag me aside perhaps a half hour before we were set to leave again, expression perhaps even more nervous than it had been the night before, hands clutching desperately at something behind his back. I offered him a smile, hoping to settle him down some, but it only seemed to make him flush and squirm, eyes staying fixed on the ground just beside me.
"Kili, I know you said you wished to talk to me today, but surely you didn't have to distract Thorin for that; we've spoken privately before without anyone caring, I and all of the company have." Multiple emotions flickered across his face, annoyance and fear and sadness all there and gone again in an instant.
"More than talk," he murmured, holding out the object he'd hidden behind his back and revealing it to be an incredibly ornate dagger, glittering happily in the sun and honed to a deadly edge. "I wanted you to have this; it's really important to me and it's worth a lot but it'll protect you and I don't want you to get hurt because I care about you a lot," he said, speaking so quickly that I could scarcely follow the words, flushing even more brilliantly and squirming under my scrutiny. Honestly, I had no idea why in the world he'd offer me such a thing, and I thought to tell him that it was far too much given its obvious value and obvious importance, but the look in his eyes, hopeful and sweet, made the gift impossible to refuse. I took it lightly, very carefully, but it felt solid and strong in my hands even still. I smiled.
"Thank you, Kili; I'll treasure it," I said, and his face lit up with his smile, turning him again into the dwarf I recognized. He darted forward, pressing a quick kiss I barely felt to my lips before he stepped back again.
"I'm glad, ghivashel," he whispered, smile turning sweet and private for a moment before he turned and trotted over to his brother, leaving me standing, quite lost, with a dagger in hand and confusion swirling about my mind as I recalled that he'd promised to explain that word, ghivashel, and never had. I had to chuckle to myself at his antics, still likely fonder than I should've been over his behavior, and wrapped the blade in an old, thick strip of leather so that I could tuck it safely into my pack. Perhaps, I supposed, I could ask one of the others about it later, but as it stood, it was time to break camp and set off yet again.
I stopped worrying so much over it when, during the day's travel, Kili was no different with me than he ever was. We walked together some, of course, but as I said, we always did, and I walked with most of the other dwarves at some point as well. It was only that night, when I decided to go sit alone with the blade for a time as if I could divine its meaning with only a stern enough gaze, when things became strange again.
Thorin strode up to me with purpose in every line of his body and fierceness in his eyes; I hadn't seen him look at me that way since the Carrock, and it sent an unwelcome spark of fear thrumming through me. He was actively frowning rather than simply appearing neutral, never a good sign, and when he reached me, he spoke before I could greet him.
"Where did you get that?" he asked, voice quick, jerking his head at the dagger, and I jolted, wondering if Kili had actually given me something of Thorin's for some prank, or some other nonsense like that, and hoping only that if he had it wasn't excessively important and I wouldn't face the repercussions for it.
"Kili gave it to me; he was acting rather strangely. Is it yours?" Surprise brightened his face, lips a little parted and brows slightly furrowed, his body going stiff and faintly nervous. Finally, though, he heaved a sigh, running one quick hand through his thick hair, shaking his head, and dropping down beside me.
"Tell me exactly what he did and what he said if you wouldn't mind, Master Baggins. I expect he and I will soon be quite in need of a long chat." Oh, dear. I wondered for a moment what the boy had done, and perhaps whether I ought to try and lie for him before I decided that that would likely only make whatever it was he had done seem even worse, as I didn't even know his offense.
"He took me aside this morning, whilst Fili was chatting with you, and told me that he'd like me to have it, for protection and whatnot. He said that it was very important to him as well; should he not have given it to me?" Thorin shook his head, sighing again and looking as if this were the very last thing in the world he wanted to be doing.
"That depends on much. Did he say anything else to you?" I wondered if I ought to tell him what Kili had called me; he'd surely know what it meant, but I hadn't the foggiest if mentioning it would make things worse or better for Kili, and I certainly didn't want to get him in too much trouble if he was only making some harmless joke. He hadn't seemed as if he were joking, though; the way he'd looked, I'd half-thought he was going to ask for another night with me. That lack of his usual joking attitude, the nerves that had been so obvious in his face and his stance, were what ultimately made my decision to be entirely truthful for me.
"He called me ghivashel; I haven't the faintest idea as to what the word means, but I'd imagine it's important." The shock on his face deepened, his eyes going wide for the barest of moments before at last the words seemed to settle.
"Impudent, beardless little pup," he mumbled, not seeming angry, exactly, but certainly somewhat bothered. "And he told you nothing else?" I shook my head.
"If he's done something wrong, don't trouble him too much over it. After all, he and Fili have certainly made the journey more exciting with their antics. Ah, but I would like to know what that word means, if it wouldn't trouble you too much; I've been curious much of the day." Thorin actually laughed a bit, still seeming a little bothered, any traces of anything like anger gone.
"I am not angry so long as this was not some sort of misguided joke; if this is his idea of a joke, then yes, he will be punished to the greatest extent that I'm able, him and Fili both for I'm certain he was involved whether it was a joke or wasn't. As for the meaning of the word… truly all I can say is that if he spoke truthfully rather than impulsively or dishonestly, then you are his ghivashel, and that is a wonderful thing should you agree to what it entails, though as you aren't a dwarf that agreement is not a certainty as it would be with us. I'm afraid it's Kili's place to offer a more in depth meaning, however." Well, it was certainly not an ideal answer, and told me little beyond what I already knew, but I could see on Thorin's face that it was all I'd get out of him so instead I only nodded and watched as he turned and walked away, leaving me with nothing to do but hold my dagger alone again.
Kili's POV
I figured out the problem with trying to court Bilbo secretly not even a day after I started: of course Bilbo would look at his gifts, and of course Uncle Thorin would notice him suddenly being in possession of things he certainly hadn't started the quest with. I didn't expect I'd get caught on the same day as the first gift was given, though, but then I couldn't see many other reasons for Thorin to be striding up to me with quite that deadly of a look in his eyes. Still, I decided not to mention it until he did, holding out the hope that he was just angry for something else that I'd done at some point or another.
"Kili, come here. We must speak," he said, flat and careful, as if he cared whether or not the others thought he was taking me away for a lecture. I played at confusion even though I knew more and more with each passing moment exactly what it was he wanted to talk about, and followed him agreeably. I caught sight of Bilbo but once out of the corner of my eye, saw him giving us a faintly worried look and felt my heart go warm and soft at the sight.
We went far from the rest of the company, into an empty place where we would most definitely not be interrupted, and he sat on a log, gesturing for me to sit beside him, frowning stiffly. I did so, asking him what it was he wanted to talk about as if I didn't know, and the look he gave me told me exactly how clearly he knew what I was doing.
"Do you love our burglar?" he asked, and I was actually a bit surprised that he spoke so bluntly when normally such matters had him stumbling over his words and trying to find a way to say what he wished to say without actually saying it. "Tell me now, Kili; he is important to all of us and I will not have you hurt him for naught but a foolish joke."
"You should know that I wouldn't do that, Uncle," I said, but he didn't respond; he wanted a direct answer, obviously, a yes or a no, or he wouldn't be satisfied. "I do love him. He's my One; I just didn't think you'd approve of it, so I had Fili distract you while I took him aside. He did accept, Uncle, I swear, I would never force anyone into a courtship." The frown faltered for a split second, as if he were fighting against something like amusement, but he set it quickly and easily back into place.
"I know that, Kili, I would never accuse you of such. I only find it silly that you've assumed that hobbits court as we do. Bilbo hasn't the faintest idea of what your gestures meant; I'd suggest you go explain and make certain he understands what he is to you, else another might make the attempt in your stead. After all, I'm certain you've noticed that others have noticed his charms." I felt myself go tense, muscles coiled tight all through me until I ached. My mood darkened with the words, light though they were, and even knowing that he meant nothing more by it than what he'd said. Visions of the embrace they'd shared on the Carrock flashed through my mind, insisting that it had gone on a moment too long to be friendly, that his hands had wandered more than was necessary, that Bilbo fit far too nicely against his far larger frame, that of course if anyone was given the choice between a beardless prince who'd never have the throne and a noble king, none would ever pick the prince. My stomach roiled angrily, fists clenching with suppressed desire to show my displeasure in a more physical way.
"I have, but don't dare think that I would be unwilling to fight for him, Uncle, no matter who it was that needed to be fought." He finally found himself unable to maintain his frown, laughing faintly and shaking his head.
"Bilbo Baggins is my friend, Kili, one of my very best, and an integral part of my company. I esteem him greatly, and I wished only to be certain that you courted him seriously. As I am certain that you do, then I am glad of your choice; I could think of no one more worthy for either of you, so long as you court him properly, for you must know that he yet deserves respect despite how differently things are done in his Shire." Oh. I felt myself flush, dark and burning, my Uncle trying his best to look serious again and not entirely managing. That, at least, was good; it had been a long time since he'd been able to look so happy, like he had so many years before when Fili and I were hardly dwarflings. Still, I wasn't happy that it was my own stupid misstep that brought it about.
"Of course, Uncle; you can follow my every step if you want. I wouldn't do anything to risk someone calling the courtship invalid, I couldn't handle it. Do you mind if I find him now, before he tries to ask someone else about what's wrong with me and the whole company finds out what's going on?" He chuckled, warm and low, and waved me off with a nod. Mother likely would've scolded me for hours for the rudeness, but the moment I saw the gesture I was gone, nearly flying back to Bilbo and sweeping him off again, making certain to go in the opposite direction of Uncle just so there would be no chance of him accidentally happening upon us.
"Oh, Kili, Thorin was not too angry with you, was he? I'm afraid I had little choice but to tell him what happened, but he didn't seem truly upset, and-," he babbled, as he often seemed to when he was nervous, and I stopped him with the best kiss I could muster even though I knew it wasn't precisely proper for the first step of the courtship. He flushed, looking shocked but pleased as I pulled away, my hands framing his face.
"I'm not in any trouble, but he did tell me of the mistake I've made. I don't think you understood what I… why I gave you that gift." I cleared my throat, feeling suddenly fearful again, as I had that morning, knowing that I would have to confess what I felt again, knowing that Bilbo would have another chance to refuse. "I… that wasn't a normal sort of gift one might give a friend. Uncle Thorin gave me that for my coming of age; that's why he recognized it so easily. I gave it to you because...," I tried, finding myself completely unable to continue for the nerves, the fear that Bilbo wouldn't want me. He didn't understand, obviously, but he settled one of his hands atop mine where it was settled on his cheek, smiling faintly.
"Thorin said that I was your ghivashel, and that that was a very important thing. Does this have something to do with that?" he asked, and I felt myself nodding.
"Yes. I told you that dwarves… only fall in love once, right? We call the one we love that way ghivashel. Like I said, it's hard to say what that means in Westron, but Fili told me it meant something like treasure of all treasures, the most valuable thing in the world to someone. That night you spent with me… I'd always known that I thought you were beautiful, and smart, and funny, and… well, and a whole lot of other things, and I liked being around you, but that night made me realize that you were who my heart called for. When dwarves court, they give their intended gifts, to show they can provide and to prove their trust in the one they're courting. I'm… sorry you didn't understand, and accepted without knowing, but you're free to refuse now if you like but I'd be really, really happy if you at least gave me a try, and also I'm sorry I just assumed you'd be okay with being courted like a dwarf and I can court you like a hobbit if you want me to as long as you tell me how it's done, I don't care either way as long as we're courting, but if you don't want me to at all that's okay too but I just-," I hardly noticed that I was babbling too, not until he pressed a soft kiss to my lips too.
"Hush now," he whispered, eyes soft, faint smile sweetly curling his lips, and I could feel myself melting, feel the stupid grin stretching my own lips. I let one hand slide up, gently stroking the curled mess of his hair and wishing ardently that I wore braids in my hair like Fili did so that I would have a bead, as that was perhaps the only truly official way I could let everyone know he was unavailable for anyone else to court. "I think I understand now, Kili, but again I'd like you to be certain. This too would be a truly terrible thing to regret simply because you've misinterpreted what you feel." I managed a laugh, the sound of it weak and breathless in a way I hated.
"I've already gone through this with Fili and Uncle both, and they both believed me. A dwarf would never mistake his ghivashel for any other, and you are mine. If you… if you are willing, of course. Are you?" He actually laughed, open and kind and beautiful as ever, eyes shining with pleasure.
"I should say I am! I would not have kissed you again if not, you know, I am not so cruel! Besides, Kili, how might any refuse you when you've offered so sweetly?" he asked, faintly teasing, and I can admit that I wrapped him perhaps a little too tightly into my arms and swung him about.
"Thank you, Bilbo, thank you! I will try to prove worthy of it. Will you… shall I continue to court you as a dwarf or would you like to be courted as a hobbit would?" He laughed again, bright and seeming as overjoyed as I felt, and I expect he might've shrugged if not for the way I held him.
"I do not mind either way, but I expect hobbit courting would be quite scandalous to you dwarves, so with you being prince and all I expect you ought to keep it dwarven." True enough; if anything was even the slightest bit off, I worried over another's ability to take him from me, and that was something I couldn't suffer.
"Dwarven, then. I only wish… I'll have to carve a bead from wood, even if that's nowhere near what you deserve. I'll make a better one when we reclaim Erebor and have a forge and some silver again. Some gems, too, emeralds and diamonds certainly, and maybe others, but you need something now, to identify that we're courting," I said, mostly speaking to myself, and he tilted his head.
"Could we not just tell everyone?" he said, still teasing, but I could only shake my head.
"We will, but the physical symbol is important, makes it official and all, makes certain that everyone will know and no one will think you're available." He still seemed to think it all odd, but was accepting at least, nodded agreeably.
"Alright, I suppose I'll take your word for that. You know, I am very glad of this; you're an easy dwarf to fall for, Kili." My cheeks were aching with my smile, but I kept from kissing him again for fear someone would catch us, even though I desperately wanted to, desperately wanted to spend more nights alongside him, but even Fili hadn't dared to break that particular law of courtship with Saril.
"I'm glad to hear that, because I couldn't possibly let you go now," I whispered, squeezing him more tightly, and pressing a light kiss to the top of his head since I could maybe argue that being allowed, before I stepped away. "Now, I guess we'll have to go tell everyone about our courtship." He nodded, happiness painting his face, and took him by the hand so we could walk back to camp together. Already my heart thrilled at the idea of making this truly official, and I couldn't think of anything that would make me happier beyond already having a bead to give him. Still, I wasn't exactly looking forward to the rest of the courtship, and once Bilbo knew what would happen, I didn't think he'd be thrilled about it either. I wondered for a moment if I could tell everyone I wanted to court him like a hobbit and avoid the whole mess and knew the moment I had the thought that there wasn't a dwarf in the company who'd accept it. But, at least I'd have Bilbo, and that was enough to deal with all the annoyance.
